Post

I Haven't Had Any Real Friends Since I Was 10 Years Old

The saddest thing about my story is that I have no clue what it feels like to have a real friend in my life. I had associates when I was in elementary school. When I was 8-10 years old, I lived in Iowa with my parents where I had a best friend, and several other friends my age who always came over our house to hang out and have fun.

My best friend lived right down the street and practically lived at my house, even on school nights. I know both of us were very young then, but we were real close and thought that we would always be close as sisters. But then when I turned 10 years old, my parents sent me down to Arkansas to visit my grandma and other relatives, and while I was visiting for the summer, my parents decided to sell almost everything we had and come down to Arkansas where I was.

From that point on, I never seen any of my friends again, and we grew further apart and I believe my best friend's phone number was changed sometimes after that. I found it very hard for me to make friends in Arkansas like I did in Iowa. Nobody tried to be my friend, or just didn't care at all. As soon as I hit high school, I noticed I was very shy and anti-social from everyone at school. I believe that's the reason why I was talked about almost everyday, and picked on in nearly all my classes by mostly girls, and some boys who hung out with the girls.

When I was in the 7th and 8th grade, I met a family who lived down the street from us. For about 2 years I was friends with 3 sisters in that family and seemed to be getting along pretty good with them and catching the bus together almost every school day. Then one day they all stopped talking to me completely and I never knew why. From that point on, I was still getting bullied with no friends to my name. I was severely depressed and couldn't focused and concentrate on my school work or anything else. After I made tons more "D's" and "F's" in school, I dropped out.

I am now almost  30 years old and still sitting up here with ZERO friends. I am a very shy  person, but not around people I know. I just thank God that there is a God in Heaven who loves all. So even if I never have any friends, I know I have God, and His Son Jesus Christ, so that I'm not Truly alone. 

 
reeda reeda 26-30, F 100 Responses Oct 20, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

well. you know you cant be friend with god. i don't have friend too but i'm better than you, because i'm not doing self-loving **** to make excuses about that.

I know exactly what you are going though. I moved when I was 10 as well. My family moved from CT or OR. What a huge change! Also, I think that for girls, it is especially hard to enter your teenage years without preexisting solid, healthy friendships. Girls become so cliquey during their teens and if you aren't already in, you are out.

I also dropped out of high school though I completed it on-line because of bullying and an overall lack of social connection. It is really sad to have to move at such formative age. I do not thin that is has anything to to with us personally, but more to to do with outer circumstances beyond our control.

I am almost 30 as well, 27...and I hear ya. It's sad. But it probably doesn't have to do with you, just circumstances.

That is my two cents.

Same here ... but I didn't drop out of school I recently graduated the SAME DAMN THING happened to me .___. what made it worse is that everyone had something they could make fun of, my scar on my lip -___-. I really just want some friends one... maybe even a couple of people that I KNOW that I can trust and they trust me just as much back : (... I've come across people who would be the "lowest of the low" group in school who would want me to become they're friends, but thing is that they were disscusting! u_u do you blame me for NOT joining? : ( ...................... they would throw they're selves at me and go like LETS BE FRIENDS!!!! >:D ... and I would be like you know I think I like being alone :C... I need to take it SLOW ... a word that does not comprehend the people of Mangum at all u___u... they push me on purpose to the point of doing one of my "infamous stunts" and either try to threaten them, stab (just slightly), or even try to choke them >: l... they would find this HALARIOUS!!!! >): C

the last sentences you wrote are just exactly how I see it. I don't have any friends either... but I know that even if I'm feeling lonley I'm never alone

I feel your pain I'm 21 and the last three years of my life were dedicated to my ex, I gave up all my friends for her and stoped talking to all girls, now she has left me and its been about 6 months since she left me, and I havnt had one frnd call or txt me, I can leave my phone in my room for days and not have a missed call or txt unlees it was from a telemarkter , I used to be so confident infront of girls, now I'm shy as **** and get nervous when I find myself talking to a girl, so I just mess it up, I have thought a bout suicide but do believe in jesus, and I just don't want my mom and little brothers to be the ones that find me dead, I'm broke now to. God I feel like such a loser.

