Forever Alone?

When I was in my 20’s, I figured I’d meet someone nice, perhaps even get married and raise a family. I wasn’t too concerned as I had plenty of time. Although I had been ignored by girls all through high school, I thought that perhaps I’d find someone in college – no such luck. Time passed and soon I was in my 30’s. I figured I was bound to meet someone eventually, after all there were millions of women in the world, weren’t there? They all couldn’t be married or have boyfriends…could they??? Surely there was someone out there. Perhaps I’d meet someone at church or maybe even at work. Then I turned 40 – still no girlfriend (I guess I should now say "lady friend", as they’re no longer girls).   

I’ve tried numerous Internet dating sites (7 years), but never even had 1 person look at my profile (maybe I am ugly). What does a woman want from a guy? I mean I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs – I never have and I never will. I’m a Christian and I don’t consider myself to be unattractive, nor do I have bad hygiene. I’m kind and considerate to everyone and yet, I have never had a girlfriend. I’ve been told that I’m a very funny, extremely intelligent and that I’m very nice and polite, but what good is that? I have been diagnosed with a form of Aspergers syndrome, which makes it hard for me to be assertive; do they want assertiveness?    

I’m now 49 and have come to the conclusion that perhaps God doesn’t want me to have a lady friend. I guess I'm meant to live my life completely alone.   Oh well!  

Shuhak Shuhak
51-55, M
115 Responses Oct 17, 2009

Iam 46 years old and i know what you mean iam nive and i am a god fearing man and i got into my 20s i figuted i would have a girlfriend and no luck and i got into my 30s thougjt i would be married well still no girlfriend. And no wifenogirlfriend. Thwn i got into my 40s no girlfriend and no wife well iam 46 and iam not married no wife ans nogirlgriend

Well years ago when i was growing up which was the Worse time for me when i started to go out at the age of 21, i had a lot of trouble finding a good woman to be my steady boyfriend so that i would eventually get married to have a family that i had really hoped for which many women that i did date at the time Never wanted a relationship which made it very extremely difficult for me to really have a steady girlfriend at the time since Most of the women in the 70's were just party animals since they just wanted to sleep around with as many men as they can which they just Never knew how to Commit to just only one man. I always had trouble meeting a good woman to go steady with which in those days they just wanted to date as many guys as possible and really Never wanted a relationship to begin with which it really made it very tough for me finding Love since i really hated to go out from the very beginning knowing how very difficult it was going to be for me. But i did date a lot which many women just wanted to go out and that was it which made me feel very bad when i really didn't care for that life style at all. I started to go out in 1975 which i had just turned 21 like i had just mentioned earlier, and Most women in my time were Never marriage material which was the problem, and i Can't blame myself at all since i really met a lot of Rotten women over the time that Didn't want to be bothered which their the ones that were complete Losers anyway since they would go out with the Creepiest guys that i have ever seen in my life which they Rejected me which i will Never Ever understand that one at all. It just too bad that i wasn't born a good twenty years sooner which it would've made a big difference in my life since Most women in the good old days were so much more Nicer and much Easier to meet the way that our family members had it.

Don't worry man! I used to think that I would be forever alone for the rest of my life because women would always ignore me in school. You have to have confidence in yourself, and only then will women want to be around you. The confidence you have will rub off as you being somebody who can support themselves and someone who is living a happy life. Women want those type of people, but keep in mind cash is king!

I'm 30 and never had a girlfriend yet, because I'm a Christian and live in a muslim neighbourhood, all the local young women are muslims so I haven't got much of a choice.

I have compassion and I really relate. Lack of confidence is like lack of hair where you can put a wig but in the end you must take it off at night. It cannot just disappear. Women must look for the provider of strong dudes that even show that they are better than they actually are. I would get counceling and find alternatives. What makes me happy is to know that i am free. Some men live horrible lives married to crazy *******. Travel the world, start a company or association. Married men can't do that. Enjoy single life to make married men jealous. Women can be your worst nightmare.

I'm 34 and in the same boat. It's not that God doesn't want it, it's that you haven't found them yet. It's never too late. I know a guy who had his 1st girlfriend at 52. Keep the faith. They are happily married now.

Well I am now 69 and never had sex or a girlfriend due to crippling shyness......What have you and God got to say about that........Face the truth man I'm going to die a virgin.

Personally I don't believe in God. You don't have to die a virgin. A small sum of your retirement can see to that. You need to experience it.

If you are referring to me going to see a prostitute forget it because it is still a woman & it is women I am terrified of. So that won't work.

I've done it. It's not going to make you less terrified (it didn't for me) but at least something sexual will happen. That's an experience you need.

I am not trying to be awkward but I take so many antidepressants to cope with my problem that I am now completely impotent. So even if I had the guts to get that far I wouldn't be able to do anything.

Ouch. I stopped taking antidepressants a while ago as they changed me as a person. They made me feel worse. Thankfully prior to the apparent impotence.

I am going to try stopping mine & see what happens......Thanks for your attempted advice

4 More Responses

OK reading this story ****** me off. Wake the **** up man! get your **** together stop ******* off and get some balls u ***** *** ******. I say this because this is how my father talked to me and you know what... it prepared me to handle life and be a ******* man. Yes I had a few problems like you but the one thing I learned you cant do is sit back and whine that **** doesnt go your way. You have to make **** happen. My suggestion to you my friend is go out and find a couple of reliable hookers. Just **** them, dont get attached to them, just **** them, dont be friends and drink tea with them just have them suck ur **** and u jerk off in their face. U need to get your sexual mojo on u hear me?

You man are a C**T.

Wow. Someone who clearly doesn't get it. Many of us who are in this position have social anxiety (myself included) or some other personality issue that is not easy to overcome. Not to mention that when you've been called ugly all your life (by everyone aside from family and close friends) and rejected by everyone you tried to ask out, it gets to the point when you can't just brush it off any longer. I'm balding and overweight (though I work out nearly every day), and we live in a very superficial society. As for the "hooker" thing ... speaking for myself, I live in the U.S., where it's against the law and you can be arrested, fined, imprisoned, and humiliated by having your picture run in the papers.

That's like telling someone who is gay to stop being gay..Being shy is not something you can rip from someone. That's who they are. Anxiety is worse, it's like the whole world is watching you and everything you do is wrong and embarrassing so you try as hard as you can to shrink into your corner and almost become nonexistent. If your little "I just learned how to cuss" childish rant could fix someone like that we wouldn't need medications and treatments for anxiety. What he needs to do is slowly force himself to do stuff outside and interact with people, and at his age It's probably harder, I am still in school (10th grade, I'm fifteen) so I be assured that if I ever grew a pair of balls to talk to a girl I would relatively know who she is because I am with that person 9 months of a year. For someone of his age he has to take an extra step in meeting people. Enough ranting, this post is old.

The solution I have learned is yolo. You only live once. It's a childish statement created by immature teens, but it works hand in hand with what we struggle with, if you pass by my comment ask yourself, "What do I want from my life?" Whether It's having a family, a girlfriend, seeing the world, or getting your dream job I want you to think of this as your goal. If you procrastinate as much as me you'll probably wanna get your **** done near the end or later than the end.


Let's presume you live to be a hundred and die. You can't live your life at 100, nor can you at 90, 80, 70, or 60. Maybe You're super duper healthy I don't know but from the momentum You're born till You're like 50 are your prime years. I say fifty because I have some old family members in their fifties and they do some crazy ****. The best time in your life is from 14-25. I know this because the people in that age range look so happy to me I almost wanna kill them and steal it away. So. Even if you are 10, 30, 70, whatever, you only live once. Once your time is up you wanna leave this world with no regrets. At least, I do.

I am terrible at writing papers so sorry for this blob of ugliness. I wish you all the best, and I hope you'll wish me luck too. I'll Definitely need it, I've been so secluded in my life I can even talk to a cashier without freezing. Now I am getting a job, making plans for the summer (for the first time in my life), and excited for the future. The key is motivation. The kind that glues itself to your entire being, unlike the new years resolution motivation that gets gyms packed until the 20th of January rolls around. Stick wother your goals and Jeep your lives more organized than this what looks to be an essay I wrote. Live on. Love on. Dream on. ******* yolo. Seriously.

Add a response...

money, house and good car..

i feel the same I'm 18 but the only difference is that i live in a area with dominantly white ppl (no issue) but I'm black the only brother in town i love white girls though but it only takes that one racist chick to bring u down.

I feel the same and I am 16

I'm in that same boat too

Add a response...

i guess its about luck sometimes, i used to think that if i try hard enough, more times and by doing different things.. i was gonna have more opportunities to get a gf, but it wasn t the case for me, and i pretty much think that i do everything right from the very first step, once i manage to get the courage and the confidence to talk to a girl.. like randomly, i don t have trouble with words or by expressing myself in front of a cute girl, im very confident in that area, and by any means i don t consider myself as a boring guy, or with a lack of interesting stuff to talk about. and i've been triying to follow a lot of advices like... .you have to dress well, yo have to look clean all the time, you have to project confidence even when you don t have it, you have to express optimism and a good attitude, smile all the time. but trust me.. .i did all of this things already, like a million times, i even went to the gym at one point of my late 20 s for a long time, i was involved in the past in different social activities that involve contact with other people and obviously WITH GIRLS, i have a steady job too, but.. yes...but... ..nothing ever happened, so no.. im done with following all that "advices" and all the positive energy from the people.. telling me that.. ok.. "here's what you have to do", this is the key for this, this is the "recipe" for love,.. this is the secret for.... no!! and no!! that doesn t exist, if you are handsome or good looking enough, then sure.. there s a lot more possibilities of getting a GF. and im not saying that that would be a 100% sure thing, but at least you re gonna have bigger odds. but if you're not attractive enough and if you don t have a sh$&t load of money. then its gonna be very difficult for you to get a GF and its gonna be just a matter of pure luck and nothing else, something like.. wining the lottery

so. for all of the people who says that they know the magic potion for everything, im just gonna say.. that they are wrong.. there s no sure thing in anything in life, (except death of course)

and yeah, im tired of failing every time, even when im doing everything right, im totally respectfull with everyone no matter what, and very open minded, im a very good listener, and noo.. that does n matter apparently anymore. at least not for the 100000 women that i dated in the last million years. and yeah yeah.. nothing s gonna happen if another girl rejects me in the future, it woulb be just "another girl".. sure, is not the end of the world, there are many fish in the sea.. but you know what.. i used to think like that before, but eventually you get tired (yes, even with a silly thing like that) is not that bad when you a have 2 or 3 rejections.. hell! is not that bad when you have like 6 or 7 failures.. but what about when you get like dosens of rejections all the time, one after another, on and on, on and on.. it gets you eventually, sooner or later you get annoyed and desperate, like... again?? really?? another failure?? another girl who just wants to be a.. FRIEND.., at one point you realize that.. you're not angry of frustrated anymore, no. you're just.. TIRED and with lack of strenght and energy to go on, because there s nothing to encourages you to go on and keep triying, there s no signs of any improvement its like i'm getting nowhere with this. words are one thing, but reallity, is another thing, so yeah.. im done, its like whatever, if i don t do anything, nothing happens, if i do something.. is the same thing anyway, so..i guess i rather not do anything, and just rest.

Apart from your spelling I completely agree with everything you said. It's an uphill battle.

Well the way i really look at it for a good man like me that isn't shy at all, i do get rejected a lot by women which there is No reason why i should. With many women nowadays that are very picky, selfish, and very spoiled, is a very excellent reason why i do get rejected since many women being very independent and very high maintenance which really speaks for itself. There are many of us very good men out there that really Can treat a woman with respect, and treat her very nice with a lot of love as well which many of us Can be very Committed to just one. But today many women are going for the Bad Guys that really treat them mean and with No respect at all, and the innocent Good men like us are really having trouble finding love which years ago it was so much more Easier connecting with the right one since the times back then were so much more Different than today. This is a very good reason why many of us are Single today, and Not by choice at all. It is very hard for many of us to start a Conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet since most of them are very mean to us men which many women these days Don't want to be bothered at all to begin with, so it does really make it hard for us as you can see.

