nope..

I'm 24, going on 25, and I never kissed before. Sometimes I do think it's just the way things turned out but I know it's more me feeling defective than anything. I remember since elementary I was made to feel unattractive in every possible way by classmates, family, and even some friends. So..things like relationships, crushes, etc. seemed out of place for me (though the desire for them was there). I feel completely alone in that realm and quite frankly it hurts to think about it. Not as much as before, but I do get depressed sometimes. The thought of love and relationships not being meant for me becomes more of a reality every year. I try to concentrate on other things to get my mind off, shifting my focus on other things that could maybe bring meaning to my life like making a huge difference in the world, inspiring and helping others, becoming enlightened about the world around me etc etc.

And I usually feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed sharing something like this and I always get angry at those that would say "aww you're innocent", "you'll find the right one day", "there's nothing wrong with waiting" because deep down inside I know they wouldn't trade places with me and would feel as depressed..maybe more. Or... maybe deep down inside, I feel like I'm unworthy and there's nothing they can say to rid me of that feeling. Either way, I choose to not be bitter about it and instead show my kindness.
 

Update: Wow. So I think this story was definitely a turning point in my life...I think. After writing it, I realized that I did have some self-concept/self-confidence issues that needed to be resolved and I think I'm doing a good job of resolving them. I still haven't kissed yet but I don't feel so pessimistic about it now.

Update 2:  This story is officially invalid now as much of this story was proven wrong early in April this year. During that time, I have recieved my first kiss after going on my first date! :D  In case any of my friends here are wondering...yes I'm still a virgin (tmi I know) but's it cool. I'm enjoying it so far ;) Thanks to all my friends here who have supported me and made me see the bright side when I was feeling hopeless at the time I wrote this story.
 

Tummie Tummie
26-30, M
28 Responses Feb 28, 2009

Well,I guess I'm too young,almost 15 years old,but I've never been kissed before as well...All of my friends have already had their first kiss and relationship,and it feels kind of akward when I have to sit there and listen to them talking about their boyfriends...It just makes me feel totally unattractive,like nobody will ever really like me.I guess it's because I'm a ''tomboy''...I like playing and watching football,but I don't think it affects my looks...I know I'm nowhere near good-looking,even though my friends keep trying to convince me that I am...As for you Tummie,I believe you will find the right guy eventually,just don't give up hope...:DD

Thanks EricS :)

Nice!

I used to be too shy too. I am shy still. But I have been kissed though. I am still too shy to do anything. But when I am in the situation I just bite my lips and do it. I think it's beautiful that you haven't it yet. It means the first kiss will be so special because you didn't do in younger age but in an age and state where you are more aware of your emotional sense, your personality and your body. You will be more aware and the more aware of your hearts desire and the more aware you are of yourself you the better the result!

thank you paintedeyelids :) I haven't given up hope. With all the feedback I've gotten before from this story and others, my perspective on this area has changed a bit. For the better that is.

Nah lol. I think I'll pass on that

thank you annai :)

i hate when other people makes u feel ugly trust me i know what it feels like but i guess we should ignore them ´cuze maybe they are the ones that are ****** up so i don´t think u do a grat thing by trying not to think about it.<br />
wish i could do that!!<br />
so..good luck!!

I've learn lately that it helps to see things more positively.

Same story, different character. Its me !<br />
24 years . Hungry for love !<br />
<br />
I think no one will ever love me and i'll die very soon !

Same story, different character. Its me !<br />
24 years . Hungry for love !<br />
<br />
I think no one will ever love me and i'll die very soon !

thanks frushax and copperleah

One more thing.... feeling good and feeling good about being yourself is your BIRTHRIGHT. F@#$ anyone who wants to humiliate you or make you feel bad for whatever twisted reason. And doing everything to make yourself feel good is your duty towards yourself. <br />
<br />
Again, easier said than done...I am still struggling the emotional mess between my ears.<br />
<br />
Peace.

Bro.... I can sort of understand....i was 27 when I kissed someone for the first time. And DONT WAIT .... ACT, be proactive, make more friends, get comfortable being in a social environments. I know easier said than done but seriously... break it down into steps and keep chipping at it...everyday. Learn about female psychology a little (but don't do a Phd in it).<br />
<br />
Its not easy but feeling that way is worse ... at least in my opinion. <br />
<br />
All the best.

hahahaha yeah maybe i should just take my mind of it and go with the flow

hahahahaha thanks for the compliment yea :)

You.....and your pecs!! :P

Aaaaand for the record, the person in those pics are me :D

Thanks Tekkamaki, Nora, and Dee67 -blushes- :]

