Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Have Never Had A Close Friend

This group seems to fit me well....ahem.

I have no real friends, no close friends and I have never had any either. Nor schoolmates nor my parents have ever really known what's on my mind.
I have never really had any confidence in someone, or maybe not in myself, because I have never shared anything personal with anyone. I have always thought that whatever I was thinking about or feeling was wrong and sick, and if anyone knew they would be outraged.

I have a few not-at-all-close-friends who I don't know very well either, my guess is they don't trust me since I don't seem to trust them. I wish I could but it just seems so embarrassing for me to spill my life directly on another person, not to mention here of all places.

I have never tried to make a first move to befriend someone either, that is mostly because I always walk around thinking "Why'd he/she want to be with me? I shouldn't bother the world with my presence, the'll be happy without me" and I guess most people see me as the creepy guy by the wall who sticks to himself.

Even though I live just a wall away from my neighbors studying here I suffer terribly from the solitude and emotional coldness, and I can't see any kind of value in myself (if there is any) because nobody else seems to find any. Basically I judge myself completely from other's view of me, and since there isn't really anything they say since I don't know anyone, I am basically dead.

I had the same problem last year before I went to college, and during the Summer vacation I started hurting and hating myself til the point I tried to kill myself by hanging. Nobody knows about it, because I didn't want to go to an asylum. It obviously didn't work, it rather had the opposite effect because I got a real kick to suck it up and get myself together for college, but now I feel more and more like that again.

So yeah, there's the main problem of my life I guess, hope you enjoyed reading about my misery as much as I suffered living it.
deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jan 15, 2013

Your Response

Cancel

Hi,

I'm graduating from college already and yeah in the same situation as you. No close friends.

Do you think you are ready for friends? You seem like you have a lot of history.

If you are really looking for friends, I find the best way of making friends is to put yourself out there, literally. You should take the big step out to join a sport/club or an activity in school. Something that you like the most and you really enjoy. Maybe art club? Or any thing you fancy. There will definitely be people who are nice and would make friends with others. Even if you don't make close friends, you make more friends :)

If you have some orientation activity for some club, go for it! You have to put yourself in a social situation to make friends. Now that I'm graduating and I have no close friends in my life, I do regret not joining orientation or a club. And I really hope your life will turn out different from mine.

Don't ever stop yourself from doing something just because you have no close friends. Go for exchange. The fact that you have no close friends means you are open and able to meet new people. And possibly meet new, good friends.

As for not wanting to share your personal stuff with others that is totally normal. I don't share it with others too. You must know someone very well first, and you must trust them totally before deciding to 'show your true colours'. You just haven't found that person. And there are many things in our life that should be kept private so there's really nothing wrong with being secretive. P.S. I don't have facebook and Justin Timberlake doesn't either! :P

Making friends require you to look friendly and open, like you want to make friends. I have tried opening up this semester and boy does it make life easier. I know more people know and I don't really have dear of speaking to others now. First, we have to stop thinking that others are going to judge us or are scary or something like that because most people are actually nice people (I tried and I know :) ). You won't succeed every time in striking a conversation but if you keep trying you are bound to meet someone you can connect with.

And body language is very important too. When you are sitting beside someone in lecture or in class, don't face your body away from that person. Don't fold your arms. That gives off the vibe like 'go away' and that's not what we want.

It's not hard, you just gotta take away all the negative thoughts and assumptions in your head. Just start with a comment on the professor like 'he's going really fast it's so hard to understand..' Or if you have breaks in class just start talking to the person beside you if he's also alone and fiddling with his phone. Just start with something like what year are you in?... And then just talk about something relating to the class you are in.

Further on, I read somewhere that you shouldn't be picky with the kinds of friends you have at this stage because they can introduce you to others who may be your next best friend! So just be nice to everyone. Smile! Makes you look so much more inviting.

I have alot of anxiety issues and what I learnt is that a lot is thoughts we have are fabricated in our head. I still do and I'm still trying to overcome it, but if you can stop the negative thinking you can overcome it.

You have something to offer others. The number one thing is a listening ear! If you don't think you have something special about you because you don't talk much and all you are wrong because not mane people can provide a listening ear, a lot of people are just preoccupied with taking about themselves.

Oh and another tip, ask others about themselves to keep the conversation going. And respond positively to everything they say. Like if they say they are working part time say Wow You're really hardworking I admire people who work for their own allowance.. They maybe the ones initiating a conversation next time ;)

Omg this is a really long essay haha. This is my first reply in this group so it's a but lengthy haha. But please, if you wanna chat I'm here for you! Pardon me if I don't reply promptly though, I'm having my finals soon.

I'm really hoping you will feel better because you are not alone and there really still is hope :)

Agree with every word Goodlittlegirl said..listen to her :) Volunteer work is another avenue to meet people. Choose something that you really have an interest in. Perhaps given your understanding and background you'd be particularly empathetic with youths at risk.

College really is a great place to find your niche... start talking to people in your classes. Some of the most interesting people I've met are people I have randomly started talking to before/after class.

i've been there too damn it's awful sometimes i wish i was never born