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Doesn't Anyone Like Me?

I've had friends before; the problem is, I have trouble maintaining relationships with my friends. For the most part, I don't want to have to put out the effort it takes to keep friends. I don't want to have to keep calling everyone and finding out what everyone is doing and if they have time for me. I remember friendship used to be more natural than that. I didn't have to beg people for their time. I didn't have to hunt everybody down to know how their doing, or to tell them how I'm doing. It makes me feel sad to even try having friendships like that.
But most importantly, I have a hard time making new friendships because I feel alienated by everyone. I never feel like I fit in or I assume that everyone I meet is going to dislike me for the minute we're introduced. I don't know how to stop feeling this way, but I know it's inhibited me from getting to know a lot of people, and prevented nearly everyone from getting to know me.
brokenxtooxoften brokenxtooxoften 18-21, F 113 Responses May 23, 2007

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Two factors I can think of may be responsible. 1) Times have changed. We're in the age of social media. A lot of people these days keep up with what their friends are doing, where they are going to be...etc. that way. If you aren't using social media you might be getting left behind. I personally can't get into this and have maintained a very small core group of friends without engaging heavily in social media. Am I missing out on all the superficial stuff everyone else is doing? Probably. But I'm totally at peace with this. 2) You may be changing. It is possible that you are suffering from a psychological condition you weren't previously experiencing. As I have gotten older I have had to deal with some depression and anxiety I never experienced when I was in my teens and early twenties. Its a new thing. While not bad enough for me to want to treat with medication(s) it certainly affects me. I have found it takes more effort for me to maintain friendships and relationships in general. I don't know if either of these conditions affect your situation, but sit down and think about it. You might find they apply to you. If you have family or people who you are very familiar with you might try spending more time with them. I tried reducing the number of people I fraternize with down to a group I will probably know all my life, whether we get along or not and made an effort to spend more time with them. The anxiety factor seems to come into play less with these people because I know that no matter what I do or say they are always going to be around. I have found it very rewarding in that I have developed better relationships with my family, in particular.

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I just be feeling so alone and nobody gets me.Me being shy doesn't help out all,everybody out grew me and left me alone.. They only talk to me when they havenobody else to talk to.

Its a self centered world. Its all about what can you do for ne

I know exactly what you mean, I’m 18, I feel like I’ve missed the social boat, because as I’ve gone through the different stages of education I’ve made friends but none of them have ever really stuck. They last while I’m there; sometimes a little longer, but only from my effort so I stop trying, and contacting them to see if they will make an effort....but that is just it, they never do, they move on to new people and new places and don’t want to know me. I was reasonably fine with this coz I was doing the same; I was going to new places and meeting new people. But as I’m not going to school anymore, I am doing a Uni degree, but it is from home, it is going to be alot more difficult to find new people. but most of all I don’t want to drift from friend to friend, I know this seems to be the way it goes with most people you meet, but I just really want a lasting friendship, all I’ve ever wanted was a real friend that makes an effort.
I did get close to one person, who I thought was a genuine friend. Before I met him I was a bit depressed, partly due to my lack of social success, and me blaming myself for it. I essentially cut myself off from making new friendships, by isolation myself from others, which for a while I didn’t mind at all, because I am already quite introverted so I was fine with my own company in breaks and lunch, many hours reading and playing plants vs zombies. But when I met him I didn't feel satisfied with this anymore, I don’t know why but…..anyway I felt overly lonely, I felt like those that had let me down in the past, old friends not bothering, that not everyone was like those old friends that some people where genuinely nice. unfortunately as I got to know him he turned out to be more of a disappointment than any other friend had in the past, which got me low, real low….but as much as he and I are no longer friends I could never hate him for he opened my eyes that I do want friends, I do want to try, that not all friendships work out but there are plenty more fish in the sea, better ones sometimes!
The only way I deal with my loneliness is by working on what I want, that’s why I’m doing the degree, and to know that although some friendships may drift away that it isn't necessarily down to you, most of the time it is due to people taking different paths, and sometimes this can be a good thing, as much as it doesn't feel like it at the time. All I can say to anyone reading this looking for advise is that it is OK, things are not great today, and may not be perfect tomorrow, but things WILL get better, it hard to believe I KNOW , but if you really want to meet new people and make friends you will. These things take time but that gives you time to work on your interests, whether that maybe reading that book you want to read, joining a club, taking a class, or working on achieving whatever makes you happy, or even find what makes you happy! Good luck to anyone reading this, you will get through it, and will be stronger for it! 

