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Forever Alone?

When I was in my 20’s, I figured I’d meet someone nice, perhaps even get married and raise a family. I wasn’t too concerned as I had plenty of time. Although I had been ignored by girls all through high school, I thought that perhaps I’d find someone in college – no such luck. Time passed and soon I was in my 30’s. I figured I was bound to meet someone eventually, after all there were millions of women in the world, weren’t there? They all couldn’t be married or have boyfriends…could they??? Surely there was someone out there. Perhaps I’d meet someone at church or maybe even at work. Then I turned 40 – still no girlfriend (I guess I should now say "lady friend", as they’re no longer girls).   

I’ve tried numerous Internet dating sites (7 years), but never even had 1 person look at my profile (maybe I am ugly). What does a woman want from a guy? I mean I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs – I never have and I never will. I’m a Christian and I don’t consider myself to be unattractive, nor do I have bad hygiene. I’m kind and considerate to everyone and yet, I have never had a girlfriend. I’ve been told that I’m a very funny, extremely intelligent and that I’m very nice and polite, but what good is that? I have been diagnosed with a form of Aspergers syndrome, which makes it hard for me to be assertive; do they want assertiveness?    
 

I’m now 49 and have come to the conclusion that perhaps God doesn’t want me to have a lady friend. I guess I'm meant to live my life completely alone.   Oh well!  

Shuhak Shuhak 46-50, M 97 Responses Oct 17, 2009

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Hello Shuhak.. I found myself kind of drawn to your story and feel as though I can relate to it. My experiences are different from yours, but at the end of the day the same thing applies - you still feel alone.

I came here because I also typed the same thing out of desperation. I’m male, 34 and I’ve had prolly like 50 – 100 dates over the past couple years, and not even one was able to blossom into any sort of friendship, let alone marriage.

I’ve never had a girlfriend before, only weird relationships. My most memorable relationship was with a girl who thought about me and called me every day. She was very pretty. She understood me perfectly and why I did the things I did and reacted the way I reacted about situations. We could connect at a deep level (the regular girls aren’t capable of that) and we did nothing short of marathons in bed on the days we could meet up. There was only one problem – she was married with a kid, so we only met an average of say 2 months in a year. We stayed like this for 9 years before she told me she wasn’t being fair to me and that I needed to have my own life, my own family. The only reason we lasted that long was because we couldn’t get enough of each other. I agreed albeit reluctantly and also left the relationship. I could feel it was hard for her too and we both cried. We dated when I was 25 to 34.

Then there were a few others I slept with but they all either had boyfriends (whom they later married) or were already married and were just looking to ****. My 20s was the time my sex life was most vibrant, even though it was with the same few women. Now all of them have left.

Probably some others here might feel I’m better off than them, but it is delusion at best – YOU’RE STILL ALONE AT THE END OF THE DAY. Why can’t I have a relationship with someone SINGLE? I’m good at sustaining the relationship. I just don’t know how to acquire one – I can’t count in those girls in the past because they made the first moves, and they weren’t single anyway.

You know, I think I am destined to be alone. All those dates with the single women – it’s either I like them but they don’t like me, or they like me but I can’t feel anything. I’m tired and heavy from all the emotional vesting I had to do with each new one after failing. And don’t come telling me to just wait for the right person to come. It DOES NOT work. I’ve also waited and guess what – nothing happened, yes.

This article wasn't even remotely funny. You already did not persuade me that you nare funny. I am funny. Heck, I'll even throw a single pun in here, just to show how non-familiar you are with the funny.

Dude all i can say is that if i were.in ur shoes i would go to a ***** club or something because i would noy like to die a virgin"

I see myself 10 years from now...

Your life. :(

i dont have any wise words to say. all I can say is never give up. Aspies can sometimes have it rough I would know...

I wish the world was a better place for us but we have to play with the cards we have been dealt. Never give up on life, thats an order

To Shuhak and all you other guys complaining about not getting love from a woman, you all definitely need a wake up call. Do you really think that feeling sorry for yourselves is gonna get a woman to fall for you. I can tell you from years of personal experience it most certainly won't. That's just gonna do the exact opposite of what you're looking for and that is exactly why a lot of you guys are still single. Coming on the site and complaining is not gonna get you the love that you desire. The problem with most of you guys is that most of you appear to lack faith in yourselves. It's all about confidence and in the end that's what women (or anybody for that matter) want to see in a man. That's the real reason why you see a lot of women go after the "bad guys". It's mostly due to the fact that they have confidence, which is something that apparently most of you guys on this site lack.

