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There's Nothing Wrong; Nothing Right Either

It was a cold september morning. Rain was dripping down. A man sat at his table. Crying.

I wish I could make this story as interesting as I want it to be, it isn't. Like so many other people I've never really had friends. Sure, I had people who 'liked' me. I can remember 3 of them. Then there were their friends, who didn't like me. The didn't hate me either. They were uninterested in me. I can understand. I have to admit that it was a september morning were I realized I had no friends, at all.

That had never happened though. I always had at least one friend. Now I'm completely alone. The worst is when the dark moods start to appear. You know the ones: the ones you never admit you have. The ones were you just say: 'screw this' or 'why me?', ... and so many, many more questions and feelings come bubbling up.

I wish I could say I don't care whether or not I have friends. But I do care. A lot. Someone needs to teach me how to make and keep friends.
Aerugo Aerugo 22-25, M 11 Responses May 18, 2011

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Ok honestly I didnt read all the comments up here. But, this works for me. Scan for people who seem alone, you did be surprised how many of them are around. approach and talk. One at a time, if you find groups intimidating. Opposite sex works better. With me people slightly older than me help. Try meeting people who are sensitive, into art or education. They are in stark contrast to us, so its like they give you this amazing breeze of life. try migling around with kids, like 5/6 year olds they make great friends, if you can afford (i cant) a dog is cool. I have some very old friends too, people in their 60's, they have good stories to tell and lots of time. :) <br />
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Bottom line, get over the stereotyped "Friend" explore a bit.

Good advice! Though it doesn't work for me usually. People see me as an ogre or something. The fact that I have the social skills of a stone is also a downer for most people. I listen, but I tend to stay quiet. Or I speak too much. Either way, it's never right :-D I've tried it though. I gave up on it. And, in regards to the dog. It's a bit too soon. Probably. Besides, I live in an apartment, no place to keep a dog.

I don't have a stereotype of friend to be honest. I just don't have any friends *sad laugh* :-)

(Also, for some reason: 'mingling' with 5/6 year-olds is generally frowned upon in my country :-P)

Haha!! :D If that advice was any effective wouldnt I have friends myself!! LOL!! I dont have friends either, I keep trying and failing. :D

We have been programmed into believing in this Facebook culture that lots of friends = happy. <br />
That’s Bullshit, the important thing is the QUALITY of friends, truth be told I have 1 friend and a bunch of people I know. But that one friend is like my brother, (he isn’t) we share similar values and interests and even though there are things we don’t agree on because we value each other its more like a discovery process.<br />
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Look for people who are open minded so you are able to have a relationship/friendship with a person that is more than just about what Bands you like or Sports team you follow.<br />
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For example, me and my mate are open minded people if I said “I’m going to a jazz fusion gig, want to come” he’d say “yeah” because he’d want to see something new, even if he knew little about jazz or didn‘t really like it. Like wise if he was going to see a contemporary art exhibit ( I’m not much of a fan of contemporary art) and said the same to me I’d go not because I want to spend time with my mate in some sort of bromance, but because I want friends that are going to look to try new stuff, rather than just stagnating. <br />
Not only that by he is a very thoughtful person, if you are worried about something or have a issue he’d give what advice he could, in short he’s not selfish. <br />
These quality’s in a person are very important to me, and you should ask what quality’s in a person you want, this will build a better friendship.<br />
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I don’t know if this has help or not but that’s my 2 cents.

I left some stuff out

For most of my lift I’ve suffered from agoraphobia, when said friend above got married and asked be to be an usher at his wedding I said yes. For 3 days before the wedding I was puking like a drunk, and blindly panicin. In the end I went and had a very akward time, as I knew no one.
So what made me do it, the desire to be in control of my life, the want to not be a victim out weighted the fear I had.

“Which is why I can easily make people like me. I lie to them. I do fake laughs, fake lies which they can easily see through, etc”

Right in future don’t, be you if a person says an unfunny joke don’t laugh. You need to distinguish what it is YOU want for certain friendships rather than having others dictate it to you. Yes it will be a long process but worth it in the end.

My nephew said on the phone the other day that “he was embarrassed by his brother and mum when around his mates” I said “how, do they say something?” he said “no its just very embarrassing for me” I said well if they are truly your friends then they won’t care how different your family is, as they will like you for you.
There are going to be people who don’t like you, its just the way of the world, but that’s their hang up.

You seem like an intelligent dude, and im sure you’ll make the right decisions when they are presented to you.

It's easy enough saying I have to be myself. Actually doing it is a lot harderm cause honestly: it's easier being someone else. It's very tiring, but it's the only way I know to have people like me.

It seems that my general personality is very unlikeable. It's nice to have these ideas about being yourself if you have (a) friend(s). If you have no one who you're comfartable with, and all your experiences have taught you that your personality sucks, you're gonna be very lonely, and afraid of showing your personality to anyone.

Now your sounding like me. Good of you to open up and be honest. Text me anytime

86mk86, so you lie to people? that isnt how you make friends or keep friends.

you're right, it isn't. But it's the only way for some of us.

