What Is Wrong With Me?
There are so many things wrong with me I don’t even know where to start. First and foremost on today’s list, I am socially retarded. Humans are social creatures, and I was born without the innate ability to interact with others that normal people possess. I have never been formally diagnosed with a condition, but my mother took me to the doctor when I was a very young child because I didn’t interact with any of the other kids. He told her that “some kids are just that way.” I often wonder how differently my life would have turned out if I had received a diagnosis and early intervention. I had a few friends during school, usually only one at a time, but was always unable to keep those friendships alive for more than a few years. I am now married, and I don’t have a single friend from high school or college that I keep in touch with. I have been working for 12 years and don’t have a single friend that I interact with outside of work (other than my husband -- that’s how we met). I feel that I am an interesting person, but I can never think of interesting things to say in conversation, except with those I am completely comfortable around, or after I've had a few drinks. What comes naturally to most others is a complete mystery to me. I fervently wished to be popular when I was younger; after years of rejection I developed an antisocial, disdainful attitude toward others. Now I just want someone to talk to. Sometimes the loneliness is too much to bear.