Just Now....

It JUST hit me….
Literally NOW…
I have never been loved
No one has ever said they loved me (other than family)
I’ve never had a serious relationship.
I’ve had relationships.. if yah know what I mean… but no one exclusively.
No one to hold me close during a slow song
Or to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok
Or hold me and congratulate me for a job well done…
Or noone that is waiting just for me… Just for me…
I am over 40…
And I have an amazing career- able to travel all over the world; lived all over the world…
No one has been there to pick me up at the airport
Or if my flight has been delayed to call and tell them
Or have my favourite meal as comfort from travelling in very remote places in Asia & Africa
Or someone who actually wants to hear about my travels; no one to share the horrific stories I’ve heard
But today, now… It has hit me- I have never been loved… I am alone in the world…
Before this moment- the world was a place to explore, learn and be amazed by… Now, the world is open, vast and empty….
I am alone
And I have never been loved
Now that I know this- now what?
Now what…
MavDay MavDay
41-45
10 Responses Jul 23, 2010

I'm 42, I have two wonderful sons from two relationships, one of which is still going to all outward appearances, but I've never been loved by anyone except blood relatives and my best friend.
No man has ever chosen me as a life partner to cherish, just an old fool to sponge off. And to know that I let myself be used for the sale of my youngest son and to not be alone makes me so sad.

Add a response...

I know it's hard, being without love, but there must be a reason for it... Maybe it's about time, or thinking... Though you are lucky to have a family

Now you go on!
It's not about looks, career, personality, charm.
I was young once, with a great body, cute (not model worthy, but cute). I have a very warm and charming personality, I'm very loving, funny, and everybody likes me...
I'm the one who is always there for friends, even strangers.
I know what it's like to need a hand and to have no one to help... so I'm there for others.
I keep hoping that eventually I'll find somebody who will say they love me and mean it. I'm over 40 now and still haven't found anybody who does...
I've been asked why I'm single, and I have no answer, other then I do not want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. I want to be in a loving relationship, or alone. I dont want to compromise on that...
So I live my life alone...
I have friends. friends with benefits that are respectful and appreciate who I am.. and none of them have ever loved me... liked me, yes.. but never loved...
So I do believe that not everybody will find love, and that it doesn't have much to do with who you are or what you do. It just is...
Most of the time I'm ok with it. It gets to me at funerals, holidays, special moments when most people have somebody to be with...
If I'm sick, something needs to be fixed in the house, it's all on me...
I'm self suficiant, and I detest asking for help...
Sometimes friend give me a hand, and sometimes they promiss but never deliver.. so you learn...
And you live...
Finding love is not the be all and end all of life...
We are lvoed in different ways, by different people.
We need to appreciate what we have. Even if want more, the truth is we have no control over that.
just let it go, and when friends ask why you are single, jsut say: haven't found love yet...

I think you had quite a realization about your life. It sounds like you've really enjoyed your work and never missed a life partner up until now. You asked what to do now which is of course something only you can decide for yourself. You can find a partner to share your life with. And envision a new future with that person by your side. If you're used to traveling a lot, that might not work for some. Or maybe they can join you on your travels? I think you might be at a crossroads in your life. You might want to consider how much you're still going to like traveling all over the globe 10 years from now. And what you'll be missing if you don't partner up. There are always pros and cons to whatever choice we make. And qualities in ourselves we need to develop if we're making a different choice.

I've been feeling that way for a few months now. Sure its great if your friends and family tell you they love you but its not the same as the feeling of someone loving you for you. well i can only imagine so because I;ve never known somebody to love me. It brings me in circles and leaves cripplingly depressed as i question absolutely everything about myself. I have know what its like to love someone but they never love back. I never know whats wrong deeply and im left feeling like there's something wrong with me all the time!! After years of rejection, ive just been left bitter and hating myself while being suspicious and paranoid over every action of every other person! I dont know what to do and Im at my wits end. I just get so tired of the daily slog and trying to smile so i dont bring those that are close (close as they are) down about me... ITS SO FRUSTRATING!!

I empathize with you.for years, after my break up with my boyfriend (who happens to be my bestfriend), i've come to realized that i was never loved.<br />
<br />
you know for yourself that you gave so much to that somebody but still there's something missing,<br />
its the happiness you feel whenever youre with him,<br />
the smile that will end up in laughters from simple chats over a cup of coffee,<br />
an appreciation of your cooking,<br />
a thank you when you do his laundry, <br />
a simple 'how's your day' after office work or a simple good night before you go to sleep. <br />
But all of these gave me something to think of, <br />
i've missed to love myself, i gave so much that i was not able to save for myself, to have respect to myself, be not afraid to question even though it'll hurt, be not afraid to show my affection, to look for my soulmate who'll appreciate & love me as I am.<br />
& most of all to trust Him that He'll paved the way that I'll be loved someday (even if it may take a longer time or); if I may not be I'll know for sure why.<br />
Just trust Him & ask through HIm. you'll soon be loved.

I understand your pain and loneliness. Nobody aside from my children and my parents has ever expressed love for me. I am divorced from a man who verbally and emotionally abused me for 15 years. I married him because I was afraid I would be alone. I was alone and lonely throughout my marriage. I cry every day. I have tried to convince myself I can be alone. But it is unbearably painful. I am in. Relationship with an unavailable man who is the first man to say he has feeling for me. We are very close friends. I am happy when with him because I feel loved but the end of the day, I am still alone and it really hurts

I am in the same position. Even worse..everyone who has ever said they "loved me" has used or abused me. I fell in love with a woman from South America. She used me for a green card. Sex weeks after we were married I caught her in a sex act with her 17 year old son. <br />
<br />
My parents abused me horribly.<br />
<br />
I have a disabling chronic illness...often bedridden and alone....nobody to help me when I am really sick...<br />
<br />
Now what?" you ask. I don't know.<br />
<br />
So I think there is no choice but to continue on...make myself as happy as possible and hope one day..i will be loved. I try to take comfort in the fact that being alone is better than being in an abusive relationship.<br />
<br />
"

sorry to hear that...cant do much ,,,,only if u want u can share with me your stories