Lately i've been very lonely. After I graduated high school it hit me hard that I didn't have any lasting friendships. That's all I've ever wanted in my life, I prayed for a friend who would want to text and talk to me all day but I guess that'll never come. I do so much for my friends and for me to sit in my home and feel like I don't have anyone outside of my family to be with, to talk with, cry to is extremely depressing. I'm much stronger than most people my age but I think I'm slowly slipping into a depression. hopefully I'm just overreacting but it surely doesn't feel like I am. I try to thank god for the life I'm given but I can't because i feel alone and broken.

I have friends but since year 7 I was never invited to the cinema although I was invited to parties I never went BTW this was just 2 friends. Now I feel like my best friend doesn't like me as I keep on feeling I'm isolated and not much of a talker, im not sure if he doesn't want to speak/ have a convo or not. Personally I blame my mum as I never once had a bday party where I invited my friends round or had it somewhere. No one has come to my house and frankly im embarassed and really would not know what to do or say when they are round

I still maybe young at the age of 15 but for the past 4 years ive had the worst experience with friends. At first it started off with me and two of my best friends. We have been friends for a while until the those days came when all of sodden every one is making new friends learning new things about the teenage life and that is when my friends just dumped and started to hang out with other people. It makes me so jealous of those people who attract every one and every one wants to hang out with them and be with them, I'm also jealous of those people who have best friends that are like brothers to them and have a strong relationship where they can share anything and be themselves around them. I do have some good friends or should i say people who don't care to waist time talking to me but its only inside my school doors when i am home it sucks to sit alone all day and think of what could of happened if i had REAL friends and what we would do and all that fun stuff. i am happy i found this post because i know that every one who is reading it suffers from the same problem and you have no one to go to and lay on their shoulder. I wish we were all friends since we all have a lot in common but maybe it is just me fantasizing again. I am happy i can know that there are people out there with the same problem and that we can all share about it.

I don't have any friends but I know once people get to know me they will like me. You have to think that way to. I don't know you but I know I would be your friend if I met you because I will be anyone's friend. I'm just nice to everyone. I will be your friend here or if you are on facebook I can tell you my name and you can be my first real friend on facebook. I have lots of "friends" on there but they are just acquaintances and not real friends. There is something really great about you because Jesus doesn't make mistakes.

I feel almost the same... I've moved schools and ever since everyone went away for college I'm having a difficult time making new friends...Old ones don't bother to reconnect. Acquaintances don't bother to maintain a friendship. It's like everyone has a bestfriend and I'm the only one trying to butt in to everyones friendships.

People might actually like if you started liking yourself.

I feel so. All my friends are acting really weird all the time, and I just don't feel like that all the time. I have 4 friends who I hang out with at school. 3 of them are girls. It really hurts if they all get together on a fun sleepover and they "forget" to ask me to. Do I have the wrong friends or am I just to picky?

Wrong friends

That is mean to not invite you. Girls are meaner than boys. You have the wrong friends.

I can relate to you a lot. Being the outsider or left out really sucks.

Yeah. Whether it is deliberate or not its plain rude. I can't make you feel better about yourself but I can tell you that if you are in your tween, teen or young adult years you are generally going to care more about what people think and have less confidence than you likely will later in life. Some of this is the age you are at. Conditioning has a lot to do with it too. Children whose parents really make them feel like they are important and central in their lives tend to have a better self image and a healthy level of self confidence. My mom was always very loving but never really did anything to help me with my social skills as she was a very timid creature herself. It took effort in my teens to early twenties to learn the social skills I missed out on. One thing I hope everyone on this thread remembers is you are a person. You are born with the same value and rights everyone else has. The only things in life that can raise your value or devalue your are the decisions you make. Just make sure you don't sacrifice your own values to try to fit in with others. People like that aren't good for you as friends, whether they are bad people or not. While I'm reading down the comments on this thread I wonder how much of these complaints are due to the commentators being to timid to express themselves and it makes me wish I could package confidence and just hand it out. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that and its something that has to be gained a little at a time through your own efforts. I can tell you this. It hurts sometimes to put yourself out there so be ready for it but don't give up. If you work on being yourself and being brave enough to put yourself out there the right friends, ones who don't step allover who you are, will come around.

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I feel the same way. I've had friends before but I can never keep friends. I've had like 3 who have betrayed me and it seems like I attract really bad people. I'm always trying to be considerate and be nice and listen to people's problems and such but when the time comes when I need someone I get left behind. I don't know what I do wrong. I do have a strange sense of humor and I guess some people don't like that but I also don't want to completely become a new person just to have friends. It just doesn't seem like it'd be worth it. A real friend is someone who accepts you all the way not the fake you. If you need to chat ever I'm always here and I'd love to make a friend

You sound exactly like me. I also have a crazy sense of humor and I haven't had any real friends in like 6 months. I'm alone all the time haha but i'd rather have no friends than have my old ****** friends that were really bad to me. I tell myself that but it still sucks.

