Where Are You My Father?

I have no father, but every day I look for him like an orphan at ever stranger they meet on the street. My older male friends I imagine what kind of father they would have been to me. I envy their children.

Some of my friends have had horrible fathers, fathers that have left them worst of in life than if they had simply been absent like mine. So when I think of all they have gone through I am glad I wasn't abused by a man that was supposed to love me more than any other man.

Still I can't help but to want what was never mine to have. Not ever mountain top gets snow, and not every cloud gets to rain. Not every falling star gets a wish and not every well gets a penny. Somethings always live in the shadows of other larger, stronger things.

Father, wherever you are, I just want to know there is a abandoned overgrown vacant lot in me where your house is supposed to be. I still hope that someday you will decide to build something there.
CopperCoil CopperCoil
36-40, M
13 Responses Jan 12, 2013

I cry as I read, I had a father that meddled just enough to keep the flicker of hope alive to realize as an adult that he is an empty vacant soul sucker with no moral compass. Sometimes the dream is so much better than the cold hard truth.

So sad. I try and keep these testimonies in perspective when i start to feel sorry for myself. You are right it is important to realize that sometimes a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. The truth can be a very disheartening thing indeed.

Yea know,
whoever gets credit for raising you, I have to say (from what I’ve been reading) they did a pretty good job.

Dad or no Dad.

Be careful what you wish for. That house he puts up may not be a welcome addition to the neighborhood.

Whenever you're ready to search and make that call I'll be by your side.

*hugs* if only he could see the words you have written, to know what a wonderful soul has been left vacant in his being.

You write it so beautifully, but I know how you feel somewhat. And I'm sorry that you feel that way. My father and I had no relationship for 13 years. In that time, he started a business and survived a close call with cancer. I graduated top of my class and learned some of the hardest lessons about family and life and loss. I always felt empty in some regard. We talk now, but it's slow building on tenuous ground...

I hope someday you can begin to find peace within yourself.

I find myself wondering if you ever wrote unsent letters to your father as I did mine so many times...

I know that, should you choose to become a parent, you will be a better one for all you have experienced.

Thank you for the kind words. I am glad you are able to build a relationship with yours even if difficult. I hope it gets easier with time and what you build with him ever stronger. Thank you for reading and sharing :)

You are a test tube baby. You are a marvel of science. Make us proud.

oops.. i just farted.

Save the exhaust for mass spec analysis. Doctor's orders

Very much his loss; you're one of the most lovely people I know.<br />
...I often miss that father my dad was very much not capable of being. <br />
...When I was little I loved him SO much.

your story breaks my heart every time i am reminded of it :(

My dad's loss too.
I am who I am entirely in spite of him.

In some states there have been efforts made to help people search for their birth parents...check in your state to see but remember be careful what you ask for..

You know copper I was adopted also!

Wow this is really from the heart.

I knew who my father was. If it's any consolation, I yearned to be adopted

Yes damsel I have heard this sentiment before. I would much rather have no father than a terrible one. I truly feel for all those who have been mistreated by a parent, deeply. A great documentary on the psychological effects having no father or a bad father is called "absent" http://www.absentmovie.com/

Thanks I'll check it out

He doesn't't know what he is missing...there is no God, if he knew you and knew what he was missing his heart would be in a million pieces, just like mine is when I read this.

I love you. Thank you.

That bought a lump to me throat.

Thank you for reading :)

It was very evocative, I didn't meet my natural dad till I was around 30, unfortunately he is a dickhead of mammoth proportions but I'm still glad I found him, I needed to know who he was regardless.

*hugs Coppy tight*

Thanks kit :)

You are loved, my friend.