Never Met My Father

When I was 21 my mom told me that the man I thought was my father wasn't and that at the time I was conceived she'd had an affair with a black man.  That was fine with me because the man I thought was my dad was a real jerk.  But the guy who is my real dad refuses to believe that I'm his daughter.  He's ignored every attempt I've made to get into contact with him.  I've never even seen what he looks like.  So I have one whole side of me that is completely unexplained.  Its kind of sad but luckily I don't dwell on it too often!  I have a wonderful husband and a sweet little girl who is about to be 6!  But sometimes it hurts to know that I don't know him.  I know deep down that its not me...he doesn't know me to judge me, but still I'd like to get to know him.
kiddokat kiddokat
31-35, F
6 Responses Jun 16, 2007

Your story is very similar to mine. My mom told me whrn I was about 13 that the man I thought was my father (he wasnt in my life either) was not my father. Im almost 27 now and have yet to find my real father....i dont even know where to start to even find him. All she gave me was a name that is very common which makes it hard to narrow down my options. Im so lost....

I have never met my father. My parents got a divorce while my mother was pregnant with me. My mother has full custody of my older sister and I. The only thing I know about my dad is his name, where he used to live, and that he never wanted to have kids. It makes me sad that I don't know anything about him, I have always thought about him. It bothers me so much that someone could have children and just forget about them. I wonder if he thinks about me ever, I wonder if he is even still alive, and I wonder if i will ever be brave enough to try and look for him. I have always felt this hatred towards him for just forgetting about his family like that, and how he practically destroyed my mothers life. She had to be a single mom for a while and raise my sister and i at our grandparents house, it was really hard on her. <br />
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I hope that someday I will actually be able to meet him, I hope I can find more things out about him, and about myself. Maybe find out if i have other relatives that i don't know about. It is really hard growing up and not knowing who your father is, it has greatly affected my life. I am 20 years old now, and hope to start a search for him when i turn 21

I have never met my father. My parents got a divorce while my mother was pregnant with me. My mother has full custody of my older sister and I. The only thing I know about my dad is his name, where he used to live, and that he never wanted to have kids. It makes me sad that I don't know anything about him, I have always thought about him. It bothers me so much that someone could have children and just forget about them. I wonder if he thinks about me ever, I wonder if he is even still alive, and I wonder if i will ever be brave enough to try and look for him. I have always felt this hatred towards him for just forgetting about his family like that, and how he practically destroyed my mothers life. She had to be a single mom for a while and raise my sister and i at our grandparents house, it was really hard on her. <br />
<br />
I hope that someday I will actually be able to meet him, I hope I can find more things out about him, and about myself. Maybe find out if i have other relatives that i don't know about. It is really hard growing up and not knowing who your father is, it has greatly affected my life. I am 20 years old now, and hope to start a search for him when i turn 21

I have had a real similar story. Except someone took advantage of my mother when she was drunk at a party so she was basically raped and so she doesnt even know who my father could be. I cried forever finding this out. Especially since I'm only 15, and I never thought it could happen to me. It could be ANYONE thats out there that is my father and I just want a way that i could find him

Hello,<br />
<br />
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Diane

Okay, your story is so much like my own. Crazy. When I found out about my father, I contacted him. He was initially really happy and welcoming. Then is current wife stepped in and everything changed. The thing is that they were not even together when my mom and dad got together. <br />
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She is the definition of wicked step mother. Since pushing to find out about my family, I've found a grandma, aunts, great aunts, nephews, a neice, and a little sister and brother.<br />
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I say this to say, push. You deserve to know who you are and your daughter needs and deserves it as well. It is emotionally painful at times, but you have a lineage to protect. I forced for a DNA test and am so happy that I did. <br />
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It has been one of the hardest thing that I've every had to do, but I really suggest it. Try to take the high road and stay kind. That way you never have anything to look back on with embarassment. Because as you said, it is not anyting that you did. <br />
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Next for me is going and meeting him. He doesn't show any interest anymore, but I am staking him out. I don't care. I need it for me. Even if it is just once. <br />
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Okay, I apologize for going on and on. Thank you for your post. I cannot tell you how much it has helped me to know that my story isn't the only one.