I cannot speak for others, but I do believe I don't have friends because I am too nice. I really do think that the average person cannot help but take advantage of and mistreat someone who shows that nothing you do to them will make them not like you. If you mistreat someone, they should NOT like you, but if you "forgive & forget" with no sign of contrition from the person who hurt you, you'll get abused every time. Sorry, but humans (including this one!) seem to be hard wired to hurt those who won't respond when one hurts them. Be tough, and if a friend hurts or abuses you, tell them so, and then keep them at arms length. If they are true friends, they'll say sorry and try to reconnect, and if they are not, they won't, and you would do best to forget them.

That might be what happens to me. Nobody would be jared's friend and I will be friends with anyone so I was friends with him and he said I was his best friend and then he had parties and didn't invite me and said I was lame. He is always in trouble in school so I think he did me a favor but I still say hi to him and talk to him a little at school.

hi there... i guess ur feeling negative about friendship. Maybe you had bad experience before your precious or very special friend, so you thought about it turns upside down. I myself had bad experience with a dearest friend of mine in a foreign country. Yes it hurts me a lot when she turns her back on me especially when i badly needed her coz she was my only friend. I realized then that you will test the quality of friendship during stormy days, and then those who stayed are the true ones and those that left are the weak ones. I respect you so much for being you.. your very independent and it's good that you never depend on to anybody. But somehow, you still need someone, someone you can talk to especially when you feel down and happy.

I wish that you will find the real friends your looking for. The ones you will feel comfort, no hesitations of showing who you really are, and those who will genuinely care about each other not just because they need something from each other.

Godspeed dear.

I am very happy to have found this post. It is years old but people are still commenting on it to this day... so I thought I'd tell me story as well. I wish we could all be friends here, because we're all experiencing the same pain and we could all help each other out a lot.

I had quite a few friends throughout high school. In my first four years I had three best friends and a few other close friends, which changed around as the years progressed, but I kept two of my best friends into my final year. One of those two best friends ended up leaving school and went off with a new group of people and got into drugs and clubbing, which is not my style at all, so we faded apart. In my final year I also 'befriended' a large group of 10-15 people, girls and guys, and we had fun together. We hung out after school and all that and generally had a good time, but I always felt like they weren't 'real' friends. I felt like they only talked to me because they were good friends with my best friend. I was with her all the time, we hung out after school every day, and everyone saw us almost as one being rather than two. They confused our names, we were inseparable... but even so, I didn't feel that close to her. I couldn't really talk to her about anything serious, our relationship was just about having fun. I really needed somebody I could talk to about serious issues.

So after high school finished, all the friends I thought I had forgot about me. I got invited to a few parties with them but I hate parties and drinking so I didn't go, I would rather hang out during the day for a movie or lunch but they weren't interested, so we lost contact. I started to fade apart from my best friend, and she eventually decided I wasn't her best friend anymore. I saw her post that on her Tumblr... and it hurt me, because even though we only see each other every month or so, I still consider her my best friend. We still talk every day on Facebook but she has so many other friends now that she doesn't have much time for me.

I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago, and we get along very well. He's the only friend I have left really. He lives with me and we're together every day... but he has a lot of friends and doesn't really understand my problems. His friends love him and want to hang out with him several times a week, and he wants me to get along with them, but I can't be around people who drink and take drugs. I freak out in those situations and usually end up crying. I'm very sensitive to those things and always have been, and I think that's why nobody wants to hang around with me... they think I'm boring because I don't want to 'party'...

I'm at Uni now, on my break, and I'm freaking out about going back because I'm becoming more and more paranoid about making friends. I thought things were going to change when I started this year and I'd make good friends, but it seemed like everyone else made friends without me. I made the effort to introduce myself to people and talk to them, I'd ask them to get lunch or something after class but they'd always say they were busy... I don't feel like I can connect with people anymore. I'm lost. Sometimes I like being alone and not having to worry about keeping friendships, because it's difficult, but other times I just need a shoulder to cry on besides my boyfriend because he doesn't understand me sometimes.

My mum tells me that I need to put myself out there more but I do... I always go up and talk to people and try and put my shyness behind me, I be myself, I chat with them and ask them to hang out... to no avail. Now I only have my online friends to talk to, without them and my boyfriend I'd have no one.

I feel the same way. :(

This sounds exactly like me. I'd rather sit at home and watch anime or play around on the internet than go out and do stuff with people I have nothing in common with. The very few friends I do have left(If I can even call them that at this point) we might see each other two or three times a year at most.

I think the problem at least in my situation and from reading the responses here is that we don't feel like pretending about stuff that doesn't interest us or want to make an effort or have any motivation to keep anyone around.

I just read myself in your post. I find it difficult as I grow older to really share with people things that I like (e.g. anime).hope that this forum will help me.....

