What Is Wrong With Me?

There are so many things wrong with me I don’t even know where to start. First and foremost on today’s list, I am socially retarded. Humans are social creatures, and I was born without the innate ability to interact with others that normal people possess. I have never been formally diagnosed with a condition, but my mother took me to the doctor when I was a very young child because I didn’t interact with any of the other kids. He told her that “some kids are just that way.” I often wonder how differently my life would have turned out if I had received a diagnosis and early intervention. I had a few friends during school, usually only one at a time, but was always unable to keep those friendships alive for more than a few years. I am now married, and I don’t have a single friend from high school or college that I keep in touch with. I have been working for 12 years and don’t have a single friend that I interact with outside of work (other than my husband -- that’s how we met). I feel that I am an interesting person, but I can never think of interesting things to say in conversation, except with those I am completely comfortable around, or after I've had a few drinks. What comes naturally to most others is a complete mystery to me. I fervently wished to be popular when I was younger; after years of rejection I developed an antisocial, disdainful attitude toward others. Now I just want someone to talk to. Sometimes the loneliness is too much to bear.
lostkeys lostkeys
31-35, F
5 Responses Jul 16, 2010

word for word I hear and know what you're saying.I am in exactly the same place and wonder if some kind of diagnosis could of been made so I can at least understand this :(

Sabama, <br />
My husband thinks that it's no big deal that I don't have any friends. He does have some friends but most of them are single. One is married and I like his wife, but I don't think she really likes me. She calls my husband sometimes to talk to him but never calls me. I don't blame her because I'm really boring to talk to on the phone.

what about your husband? what does he think of you having no friends? does he have friends that possibly have (wives/gf's) that u can also talk and establish friendships with>>?

I have social anxiety and sever trust issues. I dont know how to make friends. But i am a happy person. I love to laugh im a little wierd and im far from perfect. I would like to make friends with anyone who wants 1.

mollymaxine: Thank you, I would like very much to have you as a friend. <br />
jackbolin: It's possible that I have social anxiety disorder. There is definitely an element of anxiety in my interactions with others, but it seems like more than that. It's like I'm missing something that most others have that allows them to interact with others naturally and effortlessly. I get so frustrated by social constructs and norms. So frustrated by not understanding what is "normal". I'm not really into prescription meds but I would consider it short term, if it would help me to learn to interact with others. I've tried counseling a little but it didn't help at all. I've self medicated and worked on things with my hubby and that's helped quite a bit in other ways but not so much with the social stuff.