Hello. NT woman here. Here is better info (not advice , just info)

1. don't smile all the time, women do not trust men who smile too much
2. don't be a total optimist, women find that creepy
3. What do you like to do? (list at least 4 things even if they are solitary things) you want a relationship or just a sex hook up? (women want to know this)
5. what do you know a lot about?
6. do you like to eat different kinds of foods (foodie)
7. do you like to read?
8. do you like sci fi or comic books or video games?

You may already know this but a good portion of NT men are also not getting a girlfriend. Women are focusing often on men of other races, or on just hanging out with their girl friends. the type of woman who will just put out is a risk because they often can offer nothing more and many may have an STD.

The reason I ask these questions is who you attract has a lot to do with what you know about yourself and what she can grow or improve in herself by associating with you.

Let's see.....
1. Actually, I've been told to smile more.
2. I'm not a grand optimist but nor am I a pessimist.
3. Gardening, hiking, photography, writing.
4. I'm still a virgin, so a sex hook-up is not what I want (although I would like to experience it before I die).
5. I don't know a lot of any one thing, but due to a great memory, I know a lot of useless trivia.
6. I'm definitely not a foodie.
7. I don't like to read
8. I love sci-fi (movies).

No., I don't have much to offer a woman

Are you kidding me? you sound very interesting!

Have you ever hiked the Appalachian trail? What kind of hikes have you gone on? Where?

What is the coolest or most unusual hike you have done ( I hike, or I used to before I tore my MCL--my most unusual hike was to Machu Picchu on the inca trail in Peru) I also hiked the App trail and was in training for it.

Gardening--I used to be a master Gardener--what do you like to garden? Are you familiar with Permaculture?

What are your favorite movies (Sci fi and fantasy reader here--I like some movies and love to read

SEE how much you have on the ball (and I would know because I am considered to have a lot on the ball and you and I have common interests.

My husband pretended to be a foodie and to like sci fi (he doe s but just books not movies) He did not hike but told me he did. LOL He ended up with me by being sneaky.

Do you go to garden shows or events or do garden tours?

I am sorry, but rarely does one man share so many of the same interests that I do. I Lso love photography but I don't do any, I collect photographic works.

What sort of things do you like to photograph? Any special techniques?

I prefer day hikes. I dislike driving so I don't go very far, just up the road in the mountains.
Coolest;unusual? I wouldn't call where I've been cool or unusual. I guess it'd be the irrigation canal. Sounds bad, but the scenery's gorgeous.

I'm no master gardener, I just do flower and vegetable gardens (but with the current drought, I may not get to do hose this year).
Favorite movies? None are "outstanding" (so far), but I just saw Predestination on YouTube and it was good (total head-trip).
I have a coworker who's husband did the same thing to her; said he liked the same things as her, but then once the ring went on suddenly didn't.

I don't like going places where there're a lot of people (even the 25 people at church Sunday nights are too many for me).

I photograph flowers, clouds and nature scenes. I'm no professional, just a guy with a cheap camera who likes nature.
My main problem is I'm very shy. I tend to clam up around people. I'm just not a "people person".

Seriously, you are far more interesting than you realize. I love day hikes too. I often have to go pretty far from home to have great ones (I used to go to colorado to this great one) it was a pretty rugged 3.5 mile hike uphill to a lake called "hanging lake" what made it cool was a lot of getting around boulders.. the altitude for us flatlanders,and the fact that just off trail tumbling along were these roaring class 5 and 6 rapids.

You think you sound boring because you are used to your self, but I guarantee if I met you, you would not only be comfortable, but talk and talk.

I am wondering why (or maybe there is and I am not clued in) AS guys do not start meet up groups, and have events like BBQs and invite NT girls.

I believe most AS guys end up alone because most girls do not really notice them. Really quiet guys that keep to themselves often seem like they DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED. And at the end of the day, all girls even NT girls do not want to be rejected.

An opening that specifically targets their attention might be the perfect mixer--but before they get together, it would be a great idea for them to know what AS is and what it is not. Many think it is a form of mental retardation--I have had to explain more than once that there is nothing wrong with the intellectual capabilities of most AS people--in fact it is often greater than the NTs who are curious.

There needs to be an AS curious group started--not so people with AS can meet each other--but so NTs can mingle with Aspies. In this way, a lot of the tension and fear can be dispelled.

I love gardening and if you can, do you try to catch rain water in barrels (from your roof) or have a small pool that can store water?

have you ever tried hugelkultur which is a way of gardening on mounds full of old dead wood, dirt and humus--the idea is to soak the wood then mound it with plantable soil then grow stuff--often you can go a season without fertilizing or watering, which is GREAT.

I KNOW, I could not only get you talking--but excited about what you do--we have to play to our strengths and yes--I think taking pics of flowers and nature is also really interesting--do you ever try to get up close and take a picture that captures stuff like veining in leaves or the wings of insects?

You are waaaay more interesting than you know--it simply takes the interests you do have being placed front and center and attracting a person with like interests.

I actually think ANY hike can be awesome--I love hiking near water--be it a canal, a man made pond, a tiny creek or rapids or the ocean.

As for not liking crowds-- a lot of people are moving away from larger get togethers. If the idea of a meet up takes place, do it with only a few--say 4 guys and 6girls spread over 2 booths at a restaurant or a barbecue--then stand away from each other in clumps--to keep stuff moving (and take off the pressure) have a professional party goer there to keep each conversation going so you don't have to. (they would ask the questions about you, or the girls you cannot think of and then coax you into talking for your self--they could stay there as the third person as long as you needed them.

Mediators or professional party goers are one route but keep in mind the girls who are interested would already know the guys have AS or are not socially comfortable so the idea that the guys are "different or weird" should not even come into play.

If I were in your area, and was not already married, heck yes, I would look you up, just to prove how much fun a girl can be and how very interesting you are.

What makes you interesting: I don't know you--so everything revealed is brand new. that's it.

nah, what i meant is that i always project a good attitude, i don't come off as someone totally bitter or desperate because of my situation. in other words, im really good at faking.

and honestly nowdays i just pay attention to my hobbies, my responsabilities...and you just trying to leave a decent normal life. i don't care about having "my significant other" anymore. im not gonna move not even a single finger or espend a single second trying to get a gf, hell!!.. not even a date, i just don t care. i rather pay for sex at this point, you know... more casual, no strings attached. i don t have to worry about anything.

so.. no matter what the rest says.... im done, game over for me my friend. peace out!!

ups..sorry about the typos

7 More Responses

It's to late for me to get a girlfriend now, besides every girl round my age where i live have either already got a boyfriend or their married.

Oh, God. Imagine how those of us who have over 10 years on you must feel. I've resigned myself to living the rest of my years alone ... hopefully at least having some family members to spend it with if I'm lucky.

Too late? Exactly what age is too late for a girlfriend? I met the man I am married to now, when he was 40, we ended up married for over 22 years with 5 kids between us.

I'm 51 now. Women don't want a man who's this "old" and hasn't even had a date (which also means I have few (zero?) life-experiences relationship-wise).

How do you know that Shuhak? do you live anywhere near TX--I have a woman who would be perfect for you to meet--the pressure would be off and you might really, really enjoy her company. She is intelligent, very knowledgeable and interesting and like me--likes to prove to people how amazing each of us are.

I'm in California

2 More Responses

I recently turned 25, a quarter-century milestone. Yet I've never had a girlfriend, even though there were a few ladies I got along with quite well. There are times when I regret this fact, but at the same time I do not think I'd make a good spouse. I'm autistic as well, and have been a bit of a stubborn loner all my life. It's entirely possible I may live a hundred years and never find anyone, and often times I'm okay with that. The periods of melancholy come and go, but I get over it.

Hey there! I started dating a 29 yo man who has never had a girlfriend and has only has sex a handful of times with one girl as a teenager. We've been together 7 months now and eventhough he is the one who made our relationship official, sometimes I feel like he doesnt even want to be in a relationship. When we first started dating, neither of us had a job so we would see each other several times a week. But if i saw him a few days in a row, after the second day he just kinda ignored me and didnt seem interested. But after giving him a few days off, hed act interested again. Things seemingly have grown between us and I finally felt as if we were getting closer. I only see him once or twice a week now. When I tell him that I want to see him more often, he says that one day a week is more than enough to see each other. That really hurts me since Ive fallen in love with him and I want to spend my life with him. His family and friends all tell me not to give up on him and to take things slow because hes just not experienced and doesnt know what to do. So how do I help him know what to do? Ive told him what I want and he seems to try to satisfy me but it only lasts a few days ora week then he just starts acting the same again. I love him and i dont want to give up but hes making it hard... What do I do?

Idk He might be introverted, shy, aspie, etc all the above. I am & am in a similar situation of only having sex with a girl a handful of times at 17 & was alone before & since. I'm now 45. I have to have a ton of time alone & really don't enjoy much interaction with people. Mostly because of their bad behavior but also different interests. I think I'd like to spend a bit more time than one day a week if I ever could have a gf but my ultimate thoughts are that it's not something that he or you necessarily have any control over. If you're to be together you might have to accept a relationship of limited time together like that. By all means don't get discouraged & perhaps in time things will change where it's not the case but consider it may not. I hope it works out between you two. Life can be very lonely & I think most of us need love. I know I could.

Lily, w/all due respect, I think you're wasting your time. I don't mean to put down your bf or introverted or inexperienced guys and if you want to sit around waiting for him to change, be my guest. But speaking as a guy who's also pretty introverted (at times I think if myself as more of a type c than b personality), I would wanna spend as much time w/a girl I was in love with as possible (at least 4-5 days/week for at least a few hours). What the hell is he dating you for otherwise? You can't especially as a guy, if you really think women are your equals, have it both ways, meaning kind of string her along with "I love you, I love you" and expect her to be wrapped around your finger, on the one hand, AND say to her, just once/week, that should be enough, on the other. Not if she's like you and wants to get closer to you (hypothetical guy in this scenario). I hate to say it but there are probably other and better fish in the see, and he sounds more like friend than bf material. Dump him and move on to better, more romantic men.

Have you tried to inquire about his relationship with his mother? This sounds like he's following a pattern which might be stemming from early childhood experience or trauma.

I know the original post was posted in 2009, but I want to add my response in case it is useful to anybody who stumbles across it.

I have recently begun dating a guy who never had a girlfriend at 30. He grabbed my attention with his absolute kindness, but I almost gave up on him. After staying the night with each other, he didn't ask for my number. I later found him again and gave it to him. He texted a little and fizzled out without asking me out, so I almost gave up again. Instead I ended up asking him out. I thought that because he never initiated any conversations and never asked me out, he must not be very interested in me; I'm glad I kept pursuing him.

You are rare. Most would have written off someone like that and moved on. I know he's glad you did too. Enjoy.

I wouldn't just say that she's rare. One in a million probably covers it. After admitting my lack of experience to a girl when we were making out (I got nervous because I thought that I was going to be a bad kisser), I feel like it killed the chance of things going any further. I am a messaging machine on dating sites, and nothing has come of it (for the record, I don't admit any inexperience, but I'm sure my social awkwardness comes out in some way). I have to change my approach, because it's really a dark, cruel world that we live in, and with the rare exception, kindness is not looked at as a desirable quality.

Have you tried finding any resources online for Aspergers Syndrome? They might have something local. Maybe you could meet someone you can relate to. I don't know if a relationship with another person who has Aspergers would work out...The thing is some people are going to be alone. You've never been in a relationship, so you feel differently than I do... I do hope you find someone, and I know it isn't easy. .

