Always Kept To MyselfI am 25 and I never had a girlfriend. The real reason for this is that I never really put myself in a position where I could meet someone.
When I was a kid in elementary school I was picked on a lot (more than anyone else in the school) and I ended up developing issues with being social and talking to other people. I have since learned how to cope with this for specific situations but I still get slight panic attacks anytime I have to meet with a large group of people, talk to someone I don't know very well, go to an interview or give some kind of presentation.
When I went to high school I ended up finally making some friends but because it was an all boys school and I was too uneasy about joining clubs and never went to any dances with the neighboring all girls school I never ended up meeting anyone.
I had very good grades and I ended up getting into a very demanding engineering program at a well regarded technical university. In my class of over 100 students only about 5 were women. At this point in my life I had decided to dedicate myself to my studies and because of that I usually ended up spending all my time on my own and again never really met anyone.
Despite my issues from when I was younger, my life now is going very well. I am about to get a masters degree in applied science with a high grade average and two published journal articles to my name. I am just starting to apply for some very nice jobs and because of my experience I don't expect to have too much trouble getting a position I would like (as long as I can keep it together throughout the interviews and not panic). Thanks to scholarships and the internships I had throughout school I don't have any major debt. Most importantly I have developed a very strong personality despite the social issues and have a very good sense of who I am and what my interests are.
What I would really like is to meet someone who has the same interests I have and genuinely likes me for who I am. The truth is that I don't even have any friends who share my strange mix of interests and I doubt I will ever find a woman who shares my interests. (Think video games, fantasy, science fiction, really good classic movies, really bad movies, old cartoons, anime, DnD, internet culture, computers, jogging, Catholicism and various genres of metal music). All of my current friends are just people I have worked with during my masters degree and their main interests are sports, cars and going out drinking. I will probably end up losing these friendships as soon as I graduate since we don't really have a lot in common.
In a lot of ways I feel like I am at a disadvantage because of my social issues, lack of experience and uncommon interests. I feel like chances are anyone I would meet would take advantage of this and use me for the good things I have in my life. If I let someone get that close I feel like I might expose myself to a whole new world of emotional pain and that scares me. Sometimes the fact that I have always been alone and the fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life starts to really bother me and i get very depressed (which is how I found this site a few months back). When this happens I can usually pull myself out of it in a few days by finding something to keep me busy but whenever I let myself have some time to think, these thoughts always come back.
Mereth 22-25, M 8 Responses 2 Nov 28, 2012