blond, fun, attractive 30yr old virgin??

BIG UPDATE ----> Scroll to the bottom!

SO im 29,

Im blond (dyed but everyone thinks its real), Im fit, intelligent, sporty, outgoing, have  a ton of friends, Im told Im rather attractive.... blah blah...

So why am I 29, and have never had a real bf?

yeah ive been on dates, Ive had some confessions, ive made some too, Ive kissed, Ive fooled around a point ...

but for some reason, in 29 yrs, I have never found a partner, of mutual attraction, that lasted more than a few days...

Its quite possibly just an issue of supply and demand... :(

FACT: Im a caucasian woman living for the past 6 yrs in a small city in an Asian country.

 Standards vs. Avaliability:

I like Asians.. but i like tall, muscular ones with good teeth ....

OK.... so I realize thats a bit difficult....

 lets forget about the teeth,,, and I guess I can ignore the height... i mean im not that tall anyway... and muscles.. well.... can they at least be toned???

so... physical aside...

Yeah Im an extroverted western gal, I need an outgoing, funny man with confidence, a man I can respect......

  Oh, but in this conservative country I live in, an outgoing man with confidence  is almost as hard to find as a man with good teeth....

BUT... lets say, because there are a few,

cute, tall, muscular, confident, funny, outgoing men with good teeth that I can respect.

lets say I met one, and he was single and not just lookin for a one-night stand.... even beating those odds... would he be interested in an international relationship?

one with language barriers, and cultural differences?

for me, 6 dry years have answered that question with a no.


SO... before even getting to my personality flaws, my environment already sets me up for dissapointment.

and i am 29 now. and Im a little of a prude.

I wont "do it" with a guy I cant imagine marrying....

so, before I become a 30yr old boyfriend-less virgin.....

should I...

a. move? leave a country and city I love and all my friends?

b. wait it out? 

c. any advice?

I did it!  :) Or I didn't do it.  I mean, I didn't become a 30 year old virgin.
But I still have never had a serious relationship. :(
What happened?
Well, it started the way many typical stories start....
I was on vacation in Manhatten and,
I met a guy.

But, that is where the story becomes extremely atypical.
It was at a gay party, (Im a heterosexual and was there with a friend)
In a pool / club
In a hotel in the middle of Times Square NYC.

And yeah, I was **** drunk.

But that is not when I did it, that is just where I met him,
and where he very persistantly seduced, molested, and almost date-raped me, until some guys walked by and pulled him off.

So what did I do?
I gave him my phone number. (O.o) (before he was promptly kicked out of the pool /club)
I mean, he was Tall, Attractive, Great body, Excuding confidence, Asian-oriental, and he even had nice teeth!
Potential Rapist yeah, but that shows confidence right? (I am in no way condoning rape here!  Just that due to specific circumstances his aggresiveness was more of a turn-on than a turn off)

And oh yeah, he kinda, though in hindsight im sure it was by mistake, stole my bag.

So when I was at the police station reporting my missing bag (cause I didnt have his contact info),
He texted me, and after some heated emails, claimed his friend took my bag by mistake.

No harm done, we decided to meet up so I could get my bag back.
So it was returned, and I got to see him in daylight.

Oooooh.  He was perfect.  I was in lust.

So, we planned to hang out, and I met him in the upper west side. (the rich and gorgeous part of Manhatten)
And where he led me to his apartment, (belonging to his family) where a doorman recognized his face and welcomed us inside.
Where the gorgeous lobby only led to a huge multiple room apartment with floor to ceiling windows.
Where the furniture was rich and antiqued, and the toilet paper the softest you ever touched!

So overwhelmed by this scene out of a movie, I did what any girl would do,

I showed him my facebook profile.
Then we went on youtube and shared our music tastes.

But when I went to the bathroom, he demanded a kiss....
and when I came back, he demanded another,
and well, nature took over from there.

And come morning, I was a new woman... thrice over,
and also in relative pain.  But first times hurt they say.

And as we lay lazily in bed, he reccomended we rent some kayaks or a canoe and go down the hudson river.
And It was perfect, except, I had a plane to catch back to my little asian country the next day, and needed to go home and pack.

So with heavy regret, I said goodbye, and he kissed me on the nose and patted my head gently before I walked out.

And when i arrived back in my little asian country, I looked him up on facebook, and discovered,
he has just turned 21!

So.... ok, I lost myself to a 21 year old probable millionare whom I met at a gay pool party and who stole my bag.

Ahh, but well, it was awsome, and great, and no regrets.

ayabe ayabe
26-30, F
7 Responses Feb 26, 2009

I'm 30 and I'm a Virgin. I've done the same, fooled around and such and had short term girlfriends. I'm Schized about sex. I wonder why it's got to be such a big part of everything. I'm spiritual more than sexual and I don't know why everybody has to emphasize sex as it's the end all be all. <br />
I sure it feels good as I've been pretty intimate with a couple of girls but no sex happened. It's not that I wanted it and didn't get it though. I've not had the biggest sex drive in my life. I know that is healthy some people say but a sexual relationship is not the end all be all. I love spiritualism and being intelligent a little more.

