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Forever Alone?

When I was in my 20’s, I figured I’d meet someone nice, perhaps even get married and raise a family. I wasn’t too concerned as I had plenty of time. Although I had been ignored by girls all through high school, I thought that perhaps I’d find someone in college – no such luck. Time passed and soon I was in my 30’s. I figured I was bound to meet someone eventually, after all there were millions of women in the world, weren’t there? They all couldn’t be married or have boyfriends…could they??? Surely there was someone out there. Perhaps I’d meet someone at church or maybe even at work. Then I turned 40 – still no girlfriend (I guess I should now say "lady friend", as they’re no longer girls).   

I’ve tried numerous Internet dating sites (7 years), but never even had 1 person look at my profile (maybe I am ugly). What does a woman want from a guy? I mean I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs – I never have and I never will. I’m a Christian and I don’t consider myself to be unattractive, nor do I have bad hygiene. I’m kind and considerate to everyone and yet, I have never had a girlfriend. I’ve been told that I’m a very funny, extremely intelligent and that I’m very nice and polite, but what good is that? I have been diagnosed with a form of Aspergers syndrome, which makes it hard for me to be assertive; do they want assertiveness?    
 

I’m now 49 and have come to the conclusion that perhaps God doesn’t want me to have a lady friend. I guess I'm meant to live my life completely alone.   Oh well!  

Shuhak Shuhak 46-50, M 110 Responses Oct 17, 2009

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I'm 34 and in the same boat. It's not that God doesn't want it, it's that you haven't found them yet. It's never too late. I know a guy who had his 1st girlfriend at 52. Keep the faith. They are happily married now.

Well I am now 69 and never had sex or a girlfriend due to crippling shyness......What have you and God got to say about that........Face the truth man I'm going to die a virgin.

Personally I don't believe in God. You don't have to die a virgin. A small sum of your retirement can see to that. You need to experience it.

If you are referring to me going to see a prostitute forget it because it is still a woman & it is women I am terrified of. So that won't work.

I've done it. It's not going to make you less terrified (it didn't for me) but at least something sexual will happen. That's an experience you need.

I am not trying to be awkward but I take so many antidepressants to cope with my problem that I am now completely impotent. So even if I had the guts to get that far I wouldn't be able to do anything.

Ouch. I stopped taking antidepressants a while ago as they changed me as a person. They made me feel worse. Thankfully prior to the apparent impotence.

I am going to try stopping mine & see what happens......Thanks for your attempted advice

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OK reading this story ****** me off. Wake the **** up man! get your **** together stop ******* off and get some balls u ***** *** ******. I say this because this is how my father talked to me and you know what... it prepared me to handle life and be a ******* man. Yes I had a few problems like you but the one thing I learned you cant do is sit back and whine that **** doesnt go your way. You have to make **** happen. My suggestion to you my friend is go out and find a couple of reliable hookers. Just **** them, dont get attached to them, just **** them, dont be friends and drink tea with them just have them suck ur **** and u jerk off in their face. U need to get your sexual mojo on u hear me?

You man are a C**T.

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money, house and good car..

i feel the same I'm 18 but the only difference is that i live in a area with dominantly white ppl (no issue) but I'm black the only brother in town i love white girls though but it only takes that one racist chick to bring u down.

I feel the same and I am 16

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i guess its about luck sometimes, i used to think that if i try hard enough, more times and by doing different things.. i was gonna have more opportunities to get a gf, but it wasn t the case for me, and i pretty much think that i do everything right from the very first step, once i manage to get the courage and the confidence to talk to a girl.. like randomly, i don t have trouble with words or by expressing myself in front of a cute girl, im very confident in that area, and by any means i don t consider myself as a boring guy, or with a lack of interesting stuff to talk about. and i've been triying to follow a lot of advices like... .you have to dress well, yo have to look clean all the time, you have to project confidence even when you don t have it, you have to express optimism and a good attitude, smile all the time. but trust me.. .i did all of this things already, like a million times, i even went to the gym at one point of my late 20 s for a long time, i was involved in the past in different social activities that involve contact with other people and obviously WITH GIRLS, i have a steady job too, but.. yes...but... ..nothing ever happened, so no.. im done with following all that "advices" and all the positive energy from the people.. telling me that.. ok.. "here's what you have to do", this is the key for this, this is the "recipe" for love,.. this is the secret for.... no!! and no!! that doesn t exist, if you are handsome or good looking enough, then sure.. there s a lot more possibilities of getting a GF. and im not saying that that would be a 100% sure thing, but at least you re gonna have bigger odds. but if you're not attractive enough and if you don t have a sh$&t load of money. then its gonna be very difficult for you to get a GF and its gonna be just a matter of pure luck and nothing else, something like.. wining the lottery

