Ever Been Happy?

I've been thinking lately that I can't ever recall REALLY being happy. I had brief moments, very short when I had a good time. But I can't really say when I've BEEN happy. I have two kids and I thought I was happy when they were born, and even now and then they make me smile. The thing is on a daily basis I just do NOT feel happy, I know if I wasn't raised Catholic and didn't feel a sense of resonsibiitly to my family I could die without issue. I don't necessarily mean kill myself, not sure I could do that (Catholic thing again) but if I something struck me down, I wouldn't MIND going.

I really don't enjoy anything anymore, I used to be an artists. Drawing, painting, photography, music. Now I drink and I don't even enjoy that anymore. What the hell is there? I WANT to be happy, but I can't find anything that I find joy in. My kids are great but its not enough.

Anyone else feel this way?
Swian Swian
41-45
2 Responses Jul 15, 2010

Same here,
I have gone through the same feeling 90% of the time since childhood,
The Same Unhappy Me has been here for more than 20 years.
Everything that can make me happy won't last for long,
let say dating, getting married, get a promotion, win a small lottery....

I am not giving advice and I am totally not qualified.
I just feel that,

sometimes, I comfort myself,
I am lucky to a certain extent...comparing with unfortunate people in extreme poverty.

perhaps, Life is like this,
Not Happy / Unsatisfaction may be a fact or an inevitable phenomenon of life

I read pema chodron's book "comfortable with uncertainty / When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times."

I learnt (still learning actually) that
Sometimes, try not to "Seek Happiness"
Face and accept our so-called sadness or boredom.
Penetrate it, observe and examine "Who We Really Are".

Occasionally, I go to some countryside or forest park,
I walk or run around alone,
sitting by and surround by trees,
admiring the nature...... for a brief moment....
I am relaxed, I feel calm...

Being Unhappy may be a common illness for we city dwellers...

gun bullet 6 billion 9 hundred ninety nine million 9 hundred ninety nine thousand 9 hundred ninety nine of us wont mind