Sure being bad may look cool when it comes to appearance but for the most part it's because they believe in themselves and therefore get better results with women. There's even guys who are goody-two-shoes get smoking hot girls due to strong confidence. You're not gonna get anywhere with women or anything in life if you don't believe in yourselves. As many of you probably already know, finding confidence may be difficult at first but in the end, that's pretty much all you have to succeed. So you got to strive within yourselves to find it and with strong faith in yourselves, you can do just about anything and that includes being loved. I think anybody is capable of finding love, doesn't matter if you're bad looking or whatever, it all has to do with confidence and that's what really determines your luck in finding love with the opposite sex.

If you're one of those people who struggle to find confidence then there's many things you can do to help boost that up. Go out and find a hobby, work out more, join a club/organization etc. Just go out and better yourselves!!! Instead of going on this site and whine over not getting love from a woman, why don't you guys just go out and build up your confidence. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN THAT WHINES AND COMPLAINS!!!! That's all I have to say and I wish all of you the best of luck.

Peace.

I am sorry what they say bothers you so much when they are actually sharing their experience to each other which it is nothing wrong with that. You are so wrong saying women love men with confidence . Actually, not every woman is the same and not every man is the same. Also everyone's experience is different from yours. You tell these guys not to complain. Well, what are you doing?

No, not everybody is the same and yes everybody is entitled to their opinions, but if you want something like love, do you think complaining is gonna get you there? All that's gonna do is make you feel worse about yourself and that's not healthy. If you have positive atittude then positive things will come your way and that includes love.

You know you are totaly right i tgink uve just opened my eyes. If u dont have confidence in yourself then nobody is gonna be with you I mean your right weve got to stop feeling sorry for ouselfs and just do what we want to do" i admit it is hard to face your fears and sometimesu just feel like giving up but uve gotta keep fighting" im tired of feeeling sorry for myself I am a junior in highschool and i went through.something really hard its a long story " and that made me appart from.girls and interactions and it.made.me.anti social " for like 3 years and since then.ive hadnt had.a girlfriend but my point is that weve got to stop feeling sorry for ourselves im sure god doesnt like that" what suck about my.problem is that feel like no girl likes me when i havent even asked any girl out since 3 years ago. And ive seen some of my friends who will ask a girl out like 3 times until she finaly says yes now u guys see how.they dont get discouraged thats why im tired of feling sprry.for myself i was never like this before but its about to stop" sorry for the lenght"hy

iggy64 Why do you have to be such a complete a$$ when someone is sharing something about as personal and private and painful as it gets???
You have no idea what this person has been though or how they feel. Grow Up!!! d

It's nothing about me being an a**. This is reality. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you anywhere. Trust me, I've spent years feeling that way and my life never got any better. It was only after I changed my outlook on life did I start seeing improvements. Life is what you make of it and it's only going to get "painful" if you make it that way. Just start loving yourself more.

Really? I mean, REALLY?? You have no idea what you are talking about. Confidence is not always the key to winning a woman over. Some guys just have difficulty, whether it be someone who never has the chance to meet women, or someone who women just are not interested in because they aren't "fun" enough. How do you explain it when a woman chooses a man who won't work and is nothing but a sorry old bum over a man who has a good job and would take care of her? Because believe it or not, that happens and it happens more than you would like to think. Or how about women who are only nice to you when you help them out, but then you run into them a few years later and they act like they don't know you and have never met you? See, you can't just throw the word "confidence" around and think that it applies to every situation. To do so is pitifully stupid.

It's not always easy to find confidence, but you need to have some belief in yourself. That's how you get through life. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you luck with a women, and if it does then it'll just be out of pity and that's not love. I don't know what kind of women you've been running into but not all women go after what you call "worthless bums who don't work". I know a lot of women who are with guys who are hard working and have nice paying jobs. Every woman is different and for the woman that you helped out and then a few years later she pretended that you didn't exist, did you even try to make contact with her between those times. Did you make contact with any woman without paying for it to happen? (yes, I did read your earlier post on here). Your examples don't make sense. I think you just have up to easy.