I also share your pain to friend its a curse girls like me but never get past friend zone an become boyfriend and girlfriend its nightmare.

Hello Shuhak.. I found myself kind of drawn to your story and feel as though I can relate to it. My experiences are different from yours, but at the end of the day the same thing applies - you still feel alone.

I came here because I also typed the same thing out of desperation. I’m male, 34 and I’ve had prolly like 50 – 100 dates over the past couple years, and not even one was able to blossom into any sort of friendship, let alone marriage.

I’ve never had a girlfriend before, only weird relationships. My most memorable relationship was with a girl who thought about me and called me every day. She was very pretty. She understood me perfectly and why I did the things I did and reacted the way I reacted about situations. We could connect at a deep level (the regular girls aren’t capable of that) and we did nothing short of marathons in bed on the days we could meet up. There was only one problem – she was married with a kid, so we only met an average of say 2 months in a year. We stayed like this for 9 years before she told me she wasn’t being fair to me and that I needed to have my own life, my own family. The only reason we lasted that long was because we couldn’t get enough of each other. I agreed albeit reluctantly and also left the relationship. I could feel it was hard for her too and we both cried. We dated when I was 25 to 34.

Then there were a few others I slept with but they all either had boyfriends (whom they later married) or were already married and were just looking to ****. My 20s was the time my sex life was most vibrant, even though it was with the same few women. Now all of them have left.

Probably some others here might feel I’m better off than them, but it is delusion at best – YOU’RE STILL ALONE AT THE END OF THE DAY. Why can’t I have a relationship with someone SINGLE? I’m good at sustaining the relationship. I just don’t know how to acquire one – I can’t count in those girls in the past because they made the first moves, and they weren’t single anyway.

You know, I think I am destined to be alone. All those dates with the single women – it’s either I like them but they don’t like me, or they like me but I can’t feel anything. I’m tired and heavy from all the emotional vesting I had to do with each new one after failing. And don’t come telling me to just wait for the right person to come. It DOES NOT work. I’ve also waited and guess what – nothing happened, yes.

Very true......I am still WAITING and I am now 69 years old except unlike you I have never had any kind of intimacy.

This article wasn't even remotely funny. You already did not persuade me that you nare funny. I am funny. Heck, I'll even throw a single pun in here, just to show how non-familiar you are with the funny.

Imbecile. He didn't say it was funny. Obviously, you have issues with reading comprehension. He said he has been told he is funny and extremely intelligent. He never implied the story is funny. Why would it be?

Dude all i can say is that if i ur shoes i would go to a ***** club or something because i would noy like to die a virgin"

Yeah but he's obviously not a real cool "DUDE" like you are is he?

I see myself 10 years from now...

Your life. :(

i dont have any wise words to say. all I can say is never give up. Aspies can sometimes have it rough I would know...

I wish the world was a better place for us but we have to play with the cards we have been dealt. Never give up on life, thats an order

To Shuhak and all you other guys complaining about not getting love from a woman, you all definitely need a wake up call. Do you really think that feeling sorry for yourselves is gonna get a woman to fall for you. I can tell you from years of personal experience it most certainly won't. That's just gonna do the exact opposite of what you're looking for and that is exactly why a lot of you guys are still single. Coming on the site and complaining is not gonna get you the love that you desire. The problem with most of you guys is that most of you appear to lack faith in yourselves. It's all about confidence and in the end that's what women (or anybody for that matter) want to see in a man. That's the real reason why you see a lot of women go after the "bad guys". It's mostly due to the fact that they have confidence, which is something that apparently most of you guys on this site lack.

Sure being bad may look cool when it comes to appearance but for the most part it's because they believe in themselves and therefore get better results with women. There's even guys who are goody-two-shoes get smoking hot girls due to strong confidence. You're not gonna get anywhere with women or anything in life if you don't believe in yourselves. As many of you probably already know, finding confidence may be difficult at first but in the end, that's pretty much all you have to succeed. So you got to strive within yourselves to find it and with strong faith in yourselves, you can do just about anything and that includes being loved. I think anybody is capable of finding love, doesn't matter if you're bad looking or whatever, it all has to do with confidence and that's what really determines your luck in finding love with the opposite sex.

If you're one of those people who struggle to find confidence then there's many things you can do to help boost that up. Go out and find a hobby, work out more, join a club/organization etc. Just go out and better yourselves!!! Instead of going on this site and whine over not getting love from a woman, why don't you guys just go out and build up your confidence. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN THAT WHINES AND COMPLAINS!!!! That's all I have to say and I wish all of you the best of luck.


I am sorry what they say bothers you so much when they are actually sharing their experience to each other which it is nothing wrong with that. You are so wrong saying women love men with confidence . Actually, not every woman is the same and not every man is the same. Also everyone's experience is different from yours. You tell these guys not to complain. Well, what are you doing?

No, not everybody is the same and yes everybody is entitled to their opinions, but if you want something like love, do you think complaining is gonna get you there? All that's gonna do is make you feel worse about yourself and that's not healthy. If you have positive atittude then positive things will come your way and that includes love.

I've heard that before, lost male friends over it, who turned out to be ex-bully aholes, the one I'm thinking of isn't a friend anymore, I'm glad he's outta my life b/c he couldn't take my complaining. I'm not saying you're factually wrong about what women want, most women (or men for that matter). Where I will disagree w/you is your implicit tone that it's easy to overcome the confidence in this screwed up age of superficial social media dating in a bad economy, and a VERY competitive society (other countries, many, aren't as bad in that regard, they aren't as hyper macho as the us). Even by doing all the things you say. That's the point, dude, that's why we're here and not simply at the gym, in some group or whatever, b/c it can be very hard (especially if you have a significant mental health issue) to overcome that or if you've had years of rejection or being ignored, or more. And to be clear, I'm not saying it's any easier for women in a comparable situation. But please, don't assume everyone can readily get there. I dated one damn girl who used to hit me and spend all day telling me what a moron I am. That's my romantic experience in life, what a trainwreck that was! Not dated anyone since and the one friend I had a one night stand with, but was perfectly nice, but I honestly wish it'd never happened (she came on to me, partly out of pity) and I wasn't in love with her/still am not. Point is, its alot tougher than you make it out to be.

We do actually love a man with confidence but it is more than that. women love men who give them a thrill, and a challenge. Humans are predators and even if we are mostly civilized we like the idea of the "untameable" so women like bad men hoping to be the one who can turn the man around, it is the hint of danger with the allure of the challenge that we like--sometimes we bite off more than we can chew.

Some women like "kind, gentle men" but most women I know do not--the reason is like every animal, a woman is subconsciously looking for a strong figure for her kids and a protector, men who are too nice, often cannot stand up for anyone, and no woman wants to have the be the man in a relationship with a man.

You know you are totaly right i tgink uve just opened my eyes. If u dont have confidence in yourself then nobody is gonna be with you I mean your right weve got to stop feeling sorry for ouselfs and just do what we want to do" i admit it is hard to face your fears and sometimesu just feel like giving up but uve gotta keep fighting" im tired of feeeling sorry for myself I am a junior in highschool and i went through.something really hard its a long story " and that made me appart from.girls and interactions and social " for like 3 years and since then.ive hadnt had.a girlfriend but my point is that weve got to stop feeling sorry for ourselves im sure god doesnt like that" what suck about my.problem is that feel like no girl likes me when i havent even asked any girl out since 3 years ago. And ive seen some of my friends who will ask a girl out like 3 times until she finaly says yes now u guys see how.they dont get discouraged thats why im tired of feling sprry.for myself i was never like this before but its about to stop" sorry for the lenght"hy

iggy64 Why do you have to be such a complete a$$ when someone is sharing something about as personal and private and painful as it gets???
You have no idea what this person has been though or how they feel. Grow Up!!! d

It's nothing about me being an a**. This is reality. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you anywhere. Trust me, I've spent years feeling that way and my life never got any better. It was only after I changed my outlook on life did I start seeing improvements. Life is what you make of it and it's only going to get "painful" if you make it that way. Just start loving yourself more.

Really? I mean, REALLY?? You have no idea what you are talking about. Confidence is not always the key to winning a woman over. Some guys just have difficulty, whether it be someone who never has the chance to meet women, or someone who women just are not interested in because they aren't "fun" enough. How do you explain it when a woman chooses a man who won't work and is nothing but a sorry old bum over a man who has a good job and would take care of her? Because believe it or not, that happens and it happens more than you would like to think. Or how about women who are only nice to you when you help them out, but then you run into them a few years later and they act like they don't know you and have never met you? See, you can't just throw the word "confidence" around and think that it applies to every situation. To do so is pitifully stupid.

It's not always easy to find confidence, but you need to have some belief in yourself. That's how you get through life. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you luck with a women, and if it does then it'll just be out of pity and that's not love. I don't know what kind of women you've been running into but not all women go after what you call "worthless bums who don't work". I know a lot of women who are with guys who are hard working and have nice paying jobs. Every woman is different and for the woman that you helped out and then a few years later she pretended that you didn't exist, did you even try to make contact with her between those times. Did you make contact with any woman without paying for it to happen? (yes, I did read your earlier post on here). Your examples don't make sense. I think you just have up to easy.

I don't think you understand Aspergers Syndrome. Iggy, confidence is sexy, but it isn't everything. It's SEXY, but you know what ? The most "confident" men are the worst men to be with on Earth. Confidence is always a good thing to have, but it isn't everything. Plus, you have to give this man a break. He has every right to talk about his feelings which you call complaining. The man is 49 not 25. I hate to be discouraging, but he's being pretty realistic. Regardless, he's on experience project talking. It doesn't mean he tells women in real life about his feelings. Honestly, Iggy, you sound like a 15yr old not a 25yr old. You have a lot of life to live, sweetheart , and it shows. YOU'D get more girls if you learned to keep your mouth shut.

I would like to apologize for what I said in my original post. I wasn't trying to sound like a jerk, I was trying to encourage everybody on here to feel good about themselves because then if you feel good about yourself then other people will see that and want to be around you more. It's pretty much the only way we'll ever receive love. We as humans are pretty much like projectors (remember seeing those in school?) once we feel something, it will pretty much reflect onto other people and they'll feel what you're feeling in one way or another. I was just trying to help people feel more better about their lives because I believe that's the only way you'll ever find true compassion. There has been a lot of study behind that and I've experienced this myself . I will admit, it's not easy and will probably take time, maybe even years but it's the only way.

@Forgettotrust: I will agree with you on one thing and that there is such thing as being too "confident". Nobody wants to be around someone who is arrogant, cocky, and full of themselves. I believe that there is a limit when it comes to be being confident and that would be crossing it. So you're right about that part.

But I would get more girls if I kept my mouth shut? that's something I have to disagree with. How is a relationship gonna grow if you're silent as a mime. Communication needs to be involved somehow. Sure, you need to watch what you say but you need to talk somehow.

And I disagree when you said that Shuhak is being realistic. I'm sorry he feels the way that he does and I do believe that everybody is entitled to express their opinion but feeling that way isn't going to change your outcome for the better. It doesn't matter if he openly tells women about his feelings or not. If you feel you're unattractive or unworthy to woman, one way or another, it's gonna show and gonna be easy to detect.

My intention was not to discourage anybody from expressing their emotions, I was just trying to offer some encouraging advice, which now I realize it came out as an angry rant and I apologize for that. Believe what you want to believe, as for me I still think only "confidence" and "courage" will prevail. Everybody is capable of finding love, it just all depends on how you feel about yourself and if you don't believe that, then that's your choice and I wish you good luck in life.

