But I'm Working On It.

Dang i just wrote a long story and then suddenly lost it and ended up in "account settings". But i will share this right now.

I always used to think "I got to get out of this town". But when i did and move on to greener pastures (some really cool places too), i'd find that my problems, attitudes, and my baggage in general had made the move with me. I would mess things up and  end up returning home, tail between my legs, miserable at the thought of trying to make friends and all.

When i quit drinking, i gave up the closest thing i had to "friends". But something else happened too. Instead of bitching and complaining, being cynical and judgmental about where i was "stuck", i went ahead and accepted it, and told myself, "hey you're going to be here for a while, so get used to it... make the most out of this town." And that really helped. All of a sudden i'm taking advantage of what my town has to offer instead of selling myself on the idea that there was nothing to do, it was hopeless, there's no one like me, etc.."

And i'm actually pretty happy now. I still want to leave here again one day, but for now, i have family to attend to and don't think about moving. And i'm real close to developing the circle of "friends" that i used to have in my 20's. We would do anything for each other without question. But i'm not going to use them to judge what i might develop here either. That time has passed, but there's nothing to say that i won't develop even closer bonds than before. I already think the best times of my life are ahead and not behind like i used too. And they were really great times let me tell you.

So we'll see. Never compromise who you are, though. Never change yourself, in my opinion, just to fit in. I won't cut my hair, stop wearing tye-dyes, or even get a real job. It's just not me. Love yourself and people will eventually come around and see why you're so damn happy. Friendships will follow. I know it.
johnnybliss johnnybliss
41-45, M
3 Responses Jul 24, 2010

Wow, your story really resonated with me. I've moved across three states in the last 4 years, always in search of... something. i can never really put my finger on it, just the "thing" that will make me feel a little less alone, a little less alienated. Like you, i've realized that that feeling is a tiny kernel lodged deep within ME, though i must admit, the surroundings/town i find myself in often determine if it will stay a kernel or blossom to a field of corn. i hope that i can find as much wisdom and comfort in myself as you have!

Yeah it's happened twice or three times, i think i hit control and something but i'm not sure. And its happened on both my desktop and laptop. Yeah it's not like the autosave i have, say at Yahoo. Thanks, I'll check it out. Hey i've got somebody covering an extra night a week for me with Mom. It's nice, Now only three sleepless nights a week, well i won't count tonight i'm going to bed...soon, i swear!

Its good to have hope. People are attracted to happy well adjusted people. <br />
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As far as losing your long story and ending up at account settings, I have been speaking to EPDerek about my 'Unpleasant Freeze' (see my stories) and he told me that in stories your supppossed to have an auto save draft. You may want to ask him how you can go back into that group and retrieve your auto draft.