Hey dont think you are alone, even I have the same problem. Most people don't like nice ones these days and so we suffer. Since like minded people here unite I hope you will have new friends here who understands your problem. Even my friends need me only to pass time and nothing else. be happy that you are a nice person in the middle of all evils. Speak out to me I will hear about you. if you wish you can add me in your circle.

I feel somewhat the same way. I guess it is an age thing??? I personally dont find many people interesting and I dont have anything in common with my old friends anymore. I hope this phase passes for all of us...I feel better knowing I'm not alone.

It appears to me that many people feel the same way as you do. I feel the same as well from time to time. People are selfish by nature. I have found that they only wish to talk about themselves and their lives. They don't really care about what you've been up to or how you have been. Unfortunately, this leads to you having to cater to them. On the other side of the coin, there are those that are not selfish, who wish to be a good friend and listen. Those people are the ones responding on this page. Except for the one who said, "you reap what you sow". You are not a bad person. There is nothing wrong with you or them. It's just people are all in the same boat. Finding someone you can trust is difficult whether it be a significant other or a friend. I have noticed there are those who seem to always have a zillion "friends". Guess what: they are not any happier than someone with two by close friends. I have two people in my life, outside of family, that are truly my friends. The rest I just socialize with from time to time. No, I don't hang out with very many people. The thing is when you get out of school and start the "adult life" your number of true friends dwindle and your time spent with them does as well simply because life is taking place. People have jobs, families, etc they are busy with. My best friend is a wonderful person, but she does have a business to run and a child to raise so our time together does not consist of hanging out every day or even every month. We just don't have time for that. I have obligations as well that keep me busy. The fabric of your friendships is changing. There won't be hanging out time as much due to life or at least the way you hang out is changing. Therefore, you need to cherish the time you do have with your true friends and find other ways to get that social time in. Start a conversation with someone while standing in line, go to a bookstore or coffe house and start up a conversation. Who knows you might make another friend or brighten the day of someone who feels just like you do. Heck, i had an awesome conversation with a family at Petco for about thirty minutes, and we were all smiling by the time we went our separate ways (even the parents were smiling, and they were reluctant to join in but their young children started the conversation... hmmmm). Yes relationships take effort, but just remember life is going on, responsibilities are a priority, and people are just caught up in trying to take care of what they need to do. It's not anything against you. My friends get back to me when they can and sometimes it takes awhile but every time I talk to them, I welcome them into my world. Those that are manipulative and wish to use me don't get to spend time in my world, and there's a lot more of those than there are good decent friends. Don't spend your time with negative thoughts. I know it's difficult but you cannot measure yourself with others. Find a club to join, go to church if that's within you, join a gym. The effort is not calling people, it's finding people. School made it easy. Now you just have to get creative with how you meet people. Put yourself out there. Yeah, you're going to get let down, but that time you find that really true person makes it worth meeting the ones you didn't click with.

okay,i could flavor this so it doesnt sound so crass,but u might not get the point. so here goes..when you were younger and in school, it was easier to have friends,BECAUSE AT THAT AGE EVERYONE IS "SHALLOW" IT TAKES TIME TO DEVELOPE YOURSELF,SO YOU REALIZE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR INTRESTS WITH !!
As you grow older you will connect with people and if your LUCKY they will actually care about you, so to close this i will give you a peice of advise that i learned from a very wise man .. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOE. SO SOE WISELY OUR YOUR ''garden wont grow' GOOD LUCK N GOD BLESS

Exactly. I totally agree and can fully relate to you. I'm kinda lazy calling everyone too and having those "smalltalks" about how things are doing. That's why all my friendships die. Friendships really felt more natural before.

I can relate. But I'v found there's a lot of decite & manipulation. I find it hard to trust or believe anyone.

I'm the same way. I feel so stuck. Maybe we could try to be friends? I can't really give advice to you, considering that I'm stuck.

I do I love everybody:D

I have felt the same way! I assume that I can 'control' someones actions in the way I believe is "better" than what they can do. But it just drives them away and leaves me more isolated.
But dont worry you seem like a loyal person who keeps others' best interest in mind plus you are genuine in your writing and talking from the heart. To your topic of "Doesn't Anyone Like Me?" I already do! And I just got to hear what you posted on the internet. You have more to offer than you think.

im feelin the same way

I'm exactly the same. I feel like people won't like me the second we meet.

I can totally relate.

