No Friends And Fine With It...kind Of

(It is going to be random and choppy)

I used to have really great friends. But it all changed when we moved. In middle school I was kind of hanging out with a group of "friends" to whom I've always been a third wheel. Just someone to talk to when no one important was around and someone to copy the homework from. I didn't think of it much then because of my naïveté and I didn't want to be alone.

I became desperate. I wanted friends so badly and always felt lonely. Even my parents and sister pity me. I just wanted someone to understand me. I always had social phobia which made it even harder.

After a long time of self loathing, my desperation and all that weakness turned me numb. I practically have no feelings. I barely tolerate people now that I'm in high school. I know this might sound egotistical or something, but I finally realized that I DON'T want to be friends with the people around me. I am the weird awkward kid who is too smart for her own good whose nose is always In a book. I avoid situations in which I have to socialize. I prefer books to people. All the "YOLO, SWAG" is getting on my nerves.

My family thinks I'm a pessimistic, anti-social *****. Which I guess I am. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. Now it is just pure self loathing. I block all that stuff by reading books. I'm ok now with being alone and having no friends, I have less bullshit to deal with.

*sigh* yeah, yeah I realize this post makes no sense
Excuse me.
WhiteLightWarrior WhiteLightWarrior
13-15, F
Nov 27, 2012