The Ultimate Outsider Since Birth!

I have never fit in with anyone anywhere since birth. As a child I couldn't figure out why no one wanted me I thought perhaps it was my freakish size but later when that came in handy for sports no matter how well I did no one wanted me. I cry at times when I am alone as much as it shames me to admit. The thing is people reject me before they even know me.

As a boy my mother beat me bloody day & night & I grew up in a bad area so when I left the house the gangs would beat me bloody as well treating as if I were their age because I was as big as they were even though they were 5+ years older than me. No where to run & no where to hide!

I think certain people were never meant to be & so they are instinctually rejected by mankind. They say it works that way with animals that other animals know when one doesn't fit and they shun it and drive it out of the herd.

I have always stood up for what was right and true regardless of the consequences now don't think this is the cause of my situation in fact I wonder if I could stand up the way I do if I had the option of selling out & going along with the croud but I am rejected by everyone regardless & so doing the right thing becomes easy!

Everything I do turns out wrong. I have saved people's lives just to find out things went badly later on anyway. I saved a girl from her raping step father just to find out she let that same step father raise her daughter!

I will admit I have considered suicide but sadly enough I am to much of a coward to take the one escape open to me.

I have become so Jaded that I can't find joy in anything I do! I suppose this is my fate until death…
ConservativeAtheist ConservativeAtheist
41-45, M
3 Responses Jul 13, 2012


Life is more than this. Do you have a religion? Many people find that there is a higher meaning in life through religion.

Don't look at the wrong things in your life only. You must look at what you are doing right too. Obviously you are a heroic and helpful person, by saving people's life's as you mentioned. (No matter what the final outcome. It is the girl's choice to father a baby with her stepfather.)

It's true some people just seem to attract friends so easily but for others it takes extra effort. We're in the same boat. Personally, I feel like I'm not fated to have friends. Good ones especially. I just don't have the luck in my life to meet someone like that. But don't give up and don't feel bad for yourself. Because you do have something to offer others. You just haven't met the friend who appreciates you yet. I know many people with horrible characters but they still have a lot of friends, I don't know why but they do, so there must be someone out there for you.

You can start by just being nice to everyone. Even if you don't have friends in the end it's okay. You'll be known as the nice guy :)

You're a nice person who stands up for what is right. Don't stop. Do what you think is right. What matters is your intention of doing that thing, for example when you tried to save someone. It doesn't matter what the future outcome is. Saving others takes alot of courage and I respect you for having that.

You have qualities worth admiring and you should be proud of them. Don't look down on yourself and don't let your past haunt you. Treat every day as a new day. If you keep trying, you can possibly find someone who appreciates you for you are. If you give up you never will. So keep trying & keep being yourself :-)

I don' t what to tell you. I can tell you that you are not alone. True. The same thing happens to me. People dont want nothing to me. Until they want something. After, they leave me. No matter what we do we get treated poorly. Keep doing the right thing.

Would love to talk with u. I do the right thing and always feel like I lose for it in the end.