Beautiful Tortured Soul

I have no friends at all because of my looks. Let me explain people tell me im beautiful all the time. I say thank you bcuz its flattering but i dont see what other people see. When i was a little girl i was a ugly ducklin if you will. I always had self esteem issues and i still do. I developed very early. When i was in 3rd grade my breast was a 34 C cup. I got stretch marks in 4th grade cause of my curves. In 5th grade i believe i was a size 9 or 10. I have always been well endowed. Alot of people thought i was way older than what i reaally was. I neva looked my age. Same thing all through out middle school. People often made fun of me 4 it. I didnt look like a normal little girl. So i had to grow up really quick. I've had soooooooo many depression's. When i got to high school things got worst i guess i started to grow into my looks. You know I started to wear make-up and that pissed alot of the girls off, females just started hating on me. Not to mention i had the body of a 25 year old woman. I have a curvy hourglass shape very womanly. I was born that way i had it since i was a kid. I didn't ask for it. Some of the guys started to like me but they just wanted sex that was it . And I knew it. Im not a piece of meat. When they would find th i wouldn't have sex with them they instantly didn't like me. Of course the girls didnt like me either. they were always starting **** with me over nothing. When i think about i never had real friend. My best friend turned her back on me. I am a very nice,generous,silly and loyal friend. I am not the jealous type at all. The 2 compliments i get alot is "you are so beautiful and "you are so nice". But ironically those are the 2 traits that have caused me the most pain and misery. I am very nie but people run all over me for it. I thought i had real girlfriends but i dont. Its always some type of agenda with them or they just start acting fake. My cousins are very fake towards me. Men it seems all they want is sex from me. I would love to have male friends but they all wanna do is ****, and when i tell them no they stop being my friend. Its so sad and lonely. Sometimes i wanna kill myself. Why would anyone be jealous of me. Im lonely,depressed.miserable, dont have any real friends and it seems its alays going to be this way. I am 23 yearsold and all i do is stay in the house. no social life what so ******* ever. I feel like im 63 yo. Someone once told me that i was a beautiful tortured soul. A woman cant be my friend because of the jealous factor and fakeness. Women are always saying slick *** comments to me. And a man cnt be my friend because they want something to ****.
miserablebeautiful miserablebeautiful
22-25
May 19, 2012