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Why?

I don't really know how I've came to this point in my life. I feel so alone and sad all the time. I sit alone and I find myself crying when no one is looking. Anything can trigger the feelings of utter emptiness. No visits. No phone calls.There are so many thoughts in my head and I have no one to share them with. I have a hard time making new friends and the friends that I did have are long gone. Over the past few years I have had bad experiences surrounding the few people who have allowed to enter into my life. I always end up getting used and then kicked to the curb. Friends have leached me for what they can gain at the moment. A free meal, a place to stay, a ride, etc. Lovers have cheated on me, taken my money, and left me to be a single parent. This has turned me into an excessively paranoid anti-social mess. I am so afraid of being thought of as a sucker or loser. I am terrified of being used up and left behind. I feel as if there is something wrong with me and that I'm unworthy of being loved. I have a hard time dealing with social interaction. I feel like people are constantly looking at me, judging me, and criticizing me. It really doesn't help that I also have weight issues and low self-esteem. I feel like there is no one in this world who is genuine or has any morals and values. I feel like there is no one out there who will ever care about me or look out for my best interest. Not as a friend or on a relationship level. I often sit and wonder what has happened to the people of this world? Why are we so selfish and judgmental? Am I the only person out here that cares about other peoples feelings and treats people respectfully how I would like to be treated?
robinmc81 robinmc81 26-30 3 Responses Dec 18, 2010

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You sound just like me! I think people walk all over us because we are too nice, too trusting and too kind. In a sad way I have really hardened up because of all the taking advantage of my genorosity and kindness. Oh it is still there but I don't go out of my way to make friends now, I have kind of withdrawn from that part of life.

Yea, know what you mean about people. You have a friend here without strings attach.

Hey......relax. It looks like you are thinking too much about people. You can't change everything in this world, you have to adjust with things.

Please don't feel bad cause everyone isn't same.