No Immediate Family, Poor Excuse For Extended Family

I lost my father when I was 15 years old to a brain tumor; he was only 56 years old. In late 2011, at 28, my mom was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer and died also at age 56. You can only imagine how much I hate cancer and how much I fear the number 56. I specifically hate the fact that I'm an only child. It came with a 100% inheritance, but I'm at a loss of a family. Although my mom had several siblings, they all go on with their daily lives. I've never been reached out to. I absolutely feel ALONE and CHEATED. I HARBOR RESENTMENT.

In my teenage years, my mom went back and forth from acting like a child/teenager to enforcing rules as parent after losing her husband of 24 years (she got married at 20). I struggled to maintain a functional relationship with her. I felt like she loved to say, "no" just because she felt like it.

According to a therapist following my mom's death, my mom and I had a dysfunctional relationship; it resembled a tug-o-war for her approval and her love. The grieving process may be "more difficult".

Months following my mom's death, my self-esteem has seriously plummeted. It's hard convincing a young girl that she's going to be okay, especially since her world crashed down and the amount of people that came to her rescue were close to non-existent.

I have a boyfriend of 2 years. I crave the ability to have a family again, and I knowingly push for one. Although he's smart to wait to walk down the aisle, I feel let down that I have no power over an expedited proposal. I can imagine that I've pushed him away several times with my heavy onset of emotions. Honestly, I feel he's the only family I have now. I would hate to ruin what we have.
searchforhope searchforhope
26-30
4 Responses Sep 5, 2012

56 add up to 11. My Mum passed away at 74, also add up to 11.

Families are eternal. They are the building blocks of heaven. You and your future husband can have a family that lasts forever, beyond this life. You can also be with you parents as a family in the after life. If you want to know how eternal families are possible, contact a missionary (18-21 yrs old) of the LDS (Mormon Church). Have them teach you and your boy friend about the restored gospel of Christ and how you can build an eternal family of your own.

Hello searchforhope, I can relate to you as well, as I have no family either. Being so alone in the world is horrible and I have found that the only people who really understand how it feels are those who are in or have been in the same position. I can understand completely why you are pushing for marriage with your boyfriend as the only thing which gets me out of bed in the morning is the hope that I will not always be alone. It would be easy to tell you to ease up on him, but I know how strong the feeling of needing there to be someone close to you can be.

Hello! I can relate. maybe we can talk sometime. I'm 35 and just lost my mom in August. We had a horrible relationship but she was all I had, her parents and sister died, and I don't know my dads side. I too am an only child, but I have 2 small kids and a husband- but he wants to leave me... Its strange and bizarre to be alone on this planet... I know how you feel.