Everyone is capable of finding love ? I could examine that thought from too many angles, so I'm going to have to let that one go. I said he was being realistic, because he's a bit older than you. You're practically advising him to break out of his shell and change his way of thinking at 50yrs old. Just be confident? Can you imagine how that must make him feel? It's very condescending to say the least. It's like advising a chronically paranoid person to "just
get over it, don't worry about all the people following you, get out more!" People with Aspergers have a difficult time catching on to social cues and such. Plus, he's shy! As far as the projecting love thing goes, I don't think it applies in his situation. He's a very loving person it seems, but it doesn't change the fact
that he's a shy man. Also, I don't hear self-pity in his words. He's expressing his feelings, but I don't consider it complaining. I'm glad you apologized for your initial post/response to his story. I think it's obvious why I said you'd get more women if you kept your mouth shut. Yoi knee exactly what I meant. No need to give me a lesson on communication and its importance in relationships and understanding others. You know what I meant when I told you to watch your words, and I know that's why you apologized. Won't even address the topic of communication as it is completely irrelevant . Once again, I'm not trying to be discouraging but realistic, rather. There's a possibility that he might find love and companionship, but don't act like he can change his personality with a flick of a switch.. . It can be very frustrating when people have that attitude.

You knew* exactly what I meant.

@Forgettotrust It's true. We all need to break out of our shell, that's life, it's all about taking risks. What's the point of living, if we don't take risks? I'm talking from personal experience here. I never got anywhere with girls until I started I started coming out of my comfort zone. I'm not saying he should just quickly burst out of his bubble, I think that should happen gradually but ultimately that's how relationships work.

There are plenty of people with asperger's that have normal loving relationships. Sure it makes it difficult to maintain a relationship but it's not impossible. It can happen. Being shy is the ultimate barrier of starting a relationship. In a lot of cases, it's the main reason why some people end up alone. There are ways to overcome being shy. I understand it may take time and I do think people should take their time with this but that's one hurdle we need to jump over when it comes to meeting someone. Females are just regular human beings, not all of them are wild animals that will bite your hand off if you stick it out to them.

And you had nothing to do with me apologizing. So don't be taking credit for that. I realized on my own that I sounded a bit harsh and I was just wanted to explain what I really meant. My intention was to help and not sound like a jerk. And I still think communication is another big factor. You even see counselors agreeing to it. But hey it's your choice if you want to believe it or not. And I would get more girls if I kept my mouth shut? that's something I strongly disagree with. I know there's certain things you shouldn't say to a woman but you're not going to get anywhere with anybody with that method. That's BS if you ask me.

And if that's your idea of being realistic then maybe you don't feel so good about yourself or your life. I still strongly believe what I mentioned above is the only way we'll ever achieve love and companionship but for the record, I don't think it can happen in a blink of an eye. I know it will take time. How much time? I don't know, everybody's different but I know with hope and confidence it can be achieved. My best wishes go out to Shuhak on his quest of finding the romance that he long desired for.

Too much silence makes most women feel uneasy. If a woman has to carry every conversation, she will seek out better company.

People fall in love about the way the other person makes them feel good about themselves. this is true or men and women--with no feedback (which is what silence gives the other person) they can never feel good with the company they are in. If you are too quiet, the girl usually leaves.

Forgettotrust: there IS a huge difference between confidence and arrogance.

To hell with confidence.

Alright, man. have fun with your life then.

Confidence is nothing more then a word it means nothing else to me. I'm not gonna change anything for anyone, girls would have to accept who i am just as i would accept how they were.

And if that's how you want to live your life, then that's your choice. Changing who you are shouldn't be for the other person, it should be only for yourself to make your life better but it sounds like you're pretty happy with yourself and I think with that mentality you won't have much of a problem finding romance if that's something you're looking for.

17 More Responses

I am a virgin and I'm 37. But I'm also a little different... I used to be insecure for years and years and was very awkward and anxious around women. Then a few years ago, I turned 'hot'. I worked out, got fit, and play in bands. I see women staring at me. I know women are attracted to me. But you know what? I don't give a crap. I was ignored for years and I've basically learned not to need a partner because of that. The fact is though, I am also transgender and I am starting the transition process. It took me years to understand and accept this about myself but it didnt help that during that time I was basically left to my own devices to wallow alone and not have the experience of love or someone to share my feelings with. In retrospect it worked out not to have to upset a long term relationship or marriage by coming out as trans but it would have been nice to have real experience of companionship in my life. If I get it one day, either with a man or with a woman, it will be nice. But I have so much experience being on my own it won't affect me anymore. Its not that I'm 'happy' being alone, but now I know can't enter a relationship until I am first comfortable with myself. Fear and self hate held me back immensely! Count yourself lucky that you are at least comfortable in your gender!

Don't worry and that's not true,your'e not forever alone because god is with you,he is with everyone.

I just met a guy, he is mid late 40's and I find him very attractive, although he is not conventionally attractive. I thought he may be aware of my attraction.... then he said, he has never had a relationship and doesn't know how to spot signals. Wow, So my conventional flirting will be invisible to him and I will blatantly have to tell him how I feel. This is so scary. Maybe he is single because he has no interest in a sexual relationship. I am reasonably attractive, 2 yrs older than him. But wow I could really go for him and he is blind to my interest. He has a lovely personality, a beautiful voice and the sweetest nature. What do I do?

Sadly, many of those who have never had the "luxury" of having a relationship don't have a clue as how to get into one or maintain it (never got the chance to learn). It's just as scary for them than it is for you (if not more so). It's also true that some people don't want a relationship. They're happy the way they are.
If all you're after is sex, there are plenty of others out there who will be wiling (and you might find them more "conventionally attractive") But if you want a real relationship with this person, go slow and help them. Forming a relationship may be easy for you (experience), but this is all new to them. Help them with it. If you find that they really don't want a relationship (you can tell), don't try to "make them have one" as it won't work and you both will be miserable.

I think he may like a relationship, and no sex is not what I'm after strictly, I'd just like it with this particular person, if I could tell if he was interested. He is the first man I desire and think I could love for years. It's such a shock to realise he is so clueless

the complication is we work together and he leaves in 6 weeks

He may like a relationship. Just remember it's new to him. 6 weeks isn't much time, but don't pressure him or he may "bolt". People who haven't had relationships before may be shy, so let him" get used to you" (having someone who cares about him around).

Iwant so much to tell him, but I'm receiving no encouragement

A I said, either it's too "new" (foreign) to him, or he has no desire for a relationship. I guess you could ask him, but not as to frighten him off.

3 More Responses


Guys whatever you all said to get girls maybe 90% correct but then God has given every human being something called free will an if any girl exercises her free will against dating you the one in search of a comapanion there's nothing you can do about it.

Like you, I'm in my late 40's (48) and have never had a girlfriend...
It is so heart/soul destroying........not having someone to share this life with....
Watching your teen age years, then your 20's, 30's and now 40's go by, seeing guys dating girls, getting girlfriends, settling down and starting families..all the while you are still single trying to find that special someone..
Its especially hard when you see women attracted to these 'bad boys'..they may be over confident, rude, loud, aggresive...but women seem to be attracted to them.....and the 'Nice guys', are left behind.....'Finish Last' ...

I truly hope that you are able to find someone soon to share your life with, to share your heart and soul with a partner would be an amazing experience..

Take care and Goodluck

John :-)

I can see that you understand. That\'s exactly how I feel too.

" I’m a Christian" that's your problem, buddy

How is him being a Christian a problem?

Same with me brother . Im 24 and still single , I have never kissed or held hands with a woman .I feel absolutely pathetic and abnormal right now, its ridiculous when all my friends are discussing their past relationship stories and sex life , Im the only one quiet with nothing to say. I think you miss the boat once you cross 21 and you are still single .It becomes increasingly more difficult for a guy to get a girl the longer he his single since his desperation for sex and relationship keeps increasing and women can sense this easily .
I really don't know what to do right now , because its going to get more difficult the older I get.

do you have money
??? no money no talk

I'm so sorry, i can't even imagine how you feel, i had my first boyfriend when i was almost 19 and before that i was so lonely, you must feel 100 times worse! I always say that the life is so unfair! There are good people who just want true love but can't find it, and on the other hand there are people who have good person beside them and yet they cheat! I hope you will still find somebody and experience true love, until then concentrate on other things in life. Good luck!

I done most of the things that you guys haven't done.
If you search on the net, even married people feel lonely.

-stop thinking so much

I used to be in the same boat. I didn't start dating until I was 26 due to epilepsy until I was cured through surgery. I dropped my standards and settled for a girl I didn't find attractive at all. It gave me experience. After we broke up, I decided to change myself completely. I had been that nice guy. I wasn't going to be anymore. I got big into sports and got buffed. I started getting a lot of attention from women. That changed my personality completely. I became really flashy. I had the confidence and arrogance that women like. I got all kinds of attention from women that I had not dreamed of. I am now happily married today. Do stuff that stands out. Women like that. I have climbed some of the highest peaks in the world and women are always really impressed. They want someone they know is willing to go the extra mile. Don't try to be that nice guy. It hasn't worked so far, so why do you think it will in the future?

I am saddened by many of these post. It's horrible that there are so many lonely people out there. People with so much to give but get nothing in return. You heard it thousands of times....there is someone for everyone, you will find someone if you are not looking, there are plenty of fish in the sea. It angers you because you tell yourself it isn't true and if it was when will it happen.

Let me tell you a story about a guy I know. This guy had no luck in high school he tried everything girls would friend zone him in a heart beat. Then came college he thought his luck would improve there. It didn't. Not one date not one kiss. Nothing. Around women all day long and still nothing. Girls found him very funny, likable, and sweet they always said, "whoever dates you will be the luckiest girl ever." What they meant is he is a great guy but not for me. After college he was alone. No friends no girls no anything. He wanted to give up on life. The sight of others in love mad him sick to his stomach. He was alone. He always wondered how everyone can find someone but him. He sometimes cried at night until he fell sleep until one day he said **** this **** things will change.

He worked out, dressed better, learned what worked on women, how to talk to women, worked harder at work, saved more money. All these things made his confidence go up. He told himself its now or never. He made the effort and talked to as many girls as possible, asked them out and did not care if he got rejected at this point nothing was more painful than being alone. It was a rough road at first but got better and better. It took a whole year before he really started seeing things happen. The very next year he started going on dates, made out with women, had women calling him, texting him, even had sex with many of them 4 to be exact in about 6 or 7 month period. Went from virgin who never kissed a girl to having sex with 4 of them and making out and dating many other women. Who was this man? That man was was me. I was that guy...

Lets be honest now. If nothing is working for you, you have two options you can keep on waiting and hoping that the one will find you and you will live happily ever after or you can do something about it and change yourself. I know what many people here are thinking. I'm not going to change who I am. Fine move along and stop reading this than. This post is not for you. I wish you the best and the one may very well find you one day....but in the meantime your life is going to be the same as it is right now....or you can change. When I say change I'm not saying to be someone different I'm saying to be the better version of yourself. Why do you go to school? To get smarter right? Are you changing you are not you are the same guy you were before but now you are the smarter version. You are improving yourself not changing who you are. If you want help I will help you but you have you want it badly and want to put in hard work into it because it takes effort, hard work and dedication. If you want a change in your life please email me I will help....why am I willing to put work into someone I don't know because I was that guy before and I know how it feels like. I can help you. So please email me and lets start your life.

What is your e-mail? I could use your help.

My email is

it seems like most of the posts on this topic are from guys in their early to mid 20's and guys that are those ages are too young to be dating anybody anyway, so what are they complaing about?