so. for all of the people who says that they know the magic potion for everything, im just gonna say.. that they are wrong.. there s no sure thing in anything in life, (except death of course)

and yeah, im tired of failing every time, even when im doing everything right, im totally respectfull with everyone no matter what, and very open minded, im a very good listener, and noo.. that does n matter apparently anymore. at least not for the 100000 women that i dated in the last million years. and yeah yeah.. nothing s gonna happen if another girl rejects me in the future, it woulb be just "another girl".. sure, is not the end of the world, there are many fish in the sea.. but you know what.. i used to think like that before, but eventually you get tired (yes, even with a silly thing like that) is not that bad when you a have 2 or 3 rejections.. hell! is not that bad when you have like 6 or 7 failures.. but what about when you get like dosens of rejections all the time, one after another, on and on, on and on.. it gets you eventually, sooner or later you get annoyed and desperate, like... again?? really?? another failure?? another girl who just wants to be a.. FRIEND.., at one point you realize that.. you're not angry of frustrated anymore, no. you're just.. TIRED and with lack of strenght and energy to go on, because there s nothing to encourages you to go on and keep triying, there s no signs of any improvement its like i'm getting nowhere with this. words are one thing, but reallity, is another thing, so yeah.. im done, its like whatever, if i don t do anything, nothing happens, if i do something.. is the same thing anyway, so..i guess i rather not do anything, and just rest.

Apart from your spelling I completely agree with everything you said. It's an uphill battle.

It's to late for me to get a girlfriend now, besides every girl round my age where i live have either already got a boyfriend or their married.

Oh, God. Imagine how those of us who have over 10 years on you must feel. I've resigned myself to living the rest of my years alone ... hopefully at least having some family members to spend it with if I'm lucky.

I recently turned 25, a quarter-century milestone. Yet I've never had a girlfriend, even though there were a few ladies I got along with quite well. There are times when I regret this fact, but at the same time I do not think I'd make a good spouse. I'm autistic as well, and have been a bit of a stubborn loner all my life. It's entirely possible I may live a hundred years and never find anyone, and often times I'm okay with that. The periods of melancholy come and go, but I get over it.

Hey there! I started dating a 29 yo man who has never had a girlfriend and has only has sex a handful of times with one girl as a teenager. We've been together 7 months now and eventhough he is the one who made our relationship official, sometimes I feel like he doesnt even want to be in a relationship. When we first started dating, neither of us had a job so we would see each other several times a week. But if i saw him a few days in a row, after the second day he just kinda ignored me and didnt seem interested. But after giving him a few days off, hed act interested again. Things seemingly have grown between us and I finally felt as if we were getting closer. I only see him once or twice a week now. When I tell him that I want to see him more often, he says that one day a week is more than enough to see each other. That really hurts me since Ive fallen in love with him and I want to spend my life with him. His family and friends all tell me not to give up on him and to take things slow because hes just not experienced and doesnt know what to do. So how do I help him know what to do? Ive told him what I want and he seems to try to satisfy me but it only lasts a few days ora week then he just starts acting the same again. I love him and i dont want to give up but hes making it hard... What do I do?

Idk He might be introverted, shy, aspie, etc all the above. I am & am in a similar situation of only having sex with a girl a handful of times at 17 & was alone before & since. I'm now 45. I have to have a ton of time alone & really don't enjoy much interaction with people. Mostly because of their bad behavior but also different interests. I think I'd like to spend a bit more time than one day a week if I ever could have a gf but my ultimate thoughts are that it's not something that he or you necessarily have any control over. If you're to be together you might have to accept a relationship of limited time together like that. By all means don't get discouraged & perhaps in time things will change where it's not the case but consider it may not. I hope it works out between you two. Life can be very lonely & I think most of us need love. I know I could.

