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I Don't Understand.......

I've never really met my father - he left when my Mum was pregnant with my brother, who is 14 months older than me so I have no memories at all. (I'm 31 now)

I know his name and I know where he lives yet I have no desire at all to get in contact with him. I can't understand people who say their life is incomplete without their Dad in it. How can it be if you've never met him?! You can't miss what you've never had.

In the past I have looked him up on social network sites, along with his older children (not my Mum's kids, obv) out of curiosity but having found him on Friend's Reunited I don't even have an inkling of temptation to contact him. I see these talk shows with people getting all emotional because they're looking for their father and just can't understand the hysteria.

I did go through a phase of looking at men in the street and wondering... are you my Dad? But again this is only curiosity and if I did meet him I can't see me bursting into tears and flinging my arms around him like you see on TV. A simple Hello would suffice for me.

I don't think I'd even get particularly tearful if I learned that he'd died. Disappointed maybe that I'd no longer have the option to meet him, even if I will never act on it.

Does anyone else feel like this, or am I a freak? :)
JustPassing JustPassing 31-35 1 Response Nov 9, 2010

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No i don't think your a freak. I think you have a lot of resentment towards him which is understandable. I've never met my father as well, he never came to see me either. Although he did send me a card on my sixteenth birth day but i threw it away because i was mad at him. I learned recently that he past away from cancer. I friend of my mothers was reading the newspaper and saw his obituary. I wish he had called me when he was sick because i would have went to see him. I guess i always thought there was time to heal our relationship to some extent. But now its too late and it seems like all a waste. He was obviously never there for me but i still feel guilty for not making an effort, since now i am too an adult. If i could do it over again I would have called him back and met with him at least once. So if you want my advice, now while you have the chance call him because you never know when it will be too late. You don't want to have any more regret in your life then there needs to be.