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I am a virgin and I'm 37. But I'm also a little different... I used to be insecure for years and years and was very awkward and anxious around women. Then a few years ago, I turned 'hot'. I worked out, got fit, and play in bands. I see women staring at me. I know women are attracted to me. But you know what? I don't give a crap. I was ignored for years and I've basically learned not to need a partner because of that. The fact is though, I am also transgender and I am starting the transition process. It took me years to understand and accept this about myself but it didnt help that during that time I was basically left to my own devices to wallow alone and not have the experience of love or someone to share my feelings with. In retrospect it worked out not to have to upset a long term relationship or marriage by coming out as trans but it would have been nice to have real experience of companionship in my life. If I get it one day, either with a man or with a woman, it will be nice. But I have so much experience being on my own it won't affect me anymore. Its not that I'm 'happy' being alone, but now I know can't enter a relationship until I am first comfortable with myself. Fear and self hate held me back immensely! Count yourself lucky that you are at least comfortable in your gender!

Don't worry and that's not true,your'e not forever alone because god is with you,he is with everyone.

I just met a guy, he is mid late 40's and I find him very attractive, although he is not conventionally attractive. I thought he may be aware of my attraction.... then he said, he has never had a relationship and doesn't know how to spot signals. Wow, So my conventional flirting will be invisible to him and I will blatantly have to tell him how I feel. This is so scary. Maybe he is single because he has no interest in a sexual relationship. I am reasonably attractive, 2 yrs older than him. But wow I could really go for him and he is blind to my interest. He has a lovely personality, a beautiful voice and the sweetest nature. What do I do?

Sadly, many of those who have never had the "luxury" of having a relationship don't have a clue as how to get into one or maintain it (never got the chance to learn). It's just as scary for them than it is for you (if not more so). It's also true that some people don't want a relationship. They're happy the way they are.
If all you're after is sex, there are plenty of others out there who will be wiling (and you might find them more "conventionally attractive") But if you want a real relationship with this person, go slow and help them. Forming a relationship may be easy for you (experience), but this is all new to them. Help them with it. If you find that they really don't want a relationship (you can tell), don't try to "make them have one" as it won't work and you both will be miserable.

I think he may like a relationship, and no sex is not what I'm after strictly, I'd just like it with this particular person, if I could tell if he was interested. He is the first man I desire and think I could love for years. It's such a shock to realise he is so clueless

the complication is we work together and he leaves in 6 weeks

He may like a relationship. Just remember it's new to him. 6 weeks isn't much time, but don't pressure him or he may "bolt". People who haven't had relationships before may be shy, so let him" get used to you" (having someone who cares about him around).

Iwant so much to tell him, but I'm receiving no encouragement

A I said, either it's too "new" (foreign) to him, or he has no desire for a relationship. I guess you could ask him, but not as to frighten him off.

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Well...

Guys whatever you all said to get girls maybe 90% correct but then God has given every human being something called free will an if any girl exercises her free will against dating you the one in search of a comapanion there's nothing you can do about it.

Hi
Like you, I'm in my late 40's (48) and have never had a girlfriend...
It is so heart/soul destroying........not having someone to share this life with....
Watching your teen age years, then your 20's, 30's and now 40's go by, seeing guys dating girls, getting girlfriends, settling down and starting families..all the while you are still single trying to find that special someone..
Its especially hard when you see women attracted to these 'bad boys'..they may be over confident, rude, loud, aggresive...but women seem to be attracted to them.....and the 'Nice guys', are left behind.....'Finish Last' ...

I truly hope that you are able to find someone soon to share your life with, to share your heart and soul with a partner would be an amazing experience..

Take care and Goodluck

John :-)

I can see that you understand. That\'s exactly how I feel too.

