30 And Never Had A Girlfriend

In my early to mid twenties I was in really good shape, then as time wore on and I found every girl I ever asked out wasn't interested (all of them!) I got more and more depressed. This led to gaining weight and avoiding people in general. Anyway, I've started to lose weight again and feel better about that aspect of myself. However, being single all the time is still really depressing. If I'm honest, more depressing than ever. I've nearly cried a couple of times at work when it crept into my mind, and had to pull myself together or look a complete idiot.

I have a few female friends who are married, including one who constantly teases me with flirting which I kind of don't appreciate. She knows I'm terminally single (she doesn't that I've always been single mind!). If she wants to feel admired so she can feel better about herself, she could pick somebody else who isn't a total loser. It just frustrates me.

I know that sounds like I just hang around with married women, but at my age most of my friends are married or in relationships. At Christmas I got the 'why are you still single?' treatment at every party or visit I went to. That was annoying. Having to pull out the usual excuses 'I just haven't met the right girl yet', which in itself is embarassing because some of my older friends will know I've never had a girlfriend because of the length of time they've known me. Depending on the situation, I even find myself sometimes fabricating past relationships to try and give the image that I am not a weirdo. I genuinely think it's odd at my age to be like this, unnatural when you consider the male sexual prime, and sex is part of relationships.

With regards to single girls, every one I meet never seems interested in me. I don't understand it if I'm honest. I am clean, well kept, not massively overweight, got all my own teeth, dress quite well, good at conversation, and I've worked full time since I was 18. It's as if there's something fundamentally unlikeable about me that women sense! Every so often I fall for someone I meet, then after talking to them it becomes clear (sometimes very clear, as if it's on a loudspeaker) that they're not interested.

I don't really know what I hope to achieve by posting this story. I know some people will have similar experiences (I've read a few on here), but I just need to put this out there. Sometimes I just wish the world would end, or that I could just fastforward my life and get it over with, then I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. It feels like total rejection.
red2000 red2000
9 Responses Jan 19, 2011

its been 4 years since you posted. so what is the outcome? from the original post, classical narcissism is identifiable from your description about self image and the female friends who tease you. im not being insulting, the theory is a helpful way to understand personality. have you tried dating websites? people on dating sites have an expectation to engage relationships, but thats not to say they are all sincere about it. try match and eharmony.

I hear you buddy. I'm in the exact situation as yourself. I'm 29, I try to stay in shape by going to the gym, but women just don't seem to be interested in me, or they are all taken. I consider myself a gentlemen, and it appalls me to see un-gentlemanly men with beautiful girlfriends worshipping them. I just want to meet the right girl, but fate seems to push that idea out of reach. Anyway, you're not alone. Trust in God, and we'll get our break. Perhaps our soulmates are out there.

I laughed out loud when I read "... got all my own teeth ..." I am totally right there with you. Over the past year, I've been plagued with people trying to set me up. Super annoying. I end up fabricating stuff a little too. I'm 31 and my mom lives with me. That's another la<x>yer of frustration for me. Last month, I literally felt a little bit of me die inside because I realized that there would be no way a girl would date / marry a guy whose mom lives with him.<br />
<br />
I think the only thing that keeps me going is this faith I have that things will get better. I hope it does.

I understand too how it feels, i think people just expect that its easy to get a girl. i hated when i got asked why have you not got a girlfriend. What helped me and changed my life was meeting girls via online not for dating but making friends and it helped my confidence allot

I'm 27, going on 28 and have never had a girlfriend either. It gets depressing and lonely at times. Social rejection, especially when it's a female that you're attracted to is no bueno. I've felt rejected before I've even approached a female. I'm in the process of shifting my whole perspective on things, my everyday attitude towards people in general. It can require a lot of effort because of the years of rejection but just applying a steady, consistent effort each day can really make an improvement. Arising a sense of confidence and calm is beneficial too. Read some books on this issue. There may be some underlying condition/mood/sense of self that hasn't yet been acknowledged. Look deep and look from an ob<x>jective point of view. " Oh, this is sadness, isn't that interesting" Get to know the sadness and see how it arises so you can better handle it next time. Sadness was just an example. Any emotion, feeling, attitude, mood, thinking, thoughts or whatever can be used.

I feel like I just read my life. Can't really say much because I'm inexperienced too. Except maybe keep trying and not letting rejection affect you. <br />
<br />
I just asked a girl whom I work with a few days ago. She rejected me, and then deleted me from facebook (and I was polite). Sighs... it feels awful, but have to go for it. Some day it'll happen (or die trying).

LoL lovely nice answer! I am much the same too... I have had relationships, but the more aware of other peoples minds the more I realize THEYR ALL CRAZY!!!!! seriously people running arround like animals trying to attract eachother.. I feel like I am watching a movie with these guys... You need to love yourself and forgive yourself, this is your life path let the river flow, stop asking why this pebble is not moving or that log is jamed up over there... You are the water the flowing river do not resist in any way and you will flow to the point where you were meant to be... the resisting is throwing the lesson off. Realize life will teach you from this experience and accept both situations you will one day flow into the lap of a wonderful lover, you will never flow into a loving relationship... do not cringe or you are resisting reality... accept yourself nobody cares that your single except those that sense you care or even more they would be afraid if they were you... do not address either reason, only a person in fear defends.. a person in comfort advances... its hard at first, you will see though...

The only difference in my story is gender. I was slimmer and nicer, yet that didn't matter. I got more attention, but it didn't get me anywhere but a few hook-ups. That's it. Now, I don't care about my appearance and mostly keep to myself. This brings me peace of mind because attracting someone is non-important now. It's freeing in a way. All these people are acting stupid just to try to impress someone. I don't because that doesn't matter to me anymore. Let the die-hard, sex-crazed romantics be fools. That's not something I really wanted. I don't like to "get down" much and am about as romantic as a goldfish. Go figure. Lol

Hi man! I understand your pain. I am younger than you but sadly time fly fast. Since i was 16 i told myself that this year will be different, this new year eve i'm not going to be alone, that on valentine's day i will have a girl next to me. Sadly this never happened to this day. I hope that this year will be different :) Try to stay strong, i know that is easier said than done.