Well If you read my confessions you'll see that I just recently lost my virginity myself. I'm 27. But i didn't lose it because It was with my boyfriend or because it was with someone I loved. It was'nt those at all. It was because I met this random guy online and I slept with him. Why would I do that you ask?<br />
Well because ayabe I'm not like you. Im not pretty with blond or black hair. I'm not skinny or fit with a body to die for. I don't have a lot of friends to substitute for what's lacking. And my standards are not high. Maybe because I think so lowly of myself. I felt that I was gonna die a virgin. And that I did not want. So you are not the only one. Please be patient. You have so many things that are not against you. Just wait and your Knight will come. I'm sure. If it's meant to be it won't matter where you are. He'll find you.

OMG that is all the worst sort of advice,<br />
<br />
If you are in Korea, Japan or China this is my advice from an American woman's perspective. I am currently together with an Asian male. First, don't listen to any of the crap that is up here. It's all guys who don't know jack! I saw only one woman commenting. <br />
<br />
Put an ad on Craigslist in whatever country you are in. <br />
Put in the subject that you want a language exchange partner you will meet guys this way. They will know english and Asian men do like American women they are just shy about it. <br />
<br />
There are guys out there you just have to approach them from a more academic way because the average American male is really stupid. The average Asian male is not they work harder and their families matter to them.<br />
<br />
Just try this approach because if you are happy there stay there you will find someone or, take a unversity class there.<br />
<br />
That's my two cents!

the right side of my brain is saying....<br />
<br />
South Korea or China is the ticket for you if you want an tall Asian man.<br />
<br />
Asian culture is too conservative and it usually requires you to know a lot of other Asian to get any where near someone of your type. I know Asian culture first hand and that why I don't live there now. Most are my friends are Asian and they tell me most Asians prefer other Asian and that if your not Asian then its real blond and blue eyes they prefer. International dating sounds like a winner for you IMHO. it really ashame Asian culture is so closed in that aspect. BTW Japanese don't consider themselves Asians they consider themselves Japanese. <br />
<br />
my left of my brain is saying.....<br />
move to America find me, date me, and then decide if you want to marry me.

damn... i just realized that my comment is bigger than your post...anyway, I hope it helps.

Oh you asked for advice, and I soo want to give it to you :P literally and figuratively :P:D. Kidding... Peace.<br />
<br />
So I understand that it can be a very frustrating personal experience that can slowly erode one's self esteem. And its not a pleasant place to be... I am almost 29 and have always been single. and let me tell you that there are days when I wish that if I could just get some fake memories of happy times spent with a woman it would put my mind at ease, even though it might not have really happened.<br />
<br />
I have lived in cultures totally foreign to me for a few years and tried to connect with people of the opposite sex and it can be frustrating when your 'mind fr<x>ame/set' is totally different from the other people around you. I am Asian (from the Indian subcontinent) and lived in the west for quiet some time. It is much easier to adapt to the western mindset for me than for a westerner to adapt to the various mindset that are present in Asia. For me what was more difficult was to reintegrate myself back into my culture or origin.<br />
<br />
I don't understand too much about Japan but I did visit Korea for a week and talked to a local girl a lot and learned a few things about their society. I don't know how similar the korean and japanese cutures are... from what I observed the men there are very shy and 'status conscious'. They would never do anything that can shake things up or disturb the hierarchy and they are always seeking approval of others around them. Also they become very self conscious when it comes to speaking a different language. And if long comes a tall, confident, blond, English speaking surfer chick they would definitely consider you 'out of their league'. Not all but most would.<br />
<br />
Also, in Asia people are generally more conservative, although in Japan people are more sexually liberated they still have very strong feelings/ideas towards love and romance. People do 'hook up' there but most people want a strong relationship. <br />
<br />
I am sure by now you are going....duh! I know all that! Ive lived here for 6 years!<br />
<br />
I told you what I told you tell you this.. :) the logical solution to your situation would be to seek people that are familiar with your culture. These could be Japanese that have lived abroad for some time and other expats living in Japan. I am sure there are large expat communities in the larger cities. Transportation in Japan is petty good so going to big cities on the weekend to visit and make friends should not be very difficult or inconvenient. Most expat men would just jump at you. I mean... you are good looking, confident, and willing. I would take you out to paint the town red in an instant.<br />
<br />
In my opinion, western men will find the submissiveness of the Asisn women more attractive than the western women would find the social sensitivity of the Asian men. About the looks part, i think you will totally forget about how the guy looks if he sweeps you off your feet with his personality. <br />
<br />
So the final tasks for you.<br />
1) Get to know more expats from other countries.<br />
2) If you want to go for a local then seek out men who have lived in the west for some time. Again, if you hang out with expats they will know such men.<br />
3) DON'T WAIT, ACT, don't wait for thins to happen, make them happen(i waited and now i regret it)<br />
<br />
Hey, take care! Hope you start feeling better soon.

Be true to yourself....i was in a loveless marriage and that only wasted time...i was 29 the last time i had sex so at any time you can be loveless. I live in a small town where single middle aged women are probably as likely as tall orientals...anyway, be true to yourself and the right man will find you....