Lily, w/all due respect, I think you're wasting your time. I don't mean to put down your bf or introverted or inexperienced guys and if you want to sit around waiting for him to change, be my guest. But speaking as a guy who's also pretty introverted (at times I think if myself as more of a type c than b personality), I would wanna spend as much time w/a girl I was in love with as possible (at least 4-5 days/week for at least a few hours). What the hell is he dating you for otherwise? You can't especially as a guy, if you really think women are your equals, have it both ways, meaning kind of string her along with "I love you, I love you" and expect her to be wrapped around your finger, on the one hand, AND say to her, just once/week, that should be enough, on the other. Not if she's like you and wants to get closer to you (hypothetical guy in this scenario). I hate to say it but there are probably other and better fish in the see, and he sounds more like friend than bf material. Dump him and move on to better, more romantic men.

I know the original post was posted in 2009, but I want to add my response in case it is useful to anybody who stumbles across it.

I have recently begun dating a guy who never had a girlfriend at 30. He grabbed my attention with his absolute kindness, but I almost gave up on him. After staying the night with each other, he didn't ask for my number. I later found him again and gave it to him. He texted a little and fizzled out without asking me out, so I almost gave up again. Instead I ended up asking him out. I thought that because he never initiated any conversations and never asked me out, he must not be very interested in me; I'm glad I kept pursuing him.

You are rare. Most would have written off someone like that and moved on. I know he's glad you did too. Enjoy.

I wouldn't just say that she's rare. One in a million probably covers it. After admitting my lack of experience to a girl when we were making out (I got nervous because I thought that I was going to be a bad kisser), I feel like it killed the chance of things going any further. I am a messaging machine on dating sites, and nothing has come of it (for the record, I don't admit any inexperience, but I'm sure my social awkwardness comes out in some way). I have to change my approach, because it's really a dark, cruel world that we live in, and with the rare exception, kindness is not looked at as a desirable quality.

Have you tried finding any resources online for Aspergers Syndrome? They might have something local. Maybe you could meet someone you can relate to. I don't know if a relationship with another person who has Aspergers would work out...The thing is some people are going to be alone. You've never been in a relationship, so you feel differently than I do... I do hope you find someone, and I know it isn't easy. .

I also share your pain to friend its a curse girls like me but never get past friend zone an become boyfriend and girlfriend its nightmare.

Hello Shuhak.. I found myself kind of drawn to your story and feel as though I can relate to it. My experiences are different from yours, but at the end of the day the same thing applies - you still feel alone.

I came here because I also typed the same thing out of desperation. I’m male, 34 and I’ve had prolly like 50 – 100 dates over the past couple years, and not even one was able to blossom into any sort of friendship, let alone marriage.

I’ve never had a girlfriend before, only weird relationships. My most memorable relationship was with a girl who thought about me and called me every day. She was very pretty. She understood me perfectly and why I did the things I did and reacted the way I reacted about situations. We could connect at a deep level (the regular girls aren’t capable of that) and we did nothing short of marathons in bed on the days we could meet up. There was only one problem – she was married with a kid, so we only met an average of say 2 months in a year. We stayed like this for 9 years before she told me she wasn’t being fair to me and that I needed to have my own life, my own family. The only reason we lasted that long was because we couldn’t get enough of each other. I agreed albeit reluctantly and also left the relationship. I could feel it was hard for her too and we both cried. We dated when I was 25 to 34.

Then there were a few others I slept with but they all either had boyfriends (whom they later married) or were already married and were just looking to ****. My 20s was the time my sex life was most vibrant, even though it was with the same few women. Now all of them have left.

Probably some others here might feel I’m better off than them, but it is delusion at best – YOU’RE STILL ALONE AT THE END OF THE DAY. Why can’t I have a relationship with someone SINGLE? I’m good at sustaining the relationship. I just don’t know how to acquire one – I can’t count in those girls in the past because they made the first moves, and they weren’t single anyway.

You know, I think I am destined to be alone. All those dates with the single women – it’s either I like them but they don’t like me, or they like me but I can’t feel anything. I’m tired and heavy from all the emotional vesting I had to do with each new one after failing. And don’t come telling me to just wait for the right person to come. It DOES NOT work. I’ve also waited and guess what – nothing happened, yes.

Very true......I am still WAITING and I am now 69 years old except unlike you I have never had any kind of intimacy.

This article wasn't even remotely funny. You already did not persuade me that you nare funny. I am funny. Heck, I'll even throw a single pun in here, just to show how non-familiar you are with the funny.

Imbecile. He didn't say it was funny. Obviously, you have issues with reading comprehension. He said he has been told he is funny and extremely intelligent. He never implied the story is funny. Why would it be?