23 year old guy going on 24 never had. A gf,never kissed a girl on the lips, furthest I've ever got has been kiss on the cheek/hugging et and the more crazy thing is i'm not even a bad looking guy I get plenty of girls telling me they think i'm cute etc, I go to the gym and am considerably strong/built for a guy my height being only 5'7, I got shot down by the girl of my dreams the other week saying she only thinksof me as a friend nothing more, I'm past the point of even caring to be honest and feel I don't need a relationship anyway because I have so much OI want to achieve in life I eventually want to move out as I'm still living with my dad/sister, I want to beef myself up a bit more than I do now, travel the world and eventually re-apply for the army, I sort of like being independant and not having to cater to the whims of another person (might seem a bit selfish), heck i'll probably just turn gay considering i'm more comfortable around men than women and i've actually done sexual things with a guy in the past! My story right there.

Unfortunately it is a meat market out there. A good friend lost everything and had only $3K car - after working 25 years. He retrained as a cook but found that on dates as soon as
women knew he had no money, they dumped him immediately. He is kind, nice bloke, but he discovered women after basically after money - a house, a husband with a prestige job, security and of course MONEY. There are few women who would marry below their own social status. The friend is a Christian, and would not visit a prostitute peddling her body for cash. But he is resigned to staying single. It is not God doing this, but sinful women shunning the poor in status and poor in money. If you have money, a high status job, women will be interested. But it is a really wonderful woman who loves you because of you - and not what's in it for her. So in some ways, unless the right woman comes along, best to stay single. The worse thing would be to marry a gold digger. Imagine being 90 years old and a 20 year old bimbo marries you saying she loves you. We all know she is after the loot you kick the bucket. SO stay true to yourself. If some woman rejects you and you are indeed a good person, you are better off without them.

I'm a 40 year old male and I have never had so much as one date. I have, however, had sex. I just went on ahead at age 29 and paid for it, just to go ahead and cut those virginity strings. But, it's all good though. Really. You know why? Because the dating world is tough and about to get a WHOLE lot tougher. And where will I be when the next wave of single folks are all out there fighting each other for affections of the same people? Chilling out with a cold one in my hand and laughing it up. And if I go awhile and feel like I just need some female contact, I just make a phone call and pay to get laid. I will do that as long as I can. And when when I'm old (assuming I live that long) and even the paying for it route is no longer an option, at least I can say I knew what sex felt like. Because bought and paid for sex is still sex no matter how you look at it. But, way before that time comes, I will be enjoying myself. You better believe I will relish every moment on the beach, traveling to places I've only dreamed of seeing, eating at nice restaurants, going to sporting events, learning new things like fly fishing and moose hunting, watching my nieces grow up. See, I still even get the children experience, albeit they aren't mine in the truest since of the word, but hey one, they are still my blood, and two, I can say I got to have that experience WITHOUT marriage, which apparently I was never good enough for anyway. I can't wait to watch these arrogant, self absorbed women end up with horrific guys who are disgusting scum bags that won't work and the women have to end up bailing them out WHEN their creditors come busting down their doors to collect debts that they ran up and refused to pay. At the exact same time, I can't wait to watch these GQ model guys who think they are God's gift to women end up with women who just want somebody to feed them money. You don't think that is what is in store for the next wave of young, hot, up and coming singles? LOL! Hang on,it's going to be a bumpy ride! Not for me, though! :-)

I'm 27 and have never really dated nor have I had sex. I've had people say to me: "I don't understand why you haven't found someone. . . blah blah blah." People sympathizing isn't going to make anything change. I know that I have a high value as a person. Knowing that helps a lot because I have standards. Had I dipped below my standards I could have had drunken sex in a bathroom at a college party. . . but dammit, I'm worth more than that. I could have turned into a submissive shell of myself trying to get guys to notice me but that idea really ****** me off. At the end of the day I know I am a witty, head strong, understanding, and all-around-good person. I can sleep at night without a worry about my integrity. If I can continue this pattern for the rest of my life I can die happy. Shuhak, you sound like a decent person. Try not to doubt your own worth by measuring it according to your dating life. That would undermine all of the years of hard work and awesome that is your experience. I understand that it would be pretty damn cool to have someone whom to share your life. I'm not going to pull your tail and say that I'm over being alone. I'm not but I can't keep going on day after day focusing on that feeling (a mixture of rejection, disappointment, fear, weariness, and sadness). I bet I sound condescending because I'm younger than you but that is not my intent.

I too have morals and standards (high standards at that). I know that my worth has nothing to do with my "dating life". I know I don't "need" someone in my life and that, no matter what, I spend my life with myself (as we all do). But as you grow older, you get very lonely. You long to have someone to talk to; to share things with; to do things with. This is what I miss.

rape is your only option left

I should not have hearted this comment, but frankly it shocked me and I laughed long and hard when I read it--shame on me! LOL

I'm in the same boat, but I don't care any more. Get over yourself and try having sex with prostitutes if you are concerned about losing your v-card. It's either paying directly or indirectly. Once I cleared that hurdle, my outlook changed.
Also, some of your problem may be your location. It's a sausage fest in my area and the single women aren't that great. I've seen higher quality women on the Casual Encounters section of Craigs List that on the OLD sites for my area.

I am in the same boat I have been on dating sites for a third of my life and have never had any interest except from gay men and women who want pen pals only,I am not gay and want a girl friend,but there doesn't seam to be much chance of that,I have asked out many women in my life,but they all turn me down saying I'm ugly and they aren't hard up etc,if there is a God out there he just doesn't want me to be with anyone and what's worse is arseholes and players have no trouble getting women,often as many as they would like.

Like others here I have never had a girlfriend. I have only once in my life had a close connection with a female who became a very close friend in my life but due to various factors we were not destined for the relationship to progress further and thus we stayed as friends only..I believe I am a nice, honest and decent guy. yet at 48 have never had a girlfriend.Women often say they want an honest, caring, loyaly decent guy....yet so often I see women falling for the 'bad guy'.Guys who have traits such as who are arrogant, loud, aggressive, cocky, chauvinistic, seem to get the women....I'm starting to believe that the 'nice guys' in this world in too many cases do finish last....I try to put up a positive front to others but inside the loneliness is soul destroying...Unless you are in a similar situation, its really hard to understand the pain that loneliness can bring.Friends say, you'll find someone one day...or there are others alone like you, other people deal with it, yet these "friends" who say that currently have a partner or have had partners and thus truly have no idea about what true loneliness means or feels like ...I deal with physical pain daily due to an accident but the pain of the heart/soul is so much harder to bear....I believe that we are not mean't to be alone, that we all need the love, someone to share our hearts with.To me life to me is not worth living if we have to spend our entire life's alone. I would easily prefer to not be here any longer than to spend much more time alone in this world...I hope that one day I, like others here who are in a similar situation, do find love one day.........<br />

100% Feel the same John.

35 years old, soon to turn 36. Never had a girlfriend and still a virgin. All I've had were a couple of make out and cuddle sessions, which combined I can count on one hand and all might not have occurred if not for alcohol. I feel so pathetic. Yeah, I'm socially awkward, and I know I'm not easy on the eyes ... difficulty at landing a good job and lacking the gift of gab and wittiness that so many other people seem to have hasn't helped matters either. I'm the kind of person that has been told by several girls that they want to be my friend, but it stops there. It's so frustrating. I wish I knew what it was about me that everyone finds so unappealing, and work hard to change it. No one ever tells me, and I would really like to know. I guess I try my best to hide my low self esteem and lack of self confidence, but somehow I give off signals that everyone picks up on. I don't know ... maybe I'm just not cut out for this whole life thing.

I ask myself do I have to change who I am? Or make pretend to be someone I am not to hook up with a girl? Heh it's ridiculous I won't change for anyone though.

7087thmind, I perfectly understand what you mean it's like women are attracted/interested in men that have some slight of how do you say it evil? Even the nice guys that try they are shy like us but try always get rejected or not even given a chance. I simply don't understand it since when is it a sin to be yourself and be good and nice to others.

I hope I can help some of the people here. You must put yourself in the women's shoes. They don't know you. They cannot read your thoughts. Generally, its not that they are attracted to bad guys but that they mirror your feelings. If you are impulsive, they also get swept away. They want a guy to take charge, our society tells them that the man has to make the move. I have had girls tell me that they are interested in a guy but wont are just waiting for him to make a move. So make a move and be confident. I look back and realize there were a few times I hesitated. I cannot take back the moments. Other times I acted without a pause. All I know is the next time I will not hesitate.

Women associate kindness and being nice with weakness--most women want an alpha male--one who is agressive, and not afraid to confront other men--other wise if confronted the nice guy gets beat up, the girl gets beat up and raped or the nice guy hides behind his tougher girlfriend. the most shameful thing for most women is to be tougher than their boyfriend or husband--it is like they got a natural selection dud.

Good guys Live long and die bachelor. Not so nice guys live less and don't die bachelor. Well keep up the wait, I'm on my way there too. Similar story just that I smoke and drink social though am relatively an introvert. I guess being a guy and being nice don't really help. Girls perhaps do have a thing for even the slightest streak of dark in a man. And the irony is we get bad publicity when they are attacked, how fair is life or God ?

I am in the same exact boat as you are my friend, Except I am 26 yrs old and will be turning 27 at the end of this yr. I see myself being an old man and not having anything. I have absolutely no experience with women never kissed one what so ever. I only had friends that are girls in elementary and in middle school from high school and up forget about it. Thing is I have anxiety and I am also too shy I get very very nervous around young attractive women, I have absolutely no problem around the older crowd 40's and up. After high school I've had my chances with women giving me signs and I never did a thing so that part it's my fault. But the only times I have ever done something it was about 2-3 times I can say I tried. I was in mortal fear but I manned up and did something about it, guess what? I got rejected all those times. I am not ugly at all everyone says I am handsome, I workout i am not huge but I have like 16-17 inch arms, abs you name it. I dress differently from most guys I dress formal most of the time and I notice when I dress like that I have women checking me out by the tons yet nothing happens in the end. Everyone says I am extremely nice in every single thing I do. But that's who I am I do not choose to be this way, I was born that way and I will not change for anyone. My co-worker told me once I don't understand how you do not have a GF you are young, handsome, and physically attractive and so I tell him I have no clue. Any who I feel down at times my self-esteem sometimes goes down the drain but later on I feel fine. I just try to not think about it. People have told me since i was around age 18 or so don't worry your day will come you will have a GF someday but that is not true. I am kind of neutral on the god thing I sometimes believe in it sometimes I do not. Too many negativity happening to good people. I was really desperate at one point I would seek psychics online and get readings I have had about a few like 6, all were accurate in how they describe me and what I am all about, but all of their outcomes never came true. All of them said I would meet someone within a specific time period never happened and believe me I went out there and did a lot of activities to no avail. So in other words as much as I want a GF i don't see it happening if it doesn't happen now that I am in my prime and in my youth it ain't gonna happen when I'm old. Another thing I get is old women tell me if they were my age that they would be my girlfriend, I laugh and say wow why can't a woman my age say that or feel that way. I had to mothers tell my dad they wish their daughters could marry me or date me thats how decent I am I have parents of women say that to my dad but they are taken, it can never happen with a single girl around my age range. It's ridiculous but I know how you feel Shuhak don't worry my friend maybe we won't get the girls but we will succeed in other aspects in life that normally other people can not. Just take a deep breath everything will be alright a lot of us posting on here are all on the same boat and we can help each other, if you need someone to talk to I am here my friend just send me your email info. Thanks for sharing your life experiences with us. Jesse.

Personally, I feel where you're comimg from. I'm not for women. I'm currently sexist and why date women when you have ****. You don't have to hear **** complain. Your only possibe downfall is that you won't get the sandwich you requested and the Kitchen may be dirty. Other than that, my hand does what an "inferior" woman can't; please me. If you really care that much about your emotions, you are a woman, and therefore weak.

I've never had a girlfriend either. It bother's me, but I'm used to it by now. You can get used to anything after a while.

