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Friends Are Just Too Difficult

Having friends, from what I've found, is one big judgement.  When you meet and greet anyone it's the up and down look. I hate that. Even people I've known and liked in the past, I don't have anything to do with anymore. I hate that up and down look. Why?  I always feel like I'm being judged. I don't do that. I'm no one to judge someone else and I don't want to be judged.

If I had friends I actually met that means I'd think about, worry about, how I look and what I'm wearing and how much I weigh. I don't need it. The world is full of vanity and for some reason most people think everyone else is suppose to look like a movie star. We are all based and judged by the stars on tv.
It's too much pressure. It's exhausting.

When I was in high school I was the odd one. I loved to read and dream and imagine and create and I had intuition and things around me inspired me...Inspired me to write or dream or imagine.  You can imagine how  this creative world of being emotional and sensitive and feeling went over with school kids.  Not so well.
So I started acting like who ever I was around. I 'went with ' their emotions and agreed or disagreed and let them be drama or vent or whatever and as long as I went along and acted with them and like them, all was good...be myself and I suddenly had two heads.

I spent my summers alone a lot, walking through the woods with my dogs and sitting down the road at the creek with pen and paper in hand.

Now I'm 45 and marriage turned into an abusive situation I had to get out of, and then someone who lied and I mean lies and decietful like you can't believe...but this other guy went to church twice on Sunday and all the lies he told he said it was because he was a Christian and God would understand and forgive him and he was a faithful Christain ...whatever...  now I'm in a relationship that...is difficult...leave it at that.

So I have my internet friends. I have pjs on right now and no make up and my hair isn't curled, it's pinned up off my shoulders and out of my way.  It doesn't matter though. I can talk to anyone and it's sooo easy. My weight doesn't matter. I stay home and then no one can judge and so on.
The internet has opened up life for me. I have the best and greatest friends now then I've ever had in my life.

I've been writing a female e-mail pal in England for 3 or so years.   Almost every day and sometimes every day.
I also have a couple pen pals.
So I don't ever have company over and I never go to anyone else's house....which saves me a lot of hassle. No entertaining and cleaning if I don't want
to.
I've made some true, wonderful friends on the internet, writing e-mails and sharing our lives and day to day happenings and I can do it right here from my couch with my tea in my pjs :)
MsBlueDreamer MsBlueDreamer 41-45, F 7 Responses Oct 27, 2011

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for the first time in years I've stepped out. I haven't been around anyone, but I decided to attend some spirituality seminars. If I meet others who have a spiritual interest as I do...I don't know, maybe I'll see them at other meetings. I don't see myself meeting someone and suddenly having friends over....bit much there, but to have friends who attend more meetings would be fine

I was never the person with many friends. Most of the time one or the other. No one stayed for longer than a few years.
Now I live in a foreign country for more then 6 years and didn't make any friends at all and I tried a lot. Sometimes I would like to go out with someone I can talk to and enjoy. A real friend, I believe, doesn't judge you.

It's difficult to find a friend who doesn't judge. It's very hard to be around someone who isn't looking at your clothes, hair, features and you see them looking and you feel very self conscience ...and when the look, now I'm thinking 'I bet she thinks this and I know my nose is too big and my skin is broke out and I don't have the money for nicer clothing'... To find someone that you don't have to feel like your being looked over and they are noticing if you put on a pound. It's so next to impossible...sad too, very sad that everyone is so judgmental.
I hope you can find someone nice and find that friend.

Wow I completely love how you have managed to make your life so positive. I don"t friends either and I am trying very hard not to let this get me down. But there are days when I just can't handle it. Reading your posts made me realize that I don't always have to be so down all the time, but I wish I had the same positive energy as you

Thank you. There is no need to be down about not having friends, it makes life easier. You can be you without worry as no one is around to judge you-as people tend to do. I do feel it sometimes. My bf goes out to play poker with all his buddies, my daughter goes over to a friends house and I might feel down as I have no one - but I make use of having the house to myself...turn some music on and dance, curl up with a good book and there is always the internet and sites like this to come on :) Everyone is different. Not everyone needs to be social.

When I think back over the years, through out public and high school I didn't have any close friends. I had friends here and there, one year hung out with Ju-- for a bit, one year hung out with Ter--a for a bit, one time hung around with Ca--y for a bit (didn't put in full names) but no one steady or BFF type thing. I realize it couldn't happen. <br />
I went to the movies by myself and went to the bar to go dancing by myself, though there was usually someone from school down there to dance with or sit with.<br />
It's just who and how we are. I've never been a hostess. When I was married I bet I had company over 3 times in all those years. Even in the last 11 years my mom and brother has been over a few times...a couple friends of my boyfriend a couple times. 5 visit type things in 11 years. I don't make supper either. I love to cook but I hate being judged so I don't do it.<br />
I did once for my mom and once many years ago when my bf's mom came down but that was all. IF someone my bf knows is coming over, order in as I don't need anyone judging my cooking skills or giving me that hassle in my life. <br />
e-mail pals can be and are the best :)

It's Saturday night...not a friend in sight..here I sit and write :)<br />
That's my lfie.<br />
My bf is out with his buddy friends.<br />
My daughter is over at a friends for the night<br />
and me...no one to my name to phone or call<br />
no excitement, nothing new, just my doggies, kitties and I<br />
and this is how my life goes<br />
I'll curl up with a good book<br />
and let some music flow.

My Saturday nights - well come to think of it every night is spent much the same, just me and my dog the tv and/or computer. If my phone rings i automatically think something must be wrong with a family member - or i owe someone money,- one thing is for certain it's no one calling me for a friendly chat. Partly my own fault maybe, i've had and trusted friends in the past and each time i have either trusted too much or stabbed in the back by them. So now i have no one, except my e-mail pal over in Canada, she knows all there is to know about me and she doesn't judge me in any way, a good friend to have -worth more than all my past friends put together, i think it's the quality not the quantity of friends that is most important

I find friendly chats exhausting..lol..now and then/occasionally on the phone isn't too bad. I have a friend I talk to once or twice a year, I talk to my aunt once a year on the phone...good with me..:)
It's not a fault if you're ok with it.
I think we all get mixed emotions about not having friend..it's good in many ways, but since we are human, now and then we feel a bit down and lonely about it, but we don't really want to change it...pros and cons to everything. Your doggie won't judge you, she doesn't care how you are dressed or what weight you are or how your face and hair looks, she just luvs ya :)
Thank you :)

i have trust issues and i do think that people are tiring but i think that trait or mindset isn't going to help me in life.<br />
<br />
i need to learn how to interact with people and how to define myself. and create my identity<br />
<br />
being alone is easy because i'm used to it and it became my comfort zone, but i've missed alot of things because of somebody else stupidity and i wont embrace that

Thank you. Being alone is much easier.<br />
.I don't watch American Idol...lol. I read more then I watch tv.