I am a 23 year old male and I have never had a girlfriend. In fact, I often ask myself if a girlfriend is truly what I want in life. It is not because I am some hideous freak that cannot show his face in daylight (my picture had an overall rating of 9/10 on hotornot.com, for what it's worth). It is not (I hope) because I have an incredibly abrasive personality that sends women fleeing. I make no secret of the fact that I am a man who needs to be the one in charge at all times and who doesn't take well to compromise. I also cannot stand a lack of forthrightness in others and have no tolerance for people who cannot say things to my face, and thus so many of the vagaries of dating and relationships disgust me. For instance, the idea that if my ladyfriend says "I don't want anything for my birthday" but secretly expects me to get her something would absolutely drive me up the wall. But I digress.
I suppose it all started when I was a young boy. Amongst my peers I was, as they might say in England, "sent to Coventry." I wasn't bullied much, but I was mostly ignored and had few friends, and the few friends I did have were the sort of people who would mock me behind my back. One of the worst memories I have of grade school was when our class went on a camping trip, and two of my supposed "best" friends were in the tent next to mine,. One night they talked for nearly a half hour straight openly mocking and making fun of me, laughing at all the stupid things I had done over the years, not knowing I was in the tent nearby and could hear every word. Naturally growing up with these kinds of "friends" I soon became convinced that having friends and being popular was "something for other people" and that attitude was even more pronounced with dating and relationships. If having friends was beyond me, then having a girlfriend was further away than the ******* Andromeda Galaxy.
I made some genuine friends in high school, but my self-esteem remained in the gutter for the most part and I was convinced that no girl would ever desire me. I knew I wasn't asexual or gay because I felt an attraction to the opposite sex, but I was totally unwilling to do anything with it. I never dated, never talked to girls, never made one iota of effort to find a girlfriend. It all seemed so pointless to me. None of the relationships I witnessed in high school lasted more than year, so why the hell should I bother?
This attitude prevailed into university. There too, I never dated, and my only experience with a woman was a painfully humiliating episode of unrequited love that probably killed off my last vestiges of romantic desire. By now I had been outside the "dating" mindset that I looked upon it like something that was unnatural and artificial. I'd hear ads for college speed-dating services and online dating services and I didn't "get it." I'd hear love songs and see romantic movies and I still wouldn't "get it." I couldn't imagine why someone would write a song or make a movie about something so utterly trivial in grand scheme of things. Talking about love and romance to me was like an English speaker listening to someone speaking German: there's enough similarity between the two languages that the English speaker might pick out a few words or phrases but not enough to understand what the German speaker is saying. I can't understand the need to be in a relationship and cannot imagine myself being in one. To this day I have never had sex, never kissed, never hugged, never even HELD HANDS.
But I still feel the occasional pangs of desires, but it's more some atavistic remnant; an evolutionary throw back that's so atrophied it no longer serves any purpose. The gap between my desire and the will to act on it is greater than the distance between Earth and Pluto. I do have fantasies, though, where I imagine my "perfect woman." But the more women I meet the more I realize that none of them will ever live up to my "perfect woman" ideal and that I just wouldn't be happy with them if they didn't. They say "beggars can't be choosers" and here I am, the exact opposite of a beggar, so I damn well am a "chooser." I don't need a girlfriend, so I'd only settle for perfection. But I know that no one is ever going to be "perfection" so I make no effort. And before you think that this state of affairs makes me unhappy, it doesn't. Not having a girlfriend seems to make so many other people unhappy, but not me. I've come to despise the notion of being in a relationship. I despise the idea of marriage even more. I hate children and never want some of my own. I read the stories on this site about "I Hate My Wife" or "I am in a bad marriage" with a smile, knowing I'll never have to put up with that.
And that is why I've never had a girlfriend.
Love is overrated.