First of all, wow, look at how old this post is. i'm pissed I'm just finding EP now in 2012 O.o

I suffer from low self esteem and low confidence, and i think it's from being abused and mistreated so many times.esp. by family who i let into my life and trusted. Bit they have been horrible people, and I still suffer and struggle every day to feel good about myself. I am intelligent and gifted and a very giving person. I have grown to the place that I decided if a person doesn't like me or treats me disrepectfully, adios! even if it's family.....I am worth much more than to be treated poorly. I have overcome many obstacles and I deserve respect. When my mom passed away, that's when it started with much of my family. Mom and I were extremely close, and m y sister and brother in law totally rejected me and wrote me a nasty letter telling me I needed psychiatric help and twisting the truth. Actually, they were and are not interested in knowing the truth at all = whatever made them look good was what is mportant to them. Then my ex sued me accusing me of stealing money from him! He knows i am an honest person and would never do such a thing. yet he chose to assail my integrity for money. i need better friends. now i am going to go and keep telling myself good things about me to build myself up. don't know if it will help but it's the only thing i can do to fight this ongoing battle.

I feel the same way. Completely

Cool story bro have fun not having friends *****!!!!!! P.S wanna hookup?

I have always had friendships that ended for one reason or another. I have always wondered if there was something wrong with me but could never understand what or why. I wish I could find friendship that would last.

I understand how it feels to feel like you have no friends and it doesn't matter how hard you try no one seems to like you. i've always been able to make friends, not many always one or two but then i never seem to be able to sustain it or have that really closeness you get with friends. I don't like to talk about really sensitive issues because i feel like people will think i'm silly or stupid. I always thought there was something wrong with me, i'm too shy, lack in confidence or i'm just not interesting and must be a horrible person.

Friendship takes time to make. With little to no effort: That's what you get in return. I have no friends either but I fill my days with projects that are important to me. It's a hard thing to do; having friends. So I guess the only way to have friends is to first want to put in the effort to have them.

i know what you mean hugs. i have 1 true friend and in the gayest possible way i love him ;P

My story is a little unusual, as I do have my husband and our five 'healthy' adult children - so technically, I am not "alone." However, the last 30 years of my life have been long and painful, nonetheless. Without going into all the details, I will make it as short as possible. Having come from a broken home (my parents divorced when I was 9) I vowed to heaven and earth that I would never do that to my own family. Well, as the saying goes, you live and you learn. I have always been a hard worker, worked since I was legally able to take a job...babysat from the age of 12, a paper route at age 13-16, and finally my first 'real' job as a waitress at age 16. When I was 12, I wanted to live with my dad and his soon to be wife, because my mom was an alcoholic, and my older sister went to live with dad...I did not want to be left "alone" there, although I did have a baby sister, who I felt guilty for 'leaving behind,' but the decision was not mine to make. Anyway, after 8 years of working hard, keeping good grades in school, and taking care of 2 half-siblings in all of my 'free' time, my ex-husband (boyfriend at the time) proposed to me. I was 20, and was really in no hurry to get married, I was more interested in college, but could not get the support from my family to go. When my step-mother learned about the proposal, she told him outright (and I heard it with my own ears) ..."You're not going to take my meal ticket away from me!" WOW! REALLY??? With that, as you could imagine, I was gone...that night! My father did not know what to believe, so I made it easier on him, and never talked about it again. But apparently I would be the black sheep in the whole entire family from that moment on...forever. <br />
<br />
16 years, 3 children, an Associates degree, and one too many abuses later, I found myself going through a long, drawn out, bitter divorce. Apparently, I was STILL not allowed to have friends of my own, only those that my ex-husband would bring around...even if they were all scumbags. Not wanting to subject my kids to the things he was subjecting them to while I was at school or work, I decided it was time to really, REALLY take a stand. Rather than changing his ways for the family, he filed for a divorce. Wonderful.<br />
<br />
3 years, and a couple of dozen court dates later, I finally met a man worth marrying. And I did. We are still together after 12 years, never had a major rift, he is great to the kids (who are now adults) and I couldn't ask for anything more. The trouble is, we have very little family, and we have no friends. Part of the reason is because he is from another state and moved here with me. Another reason is that through both of our divorces (he was divorced after 18 years of marriage) we lost any bits of friendships we may have previously had. Sometimes, when you spend your whole life trying to be the "responsible party" for your children, alot of other important things (and people) get left behind. Like friends. And you know what? Our kids are worth it. And you know what else? I came on here feeling really down and depressed and lonely, from the thought that I have no friends to speak of...but sounding this out has made me see things more clearly. I may have made alot of mistakes in my life, but on the other hand, I would have made the same choices - for the same reasons I have before...for the sake of choosing the best available options at the time, to ensure a better chance for my children. Thanks for listnening. :)

I loved your post on "Doesn't anyone like me". It really spoke to me, being widowed from a difficult relationship 11 years ago, and with 4 kids and losing friendships as a result. Thanks for taking the time to write it :)

I am down in the single mother dumps right now without a bit of support or friends and just reading that made me feel better it was really inspirational. Thanks.