Dude all i can say is that if i were.in ur shoes i would go to a ***** club or something because i would noy like to die a virgin"

Yeah but he's obviously not a real cool "DUDE" like you are is he?

I see myself 10 years from now...

Your life. :(

i dont have any wise words to say. all I can say is never give up. Aspies can sometimes have it rough I would know...

I wish the world was a better place for us but we have to play with the cards we have been dealt. Never give up on life, thats an order

To Shuhak and all you other guys complaining about not getting love from a woman, you all definitely need a wake up call. Do you really think that feeling sorry for yourselves is gonna get a woman to fall for you. I can tell you from years of personal experience it most certainly won't. That's just gonna do the exact opposite of what you're looking for and that is exactly why a lot of you guys are still single. Coming on the site and complaining is not gonna get you the love that you desire. The problem with most of you guys is that most of you appear to lack faith in yourselves. It's all about confidence and in the end that's what women (or anybody for that matter) want to see in a man. That's the real reason why you see a lot of women go after the "bad guys". It's mostly due to the fact that they have confidence, which is something that apparently most of you guys on this site lack.

Sure being bad may look cool when it comes to appearance but for the most part it's because they believe in themselves and therefore get better results with women. There's even guys who are goody-two-shoes get smoking hot girls due to strong confidence. You're not gonna get anywhere with women or anything in life if you don't believe in yourselves. As many of you probably already know, finding confidence may be difficult at first but in the end, that's pretty much all you have to succeed. So you got to strive within yourselves to find it and with strong faith in yourselves, you can do just about anything and that includes being loved. I think anybody is capable of finding love, doesn't matter if you're bad looking or whatever, it all has to do with confidence and that's what really determines your luck in finding love with the opposite sex.

If you're one of those people who struggle to find confidence then there's many things you can do to help boost that up. Go out and find a hobby, work out more, join a club/organization etc. Just go out and better yourselves!!! Instead of going on this site and whine over not getting love from a woman, why don't you guys just go out and build up your confidence. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN THAT WHINES AND COMPLAINS!!!! That's all I have to say and I wish all of you the best of luck.

Peace.

I am sorry what they say bothers you so much when they are actually sharing their experience to each other which it is nothing wrong with that. You are so wrong saying women love men with confidence . Actually, not every woman is the same and not every man is the same. Also everyone's experience is different from yours. You tell these guys not to complain. Well, what are you doing?

No, not everybody is the same and yes everybody is entitled to their opinions, but if you want something like love, do you think complaining is gonna get you there? All that's gonna do is make you feel worse about yourself and that's not healthy. If you have positive atittude then positive things will come your way and that includes love.

I've heard that before, lost male friends over it, who turned out to be ex-bully aholes, the one I'm thinking of isn't a friend anymore, I'm glad he's outta my life b/c he couldn't take my complaining. I'm not saying you're factually wrong about what women want, most women (or men for that matter). Where I will disagree w/you is your implicit tone that it's easy to overcome the confidence in this screwed up age of superficial social media dating in a bad economy, and a VERY competitive society (other countries, many, aren't as bad in that regard, they aren't as hyper macho as the us). Even by doing all the things you say. That's the point, dude, that's why we're here and not simply at the gym, in some group or whatever, b/c it can be very hard (especially if you have a significant mental health issue) to overcome that or if you've had years of rejection or being ignored, or more. And to be clear, I'm not saying it's any easier for women in a comparable situation. But please, don't assume everyone can readily get there. I dated one damn girl who used to hit me and spend all day telling me what a moron I am. That's my romantic experience in life, what a trainwreck that was! Not dated anyone since and the one friend I had a one night stand with, but was perfectly nice, but I honestly wish it'd never happened (she came on to me, partly out of pity) and I wasn't in love with her/still am not. Point is, its alot tougher than you make it out to be.

You know you are totaly right i tgink uve just opened my eyes. If u dont have confidence in yourself then nobody is gonna be with you I mean your right weve got to stop feeling sorry for ouselfs and just do what we want to do" i admit it is hard to face your fears and sometimesu just feel like giving up but uve gotta keep fighting" im tired of feeeling sorry for myself I am a junior in highschool and i went through.something really hard its a long story " and that made me appart from.girls and interactions and it.made.me.anti social " for like 3 years and since then.ive hadnt had.a girlfriend but my point is that weve got to stop feeling sorry for ourselves im sure god doesnt like that" what suck about my.problem is that feel like no girl likes me when i havent even asked any girl out since 3 years ago. And ive seen some of my friends who will ask a girl out like 3 times until she finaly says yes now u guys see how.they dont get discouraged thats why im tired of feling sprry.for myself i was never like this before but its about to stop" sorry for the lenght"hy

iggy64 Why do you have to be such a complete a$$ when someone is sharing something about as personal and private and painful as it gets???
You have no idea what this person has been though or how they feel. Grow Up!!! d