Yeah- It's the worst when someone stops talking to you and you wonder what you did wrong. Got to keep reminding yourself that they are the ones with the problem. Still hurts though.

I can relate, but praise the Lord Jesus that he is coming soon and will never leave us nor forsake us.
Isaiah 49:
13 'Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted.
14 But Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.
15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.'

You are probably attractive. That's usually why people are bullied in school. It is usually attractive and smart and competent people who are bullied by people who are insecure secretly.
The trouble is, when stupid school loneliness impacts you for life, so that you're the same age as me, and you still find yourself without lots of friends! (Read my story about it! I had a similar experience.)
Don't give up on your friend search. You're into church? What about joining a church, or volunteering at a church group to meet people?

I have also seen people seeking friendships on Craigslist, but you would probably feel less creeped out using FriendMatch!
Don't give up! Friends really do make life better! There are lots of lonely people out there also looking for friends!

That’s terrible. I also have no friends. And I live in Brazil!!! People here are supposed to be friendly, but this is all a lie. People here are shallow and stupid, and they lie a lot, what I hate, because I hate lying. Anyway, I hope you find someone, everyone needs a friend.

Just like here in America, tis' no different .___.
NO DIFFERENT NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO D'X

Hey, I think the hardest part of life is overcoming your problems, obstacles, and fears. Some people live through life without ever overcoming these problems and some people take only couple days to overcome these problems. It varies from person to person and every situation is different. I've been through that process of being bullied and feeling all alone in the world. And from my personal experience, time will slowly heal some of these wounds, but if you never truly face your fear, obstacles, and problems your problems will never be solved. And never give up, even if you fail, keep trying. Don't feel that you are alone in this world, there are plenty of other people in this world just like you. (Ex: Find a hobby you enjoy doing, and find people that are also interested in your hobby and you guys will become good friends.)

i moved away from my family and friends to be with the i love. i love him dearly but have made no friends here and my friends from where i lived have fizzled away. was my choice but still find it hard. get so lonely. i know how you feel your self esteem goes and youve noone to talk to. my partner works away in his lorry and doesnt quite understand as he still has old friends and new. my family dont call me i call them they havent come to see me i have gone to see them which isnt that often as i live farway. its so hard if youve had a bad day at work or you just want a female to talk to there is noone there. hugsxx

U gonna meet ur love very soon . Remember dark days dont last 4ever . Hes gonna be ur true frnd . Hes comming 2 u . Be prepared honey ! Happy days are comming 2 u .

I totally disagree withs saying god or prayer doesn't help, I am not a big church goer but my own experience tells me that whatever science says God does exist and yes he or she does listen. I have experienced the physical and emotional healing through prayer. The church is free and you can pray what ever your denomination Catholic, Anglican, Baptist, Jehovas Witness I say yes he/she does listen. I went to a healing service of a good friend who I have known for some time and I new only little of his non denominational Church but his healing service was uplifting one of the things he mentioned was praise and realised just getting being able to see, breath, taste are thing ti be grateful for. I am not patronising anyone but just learning to be glad about the small things helps those who feel down trodden or forgetten

Being shy can often be a natural tendancy picked up from one of your parents I was abused as a child I say abused what I mean is bullied but that to me is abuse all be it from other children they can often be worse than adults as the often have no sense of guilt. I suffered panic attacks and social phobia as an adult although I now have a very open personality and now talk to strangers all I can say is that working through panic and asserting your self are very important things to learn. A good friend of mine advised me to mirror very confident people and copy there social interactions you can learn a lot just by people watching. Some antidepressents are a good treatment for social phobia as its now called and yes you can get CBT behavioral therapy. Feeling unconfident is often a learnt behavior it doesn't mean you are different. A CEO said confident is after all firstly a CON

Yeah, I can relate to you story. My family moved around a lot when i was younger and i didn't stay in touch with my school mates. part of the reason i didn't keep in touch with school mates is because i didn't work at developing close relationships. part of the reason i didn't keep touch is becuase i messed things up. part of the reason i didn' keep touch is because i was running away. part of the reason i didn'tkeep touch is because they didn't want to keep touch with me. i never stayed at one high school for more than one year. now, i find myself unable to sleep. i find myself unable to think. i cannot socialize. i feel that my mind is messed up. i've been alone for these past few years and when i think about it, i was alone even when i was part of a crowd. life is just messed up. for a while i thougt that if i work on myself as a human being then i would be able to get back into the mainstream of things but i've realized that i might have bipolar or ADD that i can't socialize. my attitude and ways of thinking have become so different comparedto other people that i want to just get it over with. i want to let happen whatever is going to happen because i am fed up. i can'tthink straight. if i had friends then, i would not be this way. msg me if you ever want to talk. i will listen.