i feel the same im actually feeling down about this topic because i have no friends. im a 25 yrs old im married with a daughter. i use to have friends in high school but things changed and the people who i thought where my friends want nothing to do wit me. im use to being to myself but i have no friend calling me up to laugh at silly stuff or talk about things u cant talk to others about. my husband can only be my best friend for so long but i just want a friend of my own, someone who gets and understands me. i hate having to explain myself if something comes out wronf or funny. i know i have a bad choice of words and can be hard to understand me, but im a really sweet person i just dont kmow why i dont have any friends not one friend at all. no matter how hard i try it never works for me. what should i do? i dont wanna change myself as a person i know i can come across intimidating because i keep to myself but im very nice once a conversation starts. i feel like im always being judge and im always reading the other persons energy in the way they make me feel around them.

i feel the same, i was so upset about it I tried talking to anyone and everyone I can... didn't seem to be the right idea...i turned into one of those over friendly desperate who tries to creep every1... :(

its hard to make friends,,,,,,,,,,,,, SO RECRUIT ME AND PLAY WOW !

I can relate - I am terrible with keeping up with old friends.<br />
it takes effort to keep in touch and I typically don't feel like emailing or calling or etc.<br />
<br />
I have been trying to change that recently and have been putting more effort into it.<br />
<br />
anyways - you're not alone........BTW, I'm going to add you to my to Circle /// I'm new here and could use more friends ;)

Everyone here has the similar story. This includes me. People are always "busy". People hide behind work. I have been told by some people that their kids need them, and their kids are adults and perfectly capa ble of taking care of themselves. One of her kids has his own kid. Told her he's a man and should take care of his own kid. I am sure he does take care of his kid but 'my friend" hides behind him. I am no longer reaching out to her. Doesn't seem to care. Another says she'stoo busy . I come to find out she's out with her other friends or withi her boyfriend at dinner or a movie or whatever. We had been friends for two years before she bailed on me. I am at peace with myself. She would rather be with people who drink alot.

I have spent my whole life around a lot of people. Posing in pictures with grins from ear to ear. I've had a few close friendships and have had some bad ones. Today, I can jump on the internet super hwy and "like" everyone and everything as well as call tons of people that may or may not have time for me. The truth is, we are all lonely. We all doubt ourselves and we all want what "appears" to be the good life with lot's of friends. Most of it is BS and we are all stuck with ourselves at the end of the day. If your a good person and you can go to sleep at night knowing that....than your better than 80% of the people out there. If you truly are a good person, than the people that ignore you or don't respond are either too selfish, too jealous or really just too busy! If your not a good person...think about it for second....maybe there are phone calls you haven't returned or times where you have been too busy (this doesn't mean your a bad person). But if you have taken for granted some of the friends you've had and now your trying to reclaim them. This may be tough. It's not to late to start over. Don't focus so much on the ones that aren't making time for you cause your barking up the wrong tree and get yourself busy. It's hard to love yourself sometimes but that is the key. If you really don't love yourself or can't love yourself than there is probably something you need to forgive yourself for or ask forgiveness for. Just do it. Your not as bad as you think. We are all disgusting, hateful, nasty, selfish, mean, sweet, loving, caring, kind, wonderful and amazing people! Most importantly, there are many seasons in ones life...the clouds will clear and bring brighter days to me and you.

actually everyone has a friends...sometime we just dont appreciate it...n sometime we just could see it clearly...it is easy to have friends...but hard to have a best friends...friends always come and go...but best friends always by our side when we need them...you can assume that all people that send a comment to u as ur friends too...

It is nice to hear other people have this issue. Too bad we cannot all become each others friends maybe.<br />
I too feel as though I have to beg people to hang out or be my friend. I have many acquaintances, but no matter how hard I try to become more a friend they never call ME up, it is always me calling them. I really cannot figure out what I could be doing wrong or what is wrong with me? I am not stand-offish, I am no longer shy, (as I was as a kid). I am easy-going, easy on the eyes...in matter of fact, men are the only ones calling...and we know it is not to just be friends. HA!<br />
I am not sure what the next step is for me, but I am tired of being alone. Has anyone figured anything out that has helped them?

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

That is me. I don't know what to do. I go out of my mind sometimes. I'm pretty active, i walk, i run, i hike...but there are times when I'm on a trail and i look around and suddenly it hits me how alone i feel. I have a cell phone full of numbers of people that don't talk to me and are never available. I have pictures of friends that haven't spoken to me in years. I had a best friend once, last time we spoke was over a 2 years ago. I talk to my neighbors, but i feel like we only hang out when its convenient for them. So alas here i am almost every weekend hoping someone remembers me.

i feel the same way:(

i feel the same way theres these two girls that claim to b my friends and were supposed to b the godmothers of my son but im not sure anymore i had a bday party for my son a couple wks ago they said they could come cause they were working they were supposed to call me the following wk s we could hang havent heard from them since its really depressing thats for sure<br />
at least i now noe im not the only one

Hello! I can understand what you feel, becouse I feel the same. But you should know that it,s only the feeling inside you, that keeps you away from people. They don't keep you out.