" I’m a Christian" that's your problem, buddy

Same with me brother . Im 24 and still single , I have never kissed or held hands with a woman .I feel absolutely pathetic and abnormal right now, its ridiculous when all my friends are discussing their past relationship stories and sex life , Im the only one quiet with nothing to say. I think you miss the boat once you cross 21 and you are still single .It becomes increasingly more difficult for a guy to get a girl the longer he his single since his desperation for sex and relationship keeps increasing and women can sense this easily .
I really don't know what to do right now , because its going to get more difficult the older I get.

I'm so sorry, i can't even imagine how you feel, i had my first boyfriend when i was almost 19 and before that i was so lonely, you must feel 100 times worse! I always say that the life is so unfair! There are good people who just want true love but can't find it, and on the other hand there are people who have good person beside them and yet they cheat! I hope you will still find somebody and experience true love, until then concentrate on other things in life. Good luck!

I done most of the things that you guys haven't done.
If you search on the net, even married people feel lonely.

-stop thinking so much
-

I used to be in the same boat. I didn't start dating until I was 26 due to epilepsy until I was cured through surgery. I dropped my standards and settled for a girl I didn't find attractive at all. It gave me experience. After we broke up, I decided to change myself completely. I had been that nice guy. I wasn't going to be anymore. I got big into sports and got buffed. I started getting a lot of attention from women. That changed my personality completely. I became really flashy. I had the confidence and arrogance that women like. I got all kinds of attention from women that I had not dreamed of. I am now happily married today. Do stuff that stands out. Women like that. I have climbed some of the highest peaks in the world and women are always really impressed. They want someone they know is willing to go the extra mile. Don't try to be that nice guy. It hasn't worked so far, so why do you think it will in the future?

I am saddened by many of these post. It's horrible that there are so many lonely people out there. People with so much to give but get nothing in return. You heard it thousands of times....there is someone for everyone, you will find someone if you are not looking, there are plenty of fish in the sea. It angers you because you tell yourself it isn't true and if it was when will it happen.

Let me tell you a story about a guy I know. This guy had no luck in high school he tried everything girls would friend zone him in a heart beat. Then came college he thought his luck would improve there. It didn't. Not one date not one kiss. Nothing. Around women all day long and still nothing. Girls found him very funny, likable, and sweet they always said, "whoever dates you will be the luckiest girl ever." What they meant is he is a great guy but not for me. After college he was alone. No friends no girls no anything. He wanted to give up on life. The sight of others in love mad him sick to his stomach. He was alone. He always wondered how everyone can find someone but him. He sometimes cried at night until he fell sleep until one day he said **** this **** things will change.

He worked out, dressed better, learned what worked on women, how to talk to women, worked harder at work, saved more money. All these things made his confidence go up. He told himself its now or never. He made the effort and talked to as many girls as possible, asked them out and did not care if he got rejected at this point nothing was more painful than being alone. It was a rough road at first but got better and better. It took a whole year before he really started seeing things happen. The very next year he started going on dates, made out with women, had women calling him, texting him, even had sex with many of them 4 to be exact in about 6 or 7 month period. Went from virgin who never kissed a girl to having sex with 4 of them and making out and dating many other women. Who was this man? That man was myself....it was me. I was that guy...

Lets be honest now. If nothing is working for you, you have two options you can keep on waiting and hoping that the one will find you and you will live happily ever after or you can do something about it and change yourself. I know what many people here are thinking. I'm not going to change who I am. Fine move along and stop reading this than. This post is not for you. I wish you the best and the one may very well find you one day....but in the meantime your life is going to be the same as it is right now....or you can change. When I say change I'm not saying to be someone different I'm saying to be the better version of yourself. Why do you go to school? To get smarter right? Are you changing yourself....no you are not you are the same guy you were before but now you are the smarter version. You are improving yourself not changing who you are. If you want help I will help you but you have you want it badly and want to put in hard work into it because it takes effort, hard work and dedication. If you want a change in your life please email me I will help....why am I willing to put work into someone I don't know because I was that guy before and I know how it feels like. I can help you. So please email me and lets start your life.

What is your e-mail? I could use your help.

My email is daydreamingrightnow@yahoo.com

it seems like most of the posts on this topic are from guys in their early to mid 20's and guys that are those ages are too young to be dating anybody anyway, so what are they complaing about?

