Wandering Alone At Night.It happened again last night, that feeling. I went out on a very busy street at night and had a walk, there were clubs, pubs, cafe's restaurants, etc. The walk started out fine, when I locked my thoughts up in my own little world and keep them to myself. But I soon found out, that keeping my mind clear became impossible as I passed group after group of happy, chatting friends, laughing and smiling, having a drink or a coffee together. The atmosphere around them was so nice, I almost felt like running up to them and begging to be included. But they were all in their own little friendship worlds, and even if I had tried that, which I wouldn't, they would think me crazy.
Then as I kept walking, depression finally started to hit, as my thoughts changed with the situations around me, at times like these, it really dawns on you how alone you really are and how much you are missing and have missed in your life the older you get and despite all your efforts and how much you have tried, It just doesn't work, no one within reachable distance wants you as their friend. Ignored, betrayed, unnoticed. You just don't have luck with people no matter what approach you take, no matter what way you try, no matter what you do, you will never have what these people have, you will never know what it means, or how it feels and you are not even asking for something that special or as great as they have it, just a small part of it at least and as much as you don't want to lose hope, you also want to give up, because you are tired, just so tired of it all.
I am not saying that internet friends is a bad thing, I think it is a wonderful thing and I am thankful that internet exists and friends can be made, I don't know what I would do without it, but... having that one friend, to physically hang out with on a Saturday night, to see a movie with, to grab a coffee with, is just a whole different thing.