It's nothing about me being an a**. This is reality. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you anywhere. Trust me, I've spent years feeling that way and my life never got any better. It was only after I changed my outlook on life did I start seeing improvements. Life is what you make of it and it's only going to get "painful" if you make it that way. Just start loving yourself more.

Really? I mean, REALLY?? You have no idea what you are talking about. Confidence is not always the key to winning a woman over. Some guys just have difficulty, whether it be someone who never has the chance to meet women, or someone who women just are not interested in because they aren't "fun" enough. How do you explain it when a woman chooses a man who won't work and is nothing but a sorry old bum over a man who has a good job and would take care of her? Because believe it or not, that happens and it happens more than you would like to think. Or how about women who are only nice to you when you help them out, but then you run into them a few years later and they act like they don't know you and have never met you? See, you can't just throw the word "confidence" around and think that it applies to every situation. To do so is pitifully stupid.

It's not always easy to find confidence, but you need to have some belief in yourself. That's how you get through life. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you luck with a women, and if it does then it'll just be out of pity and that's not love. I don't know what kind of women you've been running into but not all women go after what you call "worthless bums who don't work". I know a lot of women who are with guys who are hard working and have nice paying jobs. Every woman is different and for the woman that you helped out and then a few years later she pretended that you didn't exist, did you even try to make contact with her between those times. Did you make contact with any woman without paying for it to happen? (yes, I did read your earlier post on here). Your examples don't make sense. I think you just have up to easy.

I don't think you understand Aspergers Syndrome. Iggy, confidence is sexy, but it isn't everything. It's SEXY, but you know what ? The most "confident" men are the worst men to be with on Earth. Confidence is always a good thing to have, but it isn't everything. Plus, you have to give this man a break. He has every right to talk about his feelings which you call complaining. The man is 49 not 25. I hate to be discouraging, but he's being pretty realistic. Regardless, he's on experience project talking. It doesn't mean he tells women in real life about his feelings. Honestly, Iggy, you sound like a 15yr old not a 25yr old. You have a lot of life to live, sweetheart , and it shows. YOU'D get more girls if you learned to keep your mouth shut.

I would like to apologize for what I said in my original post. I wasn't trying to sound like a jerk, I was trying to encourage everybody on here to feel good about themselves because then if you feel good about yourself then other people will see that and want to be around you more. It's pretty much the only way we'll ever receive love. We as humans are pretty much like projectors (remember seeing those in school?) once we feel something, it will pretty much reflect onto other people and they'll feel what you're feeling in one way or another. I was just trying to help people feel more better about their lives because I believe that's the only way you'll ever find true compassion. There has been a lot of study behind that and I've experienced this myself . I will admit, it's not easy and will probably take time, maybe even years but it's the only way.

@Forgettotrust: I will agree with you on one thing and that there is such thing as being too "confident". Nobody wants to be around someone who is arrogant, cocky, and full of themselves. I believe that there is a limit when it comes to be being confident and that would be crossing it. So you're right about that part.

But I would get more girls if I kept my mouth shut? that's something I have to disagree with. How is a relationship gonna grow if you're silent as a mime. Communication needs to be involved somehow. Sure, you need to watch what you say but you need to talk somehow.

And I disagree when you said that Shuhak is being realistic. I'm sorry he feels the way that he does and I do believe that everybody is entitled to express their opinion but feeling that way isn't going to change your outcome for the better. It doesn't matter if he openly tells women about his feelings or not. If you feel you're unattractive or unworthy to woman, one way or another, it's gonna show and gonna be easy to detect.

My intention was not to discourage anybody from expressing their emotions, I was just trying to offer some encouraging advice, which now I realize it came out as an angry rant and I apologize for that. Believe what you want to believe, as for me I still think only "confidence" and "courage" will prevail. Everybody is capable of finding love, it just all depends on how you feel about yourself and if you don't believe that, then that's your choice and I wish you good luck in life.

