Friends Are Just Too DifficultHaving friends, from what I've found, is one big judgement. When you meet and greet anyone it's the up and down look. I hate that. Even people I've known and liked in the past, I don't have anything to do with anymore. I hate that up and down look. Why? I always feel like I'm being judged. I don't do that. I'm no one to judge someone else and I don't want to be judged.
If I had friends I actually met that means I'd think about, worry about, how I look and what I'm wearing and how much I weigh. I don't need it. The world is full of vanity and for some reason most people think everyone else is suppose to look like a movie star. We are all ba
It's too much pressure. It's exhausting.
When I was in high school I was the odd one. I loved to read and dream and imagine and create and I had intuition and things around me inspired me...Inspired me to write or dream or imagine. You can imagine how this creative world of being emotional and sensitive and feeling went over with school kids. Not so well.
So I started acting like who ever I was around. I 'went with ' their emotions and agreed or disagreed and let them be drama or vent or whatever and as long as I went along and acted with them and like them, all was good...be myself and I suddenly had two heads.
I spent my summers alone a lot, walking through the woods with my dogs and sitting down the road at the creek with pen and paper in hand.
Now I'm 45 and marriage turned into an abusive situation I had to get out of, and then someone who lied and I mean lies and decietful like you can't believe...but this other guy went to church twice on Sunday and all the lies he told he said it was because he was a Christian and God would understand and forgive him and he was a faithful Christain ...whatever... now I'm in a relationship that...is difficult...leave it at that.
So I have my internet friends. I have pjs on right now and no make up and my hair isn't curled, it's pinned up off my shoulders and out of my way. It doesn't matter though. I can talk to anyone and it's sooo easy. My weight doesn't matter. I stay home and then no one can judge and so on.
The internet has opened up life for me. I have the best and greatest friends now then I've ever had in my life.
I've been writing a female e-mail pal in England for 3 or so years. Almost every day and sometimes every day.
I also have a couple pen pals.
So I don't ever have company over and I never go to anyone else's house....which saves me a lot of hassle. No entertaining and cleaning if I don't want
I've made some true, wonderful friends on the internet, writing e-mails and sharing our lives and day to day happenings and I can do it right here from my couch with my tea in my pjs :)
MsBlueDreamer 41-45, F 7 Responses 8 Oct 27, 2011