I'm in the same situation. I'm 48 and never had a girlfriend. I've tried. I realize now, far too late, that the "just be yourself" and be a 'nice guy' attitude is a cruel lie. I'm still attracted to young women (18-25) which is considered 'creepy' but WHY?? I never had that experience at that age. It's not fair! I will try extra hard in the next two years to get a relationship started. When I hit 50, and if I'm still alone, I will end my life. If you could even call it a life.

Yes, since you never had that experience (and still desire it) you're attracted to younger women. They are at the age you still see yourself. Others see it a creepy; you see it as tr the life you strongly desire. I too was the "nice guy", but to no avail. I bought into the lie of "Don't worry about it,it'l happen. There's someone for everyone."
I'm now 49 (never edited this story) and still long for the life I feel I was denied. While people will tell you that it's possible to have a relationship at this stage of life, the reality of life is, those who have never had one, will never have one.
I understand. No one can know (or even imagine) how lonely life can get unless they've experienced this themselves. We weren't designed to be (involuntary) solitary beings.

Thank you so much for the reply. I'm in tears right now. I hope we both find our way.

Feel the same way on the younger ladies & why we feel that way. As well as about death. Although I've thought about checking out for a couple decades. I'm Christian & continue to struggle but resist that urge. I actually keep hoping the Big guy upstairs will return or take me out already. In any event I'm still here, trying to make it & relate. Not all young women think it's creepy. I was just looking at a bride site with a beautiful 18yo into 1950's stuff who is looking for a 35-50yo man. Probably a sugar-daddy type arrangement is my guess but you never know.
If I wasn't so short 5'4 (if that), not a loud mouth, inexperienced & not rich, like I am, I'd love to talk to her. She's 5'6 though & I'm sure not looking for an inexperienced, midget circus freak like myself. After all, what women would be? Rhetorical question. Best wishes

I have AS myself. I'm currently 22 and never had a girlfriend.

But the way I look at it.... most guys who have a girlfriend or a wife actually complain about having one, as the feel they don't have the freedom to go and do all the things they want in life.

I think its human nature to often look on the negative side of things, when really, most things in life have good and bad points.

You're 45 and probably have at least another 25 years left which is a lot of time. Stop thinking about girls and go and do other stuff that you've always wanted to do.

Besides, women like guys who do their own thing and don't dwell too much on being alone. Just go out there and enjoy the time you have left.

No women don't like guys that do their own thing,because they see them as weird,they prefer men to do as others do.

Actually, we prefer men who have interests similar to ours or they do interesting things we can begin to learn from or join in.

The WORST is a guy with no interests, everybody should have something and smart guys find women who share the same interests. It does not have to be a group activity.

Both my husband and I love to read--we read different things (him sci fi,me--everything including sci fi so one of the things we do is go to half price books together. We both like music and we like blues ---him more than I, I actually prefer jazz but he does not like that--so we go to blues clubs (I can get into almost anything). I like food (foodie) he has no interest--but he does love to see me loving food... the more things you can find an interest in, the more likely you can find someone to share that interest with.

OMG. you have my life.

i have einstien sydrome and i have never had a gf. im 23. i like girls but in highschool all the girls i like all said i wasnt good enough. i like church and God. its been with like this with lots of girls no mater what i do to get there attention. i play ten instruments, i draw, im smart. im nice. i do martial arts,dance,sing. but for some reason i cant find a woman who will give me a shot.???? i have a college degree and im getting another. so obviosly stuff i can do is not attractive. i tried online dating but for some reason woman seem more picky online then they do in real life. im generally a very happy person and can get along with alot of people. i realised the only times i ever get sad or depressed is when i think about dating or love. it makes me wonder "why am i not good enough" or is it them. i realised im gonna donate my life to my education. woman have only brought sadness on my life. i figure i only want one because i never had one or im told i cant have one. i figure im just gonna do my best to help other people and make friends on the way. but love maybe its more then just a dating relationship. that and when a woman is like where ara all the good guys at. we can just say there being ignore while the jerk has grabbed ur attention. i find it weird a guy i know has bragged about sleeping with hundreds of woman. woman say they hate these guys but obviosly that is not true.

Most men LIE a lot about the women they have slept with. When I was younger guys used to lie about having me all the time. I would get so upset until my mom told me, that it is common for men to lie and brag about sex they have never had and probably will never have.

Hi these are very interesting stories; let me tell you mind. I have to say I have comfort from the fact nobody knows me on here and I'm anonymous.

I'm 41 never had a girlfriend, kiss, etc. etc. I've struggled with the why part to God, and how has my life become what it is? I actually understand the why, but I don't understand why God allowed the why. The why is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder messed up all my relationships growing up. It's pretty simple really looking back on it all. I obsessed about sinning all the time from growing up learning about God's laws and everything in the Bible; because of my mental disability I feel agony a lot feeling like I'm sinning from feelings I have whenever I see scantily clad women or that kind of thing; some of this is probably legit while most is probably just my mental disorder tormenting me.

As an adolescent I didn't know I had a problem and thought, well, if I'm feeling this way, everybody feels this way. Around age 24 or 25 I felt like I almost went crazy from my tormented feelings or possible sin and guilt. I asked my Dad, what should I do forget about my guilty feelings and obsessions? He said forget about them or leave them behind. I know from my understanding of the Bible God says obey your parents, so I ignored my guilty feelings, and in about three days I stopped having them. So I realized from this experience I should not constantly ask forgiveness of my guilt that might possibly be sins; doing this drove me crazy because I constantly asked forgiveness from God over guilty possible sins I might of been having. I learned to hear my conscience better from the experience. I can now hear my conscience say, "Don't constantly ask forgiveness for sins that you don't know are sins for sure." Glory to God for taking away my agony of having to ask forgiveness all the time! The obsessions destroyed my chances of having girlfriends growing up.

Okay getting back to my main point. After 24 or age 25 when I learned how to deal with my disability better, I found I'm too old to get girls I'm attracted to, girls or women now may not like me when they hear about my disability, and girls or women my age (41) are not found in abundance. Yes I've thought about all the typical common solutions everyone else has probably thought about.

I wanted a girlfriend so bad in third grade, and so on throughout middle and high school. I had lots of crushes, but my disability kept me from figuring out how to make things happen. By the time I learned how to deal with my disability, all the girls I was attracted to did not exist anymore. They are either married, divorced with kids, etc. etc.

I find I'm constantly attracted to younger girls who think I'm too old to be with. I think a lot of this is because I missed all the normal childhood experiences with the opposite sex like having a girlfriend in third grade and talking to her on the phone and having her like me back and be attracted to me as much as I'm to her.

I'm never attracted to girls or women my age (41). I keep thinking hopefully I will find someone my age I'm attracted to and want to be with more than anyone else in the whole world, but alas, that has never happened.

I've been reading a book called The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren, and that's pretty awesome! It reveals from the Bible how God loves you more than you can ever know and has every last detail of your life planned out even before you were born. Having all this beautiful knowledge does not take away the agony, pain, and torture I feel every time I see a young couple loving each other in a relationship. I see a young twenty something person with experience with the opposite sex in a relationship, and I see myself in my forties never having this experience.

Every time I see a movie, hear a song, or see any kind of media entertainment with a reference to having dates and a girlfriend or young love between a 12 year old and his beautiful cute girlfriend in a movie, I think of how I've never had that, and that's the experience I want more than any other pleasure given to us by God apart from God himself of course :) My point is, even though I know God loves me and has every detail of my life planned out, I still have agony and torment whenever I'm reminded of never having a girlfriend.

The only solution I know is to continue trusting in God in his all-powerful, all-knowing, and all perfect all-loving nature. I trust that after this life when I get to heaven, God will make everything right and perfect. Until then, I need to ask for God's help to make it through my struggles. I may not ever have a girlfriend, but that's not going to stop me from living for God. God will help me through all my struggles, and if I continue serving him, believing in him, trusting him, and loving him, he will help me get through it all, and I'll be in heaven enjoying the perfect life in eternity one day :)

Even though I still live for God, God hasn't taken my pain and agony away completely. Everyone of you know God understands every last detail of your life and what you're going through; after all, who created you? Who has the instructions on how you operate? Of course, God made you; he put every last detail of your DNA, cells, and parts still undiscovered by science together to form you. He understands all your emotions because he made you in his image. God made you in his own image. God made you after him. God made you like him, so of course God understands your emotions and sexual unfulfilled desires. God wants you to trust in him for strength to get through everything :)

Of course telling you all this doesn't make the problems go away, but I hope you feel comfort from knowing what I'm going through.

By the way you can't control your feelings. I force myself not to covet other people's experiences and lives, but the feelings come anyway. Feelings are automatic and come naturally, so you can't stop them from occurring. But you can decide how you react to them. You can either put them away trust in God to help you with them or sin and break one of God's commandments to not covet anything of your neighbors; I chose to obey God and capture every thought for his glory.

One reason God put me in this situation is to help others like you :)

You sound an awful lot like me. And your answer is a good one. Thanks.

I can relate with what you have said. Another poster mentioned his depression when thinking about relationships which is the same for me. Which leads to trying to avoid it. Over time, I've really isolated myself & virtually stopped listening to the radio & tv because the pain that is brought from the constant barrage of images & sounds of others in fulfilling, loving relationships. I have a hard time going out in public & also looking at people in general now because of this. Which of course is a downward spiral of actually having hope in finding a compatible mate.

Stop being hung up on age. I am 53 now and a lot of the men who want to date me are 19-35 they think I am in my mid 30s but one thought I was about 25 (imagine that) I look about 35 but I am not I am 53. When I was 28 I looked about 16. the thing is , if you get hung up on numbers like age--you are limiting yourself by your biases. Release any prejudices about race, cultures, religions and other superficial biases like height, blonde only etc and you widen your choices and chances or stay really focus and picky, daydreaming about women you could never have.. the smart thing is to broaden your own horizons to increase your odds---go by what you see and how a person makes you feel.

I hope that the people who posted on here do find happiness and meet a compatible girl/lady friend. I am 44 and had a girlfriend in high school, basically because she was nice and wanted to date me. That's the only relationship I've ever had. With a few exceptions, my friends are married and have children. When I look at the world and how messed up it is, I am so glad that I never paired off with anyone and had children.

My mother had one sister who never married, and my dad was an only child, and I have no siblings, so I really have no close family. I have some good friends who I enjoy being with, and like their spouses and their children. But for myself, I never understood the desire to pair off. Most people in the world want a relationship; I never had the desire for one.

Like I said, I hope people who are looking find someone special.

. . . That will never happen for me. God hates me. I'll never find that special someone. People just have to live with the fact that God didn't put that special someone on earth for you to love and bare children with.

And yes I might of been kissed by a girl in middle / high school, but that was just D*m* puppylove because it never lasted for more then 3months tops.

See my response; I'm xbox3. Maybe I can help; I definitely see the downtrodden response you made; hopefully I can cheer you up a bit :)

Im a adolescent between the age of 13 to 17 and fear i have the same sad faith. Why does God hate me?

I also never in my life so far ever had any girl indicate to me in any way (verbal and or body language when around me) that they have interest in me. I doubtful anyone will love me other then my parents. Relationships are so hard, especially for someone with autism.


This will probably be me as well in 20 years.

I honestly hope every single person who posted a reply is a bot or something of that nature, because no man should be able to make it that long in there life and still play such a victimized role. Last time i checked women dont care about a man's looks but more about his personality and how he makes her feel. All of you are capable and deserving of a great woman. If you start taking accountability for your life. All of my knowledge is meant for men like you.

Not everyone is, as you put it, "capable". What seems so simple to one person can be virtually impossible to another - this includes relationships. Yes, many women care about a man’s personality over his looks. But if you never have the chance what good does it do you? One can be the most kind, caring, loving person in the world, but if (for example) they’re so shy that they can’t talk around a woman, they won’t get far. Time is another factor. The older one gets, the harder it becomes as: (1) there are less “available” people, (2) many of the ones who are available have been so “abused” that they no longer desire relationships, (3) women do not want (older) guys who have never been in a relationship (they figure something’s wrong with them), and (4) after years and years of discouragement, one learns not to get their hopes up. I believe many of us DO take accountability for our lives (although some may not), but that doesn’t change circumstances.