Hello! I can understand what you feel, becouse I feel the same. But you should know that it,s only the feeling inside you, that keeps you away from people. They don't keep you out.

This may outrage some people, but I don't like Facebook, I don't like Twitter, I don't really care whether my friends are eating gelato, en route to Starbucks or whatever. Nor do I think they really care whether I'm sitting at the dentist's or shopping. If it requires constantly updating friends on my every action during the day, and reading about theirs...well, those are friendships that maybe I can dispense with.

Great story, but to be honest this is happening more and more to more people. Specially in the USA where the rythm of life goes at an accelerated pace. There's time for work, family and then after that there is very little time left for anything else. Seems like we all are alienating from each other, now txt and email or sites like facebook and twitter seem to be the way to go, no real contact thats slowly vanishing away from our society

SO true fiery, I often have that triumphant Moment when I've met people, and it's about oh, 6 months to a year in...then poof. The gossip and backstabbing ensue/start. Sure, I'm the first one to admit I have issues, but I really consider myself a true-blue, honest, faithful friend. Maybe it's the change in Society, maybe it's me too, I haven't quite figured it out but I'm definitely working on it.

trust me,i'm in the exact same despicable situation.sometimes they seem so friendly to me,and i really begin to think that they are my friends and at some other situation they just desert me,act like i'm not even there.i don't even know if i can trust them.they just know to laugh and be happy when i crack jokes and later they just speak behind my back and push me aside.even though i'd appreciate help from u people,i know this [which i am unable to implement] :<br />
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just be YOU !!! [that is unless u irritate and everybody and get on their nerves all the time!]... don't try to be like others,listen more than you talk,observe people and find out indirectly what they like and what they don't.when u are around certain people,act how they'd want u to.thnk from thier perspective. most of all : put all your trust in THE ALMIGHTY and simply let go of yourself. hope this helps you and well....ME :p

awww hugggsss. I will b ur friend!! I think u just have low self image because of the fact u have had no friends for so long. You build up that mindset when u go a long time with no friends. we need friends, its like human nature, like we need air and water. I also experience the same thing as u, feeling that people hate me and people instantly dislike me... and u kinda get to the point where u feel u instantly dislike people u meet too. You lose all faith in people. And like you said, friendships arent natural anymore, probably because were out of practise so we forgot how to naturally form friendships. I will be ur friend :) You should try confidence and self image hypnosis tapes or something. Its important to keep feeling good about yourself and not let the way you think and feel about yourself become bad. Confidence hypnosis is really good, you really feel more positive and you start to feel things are possible, you become more relaxed, you should try it :)

I feel the same way too. I have loads of friends but now i just dont feel like anyone likes me and i am too scared of making new friends incase they dont like me for who i am. But i dont understand why people are making me feel this way, i am a nice caring person, i treat everyone with respect, i stand by my friends, i help them out when they need me. I just dont understand why all my friends are choosing the horrible people instead of me. I try to spend more time with them but i dont know if they think im just wasting their time.

friends are gained at work, school, or other places where there is a common goal. You can't expect to be friends with people and at the same time your fates are not related or intertwined.

I can totally relate. I went from the extreme of hassling everyone to hang out with me to the point I would make all of the plans and would have to call and remind them (!!!) that we are hanging out the night before so that they don't cancel on me. Then, if I leave THEM the chance to plan something, they don't follow through and don't even let me know they decided to hang with someone else until I called to see what was up with our plans.<br />
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Then I realized I was going too far and so I waited for them to always make the initiative and would hold my ground and pretend that I didn't need them as a friend... that they were blessed to even have me as a friend. I lost friends who lost interest in me because I didn't show that I really did treasure the friendship, but I was trying to prevent my looking needy.<br />
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It is hard finding that balance between making an effort in a friendship and yet allowing them to make an effort as well so that you form a mutual respect and no one feels they are clinging onto a friendship that is trying to pull away.<br />
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But really, when you have true friends, you shouldn't even have to think or worry about it. Like you said, it should be more natural.

Honestly, I don't really even like myself. Ever since I was a child, I always wanted to be someone else. As a kid I was a nerdy, skinny, funny-looking boy and as an adult I'm a fat, ugly person that no one has ever really loved. I have had friends, but I always feel like an outsider and, in the end, always feel alone.

