No Kids Or Wife But A Small Part Of Another Family.

I am 45, no wife or kids. I have a stable career, am financially secure and have been told that am handsome. Better than being told I look like an ogre. I guess the main reason for being alone is that many years ago back in 1992, my girlfriend and daughter were killed in an auto accident by an inattentive driver. Counseling didn't work, back then I decided that I was never again going to bury another child. Since that time I have deployed several times and seen plenty. I have from time to time been involved with women and hope that something good will happen. Each relationship has gone bad. Sometimes my fault, other times, the "ex" will creep back into her life and ruin things. Due to my career choice, I have been told by several women that they cannot bear the stress of receiving a death notice. That was due to being involved in several on duty trips to the hospital.

One lady I met several years ago has a child from a previous marriage and has a off/on again relationship with an abusive male. I generally try to steer clear of this kind of situation, but still hope something can happen. On a personal level, she is educated and hardworking, funny to be with and makes me smile. But as long as she goes back to the guy I stay away. On occasion, I will check the "mail order" bride sites but I then come back to reality.

I have gotten comfortable being alone but seem to watch other people's families and wonder. Over the last 8 years, I will, from time to time help a valued coworkers family with many things such as: sports, scouting etc. I have become so attached to this family that they consider me an integral part of their lives.  I have watched his children grow up since elementary & junior highs. All have no problem asking for advice or help when needed. This can be from flat tire repair to homework to school activities. Even though I am not related to them in anyway, they insist on having me around during various holidays. I will schedule myself to work on most holidays so as not to take advantage of their kindness. Even so, these wonderful kids want me to show up after work or as soon as I can. On occasion, his oldest (25), who has not made the best choices in life and is a single mother, will stay in the guest house and borrow a spare vehicle. She will pay a "rent" for use of the house & car, but I find a way to make sure it goes to her child. This man's family means so much to me, that I have set up "college funds" for his children. It was a surprise to him and his wife when their second daughter went to college recently, he was struggling, financially(Five kids will do that) and she was having a really rough time with school & work. I gave her $9k so as to focus on school. Like I noted, I am financially secure that today's economy has no effect on me. I ride motorcycles and fix up old cars in my "spare" time. Their youngest is really attached to me, since I have known her since she was 7. She is smart, honest and growing up so fast. from time to time she even asks when i am going to find a wife and have kids so she can babysit. His children are the ones I will never have. As I get older, there are fewer and fewer women of marrying and childbearing age wanting to be with a relic such as me. That is something I have accepted, but still have dreams of having.
NMleo NMleo
41-45
1 Response May 24, 2012

You seem very kind and helpful. It sounds like that family is lucky to know you.
And you're not a relic; anything can happen, so it's good to have an open mind. I enjoyed reading your story. Good luck with everything.

Thank you for your kind words. Very true, anything can happ