I'm 45...and I Have Never Had A Boyfriend...

I am 45 years old  and I have never had a boyfriend...at least not since I was in grade school.  I don't know why either.  I'm no Jennifer Aniston...but, I'm not all that bad looking.  I'm not into the league thing...although I am sure I know what league I'm in...the league that doesn't get noticed...ever.  What frustrates me is I know some women (and I hate to sound this shallow...because I know how it feels to be uncomfortable with your looks), but I know some women who are not very physically attractive...who have boyfriends.  I don't get it!  Please don't say..."hang in there...it'll happen..."  I just don't believe that anymore.
piapaj piapaj
7 Responses Aug 31, 2011

I never had a steady boyfriend either. I have dated and that's about it. All the guys I have liked were either taken, gay or just never reciprocated. I just tell myself I am too good for all of them and on Valentine's Day, I buy myself flowers:-)

Just go to a bar. Have a few drinks and be the life of the party. Trust me. Guys will come.

<p>I feel the same way. I am a little older than you, and I never had a boyfriend. I have not even had a date. I know you probably don't believe it, but it is true. I don't think I am ugly and I am not fat. I am average looking, and average weight. I have a Ph.D. but no dates. This time of year is always hard - when Valentine's Day rolls around. I feel I will never get flowers or a card from a guy. I had hoped to have one date before I die, I have given up on the whole relationship thing. I don't understand why no guy wants to get to know me. I see couples all the time, people who are jobless or homeless have no problem getting dates. What is wrong with me? I have tried all the online dating sites, and no one ever wants to meet me. A few guys have asked me out, but then I never hear from them again. So, clearly there is something wrong with me - only I have not a clue as to what it is. I am sick of feeling this way.

I feel the same way as you. Ive never had a bf either. I think its possibly a self confidence thing or maybe not social enough. I mean Ive heard it all. idk I really feel like there is something drastically wrong with me.

Yes there are many ugly/fat even retarded individuals out there who are involved in relationships but for whatever reason we aren't. I'm coming to accept that I'm just one of those women who don't get appraoched or noticed by a guy. At work the other day someone was talking about how some study showed that women ate 25% less when they were out on a date than when they were alone and they started talking about dating in general, but I could not participate because at 33 i've never been on a date so how would I know. It is embarassing, it really is, people tend to wonder what's wrong w/ you. or they then think or sometimes say, "maybe you need to lose weight" I don't know if that is so or not b/c I saw a lady just the other day at the grocery store, and this guy started flirting with her openly and she was fat, I watched them exchange numbers and her blush and "shake" her hands at ther friend tha twas with them. He walked away, looked back and so did she. Yeah I want that. i want to knwo what it's like to get dressed up, get picked up, go out to a movies holding my guys hand, I don't want to always see my friends doing it or hear about their new date, i want it for myself. I am no longer afraid to admit that I am lonely, because yes I am. I am lonely as heck, I just resolved the other day to say that crying does no good, it does not make me any less lonely and it does not bring some guy to me. It does not make a guy approach me when I am out and about so I just have to learn to live with it and accept it. If it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't. That's the hard part, learning to accept that it just may not. <br />
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So now you ask yourself, how do you just go on, how do you actually stop yourself from crying when you hear your friend talking to her fiance, or boyfriend, how do you not get sad and feel lonelier when you see couples out holding hands, laughing and having fun when you want it for yourself. <br />
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I think it's hard for me because I know I can't do it alone, I can't get someone to love me on my own, I've tried so I prayed, I asked the Lord for help, but He seems to be ignoring me. But I have to move on I know and I hope each and everyone of us who feels this way is able to move on.

