I'm Alone In Front Of My Computer, And I Have No Friends.

And that's all I am right now. I'm also in college, but I haven't really been to any of my classes since day 1. I did go the first and second days, but since then I've been unable to force myself to go. I'm an engineering student, but what I really want to be is a musician. I just want to get my degree and get a job that can support my hobby. But I'm having trouble finishing up.

I have no friends. I'm afraid to go to class unless I have to, like if there's homework due or if I have a test that day. And because I can't go to class, I'm not meeting anyone. Oh, I also don't have a job, and my mom pays for my one-bedroom apartment.

I just wish I could bring myself to talk to people I don't know. I know two or three people in this town, but I don't hang out with them often. Last year I lived in a dorm and roomed with one of my best friends at the time. I still consider him my best friend, but we only hang out maybe once a month, so that's all the social interaction I really have right now. When that year ended, I had a couple friends including my roommate who were serious people, serious about their education, and were generally good people to hang out with. The other half of the group was really into drugs, mainly just weed, but I started smoking it more and more with them, and I ended up getting an apartment with one of my pothead buddies at the end of the year.

Last semester in the apartment was a real drag. Me and my new roommate didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, and I ended up moving out. Now I've stopped smoking, I live in this one-bedroom apartment, and the only person I feel comfortable hanging out with is my old roommate from last year in the dorm. But he's having some problems and he's going to move back to his home state at the end of this year for his last year of college. I'll have two years left because I've pretty much pissed away this one. When he's gone all I'll have are my old friends from high school, none of which live in the same town as me.

I'd like to meet new people, I really would. But when I go to class, I can feel people looking at me like I'm some kind of outcast no one's seen before. I keep telling myself next semester will be better if I just go to class every day, but that's too far away for me. If I don't have some kind of social involvement NOW, I might have to drop out of college due to lack of commitment.

Is anyone else going through the same thing?

igottahavethemusic igottahavethemusic
18-21, M
Feb 15, 2010