Everyone is capable of finding love ? I could examine that thought from too many angles, so I'm going to have to let that one go. I said he was being realistic, because he's a bit older than you. You're practically advising him to break out of his shell and change his way of thinking at 50yrs old. Just be confident? Can you imagine how that must make him feel? It's very condescending to say the least. It's like advising a chronically paranoid person to "just
get over it, don't worry about all the people following you, get out more!" People with Aspergers have a difficult time catching on to social cues and such. Plus, he's shy! As far as the projecting love thing goes, I don't think it applies in his situation. He's a very loving person it seems, but it doesn't change the fact
that he's a shy man. Also, I don't hear self-pity in his words. He's expressing his feelings, but I don't consider it complaining. I'm glad you apologized for your initial post/response to his story. I think it's obvious why I said you'd get more women if you kept your mouth shut. Yoi knee exactly what I meant. No need to give me a lesson on communication and its importance in relationships and understanding others. You know what I meant when I told you to watch your words, and I know that's why you apologized. Won't even address the topic of communication as it is completely irrelevant . Once again, I'm not trying to be discouraging but realistic, rather. There's a possibility that he might find love and companionship, but don't act like he can change his personality with a flick of a switch.. . It can be very frustrating when people have that attitude.

You knew* exactly what I meant.

@Forgettotrust It's true. We all need to break out of our shell, that's life, it's all about taking risks. What's the point of living, if we don't take risks? I'm talking from personal experience here. I never got anywhere with girls until I started I started coming out of my comfort zone. I'm not saying he should just quickly burst out of his bubble, I think that should happen gradually but ultimately that's how relationships work.

There are plenty of people with asperger's that have normal loving relationships. Sure it makes it difficult to maintain a relationship but it's not impossible. It can happen. Being shy is the ultimate barrier of starting a relationship. In a lot of cases, it's the main reason why some people end up alone. There are ways to overcome being shy. I understand it may take time and I do think people should take their time with this but that's one hurdle we need to jump over when it comes to meeting someone. Females are just regular human beings, not all of them are wild animals that will bite your hand off if you stick it out to them.

And you had nothing to do with me apologizing. So don't be taking credit for that. I realized on my own that I sounded a bit harsh and I was just wanted to explain what I really meant. My intention was to help and not sound like a jerk. And I still think communication is another big factor. You even see counselors agreeing to it. But hey it's your choice if you want to believe it or not. And I would get more girls if I kept my mouth shut? that's something I strongly disagree with. I know there's certain things you shouldn't say to a woman but you're not going to get anywhere with anybody with that method. That's BS if you ask me.

And if that's your idea of being realistic then maybe you don't feel so good about yourself or your life. I still strongly believe what I mentioned above is the only way we'll ever achieve love and companionship but for the record, I don't think it can happen in a blink of an eye. I know it will take time. How much time? I don't know, everybody's different but I know with hope and confidence it can be achieved. My best wishes go out to Shuhak on his quest of finding the romance that he long desired for.

To hell with confidence.

Alright, man. have fun with your life then.

Confidence is nothing more then a word it means nothing else to me. I'm not gonna change anything for anyone, girls would have to accept who i am just as i would accept how they were.

And if that's how you want to live your life, then that's your choice. Changing who you are shouldn't be for the other person, it should be only for yourself to make your life better but it sounds like you're pretty happy with yourself and I think with that mentality you won't have much of a problem finding romance if that's something you're looking for.

14 More Responses

I am a virgin and I'm 37. But I'm also a little different... I used to be insecure for years and years and was very awkward and anxious around women. Then a few years ago, I turned 'hot'. I worked out, got fit, and play in bands. I see women staring at me. I know women are attracted to me. But you know what? I don't give a crap. I was ignored for years and I've basically learned not to need a partner because of that. The fact is though, I am also transgender and I am starting the transition process. It took me years to understand and accept this about myself but it didnt help that during that time I was basically left to my own devices to wallow alone and not have the experience of love or someone to share my feelings with. In retrospect it worked out not to have to upset a long term relationship or marriage by coming out as trans but it would have been nice to have real experience of companionship in my life. If I get it one day, either with a man or with a woman, it will be nice. But I have so much experience being on my own it won't affect me anymore. Its not that I'm 'happy' being alone, but now I know can't enter a relationship until I am first comfortable with myself. Fear and self hate held me back immensely! Count yourself lucky that you are at least comfortable in your gender!

Don't worry and that's not true,your'e not forever alone because god is with you,he is with everyone.

