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I Do Not Know Who My Father Is

Hello To You All

I don't know who my Father is. My Mother (WHO IS STILL ALIVE) refuses to tell me ANYTHING about my Biological Father...I don't even know his name or age

This has always and continues to cause me a lot of heartache...and I truly believe that it is the cause of my entering into a Very violent & abusive relationship at the age of 16 - 22, followed by entering into a sexually abusive relation at the age of 23 and now being trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship.

My Mother lied to me...she told me that my Step Father (whom she met when I was 6yrs old) was my Biological Father. They made up some elaborate story of how she had me at the age of 24yrs and he was only 18yrs old and because his parents didn't approve they split-up but had met up again now and were going to be together...like a proper family. My Step Father Legally adopted me when I was 8yrs old and he and my Mother are still together. I only found out the truth when I was 15yrs old and during an argument My Step Dad threw the adoption papers at me saying he was glad I wasn't his real Daughter. (Yes I remember going to the Magistrate Court and  having to tell the Judge why I wanted him to be my New Daddy but I was only 8 (and not very clever) so didn't really understand any of it.

My relationship with my Mother has never been close...she openly tells me that she doesn't love me and would of had an abortion if she'd found out she was pregnant sooner (she didn't find out until she was nearly 8mths pregnant). She also put me up for adoption the day I was born but my Nan talked her into keeping me.

Nobody really understands (unless it's happened to them) how truly heart wrenching it is to Grow up not knowing & still not know who your Dad is! I just want to know his name, age, looks, etc. My life has been ruled by not knowing...I would never date a boy who didn't know who his Dad was (for fear of us sharing the same one).

I feel incomplete...as if there is a side to me that I will never truly understand.

Rainbow.xxx
rainbow6979 rainbow6979 26-30 9 Responses Sep 18, 2010

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I can definitely relate. My step father told me when I was 13 about him not being my biological father. It hurt finding out my only brother was my half brother and my cousin not even related by blood to me.

I can definitely relate. My step father told me when I was 13 about him not being my biological father. It hurt finding out my only brother was my half brother and my cousin not even related by blood to me.

I can definitely relate. My step father told me when I was 13 about him not being my biological father. It hurt finding out my only brother was my half brother and my cousin not even related by blood to me.

I have just read through this. It certainly has opened up my mind. I don't know what else to say for this situation other than that I have read through the stories here.

I can really relate to your story. I am 45 and abortion was not yet legal when my mother became pregnant with me. She made plans to put me up for adoption and the deal was sealed but my Nanny also made her change her mind. My mother told me my father was a man she seriously dated in college. She told me his name when I was 10 and she even told me his best friends name if I wanted to try to get a letter to my father through him. I sent a letter but it came back no such person at that address. <br />
My mother passed away when I was 24. I was an only child and distraught. I began the search for my father and found him. We had a nice reunion. He lived in the same state and came to visit me with his wife and young daughter. I was more excited to have a sibling than to have found my dad. But I could tell he wasn't thrilled with the situation. And something else...I had a strange feeling..like I didn't feel related to him. I just figured I would know my father--that we would look alike or have similar mannerisms or something. But there was no resemblance that I could see. I also knew that my mother was promiscuous in college. I suggested a DNA test to be 100% sure. He agreed and he even had a friend who worked at a DNA lab at a nearby medical school. I had my blood drawn at their local facility and he had his drawn at the medical school. <br />
It took about 10 weeks for the results to come back. He said that he had no doubt he was my father because he and my mother had been in love and even talked about marriage. He was drafted and sent overseas at some point, he told me, and he and my mom lost touch.<br />
The test results came back 10 weeks later, and I was relieved that now there would be no question in my mind and we could go on and build our relationship. I opened the letter and read: "DNA analysis of samples provided by (me) and (him) exclude (him) from possiblity of being the father of (me) with a variance of 0.02% (error margin)." <br />
This means that 98.8% of the male population was more likely to be my father than he was. That is pretty significant. This guy who I had thought was my father.. The guy who my mother had named and who all her sisters believed was my father, was not. <br />
So who was? Noone knows and she took the secret to her grave. The other possibility is that he got his "friend" to help him cheat the DNA test by providing a bad sample or someone else's sample. But I have a really hard time believing anyone would do that. <br />
So, 16 years later, I still have no clue. And I am at the point now, where there is a good chance that my father is not even on this earth any longer, but I would still like to know who he is. <br />
Some have suggested that perhaps my mother got date raped or just raped or had a one-night stand that she was ashamed of. That knowledge would probably bother me..so perhaps I don't want to know.. Perhaps she was sparing me the painful truth that not only was I not wanted but that i wasn't even a "love" child. <br />
My mother often told me that she would have aborted me if she could, although she didn't say this to hurt me. It was more matter of fact--her honesty was always brutal and inappropriate. Funny that she could be so honest about that fact but not about who my father was. <br />
It's a tough situation and people who have two parents do not understand. This is one reason why I am strongly in favor of legislating open adoptions and regulating transnational adoptions. A child should always have access to knowledge of their origins and people who deny them that fundamental right just because they don't understand what it is to lack that knowldge, need to be educated.

I am 42 and not knowing my father or biological family hurts every day. My bio mother also told me she would of had an abortion if she could have afforded it and I do not know her at all either. I have tried to reach out but she does not believe that her husband sexually abused me at 13 so wants nothing to do with me or my kids. Holidays hurt so ******* bad that all I do is lay in bed and cry. I feel lost all the time. She told me when I was young that my father was old and an alcoholic named Forest Burns. Have looked my whole life and no such person exists. It is thanksgiving today and not having a family has affected my girls too. Their dad has a big family so they are always with him on holidays because I have nothing to offer them. Just makes me want to die.

I am 42 and not knowing my father or biological family hurts every day. My bio mother also told me she would of had an abortion if she could have afforded it and I do not know her at all either. I have tried to reach out but she does not believe that her husband sexually abused me at 13 so wants nothing to do with me or my kids. Holidays hurt so ******* bad that all I do is lay in bed and cry. I feel lost all the time. She told me when I was young that my father was old and an alcoholic named Forest Burns. Have looked my whole life and no such person exists. It is thanksgiving today and not having a family has affected my girls too. Their dad has a big family so they are always with him on holidays because I have nothing to offer them. Just makes me want to die.

Hello (I am Rainbow6979 - I forgot my password and typed the wrong email address in when I set up my account so I have had to set up a new account as rainbow7969).<br />
<br />
Thank you both for your lovely messages. :) <br />
<br />
Love & Hugs<br />
Rainbow.xxx

I understand some of your story. Or should i say, i can relate to part of your story.<br />
I was fostered, later adopted, but i really do not know much about my biological family.<br />
It doesn't bother me as much now, as it did when i was young, but there are still times, of course, that i wonder where i got my looks from, what my parents look like, and of course why i was so severely abused. But i doubt i will ever know now, so i just accept that. I think time helps.<br />
Don't feel incomplete. It's not necessarily who your bio parents are, but who actually raised you.<br />
And in time, u will understand.<br />
Good luck. :)