Turning 24, Never Had a Boyfriend

I can do you one better. I'm 24 and I've never been kissed. I've never held a guys hand, I've gone out and danced with a guy maybe once and he was noooot attractive. If I ever get hit on, which seems to make me cringe, it's by men who are way older than me. I have to admit that I do look older than 24, I'm a big girl and I wouldn't say I'm a beauty queen by any stretch of the imagination. I had just hoped that at some point my personality would have shone through to overcome my shortcomings, but it hasn't. It all makes me think that it comes down to appearance, which is unfortunate. I guess at the end of the day I have to ask whether I would date myself, and the short answer is no. I wouldn't look me up and down and make any move to pursue anything. I have to lose weight, maybe learn how to wear makeup (I always feel like I'm wearing a costume when I wear makeup so I look uncomfortable) and see what happens. I'd love to say that losing weight will actually just make me confident and attract men to me, but no. I don't think that's true. I'm confident as it is and still nothing. I truly believe that for me, I'm just an ugly duck (notice I didn't say duckling. Those days are gone) and I have to get my life together.

Hi Steebebe, I will be turning 24 this year and have yet to have had a boyfriend. It makes me sad that all my friends have had boyfriends. One friend is even having her engagement party this year. Whenever people ask me if i'm single I always say yes. I tell them I'm happily single, even if it hurts me inside. I have gone on ''one'' date with a friend when i was 18 in my senior year, but nothing happened. Then I really like this one guy, we went to prom and all but he only liked me as a friend. That crushed me. Then for ages 19-21 there was no one, nobody asked me out, nobody looked at me, it was as if I had no life. When I turned 22 I met a guy in one of my classes. He was so outgoing and friendly and I thought we flirted a bit. Towards the end of the semester I found out he made one of my classmates his girlfriend. I was upset to be put in the friendzone, but glad i could like someone again. Then that same year, I had my first kiss, I'm not proud of it. It happened at a night club on a drunken night. I turned 23 and went dancing with a bunch of girlfriends. On my way to the bathroom with one of my friends she says i want to dance with a guy, i say the same. I see a guy, i'm in front of him, but to nervous to make a move. My friend says lets go find the girls, i say just one minute. Then comes a guy and starts dancing with her, I say is a sign and turn around and the cutest guy is passing by and grabs my waist and we start dancing. Things happened when you don't expect it, he wanted a kiss, and having the drunken experience i say no but fall.Two hours later, he's like i'm going to the bathroom, I'm new to the clubbing scene, and I ask him, you don't want to dance with me, and he says he doesn't. I have since dance with one other guy, but nothing. I recently went dancing with my friends and out of five of us, I was the only one not hit on, or asked to dance. I try to smile, and pretend is no big deal, but its a bittersweet taste, and a gut feeling as if you did something wrong. I do consider my self-esteem to be good, but like reading the above post I'm afraid of rejection. I'll be 24 this year and I want to get a boyfriend, not just for the heck but someone meaningful. I hope it happens.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Just because others are not responding the way you want them to does not mean your doing something wrong. People respond the way they choose to perceive the situation it's not anything you do. As for the other girls getting attached, just appreciate what you have to offer, not just to guys but to everything and everyone. I'm 16 and never had a boyfriend and being in High School,it's hard to see others girls who do. You sound like a great girl that anyone would be lucky to have in their life. See the greatness in yourself first and then others can see it too. I'm here if you need me!