Sadly it's true for a lot of theses people we need hope though

that really sucks. im only 45 and still no lady friend too be by my side.

I'm 37 and never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, never had sex, nothing. I'm a really nice, kind, caring, balanced guy, with a steady income. Whenever I meet a woman I'm interested in, she's either married or engaged, and I'm getting tired of it now. I genuinely think that God has missed me out when it comes to love - yet all the worse guys get a girl. I really want to be married and have children, but just because I'm not exciting/smooth-talking/mega-handsome/rich, women don't seem to bother with me - apart from when they want some advise, technical help, or a favour doing - what's the point? I just want to be happy. I do talk to single girls/women, but they seem to be so aggressive and/or up themselves nowadays, or seem to want to play stupid mind-games, that it's really difficult to make a genuine connection with single women nowadays. Perhaps I'll have to just come to terms with the fact that I'm meant to be alone forever - and just throw myself more in to my Piano-playing. I really don't know. There must be some decent, single women out there, but God knows where they are - all the good women seem to be taken (which I know is a terrible cliche)... Perhaps women just don't want nice guys anymore, but won't admit it, because it sounds bad?

Wow..glad I've read some of these responses because I thought I was the only one. I'm 60 and have never had a girlfriend. I can count the number of times I've kissed a girl on one hand. The only sex I've had is the paid kind. Otherwise, I'd still be a virgin. By the time I was 39, the most dates I had with one girl was 4. At 39, I actually went out with a girl about 25 times over a 4 month period, but she made it clear she wasn't my girlfriend. She would go out with me on a Friday night, and someone else on Sat. night. The good thing is we had some long makeout sessions (my first time at this), but kissing only, nothing else. Since then, absolutely nothing. I thought my luck had changed about 4 years ago when I met an attractive woman living downstairs in the house I was renting a room in. We went out for breakfast/lunch 3 times and then she moved. When she did, she left a note on my door with her new phone number so that shows she wanted to still see me. But I called a few times and got an automatic voice mail and never got a return call. That's my luck. Guess I'll always be alone, but I do have lots of interests, such as going out and listening to live music in the clubs, so I try to keep my mind off being alone. It's the best I can do.

I'm 40 in January and never had a girlfriend. I always dreamed that one day I'd be happily married with a family. But it seems I'm one of life's losers, a freak, a failure. There's obviously something wrong with me but I don't know what, and nobody will tell me. I don't want to be old and lonely. I'm depressed I hope I die soon.

I know exactly how you fee!!!

Your not alone. we all hope to die soon because the Devil is preventing us from finding are sole mate and probably giving are sole mate to some spoiled bastard who is a retarded person who does not deserve him or her.

Unfortunately for me, I relate to all of you (45, never anything). The reasons why don't matter and you only depress yourself when you think about it. Wouldn't it have been great if we all had training in relationships beginning maybe in elementary school? Perhaps a class in how to interact with the opposite sex, the social graces (how many of you on this post can dance? - - I'd be embarrassed to try!), and of course, required events designed to force more interaction between girls and boys (in other words, we'll cure that shyness early on). Then, by highschool, maybe we would have been more assertive, confident, outgoing, and better able to compete. I think this would have been great for me, but alas, there was and is no such training for the youthful upstarts. No, us nice guys (good looks or not) have no chance. Personally, I blame genetics for my inability to get the girl. Obviously, I'm simply not desirable to the opposite sex and no, there's no fix for bad genetics. However, there is one good thing...I won't be passing on these bad genes to my (never to be born) children so at least they will not have to suffer this cruel world of loneliness that I have found myself in. And sorry, I don't believe in the, "oh, there's somebody for everybody" nonsense. I know too many men who have died alone. God gives to whom he will...the rest of us are crapped on.

No, I can't dance. I hate hearing people say "oh, there's somebody for everybody". Notice it's only the people who "have" someone who say that.

I know I'm only 14 but I'm extremely lonely and not even the unatractive girls look at me let along the attractive ones I feel so unwanted

Thats how i feel.

In Reply to: "I know I'm only 14 but I'm extremely lonely and not even the unatractive girls look at me let along the attractive ones I feel so unwanted"

Sometimes i feel so unwanted (other then wanted by my parents) I think about smoking whatever i can get my hands on that is toxic. I have sometimes even thought of drinking poisson, but im such a dam* bastard and can't get my self to drink the dam* **** because of being scared to die.

Same it's even worse if you happen to make it into the friend zone. It's either best to be alone or in a relationship because once your in the friend zone your wasting money and time.

The training thing sounds like something Dr. Gilmartin described in his Love-Shy book. It would be/have been very helpful.
Genetics is whole another thing of course.

3 More Responses

I have read all these stories from loveshy guys saying how women dont fancy them. Imagine how much more frustrating it is when women DO fancy you & there is nothjng you can do about it as was my case. I was a teenager in the ''swinging'' sixties (free love & all that) but knowing that a girl found me attractive scared the **** out of me & gave me the shakes etc so much so that i had to get away from them,sometimes being nasty to them in the process. I saw my doctor & was put on tranquillisers but they didnt help. I have lost count of the number of psychiatrists i have seen(all useless) I am 67 years old now & still sexless but it doesnt bother me anymore(probably because i am on antidepressants which have made me impotent) Still the way i look at it is i am free to do anything i please without a woman interfering. Good luck to all my fellow loveshys & keep your ****** up.......Boatrace.

Go to the gym . get big . that's the only way i can get ***** now is working out out the work in yhe gym . and it well pay off out in the world . u say i have tride everything . try this . it well work . now go. working out = getting laid

i am 60 and look and act like i am 30. been through alot of abuse. i tried the suicide 4 times, i am bipolar depressed and, have panic attacks. just looking for a friend to brighten my lonely life. dee

I know exactly how you feel,I am 45 today and have never had a girlfriend,women love teasing and rejecting me and calling me weird and ugly,but they never want me,some want to be an occasional friend or pen pal or text friend,but none are interested and what's worse the girls I know all date idiots and nasty guys,so maybe it's not meant to be or maybe I am supposed to be gay as many gay men say I am gorgeous,the only trouble I like girls.

First of all you have to smoke, drink and do drugs. Still go to church but, party on the weekends and don't forget, treat all women that approach you like crap. Then they will love you forever! ...............Sike jk ha ha ha . Work on improving your self, love yourself and women will flock to you. I'm a well endowed 34 yr old, extremely attractive male and I have sort of the same problem but, my downside is that all the girls that I've dated have turned out to be the wrong ones or they are married or crazy. Moral of the story is that, if you improve your self, people will notice and love who YOU are.

I'm 27 and never had a proper girlfriend so I know how you feel - I feel like I'm 10 years behind some of the guys I went to school with in terms of the amount of chicks they have probably banged and it sucks so much, I feel worse as the years go by, sometimes I feel positive but there's only so much you can do with your hand, it's not like the real thing.<br />
I hope one day I will meet her. They say there is someone for everyone out there, maybe she is out there for me, I don't want to die lonely.

I'm in the same boat as you. Will turn 40 later this year. Never had a girlfriend. Never been on a date. Never even had a girl look at me much less show any interest. I've accepted this fact however.

chandram91 you are one sick piece of crap. one thing is for sure --you chandram91 are the one who is 'good for nothing'. what an evil way to end a post, very sick mind. you are the scum of the earth chandram91.

If you are shy in your teens, get help! Sounds like a lot of people hear have social phobia or avoidant personality disorder. It comes from being picked on as a child or teenager. Or having abusive parents. I have fat and picked on a lot. It has left me very bitter, and of course I don't like people especially women. A lot of them are cold blood, manipulative, and change their minds very easily. I have had amazing sex with a girl on the first date and by the third date they change their mind because of my anxiety. It's not normal to be anxious with someone after you have slept with them, but I am. Mainly because I am not being honest about who I am, and I am afraid the girl is going to change their mind. Every girl I have been involved with has changed their minds for various reasons. They see a selfish, cheap, distant, nervous guy who doesn't know how to date or handle a relationship. This is because I have never had a real long term relationship and don't know what to do, when to call, etc........ So if you are shy get help. Their are great medications, and social skills training out there, assertiveness training to put you on the right path. You don't want to end up 51 never in a long term relationship, and jobless. My personal problems have affected my ability to get along with people at work and I cannot concentrate. I reflect alot on missed opportunities from my past. I have nothing else to do. I am not getting any opportunities now. And the 33 yr old Spanish girl I think was my last. I really can't go out and date anymore after this experience. She was the right girl, but I knew I could not support her. That's why I did not move in. She thinks I was not interested. I was.....very.... but I did not tell her about my career problems. She assumed a smart guy like like would get another job. It's been a year and a half and I have it would have ended anyway. She wasn't looking for a doctor, lawyer etc.... Just an average joe to settle down with and have babies. She has had problems finding that and even told me, "guys never talk about marriage.". She is flaky and unstable so she is seen as a girlfriend material, not someone to have a kid with. She was a ********, and at times her speech was disorganized. She also was very needy and wanted me to be with her all the time. So she was easy with the sex, but difficult to deal with. As you could never please her. I did not come over as often as I should have, because I was never comfortable with her.... EVEN AFTER sleeping with her for over 3 months. That's my problem...and it has never been worked out. I always feel they will see something that will change their minds. Usually anxiety. I just am not comfortable with being close to someone because I am not comfortable with myself. So there is no one for me. I might be able to pick up the bar hoe for a one night stand, I have done that a number of times, but no chance for a real relationship. And certainly don't ever see myself getting married even though I am considered very good looking and smart. But I live with my parents and have no job. So I have to lie...... to even get a date. But when you lie, maybe you can get into the bedroom but inevitably everything comes out. I have lied about my age, and my job to get girls. I then tell them I live at home because I recently got divorced and my ex got the place. So I temporarily moved in with my parents. I make it seem like this living with my parents is new and temporary, even though I have lived with them most of my life. The are old and have psychological and physical impairments. It is a miserable existence. It has been over a year since this Spanish girl got rid of me, wrongly thinking I did not want anything serious. I did..... but did not communicate that. I have not found anyone else, and even pushed away a few girls who were interested. I was not that interested in them or even dating anymore. So I have had plenty dozens of women interested in me over the years, but either I did not make the right move, any move or pushed them away out of fear. No there is not a lid for every pot! I found my lid, but did not move in and communicate how I felt about her. I just did not know how to handle it. Couldn't even call her up at the very end to tell her how I felt. I did not know what to say so I avoided her. She wrongly assumed I was not interested and got rid of her. I am very lonely, depressed and since this experience and I have started about suicide. I have been in therapy on and off for years. It has not helped. It has not helped me develop a career or get the girl. And when I do get the job and girl I lose it after 3 months. Just have to accept it. It's a shame a smart/attractive guy could not find his way and never way about to get a life partner. But if you have anxiety, depression, and a personality disorder it can happen. If you are a shy teenager get help. You may not grow out of it.