Be gentle with him. Some of us really have trouble not lying about ourselves.

Yes, it is intimidating. I don't think I'll ever get used to public places. I'm not afraid anymore to go into them, because to be honest, I'm great at making people like me. It's just a matter of knowing what they expect and giving it to them. I don't need people to like me, I need friends. And I can't keep up the charade forever, so sooner or later they find out and dump my ***. <br />
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I'm a great liar. I'm not even kidding or boasting, I'm just good at it. Which is why I can easily make people like me. I lie to them. I do fake laughs, fake lies which they can easily see through, etc... <br />
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*sigh* sometimes I wish someone was smart enough to see through my ruse and call me on my bullshit. <br />
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Thanks for the tips though, but I don't like groups. I had a hard enough time to join experienceproject, thank you very much :P<br />
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Thank you for the chicken wings. Would you join me? I'll get a salad as well! <br />
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*Beckons rising5*

*Pokes Aegurgo* It might be intimidating initially, but once you venture into the great unknown that is the Big Scary World, you'll grow used to it and become a fearless part of it :) It's worth the risk/discomfort, since all future friends are lurking out there. <br />
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Just don't let the prospect of awkwardness and social blunders hold you back - they're part of the process of becoming assimilated into the world outside. The more mistakes you make, the quicker you'll learn what works and what doesn't. It's just a matter of not beating yourself up over faux pas, you'll grow tougher skin eventually. All the best stuff come after great discomfort. I've been there =/<br />
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The time is never "right" to move out of your comfort zone. Do it today. Tomorrow at the latest. Waiting will make it harder to make the leap. I know this from personal experience as well. Making small conversations during waiting lines, at the grocery store, at the bus stop, etc is a good way to start. It's not a place to make friendships, but it'll help get rid of the fear of making social mistakes – who cares if the impression made wasn't stellar? You'll never see these people again, but it will help hone social skills and get over fear of mingling. <br />
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I remember you like writing too, so maybe a great place to meet potential friends would be NaNoWriMo (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) meetups where you can get together with fellow writers (of various ages) and share common interests. Anime conventions or even Facebook anime groups in your area – makes it easier to mingle when others share your interests. Just a few suggestions. I'll go away now. *leaves behind plate of chicken wings*

If only now I wasn't scared of going to public places :) <br />
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I'm happy I get up every morning to go to work, to be honest with you.

Wish I had something to add but everyone else beat me to what I want to say<br />
I can be an online friend too if you wish<br />
I actually just joined this site tonight but I'm more used to internet communication than anything so it works out<br />
Here for you if you want to chat about anything or nothing feel welcomed to :]<br />
I'm in a similar boat so we should have somethings to talk about

Guess I'll give everyone a hug back :) <br />
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Thanks for the comments, it's one of the better days today. It seems virtual folk will have to suffice for quite a while though, seeing that I don't go out much. <br />
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It's another story; maybe for another day, but I'm not ready to go out into the big scary world yet and 'mingle' with all kinds of people yet. Mostly because I can't stand most people and have to put on my 'friendly' face to be able to hang around them.

I went through a similar stage (and I'm probably in danger of slipping back into it at any point in the near future); if it weren't for having come across a couple of seriously tenacious people who wouldn't give up on me despite my hopelessness at putting enough effort into keeping our relationship alive, I'd still be friendless (I'm talking about real, face to face people - online buddies don't count as they do nothing for one's self esteem).<br />
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And yes, no matter how much we'd like to convince ourselves that we don't care about having anyone, the truth is finding that you're solo is very uncomfortable to think about - and on gloomy days, it downright hurts. <br />
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What I've discovered thus far from all my hit and runs is that being nice doesn't get you friends - it just makes people more open to tolerating you and letting you hang around. The trick to finding good relationships is being yourself, keeping your sense of humor alive and letting it out (that way you're more likely to draw folks who share and understand it), and only giving when you know that the other person is willing to give back in return (I've had my fair share of leeches). ...Plus you have to actually mingle with different groups of people to find likeminded creatures, which is one of my weak points because I'm lazy and have a hard time working up the energy (and sometimes courage) to bother. But once you do come across someone you click with, the rest seems to flow :)<br />
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So yes, it's okay if you feel down now, I'm giving you a bear hug and letting you know that you will find friends who will want to stick around sooner or later. It's just that the process of finding them is emotionally rocky and sometimes draining, but don't let it get you down too much. Until then, us virtual folk will have to do (^_^)v *bearhugs* Chin up.

I'll be your friend I feel exactly the way you do I have no real life friends either I'm alone but I've made some friends here and I'm sure you will to. If you want we can be friends. I'll talk to you whenever you want you can tell me anything and I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling the same way or have felt the same way. <br />
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Take Care <br />
Lifeless Star

Yeah, you're right. <br />
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Still, it feels like I've reached out enough, you know? I've reached out as far as I could (or dared, not sure about it) and nobody has reached back thus far. *sigh* maybe I'm just having one of those 'dark mood' days.