Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Lonely.

Apart from the four friends I've made in the last year online, I have no "real life" friends. I've never been one to have a whole group of friends, only a few, but I lost those when I left school due to bullying in 2009. They weren't genuine nor did they really care about me as a person; they even enjoyed and watched on as I was bullied by others; it's like that got some kind of satisfaction out of it . However, being that they were all I had in school, I continued to hang around with them.

I've forgotten what it feels like to have friends. I crave friendship constantly—I wish I had a friend to go to for support, for advice, for opinions, for social interaction, for help, to have fun with. Someone who genuinely cares about me, who's interested in getting to know me, who accepts me as I am despite my faults. But instead, I'm lonely. I won't say that I am alone, because no one is ever truly alone, and my online friends are keeping me sane, but I am certainly lonely. I don't go anywhere due to anxiety and agoraphobia issues, I'm shy and lack social skills, and I live in a very small town that doesn't require a whole lot of opportunities at meeting people.

I envy people who have had a friend, or friends, since they were young; a childhood friend that even to this day they are still connected to, to the point where they're practically family. I've never had that. I have no idea what it feels like, I can only imagine. I worry that I'll be lonely forever, having only myself to rely on, that I'll never be able to experience what true friendship feels like. I will admit, though, that finding the friendship that I have online has shown me that it's not impossible for me to be liked as a person, and for someone to be interested in me enough to form a friendship with me. However, not being able to see my online friends, and physically hang out with them, is what I'm sad about missing out the most.

I've heard that if you have other people around you, you're not alone. I don't agree—having people around you is entirely different to having people you can rely on and trust. I can be in a room full of people, but will they all be there for me, by my side through the thick and the thin? No. But that's what I want.

I don't care for quantity, I care for quality—one true friend is all I need, if that's all I was given.



tianajade tianajade 18-21, F 62 Responses Mar 27, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

glad I looked over your profile fellow aussie I am from Tassie but I don't have two heads ;-) nice story I suffered my share of anxiety until recently when I discovered fitness and health has had huge impact on my mental health
I do not have a big circle of friends either I go out shopping but am a little uncomfortable chasing social situations but I am getting better and stronger each day
pleased to meet you if you want a guy friend with no B$ add me I am here to chat anytime wish you the best of luck stay strong and never let the anxiety win fight it

...can't see how, you are so pretty, but maybe that's it...!!!

I'm lonely because I'm pretty? What the ****.

...I'm responding to the your story title "I have no friends" NOT "I'm lonely" - you probably have no friends because you can't read properly !!!

Okay, clearly there's something mentally wrong with you.

Would you care to add me as a friend? I promise Im a good one.

I'm really sorry. =/
I hate bullies and that's horrible that that happened to you.
I was bullied, but I was able to stop it all.
I completely agree. One true friend is so much better than many acquaintances.

Right now , I am going through the same phase. I have lost touch with most of my friends. There are all away from me. I seriously need to have a friend circle to keep me sane.

it's amazing how we can find people to relate so easily..i loved to read your post, im new here bue i would love to chat with you sometime, until there, good luck and stay strong

I would like to be your friend:)

I've enjoyed reading many of your posts having gone through some the things you have. You are never alone as long as you are happy. You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. Many misconceptions by people with low self esteem. I too was bullied before joining the military and spent many years teaching and counseling kids that were bullied and how to deal with it.
As to having lots of friends, something I read will stick with me and will I share it with you: I'd rather have four quarters than one hundred penny's. Or in Australian terms I'd rather have five 20 cents that ten 10 cents.

I'm sort of the same - but I've never had any friends - even in school.
The good news about that is I never had a friend to lose. The bad news is I don't think I'll ever get to know how it feels - to be liked, appreciated, or actually sought out because another person WANTS to be around me. That sounds like a foreign planet or science fiction to me.
But I can dream..... And imagine.
(But when I wake up I'm still alone - no matter how many people are around me. Nobody notices me, talks to me, engages with me... I may as well be invisible.)

I know what you mean. Nothing beats having companionship in the real world.

You are a beautiful girl!!! i don't understand you sound like you would be a really good friend! I don't really have many friends eather so i somewhat know how you feel. but if i lived by you i would make friends with you and fight any **** that would want to hurt you.

Ah, thanks...I think.

wow... i understand you entirely and have felt the same way about childhood friendships. i don't have any good friends either, not because of something i've done but because noone understands me. although i'm older than you i myself was bullied in school really bad. and i always craved a close friendship with someone worthy of my friendship. yes it's a lonely feeling but expressing yourself and being real about it helps others on EP to understand you.i'll be your friend:)

I,m sad for you. We all need a couple friends in our lives.

Id rather have less friends than have a lot of fake friends. Over the years ive noticed that real friends are so rare... Even the friends I have right now aren't real friends. When I was younger, I wanted to fit in and be popular, but ive changed some time ago( about 2-3 yrs) I noticed the more popular people tend to feel insecure by theirselves so I feel proud when I decide to sit alone. Also I remember one of my cousin's who talked to me and some other ppl one time: He told us he was popular in highschool and had a lot of friends, but now he can basically count his friends from school in his hand. Also, I think of an athlete who was kind of doing good and he had an entourage and everything, but once he lost, most of them left and he said the ones that stayed with him are real friends(something like that)
Any ways, thank's for posting and making me reflect on things XD

i know wanna add people or to be added but it makes me more ambitious to add u :) and see your pics :)

-.-

I've never felt lonely even after I've lost all my friends until at one point when I needed serious help. I realized no one was there to help me as all the guidance counselors, teachers, and basically every adult I knew were all moronic sheep giving stereotypical advice that anyone with a working cerebrum can come up with. At this point everything I am going through right now I am facing it alone with no support from anyone, not even my mother as she is the one causing the majority of the problems in the first place. If I came out of a person that knew how to make proper decisions I wouldn't be on this site venting all of this bullshit and I'd actually be able to do something constructive for this world we live in. Sadly I can't because I'm struggling for myself against the one person who is supposed to push me to success instead of being the one major barrier to it. I hate my life and I hate this disgusting world we live in.

