I'm Not In the Group But I Can Still Write About the Past..

Ok, Can you believe I used to smoke because I was nervous and embarrassed about not being talkative?? Why the hell would anyone have wanted to kiss me when I was smoking all the time. I got addicted to the cigs that were so socially acceptable. I used up to 25 a day to keep my mouth full so I was less obviously quiet. IDIOT.

Add drink at a social occasion, and I needed even more nicotine, even twice as much. Awful.

Then came the pot..  Rolling bloody joints so I would be busy, and look less uncomfortable and quiet at parties! IDIOT. Got too stoned to talk properly, it made my self-esteem even worse, sh!t it did alsorts, mainly it stopped me from recovering, from LEARNING , new behaviour, I wasn't developing my social skills, just escaping the need for them.. i guess I'll add more in a bit.

I begged for my first kiss as an adult. Or practically begged anyway. We were drunk. The one good thing alcohol ever did for me! =P

TheLuckyHobo TheLuckyHobo
31-35, M
1 Response Mar 11, 2009

I used to be extremely shy. It was debilitating. <br />
What changed me was my job. I got a very social job, where I had to talk to people. Then once I started, I would not shut up. No one would ever believe how shy I was. Actually no one ever believes I was shy. <br />
In this case, the best way to learn how to swim is to jump into the deep end of the pool. However in this pool you can't drown.