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Wandering Alone At Night.

It happened again last night, that feeling. I went out on a very busy street at night and had a walk, there were clubs, pubs, cafe's restaurants, etc. The walk started out fine, when I locked my thoughts up in my own little world and keep them to myself. But I soon found out, that keeping my mind clear became impossible as I passed group after group of happy, chatting friends, laughing and smiling, having a drink or a coffee together. The atmosphere around them was so nice, I almost felt like running up to them and begging to be included. But they were all in their own little friendship worlds, and even if I had tried that, which I wouldn't, they would think me crazy.

Then as I kept walking, depression finally started to hit, as my thoughts changed with the situations around me, at times like these, it really dawns on you how alone you really are and how much you are missing and have missed in your life the older you get and despite all your efforts and how much you have tried, It just doesn't work, no one within reachable distance wants you as their friend. Ignored, betrayed, unnoticed. You just don't have luck with people no matter what approach you take, no matter what way you try, no matter what you do, you will never have what these people have, you will never know what it means, or how it feels and you are not even asking for something that special or as great as they have it, just a small part of it at least and as much as you don't want to lose hope, you also want to give up, because you are tired, just so tired of it all.

I am not saying that internet friends is a bad thing, I think it is a wonderful thing and I am thankful that internet exists and friends can be made, I don't know what I would do without it, but... having that one friend, to physically hang out with on a Saturday night, to see a movie with, to grab a coffee with, is just a whole different thing.
ForestRain ForestRain 31-35, F 14 Responses Feb 23, 2012

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Im feeling the same way you feel. I thought I was the only one. I feel different from everyone else.

Just came back to this story and see there have been more comments. Thank you all so much for commenting and feeling my emotions. I really appreciate it. I hope that it lets you know that you are not alone in your feelings.

"no matter what approach you take, no matter what way you try, no matter what you do, you will never have what these people have, you will never know what it means, or how it feels and you are not even asking for something that special or as great as they have it, just a small part of it at least and as much as you don't want to lose hope, you also want to give up, because you are tired, just so tired of it all."

I agree. This excerpt from what you wrote really says it all. I know exactly how you feel.
Today is a beautiful day outside. First real day of fall here in NY. Crisp. Sunny. Lovely. I was driving to the store and felt like I was in a decent mood. Listening to music, enjoying the sunshine. But as I drive by parks and houses, I see everyone else. With their friends. Families. Having fun. Laughing. Just doing regular things that are so simple, but bring so much joy. And I am alone. So I just come back home. And sit. And look up other lonely people on the internet and comment on their posts on experienceproject. LOL. Its all so silly. =/

same here. It is sad and lonely. I have always feel like people never wants to get to know me. Having a friend like you would be great! : )

i know exactly how you feel. i am in the same situation, but not in the city, on a huge college campus. please let me know if things get any better for you or how you're doing. also friend me if you want to talk. maybe we could help each other?

Dear ForestRain.... reading your post made me feel like you took the thoughts right out of my head. I can really relate to your story. It really touched me when I read your words: "You just don't have luck with people no matter what approach you take, no matter what way you try, no matter what you do, you will never have what these people have, you will never know what it means, or how it feels and you are not even asking for something that special or as great as they have it, just a small part of it at least and as much as you don't want to lose hope, you also want to give up, because you are tired, just so tired of it all." My goodness, I was crying when I was reading this simply because it is exactly how I feel!!! <br />
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It's really tough and I wish I understood why it's so easy for others to make friends but for me it's a constant struggle, I have to work hard at it, and pray, and wish, and hope, and pray again... and even that doesn't work! I have absolutely ZERO friends, I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I've started to come to accept the fact that I may never have friends and I'm just meant to be a loner. It's so painful. I wish I never existed :(

I hope you are hanging in there. I ams still struggling with the friendship thing. How are you doing?

Thank you to everyone for all your comments, I really appreciate it very much.

I understand. I don't have any friends either. I feel exactly how you feel. Enjoying a day out or night, then dawns on you you wish you had someone to share that day/night with a friend. I had that a few years ago. We were friends for only two years. She made new friends and was no room in her life for me. But i hop we can keep in touch with each other

I'm sorry. I hope you will keep in touch.

I feel like I wrote this, I understand u

Thank you.

I would love to go out in the city with you! I would be wonderful! :))

Friendship is something that develops over time...that special bond between friends sometimes take years to establish. ForestRain you're worthy of friendship just as any other individual. I think you should go to places that you would find people of similar interest as yourself, paces in your community where the same people frequent often. Get to know the faces, make small talk with them. You never know those actions may be the start to a great friendship. Go to a cafa and have coffee alone and if you see someone sitting alone ask that person may you join her/him. Friendship starts by you saying HELLO to another person. My kids think that I am crazy and they dislike shopping with me because I talk to everyone in the store. :-) Even though I don't know the shoppers personally we do share in the same shopping experience which connects us at the time. So don't count yourself out yet, give yourself a chance because there are many other lonely people in your community praying for a friend like you! :-)

Don't give up hope. One day you will have that too. There are many many people - probably closer than you think - who feel exactly like you, just waiting for the opportunity for someone to come into their lives. Friendships start small, from a simple hello, so they came happen at any time. For now you have to hold on to the fact that you are special and worthy of anyone's friendship. Don't loose faith in yourself, that's just giving in to all the people who have hurt you and betrayed you. Don't let them win.

I wish u were nearby I would have coffee with u or go c a movie to. I hope u can find that one special person or persons, please dont give up.