I feel the same way but you shouldn't let your past experiences being your life down to a point were you have social and trust issues. I suggest you should start talking to a person you trust or write in your diary your feelings and problems and start finding out your interest then start socializing with people in your community facing the same problem and become friends. Trust me it isn't easy making new friends especially after being hurt but if you put all your effort you can get your problem solved. Hope this helped MIR15👍

Thank you for the advice, but I'm already doing all that you've suggested.

Literally same story here. I had something close to it once when i was much younger and it was amazing, however it ended and i have been where your at for years as well. I have my boyfriend and his daughter (my family) but i lack true friendship with a girl. I want a best friend, someone to confide in, to do everything with, to talk to when i need help or just need to vent, to laugh and joke about things..etc and i want someone to do that back to me. i want them to do the same and trust me as much as i trust them. I was about to post something about this, but i decided to search for it first. as weird as it sounds, its good to know that i am not alone in this. feel free to talk to me, im right here with ya. :)

hey whats up id like to get to know u

Well, I can tell you that this totally used to be me. My first story I posted here, it's me being all sad about having pretty much no friends and being bullied for 2 years straight. Everything you said I could relate to, I still do have agoraphobia but it's much more mild than it used to be.
So I'm glad to tell you that right now, I have so many supportive, wonderful friends in my life. They make me feel like I'm worth something. As someone who used to have no one, I'm telling you to keep hoping, because there are people out there like you and me who will find and love you. I'm sure you'll find some good buds, even 2 or 3 good friends make an amazing difference. I wish you the best and I know you'll find happiness. You just have to wait, unfortunately.

By the way, I noticed you're an Aussie like me. :) Which state you hailing from? Where I come from, bullying and judging people has seriously gone out of control. Maybe it's a location thing why our stories are so similar?

Thank you for commenting. Yes, I am still holding hope. Some days it's hard, but I know that one day things will be better.

Nice! I'm in SA. (: True, although I think bullying is out of control everywhere.

Don't worry, things will sort themselves out. :) I thought that 'rainbow after a storm' stuff was pretty much crap, but it happens more often than you think.

Oh, cool. Can't say I know the place well, went once on vacation and that was it haha. I'm from Queensland, most of the boys are really nice and it's the girls that are the problem, they are seriously like feral dogs. -__-
Here's hoping things turn out for you :) xoxo

I've always wanted to visit Queensland. And yeah, it's usually the girls who are cruel, but I was bullied by both male and female. Just both in their own sick ways.

Yeah, Queensland is pretty nice! I personally think teenage girls are some of the cruelest people on Earth haha. They'll grow out of it, just like the guys.
If you ever need some help or whatever, feel free to chat. I'm here often :)

1 More Response

hey we can be friends add me up

No, you sick ****.

hi, my name is chris. Just read ur story. I know i was a about 2 months ago but just wanted 2 see if u still need a friend =]

You can never have enough friends. (:

ok =]

what is wrong with human beings is all i can think when i read your story. you seem like an amazing person.

I feel your pain, I was bullied a lot during my high school years, and some of my "friends" were the cause of it. They always wanted me to do bad things like smoke, drink, party, and have sex. When I couldn't because of my sickle cell, and the fact that I would rather wait to have sex after I'm married.

I'll be your friend! I'm nowhere near you but we can talk here anyhow. I'm quite touched by the little you've chosen to share here...

I've always been fortunate to have a few really good friends. Remember, in order to have a friend, you must BE one!

You can't be a friend if you can't find a friend.

Wow.. This always amazes me. You look like quite a cute girl, and I cannot imagine why the boys aren't knocking down your door! But I too grew up in a small town, and I know how secluded it can be.

I was made fun of and bullied from second grade to high school. I was always in fights and running. After I moved I still had the victim mentality and I've never been able to truly relate or make friends since. I hangout with a random associate every 6 months or more, and I haven't been hugged besides family in 5 months. You're not alone.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It's okay sorta. I can dedicate my life to science. At least then if I do something great I'll be remembered...

I hope your doing better.

Thank you.

No need to thank me. Just doing my job miss.

Yessir.

Now go have a good day with friends and people and be safe and live a good life k?

What friends? But thank ya.

lol, comments on a story about having no friends, wishes you have a good day with your friends.

6 More Responses

i completely understand how you are feeling, im experiencing same as, sucks to have no true friends.... How about finding a new hobbie or doing an activity you really enjoy? It makes me feel more happy and takes your mind of being depressed or even having a pet that keeps you company? You seem like a nice, lovely person to chat with, hope you find true friends that will stay with you no matter what happens.

I sympathise... is it still this bad, or have you made any friends since you wrote it? The few friends I had at school moved away, and when I came back home after uni I really didn't make any new ones. I'm still in touch with friends from school and uni, but having no-one locally is hard.

I've made some friends on EP. Which is great, although I wish I could make friends where I live as well.

Good luck. Let me know the secret if you find it :)

I agree 100 percent. It's really hard to not have any friends to go to when you have a problem, or someone to talk too..but don't ever give up. Im going through the same thing,my one and only best friend is my boyfriend and I couldn't be happier, all I ever had from friends was betrayal, it's hard sometimes when you don't have a women's opinion though..so if you ever need support or someone to talk to, I'm here :) <3

Thank you for the comment. :D