I totally understand how you feel, with no friends. But there is no God to help us out. Have you ever wondered why you can't just be normal like every one else.

Hi ?

I wish I knew your name so that I could call you by name & say that your are my friend.

I too have written in this forum previously when I was so close to taking my life because I was so alone. But like you I believe there is God & I know that Jesus is there for me. Though you know I still pray most nights that God might send an Angel to sit at the base of my bed at night to reassure me.

Well I guess that won't happen but I still believe & it's that that give me the strength I need.



I am 57 now & living in a house where my wife & only daughter have zero to do with me, they don't talk to me & avoide me to the extent they even avoid being seen by me. I have no friends but occasionally I read these forums & get a little strength form reading the support of others.

I had an accident 5yrs ago that left me a partial paraplegic, since then the world deserted me.



I will leave my email address I'm not sure if that's allowed but if you just want someone to communicate with I'm happy to be your friend. I live in Australia & I have a brother & nephew in Tenessee. Why don't you write me & tell me about yourself.



Howard.

hschristian@gmail.com

Howard - good luck in your life. You've a good heart. You wife and daughter can't possibly understand how much they are hurting you.

Wow I totally know how you feel. I still don't have many friends and I am 18 years old. I have never had anyone who I can tell absolutely anything too. A lot of people say they have a best friend. Well growing up I never had that. All I had was myself and my parents and sister. No one wanted to be my friend and kids always made fun of me whenever I would make a mistake or talk or something because it was so out of the ordinary to them (i guess) I still don't have a best (girl) friend that i can talk to about anything but I feel that a lot of the time the only person you can trust is yourself. You will make friends and everything will be ok :) Just remember that God and Jesus love you and a lot of other people do too :)

What a sad, touching story. I have been very blessed having only moved once, but it was to a different neighborhood (and I was 5 at the time) so it did not have a very big impact on my life. I've never been the popular one, especially in middle school gym class. I was always picked last and yelled at for sucking so much at sports. This always made me feel alone and hated, but now I realize that nobody hated me. Jumping back to second grade when I met my best friend. His name is Ethan. He was the chunky weird kid nobody wanted to hang around with. One day at recess he had brought a toy car and wanted someone to play with. He asked every last person on the playground, and finally it came down to me. I could not deny, so we played together, and have been best friends ever since. This year we are high school freshmen, and we go to different schools. Our friendship is still going strong despite this, and we are going for pizza and a movie this weekend. My religion teacher (I go to a private Lutheran school) told us during the unit about friendship that if you don't have any friends and you let it get you down, it's your fault. Perhaps if you'd approached someone you could have become friends. You see, if I had never said yes to Ethan, I would not have him as my best friend today. So all you need to do is go out and say hi to someone, or yes to someone whoa asks for help. You never know where it might take you.

And yes, if all else fails, keeping God close is a very important thing. =)

What a sad, touching story. I have been very blessed having only moved once, but it was to a different neighborhood (and I was 5 at the time) so it did not have a very big impact on my life. I've never been the popular one, especially in middle school gym class. I was always picked last and yelled at for sucking so much at sports. This always made me feel alone and hated, but now I realize that nobody hated me. Jumping back to second grade when I met my best friend. His name is Ethan. He was the chunky weird kid nobody wanted to hang around with. One day at recess he had brought a toy car and wanted someone to play with. He asked every last person on the playground, and finally it came down to me. I could not deny, so we played together, and have been best friends ever since. This year we are high school freshmen, and we go to different schools. Our friendship is still going strong despite this, and we are going for pizza and a movie this weekend. My religion teacher (I go to a private Lutheran school) told us during the unit about friendship that if you don't have any friends and you let it get you down, it's your fault. Perhaps if you'd approached someone you could have become friends. You see, if I had never said yes to Ethan, I would not have him as my best friend today. So all you need to do is go out and say hi to someone, or yes to someone whoa asks for help. You never know where it might take you.