Hi esteebebe and EasyGoGirl. I was reading your blog/comment and giving the fact that it was 3 years ago that you wrote this, you probably have found a solution to your dilemma and your happily married or have met the "one" and about to find him.....but now im the one that will be turning 24 soon and i have a similar dilemma except that i have been in a relationship althought it didnt work as i had wanted it to. That is why i need advice from the pros. I was with my ex-bf for about 2 years. When we splitt, (because i broke it off) ...i always blamed myself for everything in the relationship. Eventhough i was giving more into it than he was. I always asked myself "what i had done wrong for him to treat me like he wasnt serious or if i was someone important to him" we were young and still are...i get that part but layer after a few months he said he wanted to speak to me and he told me he wanted me back. I told him that if we were to get back together, it would be serious......i just couldnt suffer another heartbreak. And especially with him since we were going to start over a new relationship. For a month i was the happiest girl....we went out, went swimming, dancing and text even.....then one night he said he was having mixed feelings about "us". I knew that moment and then that it was over. That whole month was too good to be true and i was a fool to believe every bit of it. Up to this day i feel like something could happen between us but then i only think....maybe he lied to me again.....again like he did many times when he said he was happy being with me and he just wanted get back at me for breaking up with me. I honestly want to think he just wants to get his life in order, do what knows he cant do before he settles. I know thats what i want to do but i guess i always had hoped i would do all of that with someone who i truly loved and up to this day i haven't changed my mind about him. My family has always said to me, ...." Dont worry, your true mate will come when you least expect it and you wouldn't even have to look for him, because he will find you" I hear that all the time. I dont get out much, giving the fact that i am an RN and work but i dont have friends either. Back then it was me, him, his friends whom later became my friends and then when we spkitt i didnt speak to anyone. I've had one best friend over the years( highschool and college) but she has a bf now whom is his best friend and she has befriended me as well. She has made her life, works and practically luves with him. Im glad for her because i introduced them and i always knew she needed a good man in her life. But the point is .....to focus on myself and coping with the idea of getting over him. My career and my life flashing before my ryes when im about turn24..... That is alot to take in, i could at least have a good amount of friends but i dont have time to make any. But i know that maybe mr. Right might be out thre and until that hapoens, i will always wonder what could have been if i had stayed with my ex and handled my relationship a bit more maturely. What would have happened ....but then i think at times still that if it was or is meant to be....i have done too much to make this work and he will have to make his move if this what we had was true and real and if not.....then another will have to find me instead of me looking for him....

Hi esteebebe and EasyGoGirl. I was reading your blog/comment and giving the fact that it was 3 years ago that you wrote this, you probably have found a solution to your dilemma and your happily married or have met the "one" and about to find him.....but now im the one that will be turning 24 soon and i have a similar dilemma except that i have been in a relationship althought it didnt work as i had wanted it to. That is why i need advice from the pros. I was with my ex-bf for about 2 years. When we splitt, (because i broke it off) ...i always blamed myself for everything in the relationship. Eventhough i was giving more into it than he was. I always asked myself "what i had done wrong for him to treat me like he wasnt serious or if i was someone important to him" we were young and still are...i get that part but layer after a few months he said he wanted to speak to me and he told me he wanted me back. I told him that if we were to get back together, it would be serious......i just couldnt suffer another heartbreak. And especially with him since we were going to start over a new relationship. For a month i was the happiest girl....we went out, went swimming, dancing and text even.....then one night he said he was having mixed feelings about "us". I knew that moment and then that it was over. That whole month was too good to be true and i was a fool to believe every bit of it. Up to this day i feel like something could happen between us but then i only think....maybe he lied to me again.....again like he did many times when he said he was happy being with me and he just wanted get back at me for breaking up with me. I honestly want to think he just wants to get his life in order, do what knows he cant do before he settles. I know thats what i want to do but i guess i always had hoped i would do all of that with someone who i truly loved and up to this day i haven't changed my mind about him. My family has always said to me, ...." Dont worry, your true mate will come when you least expect it and you wouldn't even have to look for him, because he will find you" I hear that all the time. I dont get out much, giving the fact that i am an RN and work but i dont have friends either. Back then it was me, him, his friends whom later became my friends and then when we spkitt i didnt speak to anyone. I've had one best friend over the years( highschool and college) but she has a bf now whom is his best friend and she has befriended me as well. She has made her life, works and practically luves with him. Im glad for her because i introduced them and i always knew she needed a good man in her life. But the point is .....to focus on myself and coping with the idea of getting over him. My career and my life flashing before my ryes when im about turn24..... That is alot to take in, i could at least have a good amount of friends but i dont have time to make any. But i know that maybe mr. Right might be out thre and until that hapoens, i will always wonder what could have been if i had stayed with my ex and handled my relationship a bit more maturely. What would have happened ....but then i think at times still that if it was or is meant to be....i have done too much to make this work and he will have to make his move if this what we had was true and real and if not.....then another will have to find me instead of me looking for him....

I really can relate to you, I'll be 24 this year..I wouldn't go so far as to call myself gorgeous but I don't think I am ugly either..I have been called pretty, intelligent,funny and almost everything that one is looking for, but I don't know why not one guy ever became my boyfriend..i have experience some fling but nothing formal..I am somehow getting frustrated because time is ticking and everyone around me is finding their one great love...I've seen women who are not that good looking to be frank, but they are with someone..it makes me think that I have social deformity or something, why can't I attract boys? It most often ends up with unrequited love..good luck to both of us on finding mr.right or...him finding us..

