I don't really know how I've came to this point in my life. I feel so alone and sad all the time. I sit alone and I find myself crying when no one is looking. Anything can trigger the feelings of utter emptiness. No visits. No phone calls.There are so many thoughts in my head and I have no one to share them with. I have a hard time making new friends and the friends that I did have are long gone. Over the past few years I have had bad experiences surrounding the few people who have allowed to enter into my life. I always end up getting used and then kicked to the curb. Friends have leached me for what they can gain at the moment. A free meal, a place to stay, a ride, etc. Lovers have cheated on me, taken my money, and left me to be a single parent. This has turned me into an excessively paranoid anti-social mess. I am so afraid of being thought of as a sucker or loser. I am terrified of being used up and left behind. I feel as if there is something wrong with me and that I'm unworthy of being loved. I have a hard time dealing with social interaction. I feel like people are constantly looking at me, judging me, and criticizing me. It really doesn't help that I also have weight issues and low self-esteem. I feel like there is no one in this world who is genuine or has any morals and values. I feel like there is no one out there who will ever care about me or look out for my best interest. Not as a friend or on a relationship level. I often sit and wonder what has happened to the people of this world? Why are we so selfish and judgmental? Am I the only person out here that cares about other peoples feelings and treats people respectfully how I would like to be treated?
robinmc81 robinmc81
2 Responses Dec 18, 2010

You sound just like me! I think people walk all over us because we are too nice, too trusting and too kind. In a sad way I have really hardened up because of all the taking advantage of my genorosity and kindness. Oh it is still there but I don't go out of my way to make friends now, I have kind of withdrawn from that part of life.

Yea, know what you mean about people. You have a friend here without strings attach.