Can't Figure It Out

Where to start? I used to have friends, but all my friendships just fade away like leaves in the fall. Maybe I'm just lazy about keeping friendships going - I don't know. I seem to have interests that no one else shares and no one understands, or I just can't find those that do.... I feel luckier than some here in that I don't suffer from depression and I have a good family (they are my ONLY friends). I can't make small talk. I avoid most invitations to social events because I just can't do it. I want to run away and hide in the woods!! Should I just accept being some strange loner that nobody likes? I smoke, so often I feel like an outcast that no one wants to be around. Hey, I'm not that bad for a 50 year-old Mom! Why doesn't anyone call me?? This drives me to the point of crying at night in my husband's arms. Thank God for him! At least I have one best and only friend - my husband. But it's just not enough....
kickstand kickstand
46-50, F
10 Responses Jul 16, 2010

I know this is an old thread of discussion but I stumbled across your story and just have to say that I'm experiencing the same thing...falling out with people I've been friends with a long time, though I'm able to forgive whatever issue comes up, these people I thought were friends just drift away. Maybe it's being a mother and having a family and the commitment that takes leaves little time to maintain friendships? I still have a few friends but I talk to them so seldom and wish I had a little more "every day" interaction. Because I'm so friendship starved I find myself overdoing when I meet someone I think i could be friends with and pretty much sabotaging the friendship with my neediness. Argh! Luckily, like you, my husband is my best friend.

Dear Kickstand,<br />
<br />
I totally feel your situation. Except that I am in my thirties. I used to have enough friends, good stimuli and activities to do in my free-time. I think I could consider myself pretty happy in that regard. Then, one day, I decided to move to a new town for a job offer. Nothing new there, I've moved plenty of times before, never had any problems making new friends. Yet it hit me. In this new place there isn't a single human being who is willing to be friends with me just for the sake of friendship. Usually it's because they want something from me: whether it is that I do their work for them, or sexual favors, or someone to use in this and that way. I cannot find one person I can talk to sincerely. And like you, fortunately I have my partner with me, as he relocated in this place to stay with me. He also cannot find any friends. We are not the usual types in terms of interests I guess, we tend to like things that are not too trendy, such as classical music, rock-climbing and cooking ethnic food. But I wouldn't consider such activities all too strange, and I frankly am surprised that no-one clicks with us. So what can I say, I'm in there with you. If you would like a pen-pal, I'd be happy to be..<br />
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i find "paganism" interesting. I am hindu, and I find that this lifestyle appealing! I find that nature worship is a lot more complete!

i'm confused, why do you feel like having a husband just isn't enough? There are people who never get married and stay lonely when it comes to finding a lover for u think that is more unfortunate and sad?

Hey girl, Thanks for the add. Now we can be friends.

Thanks for asking kickstand :)<br />
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My husband is my soul mate and would be my best friend even if I was able to make other friends. We just click perfectly. He feels the same way about me and, unlike me, doesn't care if he has other friends. Its nice, we play video games and a lot of times drink together when he is not at work. He is also my shoulder to cry on when I try to make friends with people and they make excuse after excuse why they have no time to go do something.<br />
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You do sound like me, "an odd eclectic mix of things". Hopefully one day we can both find friends. Hell I betcha if we knew each other IRL we'd get along just fine.

Thanks for the comments - I appreciate you reading my thoughts. Bars aren't really my thing anymore, although they were in my younger years, especially when I was single! I have lots of interests that seem like they'd lead to a good friendship somehow, but when I meet people, most just don't "click" to me. Am I being too picky? Sometimes I think I am waiting to find people who are exactly like me and nothing else will do. Other times I think I'm such an odd eclectic mix of things that other people just think I'm weird and shy away. It's like I don't know how to take that step where you say to someone "Lets go do ___ together". I've lost so many friendships over the past 10 years or so, including my best girlfriend from childhood who I decided was only staying friends with me for old time's sake and not because she really liked me. Our lives went in totally different directions and we became complete opposites. I couldn't hang on to it any more. <br />
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I've rambled on - again. I hope that's what this site is about. Not sure since I'm kind of new here! <br />
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Moonprincessxox - tell me more about you, please? Are you lucky enough to have a soul-mate husband and nothing else??

I feel your pain, my husband is my best and only friend.

Sometimes family s the best type of friend, but for me, being around my family too much can get a little over-baring. (sp?) <br />
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If you want advice for friends, I would suggest going to a bar or something and just start talking to someone, it might be hard at first but honestly I think anyone can do it if they truly want friends, hope I helped !

You love art and you love nature, two very interesting topics.<br />
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i'm not the most social kind of guy, and sometimes i think it's because i can't be bothered with the effort of trying to make a situation favourable; i'd rather it was already perfect.<br />
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If my wife didn't have friends, i think i would go crazy. We are social creatures after all.<br />
i don't have a ton of friends. By friend, i mean someone i'd open up to. These are rare events and i kinda long for the days when i could tell my friends everything, but i'm that much older now and life isn't as simple as it used to be. Maybe friendships need to be re-defined as we get older, i don't know.