23 year old guy going on 24 never had. A gf,never kissed a girl on the lips, furthest I've ever got has been kiss on the cheek/hugging et and the more crazy thing is i'm not even a bad looking guy I get plenty of girls telling me they think i'm cute etc, I go to the gym and am considerably strong/built for a guy my height being only 5'7, I got shot down by the girl of my dreams the other week saying she only thinksof me as a friend nothing more, I'm past the point of even caring to be honest and feel I don't need a relationship anyway because I have so much OI want to achieve in life I eventually want to move out as I'm still living with my dad/sister, I want to beef myself up a bit more than I do now, travel the world and eventually re-apply for the army, I sort of like being independant and not having to cater to the whims of another person (might seem a bit selfish), heck i'll probably just turn gay considering i'm more comfortable around men than women and i've actually done sexual things with a guy in the past! My story right there.

Unfortunately it is a meat market out there. A good friend lost everything and had only $3K car - after working 25 years. He retrained as a cook but found that on dates as soon as
women knew he had no money, they dumped him immediately. He is kind, nice bloke, but he discovered women after basically after money - a house, a husband with a prestige job, security and of course MONEY. There are few women who would marry below their own social status. The friend is a Christian, and would not visit a prostitute peddling her body for cash. But he is resigned to staying single. It is not God doing this, but sinful women shunning the poor in status and poor in money. If you have money, a high status job, women will be interested. But it is a really wonderful woman who loves you because of you - and not what's in it for her. So in some ways, unless the right woman comes along, best to stay single. The worse thing would be to marry a gold digger. Imagine being 90 years old and a 20 year old bimbo marries you saying she loves you. We all know she is after the loot you kick the bucket. SO stay true to yourself. If some woman rejects you and you are indeed a good person, you are better off without them.

I'm a 40 year old male and I have never had so much as one date. I have, however, had sex. I just went on ahead at age 29 and paid for it, just to go ahead and cut those virginity strings. But, it's all good though. Really. You know why? Because the dating world is tough and about to get a WHOLE lot tougher. And where will I be when the next wave of single folks are all out there fighting each other for affections of the same people? Chilling out with a cold one in my hand and laughing it up. And if I go awhile and feel like I just need some female contact, I just make a phone call and pay to get laid. I will do that as long as I can. And when when I'm old (assuming I live that long) and even the paying for it route is no longer an option, at least I can say I knew what sex felt like. Because bought and paid for sex is still sex no matter how you look at it. But, way before that time comes, I will be enjoying myself. You better believe I will relish every moment on the beach, traveling to places I've only dreamed of seeing, eating at nice restaurants, going to sporting events, learning new things like fly fishing and moose hunting, watching my nieces grow up. See, I still even get the children experience, albeit they aren't mine in the truest since of the word, but hey one, they are still my blood, and two, I can say I got to have that experience WITHOUT marriage, which apparently I was never good enough for anyway. I can't wait to watch these arrogant, self absorbed women end up with horrific guys who are disgusting scum bags that won't work and the women have to end up bailing them out WHEN their creditors come busting down their doors to collect debts that they ran up and refused to pay. At the exact same time, I can't wait to watch these GQ model guys who think they are God's gift to women end up with women who just want somebody to feed them money. You don't think that is what is in store for the next wave of young, hot, up and coming singles? LOL! Hang on,it's going to be a bumpy ride! Not for me, though! :-)

I'm 27 and have never really dated nor have I had sex. I've had people say to me: "I don't understand why you haven't found someone. . . blah blah blah." People sympathizing isn't going to make anything change. I know that I have a high value as a person. Knowing that helps a lot because I have standards. Had I dipped below my standards I could have had drunken sex in a bathroom at a college party. . . but dammit, I'm worth more than that. I could have turned into a submissive shell of myself trying to get guys to notice me but that idea really ****** me off. At the end of the day I know I am a witty, head strong, understanding, and all-around-good person. I can sleep at night without a worry about my integrity. If I can continue this pattern for the rest of my life I can die happy. Shuhak, you sound like a decent person. Try not to doubt your own worth by measuring it according to your dating life. That would undermine all of the years of hard work and awesome that is your experience. I understand that it would be pretty damn cool to have someone whom to share your life. I'm not going to pull your tail and say that I'm over being alone. I'm not but I can't keep going on day after day focusing on that feeling (a mixture of rejection, disappointment, fear, weariness, and sadness). I bet I sound condescending because I'm younger than you but that is not my intent.

