I Will Smile And Hold It All In

I sent out invites months in advance, and so far only a few are RSVP ing and they all seem to be His friends. as far as I know for right now it looks like 2 people (along with thier guests) are comeing. It just seems like people lost thier couth when It comes to replying in time (I had wanted people to RSVP by the 15th of may....I sent the cards out in March! that was pleanty of time.

So to move to the point in all this, I have really only two friends, one being my cousin that dropped the load that they are not comeing to my wedding. one friend lives in New York and cousin in Pennsylvania. I do understand that it is hard to come all the way to Maine and I know the times are hard with money, I say it is fine and that It dont bother me ...but really I am kind of pissed off or maybe deep down it just makes me deprssed that all this long I wasted my time on not trying to meet any new friends..I let my social life plunder due to social anxiety. But I know that I am pissed off at them to. I just don't want to say anything cause I don't like confrontation (go figure). I think my friend in New York has a bit more of a ligitamate excuse as she had explained she has hospital bills due to her new baby and she also has a tough time with the bills and morgage along with all that her boyfriends cousin is haveing a wedding in just one week from mine. But my cousins excuse is kind of hokey and it really is not the first time she gives wishy washy excuses to come to something. I don't know I realize that I will try to have a good time no matter what. but It feels like I will be a joke when it comes time for anyone to give a speach for me! I am not trying to petty and man people can say its bridezilla ****, But you know what? it is MY day and its like no one that I once called a friend even cares! I am doubting my own ******* brother will make it also. Whats worse it my "party" i mean who the hell is gonna come to that...me and a couple women I hardley know that well...My sister has a baby and cant stay out that long and prolly wont go. my mom just had brain surgery and prolly cant go or if she does cant stay for to long...this is supposed to be the best day of my life...yet its setting up to be the most depressing...I wont say anything about it knowing me...I will just grin and bear it! like the woman of steel !
spankyster84 spankyster84
22-25, F
May 17, 2012