Wow, this sounds like me only I'm 33. I have never had a boyfriend either. I think I can understand where you are coming from and I too hate to hear that "hang in there" "it's just not your time," "Your time is coming." I mean really at 33 and 45, you'd think we'd have had our "time" by now. Now Mr. Terpt did say a few things I had to think on. I have tried the dating services-one guy I started conversing with, we exchanged numbers and he suggested we "hook up" I said sorry, I'm not interested in sex only, I want more. He sent back, "why do fat women always say that?" So that's a no go. I am a big girl, large, fat, however you want to put it, but I am by far not the biggest. I have friends and ahve seen other women wayyy larger than I and they are in relationships. I onced asked myself, why it was so impotant to have a boyfriend or even want one for that matter. I couldn't answer it. Guess it's just that I want someone to go out with, do things with, converse with, I want someone other than my 6 year old niece and sister to go out to dinner with. Yeah, I want to text, talke, laugh, do all those silly little things that couples do. Now Mr. Terpt you asked if she sat in the house all the time. Now where I live at there is nothig much to do other than booty shaking clubs and the casinos. I don't club and I don't have money to waste giving it to a machine, plus I don't want a man that gambles either. But I used to work and go home, still do in a way, but I do go to grocery stores, movies, out to eat, I shop, I'm out at several places to meet someone but I too don't get noticed. I don't have a large circle of friends, no. Most of them have moved on in life, gotten married, in relationships, have children and to be honest, they don't have time for me. <br />
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I may call up a friend and suggest going to the movies or out to eat and sometimes they may but then their guy calls and wants to go out and of course, I'm put on the back burner, "you understand don't you." or it's "when you get a man you'll understand." Well I don't understand. I've never had a boyfriend to understand. I don't sleep around and I don't plan on doing so just to say I have a man. I've asked friends to introduce me to guys, but they introduce me to the ones they don't want, the ones that are about nothing, have nothing and aren't trying to get anything. i don't need anyone holding me back or hindering my growth. Yes I would love to be married, have a family, have that someone who is mine and I can talk to. But you can't force anyone to like you and you can't make someone be interested in you. Yeah I smile at guys when I'm out, but when a guy just "hmm's" at you obviously he isn't interested. My friends tell me to enjoy being single that you don't want just any man and that is true, but just because I want to experience having and being in a relationship, the pros and the cons, it doesn't mean iwant to be mistreated and used. But these people who tell you to hang in there, enjoy being single, it's not what it's cracked up to be, they aren't single, they are either married, involved or if they are single they have atleast experienced a relationship and don't understand how WE feel. I wonder every frigging day of the week, what is wrong with me. WHy can't I find someone. I'm an educated working woman, I've been single long enough to have "found" me, I know what I want, what I don't want, I know me so I don't want to hear, You need to find yourself, figure out what you want. I know what I want. But I'm learning to lean more on the Lord, when I feel this way. I really do think that my "time" is coming, that the Lord knows the desires of my heart but for whatever reason He has, He is making me wait. It's pure torture yeah, lol but I know the God I serve is a loving God and He won't forsake me. So all I can do is be ready when He allows that wonderful man that is for me to come into my life. <br />
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I won't tell you to "hang in there" but I wish you would. I know how that doesn't do anything for you, I know how you Don't want to hear that. I wish I could offer some words to you but all I can do is tell you to pray, Lean on the Lord, let Him know what it is that you want and trust Him to provide-In His time. That's the hardest part though. Best wishes to you.

Well that's a shame, but being a man we don't comiserate well but try and fix the problem. So I will offer my two cents. I think you have to ask your self some questions.<br />
1) What do they do that gets them boyfriends and not you.<br />
Question, do you get laid and then dumped or not called again.<br />
2) If so why.<br />
3) Are you a ***** a lousey ****, too clingy on the verge of stalking. I don't know you or your behavior so don't get piised I just asking.<br />
4) If you're not even getting laid or ask out (you said boy friend, I consider that long term of 3 weeks or more. I don't know your deffenition) Why<br />
5) Do you even get approached. if so big hint here, you have to talk back to us males that's how we know you are interested. Also we are very slow so even if you think you sre flirting back we just don't see it 90% of the time.<br />
6) Have you told your friends that you are interested maybe said to them boy I wish John would ask me out. Maybe your friends could help you.<br />
7) Do you have any friends<br />
8) Have you tried a dating service?<br />
9) Have you tried to start a conversation with a man. Maybe you need to start first.<br />
10) Are you just too shy. Try talking to at least one new person of the oppiste sex every day even if it's just the guy with no teeth working behing the counter at the gas station and working your way up everyday to a hansumer guy.<br />
11) Have you tried anything or do you just sit at home with your eight cats?<br />
Love to help you out but I'm allergic to cats sorry