Whats That?

i've lived my life in an odd state of apathy, except when i pretended to care.  this was rare i never felt like my Friends did towards a boy (witch Ive found out is because i like women) or felt that awful buzz they claim is love. me and my family aren't close at all. i see my father about once a month and even though i live with my mother i find myself avoiding her as much as i possibly can. i have a sister and a half sister with 4 children i know nothing about. i cant even name the rest of my family, like how many aunts or uncles i have or if i even have grandparents. 

as far as relation ships are concerned Ive never had a successful one. i cant trust anyone with my heart because I'm terrified they will make a fool of me and i see no reason to let them in. why should i love them they probably don't love me. that's the perspective i keep even though I'm trying my hardest to change. that was my new years resolution: get out of this hole and love some one. i have no interests in love really but if every one says it great. i have come to love close but what i feared most ended up happening. call me a  wimp  but i gave up.

now I'm just searching for a way out of this and hopping for the best. maybe find out the names oh my nieces or nephews.  
mooisformilk mooisformilk
Feb 23, 2011