I Do Not Know Who My Father IsHello To You All
I don't know who my Father is. My Mother (WHO IS STILL ALIVE) refuses to tell me ANYTHING about my Biological Father...I don't even know his name or age
This has always and continues to cause me a lot of heartache...and I truly believe that it is the cause of my entering into a Very violent & abusive relationship at the age of 16 - 22, followed by entering into a sexually abusive relation at the age of 23 and now being trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship.
My Mother lied to me...she told me that my Step Father (whom she met when I was 6yrs old) was my Biological Father. They made up some elaborate story of how she had me at the age of 24yrs and he was only 18yrs old and because his parents didn't approve they split-up but had met up again now and were going to be together...like a proper family. My Step Father Legally adopted me when I was 8yrs old and he and my Mother are still together. I only found out the truth when I was 15yrs old and during an argument My Step Dad threw the adoption papers at me saying he was glad I wasn't his real Daughter. (Yes I remember going to the Magistrate Court and having to tell the Judge why I wanted him to be my New Daddy but I was only 8 (and not very clever) so didn't really understand any of it.
My relationship with my Mother has never been close...she openly tells me that she doesn't love me and would of had an abortion if she'd found out she was pregnant sooner (she didn't find out until she was nearly 8mths pregnant). She also put me up for adoption the day I was born but my Nan talked her into keeping me.
Nobody really understands (unless it's happened to them) how truly heart wrenching it is to Grow up not knowing & still not know who your Dad is! I just want to know his name, age, looks, etc. My life has been ruled by not knowing...I would never date a boy who didn't know who his Dad was (for fear of us sharing the same one).
I feel incomplete...as if there is a side to me that I will never truly understand.