You're telling my life with your words. I am almost 24 years old now and have always been single. It's not that I've never had 'flings', none of them just ever developed into anything 'serious'. One example, I had been talking to one guy for over 6 months, almost every single day. He told me about his father, how difficult life is, his boring job, his music and how he wanted to make it in show business. I'd always been encouraging him, and sharing some of my dreams about writing for films (as I had been doing for class). When our talks went on that long and we're still not 'in a relationship' I kinda gave up hope that he wanted any thing romantic to do with me (though from the beginning we flirted and called each other using terms of endearment, even though nothing was serious). Nevertheless, I kept talking to him just the same as I did since day one, because he said on that day that we should continue talking as we seemed to enjoy it a lot. Eventually, one day, at the end of our 6-month friendship, after bitching that he'd been feeling down lately, he broke out that 'I' was the root of his emotional problem, 'annoying' to be exact, and that I should talk to him less, if not at all. I respected his wish (playing the nice girl), and later found out that he got himself a girlfriend. I was not disappointed, nor sad, nor broken, to learn that. Actually I was happy for him (and am still), but when I tried to talk to him after that (a few months after acknowledging he's in a relationsihp, not about the topic of girlfriend/boyfriend but about something as impersonal as the Cannes Festival) he seemed uninterested and totally ignored me. That was the point I really think our friendship ended. I'm hurt, not because he didn't consider me 'girlfriend material', but because of the full-blown ignorance that I exist after all that time we spent conversing about something to nothing. I am no longer his close friend/confidante but a stranger, forever.

Hey, guess what. I'm a male in his early twenties from an extremely dysfunctional family. Psychologically I've been marred for years, only changing recently. I have never had a girlfirend, ever, not even in school. I can't drive yet either. I feel like scratching the walls and screaming. I don't know much about life or where to begin. I don't even know what life is. I have no independence or freedom.

No one in my family, siblings I mean, can drive or have ever had girl/boy friends. Doom is what it always seems to be. Good luck with your minor problems.

Redeemed - I've completed my education and am now working.



Hi Nahald, thanks for your comment! My answer may discourage you...



I'm turning 26 and guess what...still no boyfriend >.< But perhaps becoming older has made me wiser, or it anything a lot less angsty. Probably also because I'm working now and have less time to be emo about things like that. I feel a lot more confident about myself now. I still get attracted to guys easily, but now know what I want in a life partner so it usually never develops into a full-on crush. I don't cry over guys anymore, even if they disappoint me. I don't get heartbroken anymore.



There's this guy I'm really fond of and we get along pretty well but I've come to realise that he's not what I'm looking for either. In any case, I don't think he's into me, or if he is, too chicken to do anything about it.



My best friend says I'm "too good" for the guys in our little country. I'm not so sure about that. You'd think someone so good would have been snapped up long ago already, no?



I don't know if I'll ever find somebody. Actually it still feels like I'll be alone forever, but I'm so busy these days that I don't obsess about it. I'm just working on developing myself as an individual, and hoping that someday, somewhere, some magic might happen.



I wish the best for you, Nahald! :)

Concentrate on an education- the best you can get- while you wait for that someone.

I realise this thread is old, but I came across it and just had to write something because it felt like looking into a mirror. Next week I turn 24 and I've never had a boyfriend. Last year I got my first kiss, but that didn't turn into anything. I also keep developing crushes on guys, and it breaks me down completely each time because I realise they are never going to want me. I try not to hope, but it never works. I never even consider making the first move because I'm just awkward and wouldn't know what to do. Also, the guy saying no would be even worse than just believing he will say no...



It makes me feel better that I'm not alone, and I would love to hear how things have turned out for you. Take care!

denverguy: although i've never had anybody i would consider a boyfriend, i suppose you can say i came close to it a few times before. it's a little embarrassing but i have met guys online before. without going into too much detail, there was one particular guy who really broke my heart even before we ever met up. i couldn't stop crying for days and was really quite depressed for a while.



in hindsight i think it may have been better for me if we had not met up since i don't think we could have made it. and i might have been hurt even worse. but yeah, i have been burnt before.



in addition to that my love life consists of a long string of unrequited crushes...maybe you have not experienced this before, but it's really a blow to my self-esteem.



granted, the problem may not be my lack of a boyfriend but really a self-esteem problem.