I too have morals and standards (high standards at that). I know that my worth has nothing to do with my "dating life". I know I don't "need" someone in my life and that, no matter what, I spend my life with myself (as we all do). But as you grow older, you get very lonely. You long to have someone to talk to; to share things with; to do things with. This is what I miss.

rape is your only option left

I'm in the same boat, but I don't care any more. Get over yourself and try having sex with prostitutes if you are concerned about losing your v-card. It's either paying directly or indirectly. Once I cleared that hurdle, my outlook changed.
Also, some of your problem may be your location. It's a sausage fest in my area and the single women aren't that great. I've seen higher quality women on the Casual Encounters section of Craigs List that on the OLD sites for my area.

I am in the same boat I have been on dating sites for a third of my life and have never had any interest except from gay men and women who want pen pals only,I am not gay and want a girl friend,but there doesn't seam to be much chance of that,I have asked out many women in my life,but they all turn me down saying I'm ugly and they aren't hard up etc,if there is a God out there he just doesn't want me to be with anyone and what's worse is arseholes and players have no trouble getting women,often as many as they would like.

Like others here I have never had a girlfriend. I have only once in my life had a close connection with a female who became a very close friend in my life but due to various factors we were not destined for the relationship to progress further and thus we stayed as friends only..I believe I am a nice, honest and decent guy. yet at 48 have never had a girlfriend.Women often say they want an honest, caring, loyaly decent guy....yet so often I see women falling for the 'bad guy'.Guys who have traits such as who are arrogant, loud, aggressive, cocky, chauvinistic, seem to get the women....I'm starting to believe that the 'nice guys' in this world in too many cases do finish last....I try to put up a positive front to others but inside the loneliness is soul destroying...Unless you are in a similar situation, its really hard to understand the pain that loneliness can bring.Friends say, you'll find someone one day...or there are others alone like you, other people deal with it, yet these "friends" who say that currently have a partner or have had partners and thus truly have no idea about what true loneliness means or feels like ...I deal with physical pain daily due to an accident but the pain of the heart/soul is so much harder to bear....I believe that we are not mean't to be alone, that we all need the love, someone to share our hearts with.To me life to me is not worth living if we have to spend our entire life's alone. I would easily prefer to not be here any longer than to spend much more time alone in this world...I hope that one day I, like others here who are in a similar situation, do find love one day.........

John

35 years old, soon to turn 36. Never had a girlfriend and still a virgin. All I've had were a couple of make out and cuddle sessions, which combined I can count on one hand and all might not have occurred if not for alcohol. I feel so pathetic. Yeah, I'm socially awkward, and I know I'm not easy on the eyes ... difficulty at landing a good job and lacking the gift of gab and wittiness that so many other people seem to have hasn't helped matters either. I'm the kind of person that has been told by several girls that they want to be my friend, but it stops there. It's so frustrating. I wish I knew what it was about me that everyone finds so unappealing, and work hard to change it. No one ever tells me, and I would really like to know. I guess I try my best to hide my low self esteem and lack of self confidence, but somehow I give off signals that everyone picks up on. I don't know ... maybe I'm just not cut out for this whole life thing.

I ask myself do I have to change who I am? Or make pretend to be someone I am not to hook up with a girl? Heh it's ridiculous I won't change for anyone though.

7087thmind, I perfectly understand what you mean it's like women are attracted/interested in men that have some slight of how do you say it evil? Even the nice guys that try they are shy like us but try always get rejected or not even given a chance. I simply don't understand it since when is it a sin to be yourself and be good and nice to others.

I hope I can help some of the people here. You must put yourself in the women's shoes. They don't know you. They cannot read your thoughts. Generally, its not that they are attracted to bad guys but that they mirror your feelings. If you are impulsive, they also get swept away. They want a guy to take charge, our society tells them that the man has to make the move. I have had girls tell me that they are interested in a guy but wont are just waiting for him to make a move. So make a move and be confident. I look back and realize there were a few times I hesitated. I cannot take back the moments. Other times I acted without a pause. All I know is the next time I will not hesitate.