28 And Still Girlfriendless -- Why??First off I just wanna say I'm glad I found this group on EP. All my guy friends since childhood have found "the one" and I haven't even found the first. So I've never met anyone in my situation that I can relate to. It's been frustrating bottling all this in for years.
Anyway, I'm 28 years old and have never had a girlfriend. Although I've been on countless dates, casually dated women, and slept with several of them, the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing has just never happened to me.
All the time I'm asking myself... why? Why have I never just "met that person" throughout all my experiences? I look in the mirror and see a fit, somewhat good-looking guy. As far as my personality, I'm smart, college-educated, talented, funny (around people I'm comfortable with), sweet, affectionate, and a plethora of other good qualities.
But I can only maintain this positive facade for so long. When I look back, I think I understand why I've always been single.
Since childhood, I've been a short guy (currently 5'4") and pretty shy. Throughout grade school and college, I lacked self-confidence severely, didn't play sports, and wasn't very popular. A lot of girls saw me as "a friend" during those times; I heard it so much that it's given me quite a complex. The worst part was that I was VERY negative and whiny. It took me a long time to realize all that bitching about "Why don't girls just like me?!?" was directly attributed to those traits.
In recent times I've kicked a lot of these bad habits. I've gained a lot of independence, self-confidence, and positive behaviors, most notably after my move to California by myself in 2011. I work out often -- thus, I'm more in shape and am more athletic. I also have a decent car, an interesting job, and am working on graduate school to have a more enriched, promising future.
But because I'm 28 and still girlfriendless, I've discovered myself inside a vicious cycle that gets worse as I age: I get clingy when I meet a girl I like. I'm aware of it, and it feels impossible to fix.
It sounds silly and unrealistic, but I wish I could meet a girl that'll give me a chance... one who loves my personality so much that she's willing to stick around while I work through my bad habits and eventually become awesome.
Unfortunately, the world -- and women -- do not work this way.
I've tried a lot of things.... therapy, online dating, etc. I met a lot of women in real life through online dating, but a big majority of them I could not connect with or was unattracted to. The one or two that I did like, I think I scared off with my clinginess. I'm done with online dating for now.
I questioned my sexuality, many times. "Maybe I'm gay and don't realize it, so I subconsciously push women away," I've thought to myself. But then I ask myself the simple question, am I attracted to men or women? And the answer is always "women". I think they're beautiful, and I love ****, vagina, and ***.
I have two cases of "the one who got away". One was a female friend in high school, who at the time I wasn't attracted to. I thought of her as a little sister. By the time I found out she had a crush on me throughout high school, and that she had grown up to be beautiful, very smart, and very sexy, she was happily married. I regret being so closed-minded about her every single ******* day. The second was a girl I met through online dating 8 months ago. She was very fun, cute and totally my type, but... I scared her off with my clingyness. Yeah, that whole thing.
So that's my story. I made a bunch of mistakes in the past and am now a relationship virgin because of them. I missed the bus and am waiting for it to come back, but I lose faith every day that it won't.
Any advice is appreciated, as I don't want to live like this forever.
RobAcid 26-30, M 3 Responses 1 Oct 13, 2012