The Ultimate Outsider Since Birth!I have never fit in with anyone anywhere since birth. As a child I couldn't figure out why no one wanted me I thought perhaps it was my freakish size but later when that came in handy for sports no matter how well I did no one wanted me. I cry at times when I am alone as much as it shames me to admit. The thing is people reject me before they even know me.
As a boy my mother beat me bloody day & night & I grew up in a bad area so when I left the house the gangs would beat me bloody as well treating as if I were their age because I was as big as they were even though they were 5+ years older than me. No where to run & no where to hide!
I think certain people were never meant to be & so they are instinctually rejected by mankind. They say it works that way with animals that other animals know when one doesn't fit and they shun it and drive it out of the herd.
I have always stood up for what was right and true regardless of the consequences now don't think this is the cause of my situation in fact I wonder if I could stand up the way I do if I had the option of selling out & going along with the croud but I am rejected by everyone regardless & so doing the right thing becomes easy!
Everything I do turns out wrong. I have saved people's lives just to find out things went badly later on anyway. I saved a girl from her raping step father just to find out she let that same step father raise her daughter!
I will admit I have considered suicide but sadly enough I am to much of a coward to take the one escape open to me.
I have become so Jaded that I can't find joy in anything I do! I suppose this is my fate until death…
ConservativeAtheist 41-45, M 3 Responses 0 Jul 13, 2012