And yes, if all else fails, keeping God close is a very important thing. =)

Me too, two of my true friends left town within 5 years of each other, & low self esteem stopped me making any more. plus living in the loneliest town in the world (london) isnt gr8.



I go 2 church & a community centre to increase confidence & try 2 trust that god will show me what 2 do.

You can be my friend today.. life is too short to feel so alone. I cant say i had a lot of friends growing up either. Like you i was a very shy girl and constantly bullied at school. But i got a friend who shared my suffering and we are still friend up to this time, thou with different dreams and beliefs, we still turn to each other for support and advice. and yes, ofcourse you do have a friend in Jesus Christ, He lives quite closer to you than any friend can ever be- he's right there in your heart.



Take care and God bless!!!

I don't know what to do; I'm 55 and have no friends. I had a terrible childhood and don't get along with people at my job. I lack the ability to small talk, I just don't know how to do it. My boyfriend for today just told me once again that he wants to break up with me because of my lack of social skills saying that it puts a wedge in when I'm around his friends. I don't know where to go to learn these skills. My boyfriend is in the mental health field,, so he feels he shouldn't have to do it when he's not at work. We've been together for a year and a month+ so it hurts me deeply when he says things like this to me especially when I've been making changes because I see a therapist for my depression. She's helped me to come up with things to say when I'm forced to talk to people. Instead of saying I work at Walfart she said I could say I work in retail in the garden business. The thing is l fear that I'll never be right. I have nothing to draw from and yes I feel boring. I found this saying today and it's me' Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow'. I work very hard at work, but I'm very serious. I watch as other coworkers stop and chat with each other and they have friends in the lunch room while I sit by myself. I was a class clown to compensate for my lacking in social skills. I am shy and send out a vibe that says "NO" don't look at me because I'll have to talk to you. I put my head down when people start heading towards me and I'm guessing people see me as either stuck up or anti-social. So, I don't know what to tell you, but I'd take the advice of most of the people here and just get out of your house, go for a walk, etc. My boyfriend says that everybody gossips, especially women, so I have to take that into my arsenal for use if I ever get a friend. The reason I am telling you these things is because I don't want for you to be like me at age 55. Go out by yourself to dance, watch a movie at a theatre, tell someone that thier dog is really beautiful, sit on your front porch or steps and people will walk by maybe they'll say "do you live here, I just moved in, what's the neighborhood like, or they'll say hmm, I've never seen you out before". I can't use these because after I've given the big smile saying hello, I don't know what to say afterwards. It's like I'm an idiot, but I've been to college. I also worked in the mental health field and I was very, very good at talking to my clients because I was helping them, but go figure I can't talk outside of that box. Honey, go out to the mall to sit or go in places, but get yourself out there, you have friends to make. Yep, you can also contact me, because as I said I'm a very good counselor to others, I just don't know how to small talk with others.

that's is so sad...Ive experienced that too at some point of my life before...but I learned to not fully focus on that situation...coz it will just worsen my sad feelings...I came to realized that all these years and ever since we were born we have a best friend who never leaves us...he's always there whenever were happy...he's always there when were feeling down...and he always listens to us...and he loves us unconditionally!

Don't feel so sad about it dear....I believe you are quite lucky to have your life like this. This is how god wanted it to be.This is the best way in which you could learn something out of your life.Loneliness is sometimes a blessing,take it positively. Befriend yourself! This is a very good opportunity to find out who you truly are,to get closer to your soul.Once you realize who you are and what your potential is,stay being yourself....and someday you'll attract you true friends towards you

