Never Have And Never Will

I never have been and never will be with a man, because I'm a lesbian, 100%, all the way, and proud and happy to be  Simple as that.  I could leave it there - like, enough said 
But when I noticed this group here, a thought did occurr, about peoples' perceptions of this - well, the perceptions of some people I have met down the years 
I have known for sure that I'm gay since I was 15 - before I had any actual sexual experience with another girl - and I came out at uni when I was 19  This seems to be the part that some people can't get over - I knew, for sure, before I ever had any actual sexual experience with another female  Amongst the mixed reactions I received when I came out at uni was one that stands out here; 'how could I know for sure'........the implication being I had nothing to compare it to!  Of course, predictably, I had this reaction quite a lot from guys - but I just put that down to 'oh you might think you have no interest in guys but you should try me!! I'll soon sort you out and put you right!'  but, more importantly, I had it too from some of the girls I hung out with at uni - 'Jade, you haven't ever had a can you be totally sure you are a lesbian....'   and there it was again! that same - 'because you've got nothing to compare it to' thing - even from one or two girls I knew    I've contined to have this reaction from  some people down the years when I say that I have never been with a man - I'm a lesbian  Of course men are the most likely to bring up that old ''ve got nothing to compare it to' thing - even men who sem to accept lesbians in general, well, they seem to accept them better if they have came out later in life, or at least had a couple of boyfriends before coming out - but when they discover I have never been with a man - there it always is again! '........but you've got nothing to compare it to'!!  and with men, the unspoken part, hanging in the air, I JUST know is '....but it's not too late for should try me....I'll show you something....I'll show you what you've been missing!'  This even from men who generally accept lesbians who have left men and came out - they do seem to struggle when they discover I've never had a man 
Most bizarrely of all, an older lesbian I used to know a few years ago, even was of the opinion that I couldn't have known for sure at that age - no one can know for sure that young - she opined! - and even went on to suggest perhaps I should have experimented a bit more in order to be certain!!!!  in order to be certain of what????!!  that I hadn't made some sort of embarrassing mistake! or just some little blooper - that when pointed out to me I could go 'oh gosh! shucks! you're right! oh what an idiot I've been! oh I'm so embarassed! there was me thinking I'm gay and all the while I just forgot completely to try it with a man! Oh I've got ever such a red face! I must have the IQ of Homer Simpson!' 
I mean to say!!  I could ask someone who tells me they're straight - 'how long have you known you're straight? as early as 14 or 15!! OHH! but how can you be so sure if you haven't tried it with a woman//man  I mean, you've got nothing to compare it too!!!!'   
I hate it that this just puts the whole thing down to the sexual act itself - important thought that is - but it takes NO account whatsoever of my feelings!!  My feelings have always, always, always, always been directed towards other females  Only women have ever aroused my deepest romantic feelings, only women have inspired the romance in my soul, I have always felt just more comfortable and alive in exclusively female company  I have NEVER had any feelings inspired by men - not romantic feelings, no desire, nothing - everything for me is inspired by other women  My deepest feelings are such that I can only fall hopelessly, madly, passionately in love with other women  For men, I have none of these feelings - never have had and never will have 
So I won't ever be trying it with a man - just to check and make sure I haven't made a teeny bit of an embarrassing mistake or something 

LadyWorsleysWhim LadyWorsleysWhim
46-50, F
8 Responses Aug 13, 2011

I just love your screen name... I just got done watching the movie, and it made me smile. Just as your article. Never listen to others. You know what you want. That's all that matters. (Granted, I some times question my sexuality since i've never been with a girl. I've always been interested, but I never could find a woman I wasn't intimidated by. Experimentation can be good if you are uncertain. I'll just say i'm pansexual and call it a day.)

I agree 100%

Very positive and honest "getting of your chest" Thank you for that, its so eloquent written also. But now after 2 years she will have her PhD, and i am curious to know how the 2 of you and your relation developed. Love to hear . chantellette

I'm a 100% hetrosexual man and I absolutely understand and concur with your insightfully written "story" (life experience). In my own case, I've never thought it necessary to have a homosexual experience to prove to myself that I'm 100% hetrosexual. The very thought of me having sex with a man sickens me, as I'm sure it does you. The same would apply to the vast majority of men who stupidly say that you can't be sure you are 100% lesbian if you haven't had sex with a man; you could challenge them with that thought and see how they respond! <br />
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The thrill of sex without having any feelings for your sex partner is clearly something apart from all the considerations and emotional involvement that you have mentioned. A high percentage of today's sexually promiscuous women in long-term hetrosexual relationships, also freely declare themselves to be bi-sexual, or bi-curious. To me, seeing that always indicates that the woman enjoys sex with no feelings involved, whatever sex the partner is...and there's nothing wrong with that, but that's clearly not where you are coming from in declaring yourself 100% lesbian. I hope you will always enjoy your sexuality to the full with someone who is fully deserving of your love...and in future, now that you have got this off your chest, please don't give even one moment of concern for what some silly man may think.

If you try... you may like it. Who knows. It all depends on who you are with. Just my two cents.

whats the difference when a man has never been with another man he would not know if he;s gay you stay on your path lady its fine by me...

I have never been with a man either. LOL. Wow, that first story really built your confidence up. Good for you. I totally agree with you. I think you would know if you were attracted to men or not from your teen years or earlier. I have never understood the "convert" theory some people have for either sex.

Right on! Beautifully written

Thank you! just had to get it off my chest!