Ashamed

It is the one thing about myself I am the most ashamed of. I can live with the fact that I am a virgin because it is so much more intimate than a kiss not to mention the possible consequences and that as a christian I can see the positives to being one, but this isn't about that.

I am a 21 year old guy who has never been kissed. My 4th year of college. I am not overly shy but not too outgoing either. I have never had a real gf. It is not the fact I have problems meeting girls, I just have a problem moving in.  Not to mention I do not like the thought of making out with a random stranger. I have had chances I suppose, when I looked back. I have always either been really really blind to obvious chances at locking lips or I think to myself is this who/how I want to remember my first kiss... and always regret not going ahead and just kissing.  I feel so childish when I talk about it with friends to the point I do not even bring it up and avoid answering if directly asked, and lately have been lying about it.

I constantly think about the fact. Everytime I watch a movie or a tv show or just happen to see a couple kissing, I can not but hurt inside a little wondering how that must feel.

:(
Anuzen Anuzen
18-21, M
11 Responses Jul 4, 2007

Same here . I had chances and girls liking me many times, however i never had the right person and moment and never kissed a girl. However im not ashamed . Everything is written and we cant push the things, we just have to let it flow and see how things will go.Im convinced everything will be in its right place in the end,,, if its not right then its not the end :) Screw the haters

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I will be 22 year old man in a few weeks and I have never been kissed or anything romantically. It is really awkward for me when my friends talk about this and I cant get into the conversation with them and I too, am guilty of lying about it. I know I am too shy and I am trying to get a bit more outgoing lately but I think once you leave high school it becomes a lot harder to meet people. The worst thing about this is the longer it doesn't happen the more you feel ashamed. The virginity thing didn't really bother me much until last week when my best friend lost his and now he wont shut up about it. But most people that I have ever met have had their first kiss before 16 whether it be from a partner or once when they were drunk. But for me, no matter what I do I always fail and yet everyone else seems to get it just like that. For people not in (our or my) position that may think we're overreacting this has made me heavily depressed and I have had to have counselling and prescribed anti - depressants. Also I was bullied multiple times in school and now I would take their challenge to fight in a heartbeat now that I am older and look back. Perhaps the bullying is what has made me so shy and nervous about everything like this but the longer it doesn't happen definitely the harder it is to do. And then when the opportunity arises I can become hesitant and panic because I have never done kissing or sex before and I wouldn't have a clue about what her reaction would be and if she could know by how good or not I am at kissing. The journey is scary and I am starting to believe I may become the real life version of the movie 'The 40 year old virgin' and I am serious when I say that. So to anyone who reads this like someone worse than me who is older than 22 or a kid panicking about not having done it when they are ridiculously young like 13 or 14, I believe everything happens for a reason. And even if I am 80 when I get kissed I genuinely believe it will happen. Good luck with it I know how you feel and I wish you well.

same here :)

Relationships are on my mind all the time... I can relate! If only they weren't so hard to find!

To be honest with you, the thought of a guy not being kissed with no experience is more attractive then a guy who has had tons of expeirences. Not only does it show self-control (especially with tons of temptations and opportunities out there) but it's like if I were to get with a guy who has been around, what number would I be to him? What would be so different about me from all the rest of the women he's been with? There are a lot of people who let their harmones rule their lives when all it takes is just a little self-control.<br />
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I applaud you for standing by your virginity and it does offer a ton of benefits. For one, the one you love will be the very first and hopefully the last person that you will truly give yoruself up intimately and people say that that really means a lot. No one but your spouse has touched you in that way and it creates privacy and sentimental value (that kind of sounds corny :p). I think the reason virignity would benefit me is knowing the fact that my spouse does not have other experiences with other people. I would like for us to experience, grow, and be better at the activity together. If he were to have outside expderience, I'd probably worry how good or bad am I compared to his other partners. It would be nothing new to him, but for me, I'm in the dark. :S<br />
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Do not worry about not being kissed becuase when you're kissed for the first time, it may not be anything you expected it to be. I think kissing requires getting used to. i don't think it's a first time thing. We're so used to seeing 'simple' and fantistical kisses in movies that we think it's so aweing and easy. It's probably not.<br />
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On facebook someone posted a beautiful message for singles and it said.<br />
"Don't worry if you're single. God's looking at you right now and saying 'I'm saving this girl/guy for someone special.'"<br />
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Don't worry! :D

I like to think that age has nothing to do with it and that it will happen when it happens, but who am I to talk, i'm 24 and never been kissed :/

I understand where you are coming from. I'm in exactly the same position, but I'm 31 :(

oh man at least i'm only 23, but i feel the way you feel..i guess :/

yeah, i can relate to that too

this may actually be the one thing I'm most ashamed of about myself...and it kills me to admit that because it's something that I want to be considered insignificant. The fact that something that I consider so superficial has such a strong effect on me- I can't stand it, though I'm slowly starting to accept this part of me. It's just hard because it seems like everyone's having sex by the time they get to college, and I haven't even started dating yet (though I don't see sex as a goal, I think the act by itself is meaningless)... people have always seen me as so much more mature than my peers, yet I'm so behind in this one area; I can definitely understand feeling childish when taking about this..

Well, I was 28 before I had my first kiss, and now, three years later, I am still yet to kiss anyone in a sober state. So, you've got a bit of time before you catch up to me. There is an EXCELLENT resource on this sort of stuff though. You MUST check out www.doubleyourdating.com. Absolute MUST. It will teach you how to move in for the kiss, if you want. But if you don't feel like kissing some random stranger.... don't. Why bother? It's just the sort of thing regrets later on. I really don't feel my non-genuine kisses count for anything, not skill, not experience. Just something that I'm very ambivalent about.