I Would Like To Have Been Married, Had Children

I am now 46.  46!  That's less than 4 years from 50 now...I thought I would have been married and had my tubes tied long ago.  Well, God has taken care of the problem of biological children - I started menopause almost 4 years ago, so my chances are nearly nil now.  I am at peace with that.

I have kept foster teens and remain close to the first one and have numerous other teen "groupies" that hang around.  I even have 3 "grandkids" that are 3,4 and 1 month...its great fun to be a granny!

But they still have to go home to their biological families  and I don't get to spend holidays with them...sometimes I just so hate living here by myself.  I can't have foster kids right now because I don't make enough money - yes, they pay you some but not nearly enough,

I haven't the slightest idea why I can't get married.  When I was younger, true, I was a wild child and made bad choices, but even the good guys have rejected me.  I spent the last 3 1/2 years with a wonderful man who now tells me he just can't get married again.  I am so furious!!!  I might be married to someone else already if he hadn't been such a______(fill in favorite nasty adjective).

I feel so alone and rejected.  I never had a good relationship with my sister or parents because they felt the need to put me down all the time.  I always had tons of great friends, but as I've gotten older they've all gotten married and had kids and forgotten me (so it seems).  I do believe in God and try to be faithful, but when it seems like you've been denied so much its hard to be grateful for what you do have.  Sometimes the kids and the pets aren't enough.

If you are under 40 and reading this = don't be silly enough to think your out of time!!!  I wasted much time on the wrong men when I was young.  And more time feeling depressed about it.  Get rid of jack***es and find something else! 

And if you are over 40, write and commiserate.




moogieswva moogieswva
46-50, F
Nov 17, 2009