Will Buy a Kiss

I wonder if I could put my first kiss up for sale? $50. $100. $500. $1000. Huh. Even if I did offer money for my first kiss, it's not going to happen. You can't sell what nobody wants, right? And the last 20 years has shown that nobody wants me. Everyone else gets it for free. They throw it around. I can't even buy it ...

Cursedboy Cursedboy
36-40, M
19 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I understand how you feel Cursedboy; I'm too a 35 years old woman who has never dated, never had a boyfriend or even been kissed. I was also thinking to pay someone to have that first kiss! Those who said that your attitude and self-image is a problem don't understand anything. Sometimes you can be strong on the outside and wanted to give something to someone, but no one is there to reciprocate the feelings. It has been like that all my life. I've been told that I'm neither beautiful or ugly, just normal! Translation you're a good female buddy for any gals or guys but not suitable enough to be dated!<br />
I'm in a point of my life where I would want to experience love like others, but no one is knocking at my door and vice-versa. I'll probably try to go with some friends at a club and try to be kissed even if it's not a real one. When you've been experiencing this feeling, you can understand the pain of others in the same boat than you, otherwise you can just rub the surface and think you can understand how Cursedboy is feeling. Good luck to you, man! If you feel that you can't wait or have been waited for all your life, just do it! It will be step in your life.

I agree with a lot of what your saying. I feel like I'm at a point where I don't know if I'll ever really be loved. But I'd like to share a kiss with someone who at least cares though. I've never understood how some people can say to just go out and get a kiss. I wish it were that easy! Maybe for some it is. They have that chance. Again and again. I'd just like that chance too .... a first chance. At 36. I wrote this entry 3 years ago, and it feels further away than ever.

hell **** it i'll kiss you for a $1000 heck even $100 , i ain't gay and all but damn money is money XD

Hey Cursedboy. <br />
If you want a kiss so bad... go get one? Stop sitting there feeling all sorry for yourself... 'boo hoo nobody wants me i'm just gonna sit here and eat worms'. If you see a hot lady in walmart or somewhere and you want to kiss her... DO ITTTT. U only live once :)<br />
However if your not gonna go kiss somebody....stop crying about it u big baby.<br />
m x

You so right New2This30. It's always the people who have kissed .. who have someone to kiss .. who say that it's not as good as you think, or that it's not worth it. It's easy for them to say so, because they've experienced it already. And their own experience doesn't mean it will be the same for everyone. And it does hit your self esteem. And the more people that that it shouldn't, or to be patient and wait ... well, the more 'abnormal' you feel, because, well for me, I know I can't just go out there and meet a girl and kiss her. I'm not picky or fussy or superfical about it. But it just never happens ...

Don't pity yourself. Have you made the effort to find someone worth kissing? Just because you think everyone is kissing doesn't mean its worth it.

slowblackhole, that's wonderful. this may be the new approach that stops you doing the same thing cb, getting you the same result you don't want. <br />
yay for you cb, you're going to get the change you need.<br />
sorry if i've also suggested things in your other post, that you've already tried. we're all here to help so hope you'll keep sifting through our answers, forgive us if we haven't got the right one but the more we brainstorm it, the more chance you will have the right thing to help you move forward. it is your choice though if you'd rather not so sorry for making it sound like you have to.<br />
here's hoping to lots of love, happiness, peace & joy

missymonkery: Nobody should have to ask for a kiss. But that was what I was reduced to. I've tried dating sites. And real dating agencies. Tried groups and clubs. Hobbies. Even tried those phone-chatline things. It just never happens. Oh. I find women I like. But. They make it obvious that they don't like me. And people don't like to change their opinion about me, no matter how hard I try. Or don't try. It's just inconvienient and too much effort apparently. And too unpopular. I've learnt that over 33 years. I've wanted to kiss ... and more ... but you can't when nobody wants to with you. Or even try to know you. I've been looking for 20 years now .... it just doesn't happen ... not for me anyway ... which is why I've asked for help. Asked for a chance. But I guess the answer there is just the same.<br />
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charliew: I'm probably in the same position. Marriage. A family. It doesn't look like those things are going to happen. I've known women who have married guys, and had children with them, who have no money, no prospects, no interest other than sitting on a beach and surfing and get drunk each day. I can offer more than those guys. But. Apparently. That's not ... well, it's when you realise that your best is never good enough. I guess it's all just broken dreams and shattered hope now. <br />
<br />
But all I want. NEED. Is a chance. Some hope to hold onto. But like I said to missymonkery, I guess the answer to that is the same as it always is ....

I am in your exact situation. 35 years old and never been kissed. I have some friends male and female but noone even remotely interested in dating me. Ia am overweight not very good looking and broke. Not a good combination. I like to think I am a nice guy who if lucky to find the right woman would make a very loving and faithful husband and father to our children if we were ever lucky enough to have any.. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like that will ever happen and I couldn't afford to support a family if I did find someone. <br />
My advice don't kiss just anyone so you can say you have been kissed. Wait until you find that special someone who you love and loves you back so that first kiss can be the first of many through a lifetime together

Not to sound all new agy or something but life gives us what we need not what we want. When we want something badly enough we can scare others off, especially in this subject. Remeber this, life sucks and it seems to have a way of kicking you when you are down most but it also has given us all the tools that we need to get everything that we want. You just need to know how to use them, that is what life is about. So my advise is this, ease off, let it happen in its own time and don't ry to force it. If you do life will make sure that it never happens. But if you let go and allow life to take you where you need to be it will eventually happen, just not tommorow.