Dear Reeda. I truly understand all of your woes and fears and lonliness and I want to say to you that if you truly want a friend, you have to become that friend. You are (and always have been) your only true best friend. Take the time to relax and breathe deeply and allow yourelf to tap into your inner being and find out who you really are inside. Get in touch with the love and compassion that is flowing deep inside your heart. And then wrap your compassionate arms around the hurting Reeda and honor her for her lonliness and feelings of being no good and unworthy of other's love, because there was a time when those feelings served you but they no longer do. But you created them so you have to let yourself feel the sad and lonely Reeda and while you are feeling all of that old stuck energy, let your true compassionate nature embrace it. That is the real you dear and it is only that you that can possibly ever release all that sadness and allow yourself to feel joy and alive again. But you have to really want to feel joy. You have to be willing to truly let go of the old lonely Reeda because she's been quite a friend. What would you do without your lonliness and sadness? What would that feel like? What would you have to be if you suddenly became the real authentic awesome Reeda? That is the question to ask yourself and it you are ready, allow the real lover inside you to come out and embrace all that old Reeda and then breathe with her and let her go. If you are willing to do that, that's when you will have a found a true friend, inside you. It is you! Thank you.

Although I had some good friends in junior high and also in the Air Force, at a certain point in my life I was bullied badly by self-centered employers and sort of put out to pasture by the public employee clique. I spent years feeling like a friendless outcast until I finally met a woman online who turned out to be about as nice a woman as a person could hope to meet. We met some years ago, and have been together ever since, having gotten married a couple years ago. I kept hearing this advice in my mind: "If you want a friend, be one." I won't go into details other than to say I decided to dedicate myself to her welfare, and I saved her life from terminal loneliness after her first husband's death. She has since returned the favor in various ways. We are there for each other.



The old saying still applies: "Where there is life, there is hope." Be well, and please, never give up hope. There are friends out there for you, and I see some 82 responses here for you that verify that.

I understand where you are coming from. In school when I would get close to someone they would find another friend that would do, go places and I couldn't. In high school the girls started running around with boys and getting reputations and I didn't want the label they had. Since HS I had one friend that I was close to for a year or so, we talked about everything then I met a guy kept my promise that she and I would still go out and do things but when she met someone we quit hanging out. I have a lady at work I confide in but would like to have a "really close friend" my husband-well lets say I can't tell him too much because I don't feel he listens to me with his heart, he has told people things I told him confidentaily, he lies to me and once I am lied to I do not trust ever again. I'm afraid to get close to anyone becuase I don't want to get hurt. I so wish I could have a friend to talk, communicate with that would be honest with me and we could share thinks in commone. I am 43 married, have teens, and a 2 year old-she wasn't planned but God had other things in mind for me. I am a christian and like you am so glad God is there for me whenever I need him. And watches over me. Have a good day

Dear Reeda,



When I read your post, I was touched by your open heart to share such an alienating experience. Being torn away from your close friends, being bullied and losing friends through bullying is a terrible thing to go through, especially when you were so young.



What you experienced as a child must have been emotionally jarring and even traumatic, and I could see how it would cause you to feel that you cannot trust to be closer with another person. I hope that through this site, and maybe through similar supportive situations from like minded people, you can realize that your pain can be a healing gift to those who have experienced what you have. I hope that your honesty and openness about this experience will bring others closer to you, and it can help to redevelop a bond with people that is so needed.

Good GRIEF!!! If you look at the comments alone!!-I wonder, how can it be there are so many loners and lonely people and no-one with friends when this comment has more "I can relate"s to it than anything I've seen commented on..and that includes arguments about God! You know what would happen if all of these people were to get together in a social setting for a few weeks? Cliques would form. Someone would dislike someone elses smile or outfit and that would cause another clique to form. It would be a room full of people not trusting each other but cutting each other down to gain acceptance, and 'ta da' you've got high school all over again!!! Don't forget the wall flowers that couldn't find a clique, and the cool dudes who were too good for cliques!! We'd have dog lovers vrs. cat lovers and punks vrs. greasers, and jocks vrs. nerds, all of us are capable of being one-of-"them", don't kid yourself. As everyone has said, you need a clique or hobby to form a clique of your own. I was a loner until I found my place in the Art world. I had a terrible time accepting being accepted and respected but I loved it and it changed my life!! It only took 35 years!! Now that I'm disabled, I'm "One Of Them", meaning, "Medicaid people, groan..." but I thank God that I had more years as a respected artist to arm me for these years as One Of Them, and still hold my head high!!!-until I can thumb my nose at butchering surgeons who dislike my kind because I'm One Of Them. And on and on and on..............Lawdy help us!