Constant Paranoia Will Never Help Me.

I hate how I get these bursts of confidence.
They get me into trouble.

I'd just left a friends party - I don't drink, so I wasn't drunk - I was tired and I just wanted to sleep.
The boyfriend picked me up and on our way home we went to McDonalds.
he got his food and we were walking out the door, it's about midnight so only a few were there.
A I was getting into the car I noticed someone sitting in their car, open their door and drop their rubbish. Just in the car park. Littering.

That frustrates me. People who do that really get on my nerves. McDonalds have a whole lot of bins around their joints, even as you drive out. But no. Some people. 

They saw me. I saw them, I talked myself up and eventually went over there to tell them "You JUST littered, don't deny it please, if you have even an ounce of respect for this planet/town pick it up."

I'm not racist. I'm not a serious racist at all, please don't take offence those that are reading this.

They were foreign. They act dumb, when they're clearly not. These people were trying to tell me that the people at McDonalds are getting paid to clean up after them .. in a car park. S H I T they made my blood boil, especially when they started laughing, and discussing what I was saying in their own language. 

I'm not writing this to vent or whatever, I'm getting to my point which is that my burst of confidence gets me into trouble. I don't normally confront people, but this false confidence makes me and it means I'm trying even harder to hold back from crying.

So, this guy finishes talking to his friends - after I interrupt - and he asks me if I'm alone. I tell him I have my boyfriend with me, so he says "You know my friends like you, like, like you like you." he's smiling as he says this.

Correct me if I'm wrong but does that not sound as though he's threatening to rape me?
Well, that definitely got me to drop my petty argument over a McDonalds wrapper and walk back to the car. 

I was so scared, and two days later, I still am. That's not so good for an extremely paranoid person.

I didn't tell the boyfriend. I held it all in until I dropped a cup the next morning and I still haven't.

I feel so stupid. I hate that I do these unbelievably stupid things, with good intentions, without thinking about it properly.  

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Sep 23, 2012