20, Never Had A Girl, Never Had Any Real Friends.

Through out school I had few friends. The one person I did hang out with had almost nothing in common with me. He was into sports, I was a nerd. Hell! I am still a nerd. It is great.

Because I was the odd one out in my school I was bullied. Just insults, never anything physical, no one ever wanted to get into a fight with me. I am built like a quarterback. Six foot one, a brick wall with legs. A nickname my family gave. The insults people tried to do to me never were effective, I am smart and witty enough to have better come-backs and bat theirs off like nothing.

When it came to relationships their was no one I knew that had anything in common with me. So I never did ask anyone out nor did I care. I was a loner and was happy. Now though I wish I have someone I can talk to be, be myself with. It is hard to find someone into the same things as me. Video-games, Sci-Fi, Zombies, Doctor Who, Computers, Graphics, Technology, Science, Someone who knows my humor. But there is always hope. Their is someone.

I work at a local interested as a cook. There is this new girl who works there. She is the same age as me. Plays video games, understands my humor, is just as prepped for the apocalypse as me; we traded maps our written plans on what to do when the zombies arrive. She is an artist, paints, we share the same love of music, love the same movies, and share a lot of TV shows. She is a musician, plays a lot of different instruments, and has a beautiful voice. She is beautiful too. We may not share everything in common. If I wanted that Id make out with the mirror.

She is my best friend, the only real friend I have ever had. But yet I feel like there should be more between us. I do not think she knows how I feel, and I do not know how she really feels about me. I am afraid to ask her, or to let her know how I feel. I am worried that she will say no, or if the worst will happen and I lose my friend. Just thinking about her, this dilemma I have. It hurts, I get some major depression. Do not worry, this depression is rare and far between. I know how to handle it carefully and safely.

Having no girlfriend sucks. But this not having one, but knowing the perfect one and being afraid to ask. It is worse. The fear of losing your only friend.

God I love this site. It feels so great being able to tell my story. Thank you.
Poloill Poloill
4 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I'm the same, bullied at school and no girlfriend. The two are linked, alright.

Then there is the hints that have been dropped. I do not know how to read these, not all of them. They cover a few different areas, both friends and more.

I had not have had my hair cut for sometime. During work I brought it up complaining about the bangs in my eyes and said I needed a haircut. She said to me that she "likes a guy with longer hair". +

She says that she is the type to not smile a lot. Yet when ever I see her, unless she is not feeling well, she has smiled. +

She has brought up how many guys she has been with. -

This one time she was taking off her jacket in the kitchen, at the same time one of our hostesses walked by and she made a joke about her stripping in the kitchen. A bit of jokes went around, and I said "I don't hear anyone complaining". I got this look. A surprised look. Not mad, or worry, or anything really, and she said "Did you really just say that?". nothing happened after that we hit a rush of people and had to work. -

She has said once. A comment about how I am socially awkward. That she cannot wait to see me with a girlfriend. -

Once when we were panning out dough for our pizzas she made a joke when I was holding the ball of dough to place into a pan. "That is the closest you have been boob?". Somewhat sarcastically.-

Finally the big one. This once comment, is by far the one I have thought about so much. I do not know how to read. She said with all seriousness. Not looking at me. I had no response. I could not think of anything to say. She did not even look up from what she was doing. This is the hardest thing I cannot read.

"I know you have a crush on me". -

It would be good If I can get a woman's view on this. Help me read her.

I should point out. "+" shows that I think it is a hint to more than friends. and "-" is I do not know how to read her.

I know you wanted a woman's view, but man I have to say you should just ask her out. To me it is play as day that she is into you and that you are into her so I think you should absolutely go for it.

You must face your fear, when you face your fear, there are no loses! What kind of a friend is she if when you tell her your feelings she isn't your friend anymore? That's not someone I would call a friend.

I know that if I did ask and she says no the friendship will still be there. It is if she says yes and it ultimately fails, and like so many other relationships I have seen in the past that she does not want too see me.

Hi there!

I liked reading your story, thanks for that! :D
But if it is OK, I would like to give you one advise: don't get your hopes up. You sound like a really cool and nice guy, but be carefull. If you have to many expectation, you can be disappointed at the end. The girl would be stupid not to like you, but just focus on your friendship. Life is hard, you have noticed that in the past. So prepare for it.

I wish you all the luck and hope you'll find the person you're looking for. Believe me, if it isn't your friend, your soulmate is out there, somewhere. Just looking for a person, just like you. It sounds like a bad movieline, but it is true. I've also been a nerd, all my life, but now at university, there are a lot of people like me (and you!) So... never give up hope.

Be carefull, but also: never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game!

I'll pray for you. Let us know how it turned out? =) xx

Right now I care most about preserving the friendship. I do want to tell her how I feel, but the fear i have is holding me back, for now.