I just met a guy, he is mid late 40's and I find him very attractive, although he is not conventionally attractive. I thought he may be aware of my attraction.... then he said, he has never had a relationship and doesn't know how to spot signals. Wow, So my conventional flirting will be invisible to him and I will blatantly have to tell him how I feel. This is so scary. Maybe he is single because he has no interest in a sexual relationship. I am reasonably attractive, 2 yrs older than him. But wow I could really go for him and he is blind to my interest. He has a lovely personality, a beautiful voice and the sweetest nature. What do I do?

Sadly, many of those who have never had the "luxury" of having a relationship don't have a clue as how to get into one or maintain it (never got the chance to learn). It's just as scary for them than it is for you (if not more so). It's also true that some people don't want a relationship. They're happy the way they are.
If all you're after is sex, there are plenty of others out there who will be wiling (and you might find them more "conventionally attractive") But if you want a real relationship with this person, go slow and help them. Forming a relationship may be easy for you (experience), but this is all new to them. Help them with it. If you find that they really don't want a relationship (you can tell), don't try to "make them have one" as it won't work and you both will be miserable.

I think he may like a relationship, and no sex is not what I'm after strictly, I'd just like it with this particular person, if I could tell if he was interested. He is the first man I desire and think I could love for years. It's such a shock to realise he is so clueless

the complication is we work together and he leaves in 6 weeks

He may like a relationship. Just remember it's new to him. 6 weeks isn't much time, but don't pressure him or he may "bolt". People who haven't had relationships before may be shy, so let him" get used to you" (having someone who cares about him around).

Iwant so much to tell him, but I'm receiving no encouragement

A I said, either it's too "new" (foreign) to him, or he has no desire for a relationship. I guess you could ask him, but not as to frighten him off.

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Well...

Guys whatever you all said to get girls maybe 90% correct but then God has given every human being something called free will an if any girl exercises her free will against dating you the one in search of a comapanion there's nothing you can do about it.

Hi
Like you, I'm in my late 40's (48) and have never had a girlfriend...
It is so heart/soul destroying........not having someone to share this life with....
Watching your teen age years, then your 20's, 30's and now 40's go by, seeing guys dating girls, getting girlfriends, settling down and starting families..all the while you are still single trying to find that special someone..
Its especially hard when you see women attracted to these 'bad boys'..they may be over confident, rude, loud, aggresive...but women seem to be attracted to them.....and the 'Nice guys', are left behind.....'Finish Last' ...

I truly hope that you are able to find someone soon to share your life with, to share your heart and soul with a partner would be an amazing experience..

Take care and Goodluck

John :-)

I can see that you understand. That\'s exactly how I feel too.

" I’m a Christian" that's your problem, buddy

How is him being a Christian a problem?

Same with me brother . Im 24 and still single , I have never kissed or held hands with a woman .I feel absolutely pathetic and abnormal right now, its ridiculous when all my friends are discussing their past relationship stories and sex life , Im the only one quiet with nothing to say. I think you miss the boat once you cross 21 and you are still single .It becomes increasingly more difficult for a guy to get a girl the longer he his single since his desperation for sex and relationship keeps increasing and women can sense this easily .
I really don't know what to do right now , because its going to get more difficult the older I get.

do you have money
??? no money no talk

I'm so sorry, i can't even imagine how you feel, i had my first boyfriend when i was almost 19 and before that i was so lonely, you must feel 100 times worse! I always say that the life is so unfair! There are good people who just want true love but can't find it, and on the other hand there are people who have good person beside them and yet they cheat! I hope you will still find somebody and experience true love, until then concentrate on other things in life. Good luck!

I done most of the things that you guys haven't done.
If you search on the net, even married people feel lonely.

-stop thinking so much
-

I used to be in the same boat. I didn't start dating until I was 26 due to epilepsy until I was cured through surgery. I dropped my standards and settled for a girl I didn't find attractive at all. It gave me experience. After we broke up, I decided to change myself completely. I had been that nice guy. I wasn't going to be anymore. I got big into sports and got buffed. I started getting a lot of attention from women. That changed my personality completely. I became really flashy. I had the confidence and arrogance that women like. I got all kinds of attention from women that I had not dreamed of. I am now happily married today. Do stuff that stands out. Women like that. I have climbed some of the highest peaks in the world and women are always really impressed. They want someone they know is willing to go the extra mile. Don't try to be that nice guy. It hasn't worked so far, so why do you think it will in the future?