Maybe It's How I Define It...

I sometimes wonder if what other people have felt and called love is just a different 'standard' or conception of what love is.  Maybe by their definition I have been in love.  At least I think that with each partner I am getting closer and closer to it.  I used to think that was ok when I was a teenager and now I'm in my mid-twenties (which I KNOW is not old, but still) and it has occurred to me that I still haven't felt it.

The older I get, the more I realize that what I thought I was looking for before may not be what I am looking for now.

Anyone else never felt the big L?
av789 av789
26-30, F
8 Responses Feb 7, 2007

i've never been in love, i'm 17 years old and i haven't been in any serious relation or anything like it, i wish i would, but never felt it

I have never been in love, and worried that I am not capable of falling in love. I am just learning to be the best me I can. Hopefully someday, I will know, and enjoy a full and giving loving relationship.

Love is not an exact science. There is no definition of it. If you are in love, you would sure know about it.

Actually it's quite simple. When you get it, you know it. There's no mistaking it. If you "don't think" you've ever been in love, then you haven't. Some people never fall in love. They marry and grow old without ever experiencing it. In others words, it's not a given. It may not even be essential for a happy life. Many people fill their lives with other things quite deliberarately. For some love comes late. It takes them by surprise! My advice would be this: don't worry. Do whatever else you do that fulfils you. If love comes your way, you will know, if it doesn't, well, maybe next time. It's not something you can reasonably go on a quest for. It's more something you stumble across along the way.

It doesn't matter how old you are. Shake of those unrasonable expectations. Love cannot be forced or cajoled. Love is a temporary state of mind that only begins to shoe it's fickleness when you don't feel it anymore. I'm not going to claim I know what the hell it is....<br />
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Faile.

To mindfighter, I know that we all have different definitions of what love is. For me, it is something different than what it is for you I think. <br />
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For me, I have no desire to become less important than another person or their happiness. I don't think that that means I love them MORE, but that I am loving myself LESS than I should be. You need to make compromises, but I am not willing to give and give while receiving nothing, to love and love while not being loved back, to try to make them happy while being depressed...to me that is not love...that is infatuation. Love should be fantastic, not massochistic. I would never want another person's happiness to depend on me.<br />
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I have spent so much time (high school, college, grad school, traveling, working, etc) on my own, I realized that I am what is most important to me. The reality is that you can never count on other people to be there because so many things happen that we don't expect: people pass away, people get great opportunities that force them to leave, people fall out of love, people's priorties change, etc. You never know what another person (even yourself) will be feeling or experiencing in 5minutes much less 10 or 40 years from now. I have seen many friends put so much energy into other people, depend on others or define themselves by who they were with. I never want to NEED another person to be happy. I want to be as happy, successful, healthy, when I'm alone as when I am with someone else. I'll save that kind of torture for when I have children=)<br />
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I hope I didn't offend but I think we all have different views on what love is and I think our views change with age as well...I know that as I've gotten older, I've had more experiences with others and by myself...and one thing never changes as long as I am alive = the only partner I am guaranteed to have is me.

I felt love for someone but I don't know what it is like to get it back. You will get there. To me love is more than just a feeling to me it is you want to be with them but you need them to be happy. You are willing to do anything for them but not expect anything in return. To support them even if they can't be with you. And things of that nature. You hope the feel the same way but know their happiness is more important. To me that is what love is. Young love to me is just happy, joy, excitement and attraction all in one. Don't get me wrong, love can grow from this and I wish I could feel that (never have) but love is more and is hidden deeper than that feeling.

that's a new perspective..nice to hear..

i've dated tons of guys but broke up with all of them because I didn't love them, i thought i would never be able to fall in love but then he came along, and now i know what love is and i am srue you will experience that too ;) never give up