All The People I Thought Were My Friends Are Scum Bags

I have been going through an insanely rough time this past year. I am going through a horrible break up, and I am unemployed. I have only one true friend, but she lives 8 hours away and is busy with grad school. She is great, but is not physically present to hang out with.

Last night I went to a Halloween party. When I arrived, I was completely ignored. People who I thought were my closest friends showed up. I gave them a friendly greeting, but they just ignored me. I broke down into tears because I am so lonely and depressed. I ended up getting drunk (because hey, its Halloween). I am very friendly when I drink. I was being very nice and talkative to these crappy people. I noticed one girl, who used to be my friend, sitting alone. I asked her how her new job was going. She then said, "Can I be honest with you?" And I said, "Yes," a bit confused. We went into an empty room and she told me that everyone who I used to be friends with had been purposefully avoiding me. She said that I was one of her closest friends and had always been there for her, but since I started going through a rough time people were concerned, and they didn't want to have to waste their time worrying about me. She then accused me of pulling a knife on someone on a trip a bunch of people went on months ago. This is a blatant lie! I have NEVER done such a thing. She also accused me of lying and many terrible things that are untrue.

I tried to call my ex (bad idea, but I was inebriated). She took my phone and would not let me call him. She basically said that I am crazy and no one wants to be around me. I grabbed my coat and ran down stairs. I asked another person to help me hail a cab because it was 1 AM, dark empty street, and I was drunk. He just said, "If you walk a block you can catch a cab." So I ran out into the freezing cold alone, stumbling and caught a cab. Not a single one of these so-called friends cared or even bothered to check on me. They turned their backs on me when I needed them,. even though I had always been there for them. They even admitted I had never done anything to them. They are selfish, lying, crap bags. God forbid they care about anybody but themselves! They revel in the fact that I am all alone. I have severe clinical depression and no one. I sit at home alone all day everyday. They all just talk crap behind my back and perpetuate nasty lies about me. I am SO fed up! I emailed the girl and told her what horrible crap bags they all are. I mean, who does that to someone?? Not a human being. I am so sick of being bitter and alone. They call me crazy, but I think they are narcissists. Its disgusting. I am DONE. But they don't care. I honestly believe they are hoping I commit suicide just so they have something to talk about because their lives are so pathetic and they are toxic creeps.
venus2011 venus2011
26-30, F
3 Responses Oct 30, 2011

I realized its all about actions not words... For those who may say your a drama queen well who gives them that right to make assumptions about you? Dont listen to the haters and seek out friends who truly care about the person you are. Theyre hard to find but their out there.

Can I be honest?
You sound like a drama queen. I have friends who seek attention especially when drunk. You say you're alone and miserable... Well go do something about it! You're unemployed so no commitments to the area you're in move! Start a new life, be less dramatic and chill out! Also (I will not lecture on getting drunk I do it A LOT but...) there are only so many times someone can deal with a hysterical drunk - my friends have told me. It's not attractive or funny. Change your life and don't say that they want you to kill yourself - no person would ever want that. They're probably just sick if you and want you to go away

I feel for you. It sounds like a terrible situation you're in. I think the best way to approach this is to separate out the unfair "life sucks" type of stuff (because there will always be this, no matter what), and figure what about your behavior you can take responsibility for. Usually we can all look at ourselves and see how we might be holding ourselves back in some way. Then do your best to change it! Make new friends, join some groups, see a psychologist, get on medication, try to re-train your brain to think positively (there are many books about this). We are all in charge of our own destinies. Make it happen!