I Have Literally No Friends.

I was watching Spongebob with my one year old son yesterday and it was the episode where he and Patrick are competing for Squidward's friendship. At one point Spongebob felt alone so he drew faces on his fingers, saying, "The gang's all here." I felt pretty low. I mean, come on - f*cking Spongebob has more friends than I do.
So maybe that's a lame intro but it felt appropriate. I literally have zero friends. I talk to people on Facebook, but they are acquaintances only - I would never hang out with them or confide in them.
The only people I talk to are my husband, my son (who's one), my parents, and my brother. Other than that I have literally NO human contact. I'm a stay-at-home mom, but even when I was working I'm such and awkward person that it's hard to make bonds.
I have no friends that I can call in the middle of the night when me and my husband are fighting. I have no friends to go shopping or out to lunch with. It's just me and my son most of the time. I handle my problems alone. I basically spend all of my time waiting for my husband to come home from work.
I used to have friends. Never a lot, but I had a few close friends. We had a falling out shortly after we graduated and though we've made up since then, we haven't hung out. And I haven't found any replacements. I seize up when people talk to me, and since I'm horrible at small talk I barely speak at all. The very few times people have made attempts to arrange an outing with me I've made excuses. Why? Because I don't know how to be close to people anymore. I can't find anything in common with anyone. I feel awkward and as though everything I say is stupid.
Most of the time I enjoy my solitude, but there are times when I feel as though I could pass from this world and no one but my family would show up at my funeral. The thing is, I know that's true.
GunpowderTreason GunpowderTreason
18-21
2 Responses Nov 29, 2012

I've realized that there are a lot of things in life people focus just way too much thought on. The music you like, the clothes you wear, the religion or politics you believe in. But although these things are important to a degree and give us a sense of who we are, what defines us is our nature. Our personality and our beliefs. Of course that is my own thoughts.I also think that i am like you in how i am reminded of not having any friends and how degrading it can be. But i also know my self worth and that i am a mother ******* cool person even if people are too stupid to realize it HAH. I recommend trying to find community classes that you can take like if you ever wanted to learn a hobby (book club, knitting, working out, bible study, art lessons, etc). And if you think that you don't have time for that then you better make time. You have to give yourself time to do what makes you happy and pursue your goals. <br />
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Also i hope if you watch this video you might find a way to look on the bright side of life so to speak. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs<br />
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I hope i made your heart feel lighter

It takes time to grow true friendships, I have a few close friends that confide in me but always find it difficult to do the same, There will be people out there that you will just click with, never to old to make new friends :)