Hey Cucoboth, I've been hoping you'd see my post on the virgin site (I have one too).<BR><BR>Everybody here who has posted is correct. Your attitude and self image is the problem. But you are correct too - Not many people will understand what you are going through. But I believe I do. here's why.<BR><BR>everything you say when you write is EXACTLY word for word what I would have said and thought about myself up until a few years ago (I'm 31 now), so I've spent most of my life going through the EXACT, yes... EXACT!!! same thoughts as you. everything you say, that's VERBATUM how my self image used to be.<BR><BR>you'll be very interested in this web page. it describes Avoidant Personality "disorder".. of course a bad word, and a bad label, but I'm putting it here to show that I identify with exactly what you are going through b/c I have been there myself.<BR><BR>http://ivy_league0.tripod.com/rhyme_of_the_ancient_wanderer/id45.html<BR><BR>I have put up a story and I have posted on your previous messages.<BR><BR>What you are going thorugh is 100% emotional and 0% logical. but because your negative emotions towards yourself are so strong and unopposed, you LOGICALLY FEEL as if you are "defective", or that the whole world exists just to humiliate and reject you. trust me, I know that all this is false.<BR><BR>but to be able to step out of that into a world where your mind is free takes a few things. You must realize the following.... usually in this order.<BR><BR>1) The whole thing is all in your head. the monster you face everyday is staring at you in the mirror. if you can't get past this stage, keep trying over and over again, even if you die trying.<BR><BR>2) can you fully ever get rid of your way of thinking?? maybe, maybe not, but you have to accept that even if you never get to feel like the worlds biggest stud, there is SO MUCH improvement that you can still achieve.<BR><BR>3) you have to forgive yourself for leading your life the way you have so far. you must forgive yourself for allowing yourself into a persistent state where you literally feel (and a result, you KNOW) that you are worth nothing sexually. <BR><BR>4) You are worth all the sexual attention that everyone else gets. This is the endpoint. when you feel this (regardless of what women say or do to you), your job is done. Of course, to get to this endpoint takes so much internal work and courage, given your current starting point, so you better be ready.<BR><BR>now ironically, as soon as you feel like the sexiest man on earth without the need for external validation to do so.... most women you meet will want to beat down your door. but as long as you live in this nightmare of a world that has been created in your head, no matter how "good" you are, or how much you "need" women, they will not want anything to do with you.<BR><BR>Please please contact me at slowneal@yahoo.ca so we can discuss this more.<BR><BR>Your main reason for doing so is that I am living proof that someone can go from your EXACT stage to knowing that I'm extremely sexually worthy and as a result, being desired by more women than I can handle. gorgeous women actually. and don't think for a second that it was easy, so prepare to work your *** off.

I can't help it if I've tried what everyone suggests. We all have a breaking point. An I've reached mine. Gone past it. I can't keep just doing the same things, just to please someone else. It hurts when people say to just keep doing the same things. It makes things worse. I wish it didn't, but it does. You don't have to feel it. You don't even have to read this! I'm not holding a gun to your head. If you don't like it, walk away. Simple. Don't add to the problem!

The key part there is "denial works for me like magic" ... yeah, it works for you. I'm not you. I wish people would stop thinking that I'm them. I just want a chance. That's all. It's the only thing that hasn't been tried. And the very thing everyone seems reluctant to help with ... not a coinsidence I don't think.

That's how it makes me feel though. I've tried wearing the smile mask, and that didn't work. Just need a chance. That's all.

i would have to agree with ancientbirdy

have been holding on for 20 years. 20 years of being told "it will happen when you least expect it". And 20 years of watching others get it, take it for granted, abuse it, and then get a 2nd chance. And a 3rd chance. And a 4th, a 5th, a 6th ... while I'm still looking for a chance to have my 1st chance. "It will happen when you least expect it" is hollow. Empty. It feels just the same as saying that it will never happen. Because it never has.

thats right, bublina, itl happen when you dont expect it. you wont be able to judge when its gona happen itl just happen when its supposd to. keep holding, nd i hope it happens soon =) for both of you =)

dont give it up! I know it's been a long time and you wanna feel a kiss on your lips.... that real one... but i'm sure that it will come when you don't expect. Hold on... :)<br />
(btw I'm also waiting for that moment... )

That was said to me when I was 13 ... that's 20 years ago now, and it still hasn't happened. Not even close really. Kinda sounds very hollow when you see everyone else find it, and you can't find anyone who'll even try ...

it'l happen bro, you dont need to buy it. There's someone out there for everyone =) one day you'l get the chance to sweep someone off their feet