Wow.. some really great comments here by everyone. I agree with Nora that THIS is a story.. so real and human and beautiful in sharing such vulnerability. I also had thought the same, as others here have said.. that you are a good looking guy, Gem, and you have so much to offer someone. And I do think it likely has mostly to do with your feelings of 'unworthiness' or a lack of self confidence. I would say this was the same in my own case. Several years ago I took a self esteem class, and that did so much to build my confidence and how I look at myself. This truly is important, to learn to love yourself first, to learn to be your own best friend. We are usually hardest on ourselves, often our own worst enemies. <br />
<br />
Gem, there's a lot of self help books available, and I would recommend ones that teach you how to examine and change your self talk.. the thoughts you have about yourself, the scripts that run subconsciously through your mind that undermine yourself and your confidence. I went thru a depression when I was in my early 20s, and I pulled myself out of it by doing this. I used a book called "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns. But I'm sure there are many, many good books out there. Just a suggestion. Or you might even find a class like the one I took.<br />
<br />
Gem, so many of us see what a great person you are.. and I think we all hope for you to see this in yourself.. truly. I commend you as well for so bravely sharing such an honest story. You are truly an inspiration!

Well getting to know you, you sound like you'd be a wonderful boyfriend for a lucky lady. Then I saw your pictures and well...you're very attractive. (blushing) I hope someday you will see what we see in you inside and out. I feel very down on myself some days and think no one will want me. It comes and goes. So I do understand. I had trouble dating because of these same feelings. But I also had trouble when I was dating, lol! Ah, ha ha! I suppose as long as you learn to love and believe yourself than that would be one less complication in the already complicated realm of relationships.<br />
<br />
I always heard that we are supposed to be our first loves or something like that. That I treat myself well then I'll learn how to treat others? Ah it was in anger management so it's all fuzzy...er...ha ha...coughs uncomfortably...

Thanks tendereyes :) ((hugs)) I guess I just need to believe in myself.

Thank you guys so much for your comments. <br><br />
<br><br />
Dee67: Thank you for encouraging me to continue searching for other areas of meaning. Im still new to the concept of law of attraction, but it makes perfect sense and definitely gives me something to look forward to.<br />
<br />
Datura: Thank you for the compliment :) I guess my main problem is with me struggling with feeling defective and even though I choose not to be bitter towards others, I know there's a little bitterness inside and even though I hide it, I'm pretty sure others can sense it, especially when I become more silent. I don't plan on giving up on love and relationships, though I sometimes question my worthiness of actually being in a relationship and succumb those feelings of being lonely. But you're definitely right, I really need to deal with the problem of feeling defective because I don't think anyone can deal with it but me and it's not healthy to enter a relationship with that lol.<br />
<br />
Whendolynn: Thank you for the compliment as well Whendolynn :) I sometimes let this get the best of me when it shouldn't (its been happening less and less often). But it does feels good to hope and dream about being in a relationship, especially with someone that I can grow with.

Unless the photos you posted aren't really you, you are very good looking. And I know you are kind and considerate and giving.<br />
It's amazing how others can make us feel bad about ourselves. And when we feel insecure and defective, that energy is seen or felt by others and they will overlook us. I know. I felt the same way when I was young.<br />
Please don't resign yourself to a life without love and a good relationship. The right girl is out there. I guarantee you.<br />
Maybe you're the lucky one who has been spared heartbreak and lousy relationships so far. And when she shows up you don't have a lot of crappy relationship baggage already.

And... you have the right attitude, by focusing on meaningful areas of your life, helping and inspiring others.. keep doing these things.. keep giving.. this is exactly the right thing to do. The laws of attraction will take care of the rest :)

Gem, I was so shy growing up.. I didn't have my first kiss either until I was 18. Don't worry, your turn WILL come!! You're gonna meet a special someone someday, maybe when you least expect it (that's usually when it happens).

Thanks :)

Although I got my first kiss a bit earlier (about a year ago when I was 17), I can understand what you mean. Never having a boyfriend or having been kissed for that long I thought something was so wrong with me and that maybe I'd never ever find anyone. I would get depressed cuz I felt like maybe no one would ever like me and that maybe I didn't deserve anyone. <br />
<br />
I know you won't like it if I say, oh you'll find someone eventually, but IDK. I mean I look at it this way, especially now that I have my first boyfriend whom I have fallen in love with (we've been together almost a year), I believe that if you haven't gotten anyone right now, or if things don't work out with someone its only because there's someone so much better out there in the future. I know its difficult to wait, but that's all you can do. Just know that there's someone out there for you, and I know its easier said then done, but sometimes you have to be the one to approach the girl. <br />
<br />
Good luck :)