My Brother Beat Me Up



I still have a scar on my ear from when my brother (age 16 at the time) punched it hard.  He was wearing a chunky ring, which made the pain much worse, and my ear went deaf and numb, making me dizzy.

I was 9 and it was school summer holidays.  I remember my mum being happy about that.

"They won't find out about it.  Your ear will heal before you go back", she said.

You see, she had ordered him to 'keep me under control', but said this had gone too far (there were signs of the physical abuse which didn't suit her secrecy plans).  She threw him out.  For years I felt guilty, that I had 'made him hit me'.  She'd said I made him do it, that I had 'played them up'.  I blamed myself till I realised it was just abuse making me feel this way. 

Years later I apologised to him.  he said, "Don't be silly I am sorry for hitting you."  The odd thing is, I only noticed the scar 2 years ago.  I had let the shock block out the memory.


emmasharn emmasharn
31-35, F
5 Responses May 11, 2009

you may have made him angry but you didn't "make him hit you". that was his decision.

I have to say, a massive thankyou for that last comment. It really describes exactly how I feel.

I truly believe when we get older to really be happy we do need to ask ourself is this something I want to carry with me for the rest of my life.Anything that weights us down or robs us of being happy all the time, has to go! there is more room for things that add to our lives to start a fresh with new good memories,you will find more happiness then you will know what to do with.In life the one person you can count on to support you is yourself you know for sure you can trust your self to be there all the time.I wish you well and may your days ahead be filled with beautiful memories.Start making them today!

I agree. Though, I don't dwell on it really very much. Burying it totally or completely putting it behind us may have benefits, but as a writer, I feel that would be a shame. <br />
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If it never happened I'd have nothing to write about, no points of view. I am glad in a way, it contributed to me being me.

there are things in our childhood that we try to put behind us, be things people have said or done to us. After years of therapy I have discovered that You are the only one who can and if you don't you will be the one to suffer no-one else.