Honestly Esteebebe I am 33 now and have yet to make my soulmate. Unlike you though I kinda wish i have been single up until now because I have had much heart break looking for my soulmate. Be happy you have not loved and been burned yet.

conflictpersona: i suppose if you don't mind making the first move, maybe something could work out for you. i do mind, so i don't do it. sometimes i feel like i'll never meet someone until i'm 30!



denverguy: thanks so much, really =)

I hope someday you find your guy who will love you with all his heart.

hey everyone, thanks for all your kind words!



i seem to be reading a lot about "it will happen once you stop looking for it". i suppose it's true...and i shouldn't get so fixated on it. it's not good for me. i should just turn my attention to myself and do what is important for me, right? and just enjoy life as it is.



i know i don't need a guy to make me happy. it's just very disappointing when the guy you like never likes you back.



wildgrass: i'm happy for you!



joldaker51207: i'm not quite sure what you mean when you say 'try the quiet guys'...in any case, i am actually quite a passive type. i actively make friends, but with guys i tend to be more cautious because i tend to like guys i get close to. so the majority of the close friendships i've had with guys have been initiated and pursued by the guy himself.



creativegirl94: you seems like a nice and mature girl...at your age i think it's better that you wait too. guys at 15 are not really that great =P like you say, you don't have many friends...so just focus on having friends first? i hope you find someone good for you in the future too.



that said, i'm surprised to see so many teenaged girls worrying about how they don't have a bf...when i was 15 or 17 there really wasn't so much peer pressure to have a boyfriend.



solfeather: he's not exactly a shy type...i mean he's told me stories about what he did in the past to woo girls. i donno. call me traditional, but i think i deserve to be chased, and i think he is the kind of guy that likes to do the chasing too. i'm tired of waiting and hoping for him. it's been a year, already. if he really liked me enough he would do something more. i think i'm just convenient for him. =



hawatari: i don't know what exactly you've been through, so i really can't comment...but sometimes i wish i have had that itch (to have a boyfriend i mean lol) scratched so that i wouldn't always be pining after some guy who doesn't care. in any case, it's never too late to find yourself, right? at 24 i am still learning about myself. and i have experienced heartbreak before...just maybe somewhat different from yours.



yikes...i just wrote an essay! lol.

Yeah I have the same prob I'm turning 19 and nothing officially mini dates, hook ups of the kissing variety and I end up lying to ppl about my dating history. I just dont know how to get out there same as you. I feel like I'll be 24 too and still where I am now. Funny thing is I want to experience different people and personalities but it never works out, it never gets to the point where that person is officially me boyfriend, so let alone testing the waters in the girl dept

I almost say you're lucky. To have avoided all the emotional distress of young love has enabled you to understand and develop your own personality. I wish I would have never started dating when I was 16, and had fleshed out my own personality. Not what others wanted me to be.

You seem like a nice girl...this other guy probably likes you and is too shy to ask you out...or he thinks you are out of his league. You should make the first move and I bet it will all fall into place.

try the quiet guys. most arent as unsocial as they act, theyre just quiet.

Oh, understand you, it's so sad. I am 15, and I have never had a boyfriend, and sometimes i am a bit worried, because i want love, but it is stupid because i am only 15 and having a bf can cause problems. I haven't even had a friend guy. and don't have many friends, so i am afraid i wouldn't have a boyfriend until i am 20 ... I wish you find a bf if you really want, but i also think it can be not important for some girls..

This could be my story, in a way. Don't worry about it. Finding a soul mate is so hard in these times! It's better to concentrate on the other things that are important in your life and not obsess on relationships -- I've heard it said that if you're looking for one, you won't find one, but if you're not looking, it will find you. I'm in the same place right now, so we can hope together, yes?

Im 24 also and have never had a girlfriend. Ive had a couple of "friends with benefits" situations, but it never seems to go deeper than that. i always just assumed i havent come across the right girl. I wouldnt let it bother you.

it's really sad story! but you know, you are just 24, you have much time in the future. enjoy your life. love is not the important thing in the world. i was as you, may be i am not funny, more serious and i had not any boyfriend for a long time, even boys didn't want to make friend with me, though i am beautiful, smart and have enough salary! i survived, i didn't care much about that. i've got maried for 16 years already. my husband loves me lots because i hadn't got any boyfriend before. so don't lose self-esteem only for that ridiculous reason. if you don't pay much attention about boyfriend, you will get it sooner!