I Have Never Had a Girlfriend
I want to start out by saying I'm currently happily married, and now feel like I understand people very well. Before that, it was a different story....
I had a somewhat normal childhood I suppose, other than living in a rural area where I rarely played with other kids outside of school, and having one parent in particular that was visibly embarrassed by anything remotely related to sex or relationships. I don't know if this was a reason for my awkwardness, but anyway I digress. I was, for whatever reason, embarrassed by the prospect of liking a girl. I would never want my parents to see me with a girl because I'd feel so embarrassed. I know it's silly. Besides, I felt that no girl would like me and couldn't figure out why any girl would want to be with me. In grade school, junior high, and high school there were girls that showed interest in me, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to treat them, and I would begin to act tough and obnoxious because that's what I thought I had to do. Occasionally someone would call me gay, although I'm fairly sure that I didn't act or appear gay. I surely had no interest in boys other than as friends, and obsessed over a few girls as early as first grade. As a matter of a fact, I obsessed over one particular girl that was one year younger than me starting when I was in 2nd grade until at least 8th grade. But, I never said a word to her.
I never went to prom, but was pushed into going to a few junior high dances by my parents. Suddenly, I was in my mid-twenties with a good college education, gainfully employed, living far away from my parents, and never so much as held a girl's hand. I had endured years of drowning in my sorrows, wondering why I'd never had a girlfriend, and wondering why it seemed so easy for everyone else. I was embarrassed by the fact of never being with a girl, since all my friends had. My best friend knew my situation, but I tried being ambiguous with others I socialized with. I seriously started wondering if I'd die a virgin.
My first concern was that I wasn't physically attractive to any women. After a lot of deliberation, seeing guys with women who were definitely uglier than myself, I decided I must not be that unattractive. I reasoned that since I'm tall and thin, no deformities, and know that girls have been interested in me in the past, I can't be that ugly. I got a date (my first!) with a tall, attractive, smart girl using a dating website. Unfortunately, I screwed it up as I surely acted desperate and scared her off. Although I got a quick kiss from her (another first!) her rejection tormented me for weeks. I had trouble sleeping. I obsessed to no end. Finally I got sick of feeling like this and decided this cannot happen again. I had to figure out what is wrong with me and fix it before meeting any more women.
I did lots of Internet research and came across a free website on picking up women that addressed all my issues. I studied this over a period of months and did the exercises they suggested, such as making eye contact with women in shopping malls. Keep in mind I wasn't necessarily interested in "picking up women", but rather figuring out my problems.
After several months, I felt I was ready to try again. I felt confident, and felt I knew how to treat a woman and how to read them. In the end, the problem really ended up being an issue of over thinking things.
I tried Internet personals again and temporarily lowered my standards. I met a few girls, finally lost my virginity to a girl I wasn't attracted to, and realized I was much better at attracting women than I ever imagined; even girls who I considered desirable. I didn't obsess when one lost interest, as I finally understood that sometimes I would lose interest in a girl, too. I had to brush off at least one cute girl that I met on a trip because of another I was interested in that I ultimately married. The irony of all this is that what was supposed to be my entire dating life, maybe age 16 or so through my mid twenties, became compressed into approximately 3 - 4 months, as I met my future wife by then. I wasn't even thinking about finding a wife as I was having so much fun with my new found ability. I do wish I could have dated a few more girls to make up for lost time, but that's how things go. In the grand scheme of things, I couldn't have asked for a better outcome.
So remember, if you find yourself in this situation and are relatively normal, there's not just one, but many girls out there who will share mutual interest. Perhaps the most important thing to learn is how to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Imagine if you are her; what would you think of your own behavior? It's really not as difficult as it sounds.
I had a somewhat normal childhood I suppose, other than living in a rural area where I rarely played with other kids outside of school, and having one parent in particular that was visibly embarrassed by anything remotely related to sex or relationships. I don't know if this was a reason for my awkwardness, but anyway I digress. I was, for whatever reason, embarrassed by the prospect of liking a girl. I would never want my parents to see me with a girl because I'd feel so embarrassed. I know it's silly. Besides, I felt that no girl would like me and couldn't figure out why any girl would want to be with me. In grade school, junior high, and high school there were girls that showed interest in me, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to treat them, and I would begin to act tough and obnoxious because that's what I thought I had to do. Occasionally someone would call me gay, although I'm fairly sure that I didn't act or appear gay. I surely had no interest in boys other than as friends, and obsessed over a few girls as early as first grade. As a matter of a fact, I obsessed over one particular girl that was one year younger than me starting when I was in 2nd grade until at least 8th grade. But, I never said a word to her.
I never went to prom, but was pushed into going to a few junior high dances by my parents. Suddenly, I was in my mid-twenties with a good college education, gainfully employed, living far away from my parents, and never so much as held a girl's hand. I had endured years of drowning in my sorrows, wondering why I'd never had a girlfriend, and wondering why it seemed so easy for everyone else. I was embarrassed by the fact of never being with a girl, since all my friends had. My best friend knew my situation, but I tried being ambiguous with others I socialized with. I seriously started wondering if I'd die a virgin.
My first concern was that I wasn't physically attractive to any women. After a lot of deliberation, seeing guys with women who were definitely uglier than myself, I decided I must not be that unattractive. I reasoned that since I'm tall and thin, no deformities, and know that girls have been interested in me in the past, I can't be that ugly. I got a date (my first!) with a tall, attractive, smart girl using a dating website. Unfortunately, I screwed it up as I surely acted desperate and scared her off. Although I got a quick kiss from her (another first!) her rejection tormented me for weeks. I had trouble sleeping. I obsessed to no end. Finally I got sick of feeling like this and decided this cannot happen again. I had to figure out what is wrong with me and fix it before meeting any more women.
I did lots of Internet research and came across a free website on picking up women that addressed all my issues. I studied this over a period of months and did the exercises they suggested, such as making eye contact with women in shopping malls. Keep in mind I wasn't necessarily interested in "picking up women", but rather figuring out my problems.
After several months, I felt I was ready to try again. I felt confident, and felt I knew how to treat a woman and how to read them. In the end, the problem really ended up being an issue of over thinking things.
I tried Internet personals again and temporarily lowered my standards. I met a few girls, finally lost my virginity to a girl I wasn't attracted to, and realized I was much better at attracting women than I ever imagined; even girls who I considered desirable. I didn't obsess when one lost interest, as I finally understood that sometimes I would lose interest in a girl, too. I had to brush off at least one cute girl that I met on a trip because of another I was interested in that I ultimately married. The irony of all this is that what was supposed to be my entire dating life, maybe age 16 or so through my mid twenties, became compressed into approximately 3 - 4 months, as I met my future wife by then. I wasn't even thinking about finding a wife as I was having so much fun with my new found ability. I do wish I could have dated a few more girls to make up for lost time, but that's how things go. In the grand scheme of things, I couldn't have asked for a better outcome.
So remember, if you find yourself in this situation and are relatively normal, there's not just one, but many girls out there who will share mutual interest. Perhaps the most important thing to learn is how to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Imagine if you are her; what would you think of your own behavior? It's really not as difficult as it sounds.
By:
acctju
Age:
26-30
,
Male
