I'm A Fricken Loner

I guess I'll give this site a shot. Prepare yourself 'cause I'm gonna kill your time. So obviously I have no friends, but the thing is, I've never really wanted any until now I guess. I'm a girl, but I don't like being around other girls much, and most guys are creeped out by me. Here's where it gets interesting. When I was around 10, I really wanted to be a guy since that's what my personality was like.  I didn't have the same interests as most other girls, but since I was a girl and socially awkward, guys didn't want to be my friend. So I cut my hair and looked like a guy. I was physically very strong and muscular and still that way now, which made me just like a boy. I was given SOOO much **** for doing that. I confused a lot of people and my life was a living HELL and I hated everyone for being mean to me. I'm also not the kind of person who takes being picked on, so I fought with everyone else all the time. People were such ******** to me because I was really different, and I came to hate people more and more. The teachers were SUCH ******** too!! By the time I entered 9th grade, I no longer hid my gender, but I still had short hair and kinda dressed in boy clothes, but it was still apparent I was a girl. I did not want ANY friends and I was a total loner, and this continued throughout high school. I was a 4.0 student and athletic, but I didn't join sport teams because I despise being around girls and working as a team. I joined track instead. I have many interests, such as snowboarding, rock climbing, and more, but my personality prevents me from making friends with anyone. It's my aura; it pushes people away. I also come across as shy because I'm so quiet, but that's because I hate people and don't want to talk to anyone!! I also pretend to be nice sometimes and I hate that.

Now I'm a senior in college and super disappointed I didn't make a single, fricken friend my entire time in college. Now I would actually like to have a friend. Someone near my age who shares my interests and who I can be myself with....but I have none. Okay, that was very long. I guess I'm just very lonely.
Getouttamyway Getouttamyway
22-25, F
1 Response May 15, 2012

Welcome to Ep :) I'm sure you'll find lots of people here who can relate. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, having become more and more socially isolated as I grew up. I also don't have anyone IRL I can talk to properly; and though I know a few people, they don't come to see me and I get shy about going to see them, thinking I'll not really be welcome since they never actually invite me. I don't really know what I need to do to get people to like me.. I seem to do okay on Ep, though, where it's easy to find people who feel the same.