The OneIt started with a dream; both figurative and literal.
It was when i was in a depression that was like being trapped in a dark and room that cut off the 5 senses; i was too scared to explore, i couldn't see, hear or feel anything and i was alone. Every now and then there would be a part in the darkness and a light would shine down on me and give me happiness and hope for the future. This Hope is what kept me going throughout those years. This hope was a girl. I had dreamed of her many times since i was 5 and i knew the time was growing nearer ad nearer with each passing moment. Then i was forced to move and i ended up in the place where my depression started; Wyoming. (Dun dun duuuuuuun)
Wyoming was where my Darkness started, my outgoing and young self was turned into a shy, cut off kid who had self esteem issues.
Now i was back there and its like things started to right themselves. I had lost weight and started feeling good about myself, i started becoming happy with my lot and then it happened.
She showed up, literally out of nowhere and over night. I remember it was in art class and i had to walk up and sharpen a pencil as the teacher introduced her. I remember thinking "ha. I bet you she's the one i'm looking for." and then lunch came. She was eating lunch with my friends and stuff and she said "hey! i have you in my art class" i smiled and said hey and then the day passed unnoticed.
We actually started to learn a little about each other on a field trip that had a 6 hour round trip bus ride. We talked and it turned out we had a lot in common. I soon found out she had a boyfriend and my emotions flipped through a series of hope, anger, insecurity, and sadness. They broke up a little bit after i found out and things started being fun. We were friends for 2 months before we started dating. She turned out to be my first everything (almost).
The first kiss was amazing and i could never forget it. We soon started getting to like each other more and more and i admitted i Loved her, she said she felt the same way towards me. Time went by, but as it did things started to get more complicated, she had a lot of past trauma and wounds that she allowed to define her as a person. She didn't think she was worth anything and she had given up. She had trust issues and i soon found out she didn't trust me and expected me to disappear on her.
Things got worse, i kept trying to convince her and sometimes i did... But she wouldn't get any happier. She told me she hated men because of what they have done to her and i realized she couldn't return my feelings.
Friday, (February 15th 2013) the day after Valentine's day, she broke up with me. I know that its stupid but i still have this small hope that she and I will get back together.
She doesn't trust me, doesn't Love me the way i love her (capitol L, Love) and she expects me to leave and/or hurt her. I know we won't get back together until she heals and if she isn't healed, no matter how much it hurts, i won't let us get back together.
I won't leave her. I won't stop Loving her. No other person attracts me at all anymore and she is the only one i see. I want to be the Mr. to her Mrs. I want to spend my life with her. She is definitely my bestfriend and she was an incredible girlfriend,even when things weren't going great. I will wait however long it takes for her to be better and for us. I HAVE to stay for her! Nobody else has and i need to show her i'm not like anybody else she has met, i'm that one person who she can Love unrestraint.
icktomi 18-21, M 0 Feb 18, 2013