I am 51 and have had numerous girlfriends, but no long term relationship. I have had sex with approx. a dozen women. I am considered very good looking and smart and look about 40. I can talk a much younger woman into bed, but I have to lie about my age. My problem with women has ruined my life. I was fat/small in highschool and college. I never dated and hardly ever talked to a girl. Just concentrated on my studies. Typical nerd. I went off to dental school, and even though I was still heavy, women started to throw themselves at me. Because they knew I was going to be a dentist, and I come across as nice/intelligent with a sense of humor. Problem is I didn't know how to handle it. Women would invite me into their rooms and I would not be able to make a move to save sex. When we chatted everything was fine, but I was just so nervous about my sexual performance. This of course made me feel like a loser as other guys were having sex, and bragging about it. It also made me depressed and I could no longer concentrate in professional school. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I was told between the stress of med school and dealing with women for the first time, I had a nervous breakdown and just gave up. Many women gave me hints, sexual looks with their eyes, made moves on me but rather than feel turned on I would get so nervous I would freeze. Thankfully I have gotten over that hurdle and can meet an attractive woman, be charming and get her into bed. The problem is maintaining a relationship. I am just not comfortable enough or confident enough to do. After having my nervous breakdown in med school I have never been the same. I can't concentrate, am constantly depressed and have never been able to hold down a job longer than 6 months. Other guys could get thru med school and get laid and had no problems. With me there was always too much anxiety. I guess I have always been very vulnerable to stress and have a difficult time with getting close to people. Recently I had a very pretty 33 yr old I met online. I lied to her about my age. I told her I was 38 and she never suspected I was older. She slept with me on the second date. I had a job at the time and after 6 weeks she asked me to move in and said she wanted children. Of course I thought that was a little fast. She has her own mental health issues, unstable childhood, father left when she was a child. I guess you could say she has borderline pd. After she slept with me on the second date, she started screaming "I love you so much". I knew there was something wrong with her, but she was beautiful and very good to me and the sex was great. A beautiful 33 year old Hispanic, never married, no kids know something is wrong. I regret not moving in with her as it was my only chance on ever having someone in my life. I still don't have a job and don't expect to get one. I have not had a relationship in over a year. After this experience I have given up. When I told her my age(50), she was still willing to have me in her life and wanted to meet my parents. She said, "you are not looking for something serious". My problem is.... that I did not communicate to the girl. I should have said, I like you alot, want something serious, want you to meet my parents and I will move in. I didn't not say those words..... I couldn't think of them at the time. That's a problem I have always had with women. I kind of blank out when the pressure goes up. I just couldn't get the words she thought I was not interested. I was interested, but without a job I really was scared of having a child. I was afraid if I moved in she would let herself get pregnant and lock me in. She is very pretty and has been with many guys, but they don't stick around because she is flaky and has a strange belief system. She calls herself a Wiccan with a duo personality. So she is seen as weird. Nice girl, but not someone to have children with. I regret every day not moving in with her and at least giving myself a chance to be with someone. I had never lived with anyone before. I was very shy well into my 30's and really didn't come out of my shell until my 40's. That's the decade when I had the most sex. I am considered very good looking, nice features, good body so all women think I am this confident successful stud. Unfortunately I never was able to develop a career. I still have problems concentrating and was never the same after my nervous breakdown in my 20's. I collect SSI/SSD. I just can't deal with the stress of adult responsibilities. Holding down a job, paying bills, raising children, dealing with a spouse. Not everyone is meant to do all that. I am very depressed because after this experience I realize there is no one for me. If I had a job, I might have a chance. But i am lousy at dating, have a hard time making conversation and obviously I have ALOT to hide. I am, as crazy as it sounds thinking about going back to school for podiatry. I did become a social worker , got my master's but I hate the field. It does not make me feel good about myself. And girls don't like passive guys. Take it from me. They want confident, assertive and take charge. If they see you are passive and too nice they will take advantage of you. I have met a lot of cold blooded, manipulative women out there so of course I don't think to much of them as you would gather. I was seen a too nice/passive to I was manipulated and hurt. I am not that way I am the cold blooded manipulator, but they liked me better when I was a nice guy. I did find the right girl. Two desperate people usually hook up when they meet if they like each other. But I did not move in and do what I was supposed to do. The thought of raising children scared the crap out of me. Just not cut out for it, as I have no raised myself. She thought I was a liar and a coward and she was right. But if I had gotten the words out, told her I wanted something serious she would have taken me in. But without a job.....I think she would have had to move on. I have not worked in over a year and a half. She was desperate for I think she would have gotten rid of me after 3-6 months even if I moved in. Any advice or thoughts?

If you can handle it--get a social worker job or join a Not for profit charity and work for them. If you join a large church, they may help you get a job ---I don't think the crazy,needy woman was for you--it sounds like it would have ended as an emotional train wreck.

As for your problems with relationships--there is this thing called self fulfilling prophecy--it is when you have a fear so great, you subconsciously engage in actions that makes your fears come true--the more they come true the more you feed into them and the feedback look becomes stronger and stronger. To break the cycle, you may want to just try something you never have--this takes away the anxiety because you have no more fake stuff and lies to cover up.

If you try that, go into it on a day when you don't care if you score or not--try it in another town if you worry about who might find out stuff--tell the girl :look, I have no job at the moment, have to take care of both my parents, had to take a hiatus from dentistry school and am not sure I will ever go back, then give her a lazy smile like you know something she does not know and say :want to try to reform me?"

women love a challenge--they don't mind trying to help a guy realize his potential, but they do mind trying to rescue a drowning person. Drowning people take everyone down with them.

My husband was in a dead end job making only about 32K a year and was about to be fired. He was clueless in how to act. When I met him, I told him to stick with me and I would help him to navigate and make more money and rise. Now he is known globally (sorry cannot share names) and has a solid 6 figure income--he still has his AS issues but he is more successful than he and his family ever dreamed.

You need a woman who can help bolster your confidence. I am my husbands grounding tool, I let him know, no matter what--everything is ok when he comes home--that is important--you need that--but first you need just a tiny amount of honesty--most women will run when you tell them you are broke and have issues--but all of them won't.

You want the one who stares you straight in the eyes and says "so what, you are still a keeper to me" THAT ONE is your ride or die chick.. not one looking for a rescue who is flighty and desperate and maybe crazy.

I have posted a story like this. I see how sad this feels. I'm a grate guy! I know how to look after my friends and how to treat a lady. But no girl has ever gave me a chance. This one girl's boyfriend cheated on her and ended the relationship with being crul to her. She was my friend, I helped her back on to her feet and showed her that life is still good. I asked her out and she said no. Then her hateful x wanted to get back with her. She fell for him like a sucker big time! I dont get why she would want to be in a relationship with a guy who treated her badly over a guy who looked out for her. I learned something from this, We all want to be in a relationship like this. (We're humans not snakes). But, I think the sad part is is that some of us go through life and we missed the person who would have been perfect for us. Thats why people tell you to never give up! I hope you find her.

oh 26 and I only had lady freinds and they were all chinese girls but they were lovely as.....I am 26 turning 27 and still never had a relationship yet I am sure you will find a chick man no matter how old you get.

I'm 31 and all the sex I had was with hookers. I agree that women are not looking for guys like us. It's our own fault if our lives are screwed up. We should have learnt to be macho because, in the end, that's all they want. Nice guys finish alst ... and lonely.<br />
<br />
One suggestion : go to third world countries. In Ukraine, Madagascar, Philipines, etc. you'll find a woman ready to live with you. Of course, she will pump all your money and might leave you after a few years but it still better than being all our lives.

Just read your story... and my goodness it broke my heart!<br />
<br />
Please don't ever give up on finding the right woman. I'm 18 and I believe there is a special someone for every person, you just haven't found her yet! So what if you're in your forties? Even though I'm young, I've had those same thoughts. I've asked myself those same questions and honestly it just made me feel worse. I'm not an outgoing person either, but I do try to put myself out there. I think you have to step out of your comfort zone to find the one for you, you know? If you stay in the spot for the rest of your life of COURSE you won't make any progress! My parents always told me that takes a long time to find the one person who's meant to be your soul-mate. I don't think the people who are married or have a boyfriend/girlfriend are just "lucky" to have found each other, I think they were brave enough to put themselves out there to get to that point is all. <br />
<br />
You sound like a wonderful person. Any woman would be lucky to have someone so considerate and responsible (you sound very logical too)! <br />
<br />
I hope this helps... or motivates you to not give up. Just remember that there's someone out there for everyone. And God certainly didn't forget you!! <br />
<br />
Stay positive and keep truckin' on! :)

Hello! I want to say that I am so sorry about your situation. If you think not having a girlfriend is so depressing, imagine having a girlfriend who takes advantage of you by lying to you, cheating on you, abusing you, and so on. Then you would be very miserable! A woman can be a jerk as much as a man. You have to be careful dealing with women out there because some of them will play games on you. Since you never had a girlfriend, some women will make a fool of you because they are stereotypical towards singletons. Please be careful!

You should have gone to the Phillippines when you were younger. The girls there are very feminine and compassionate, and would find you a prize catch. American women are too unrealistic.

As I write this I'm 39 (turning 40 in Feb). I've had one girlfriend years ago and have been single since 1999. I've also given up and have realised that relationships aren't for me. Actually these days I'd probably turn a woman down even if one showed interest in me, because I don't want someone else's kids, nor do I want a divorcee in my life. It just too late and I've faced the facts. No big deal. Don't worry guys, there are other things to do in life than to worry about meeting someone, because after all, life still goes on with, or without the ladies. Chin up fellas!

It didn't & im no better off than i started. I think my probs are much'much deeper than i thought.<br />
Maybe i should go back too my doc & say Mind didn't work & i think i need Psychotherapy because i cannot reveal my true emotions due to embarresment of opening up & saying i've never had a girlfriend or had sex with another person & this has gone on for over 30 years & counting.

It didn't & im no better off than i started. I think my probs are much'much deeper than i thought.<br />
Maybe i should go back too my doc & say Mind didn't work & i think i need Psychotherapy because i cannot reveal my true emotions due to embarresment of opening up & saying i've never had a girlfriend or had sex with another person & this has gone on for over 30 years & counting.

it's great to see some one in the same stuation!!

trust me guys...wait until 25 and then face the fact. if you did not make any success within is not your cup of tea. its simply not going to happen. and we all know...girls are less than guys in of us have to stay single the chosen one...and probably you are also. some tips from me for all of you...<br />
<br />
1.use sleeping pills with or without wine as fast as possible after coming back from workplace. it will make you sleep tight...and makes the time being alone less.<br />
<br />
2.keep da tv on and make the volume loud enough to irritate will make to mind go other way..and you will not feel alone.<br />
<br />
3.try to avoid any ceremony where love is an anniversary, marriage, valentines day...there as you will see a lot of will only feel worse.<br />
<br />
4.try not to watch movies in theaters...coz couples are all there...and its a damn bad place for us.<br />
<br />
5.try to watch only action,horror,sci fi movies...and that will make your mind tensed and you will not feel any kind of emotion for some time.<br />
<br /> not watch **** only makes you feel good for a few moments and will make you feel worse..than you can imagine.<br />
<br />

Met my present husband when he was 40 and I was 31 been together 22 years now--you might want to rethink you advice. Love can happen at any age--. I'm a NT he's an aspie.

In all honesty I don't think the counselling worked all that well for me bcause I don't feel any different to what I did before I started it.<br />
Although they did suggest thinks like lifecoaching/self help groups etc.<br />
I'm thinking maybe psychotherapy.<br />

The effects of counseling take time. 6 weeks to start is a long time, but it’ll probably be well worth the wait. Good luck!

Well i went to (Mind) last wensday 4 an assessement 4 counselling,all i've gotta do now is wait 4 the sessions 2 start but i must admit i came out feeling worse off than i did wen i went 4 the drop in session.Being asked did i feel better of dead etc.<br />
Orrible.<br />
It could take 6 weeks b4 they start. SCHUCKS!

Well I went 2 a drop in counselling service 2day & confessed 2 them what I have bin suffering with 4 most of my life & that is General Anxiety disorder which is an umbrella 4 SA/SP. The counseller said 2 me that was a big step 4 me 2 actually own up 2 this problem.She then said that she would refer me 2 a counselling service called (Mind). I've just got 2 wait now 2 find out when the sessions will begin,hopefully they will help me move on sumwhat.