I'm Starting To Accept That I'll Be A Loner Forever.

Ever since I can remember, I've been a loner. In kindergarten, I'd always be by myself. Same thing throughout the rest of grammar school. I had one or two "friends" but I think they were just scared of me or felt sorry for me. In high school, I had a few people I hung out with but only on limited occasions. I played sports but even that didn't help me make friends. In college, there were two men I befriended and I had the time of my life. Then, I got married (not to either one of them) and so naturally, they respected my husband and chose to give me some space. I missed them terribly for some time. A few years ago, I met and had a wonderful time with 3 sisters, who I thought were really close friends. Turns out their mother didn't like me (these are women in their mid to late twenties) because she said taht single women had no business with a married woman. They cut me off completely and it hurt, a lot. I only dwelled on it for a week though and then I turned on my "cold" self. My husband and I have met some more people recently but nothing has materialized into a friendship. Even within my family, people are very hesistant to speak with me, even my own siblings. It's a terrible feeling. I think in the past I was extremely blunt, when asked for my opinion or whenever I didn't agree with something. Lately, I think I've been better at choosing my battles but at the same time, I'm at a point where I don't care. It's still really lonely sometimes. Nothing to do with the marriage; it's just that we all need some type of social life because in the end, a marriage still consists of two individuals. My line of work includes teaching so I meet many adults. I can't really socialize with them outside of class because it'd be against the institutions rules. In addition, some of my male students have been attracted to me and that's not the kind of friendship I'm looking for. I can't stand cliques and it really bothers me that as adults, people ignore the fact that they leave others out. I have two kids and I hope they don't experience the same when they're older, although it looks like they already are.
junktoes junktoes
31-35
2 Responses Aug 5, 2010

I so relate to what you're saying. In my case, I had to cut off relationship with my family members, as they were quite abusive and toxic & there was just no way I could ever be acceptable to them.<br />
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In my opinion, I believe it's BEST to have friends in addition to our husbands, so I don't think we should throw in the towel yet (although I certainly relate to feeling like we are going to end up spending the rest of our lives as a loner).<br />
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I believe there are possible solutions to this problem. There's just too many of us in the same boat to ignore it.

yeah i can agree with you on feeling alone, i make friends but i wouldnt consider friends when u feel used or turn around and talk down on you.im a loner all i have is my bf and two kids.i have no social life.take care and have a great day hope u feel better soon.angelina