It's Too Late Now...

That is just how I feel..."it's too late now". I always thought I would have time to make friends, fall in love and live happily ever after (if that even exists). But I turned 50 this year and it hit me hard. I know it's just a number...I've heard all the cliches about getting older..."you're not getting older, you're getting better", "50 is the new 40", blah, blah, blah. By the way, if this group is not the right one for an "old fart", just let me know.

As soon as I turned 50, I just felt that my time was up. I had wasted my life and now it is too late. I do not have any friends, I am not in love and I will not live happily ever after (still don't know if that exists).

I had friends when I was growing school, when I was working. But then isolation kicked in. The company I work for decided to close their doors and send their employees home to work. Most people would kill for a job like that. You can work in your jammies...the 10' commute is traffic free. But the isolation is unbearable. After 5 years of working at home, I have pretty much become a recluse. I go out only when I absolutely have to; otherwise, I just sit at home and do nothing but wish I could go out.

And to make matters worse, I am gay. I know some may ask why that makes things worse. Well, not only am I finding  it difficult to deal with people  in general. I am also finding it difficult because I have this fear of being  judged. I am so afraid that people will find  out I'm gay and will react negatively. This may sound ridiculous, but until you have walked in my shoes...

That is pretty much my story in a nutshell. I  just needed to share and get this off my chest. Not that is did any good :)
jlitzenb jlitzenb
56-60, M
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

I know it is a cliche, but it is also true: it is never too late. Find a councelor or therapist and go out and do stuff. Attitudes toward gays have improved a lot in the past decade or two. I am sure there are people out there who would love to spend time with you.<br />
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Keep your head up! :)