For someone to stand by you you need to stand by them. It is an investment but hopefully you can find friends who share some sort of mutual joy. Its is always a risk but when you are truly enjoying people and you develop a caring investment it is not effort. I suspect people who have trouble with developing friendships have either been burned and totally invested in one primary relationship that went bad -try to have aquaintances for awhile and see what naturally develops out of the pleasure of doing and sharing time together. It will broaden your experiences and horizons. After all life is not all about your small perspective. Enrich yourself but start small just sharing a fun moment. People will remember the fun times and want to build more. <br />
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And most importantly STOP manipulating people to get what you want. That wears everyone out and sends all potential friends packing when they see the red flags. <br />
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I meet friends by doing what I love and being around others who have a similar enjoyment. Be the friend that you would like to have. Start small

I also have a really hard time making friends. I haven't really had a best friend in like five years and only have one or two friends but I still find myself alone a lot. I'm really shy and quiet in school and when someone does talk to me I have a hard time keeping a conversation going. I just wish I could find someone like me

Antidepresents will help most of you if you can literally stomach the horrible side affects. I tried them. They really did help me to integrate and have more confidence. I lost many social fears that I had. Making contact and friends became easy. It was amazing. Unfortuantely, is a double edged sword. The side effects sucked so bad that that alone was making me depressed. Most cannot have a ****** if they on an antidepresent. Now how depressing is that!

I am just truly enlightened by this thread. I am 41 years old, and I have always had difficulty fitting in with any one peer group. I can count on one hand the people that are part of my "inner circle" if you will. They are the ones who actually reciprocate in our friendships. We call each other to check in from time to time; and it doesn't feel like work to maintain the relationships because they are reciprocal with mutual effort put in by both parties without having to ask the other. I think a HUGE element of having sustainable friendships is MUTUAL respect. Too many people are shallow, and self absorbed - and so they have no problem taking what other people give in terms of generosity, while giving very little of themselves in return (especially when it happens to be inconvenient). These are the same people who I find are usually controlling by nature and have to dictate the terms of their relationships while setting limitations. Too often, I find myself reminded of a quote. " In any relationship, the person who cares the least; controls the relationship." It is unfortunate that most people have forgotten how to form healthy, deep friendships that last, but I think it's a byproduct of the disconnected society we live in currently.

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS JUST BE YOURSELF. AND IF YOU HAVE TO CHANGE SOME THINGS .. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. DONT BE DOING ANYTHING FOR ANYONE. GROWING UP I HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS. NOW MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED, OR HAVE KIDS. EVERYONE IS DOING THERE OWN THING. I GOT MARRIED I'M ONLY 20. SOME OF MY OLD FRIENDS CHANGED . I FEEL LIKE I DONT KNOW THEN ANYMORE. OTHERS END UP BEEN TRAIDERS. FROM ALL THE FRIENDS I HAD IN MY CHILDHOOD. I MUST ADMIT I ONLY HAVE THREE. ALMA, ANA, ANAYELI. EVEN THE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD ALWAYS PROTECT, NOW DISS ME. BUT IT'S OKAY. GOD IS OUR FRIEND AND HE LOVES US. GOD WALKS WITH YOU, AND YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.<br />
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AND DONT TRY TO HARD. BE YOURSELF. NOT IN A ANNOYING WAY. PRAY TO GOD

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS JUST BE YOURSELF. AND IF YOU HAVE TO CHANGE SOME THINGS .. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. DONT BE DOING ANYTHING FOR ANYONE. GROWING UP I HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS. NOW MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED, OR HAVE KIDS. EVERYONE IS DOING THERE OWN THING. I GOT MARRIED I'M ONLY 20. SOME OF MY OLD FRIENDS CHANGED . I FEEL LIKE I DONT KNOW THEN ANYMORE. OTHERS END UP BEEN TRAIDERS. FROM ALL THE FRIENDS I HAD IN MY CHILDHOOD. I MUST ADMIT I ONLY HAVE THREE. ALMA, ANA, ANAYELI. EVEN THE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD ALWAYS PROTECT, NOW DISS ME. BUT IT'S OKAY. GOD IS OUR FRIEND AND HE LOVES US. GOD WALKS WITH YOU, AND YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.<br />
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AND DONT TRY TO HARD. BE YOURSELF. NOT IN A ANNOYING WAY. PRAY TO GOD

I an 43 years old and dont have friends either in fact I cant even do therapy right I have pushed so may people away including therapist, psychatrists and friends because I have learned not to trust other people and hurt them before they hurt me. My local hotline doesnt even want to talk to me is that patheitic or what. I have considered calling a PTSD hotine or other national hotline but am afraid they will disappoint me too.. I was gang raped by my two female roomates and their boyfriends and have never been the same. Am I wrong to be angry with the mental health professionals I have been in contact with or do I deserve it.

I have a couple of friends, but they're not like the types to jump in when I need someone, in fact I'm only around because they need friends because they're damaged goods of some kind. I'm either crowd filler or nobody. <br />
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I hate that I'm nobody. I asked my gf why I couldn't keep good friendships and the funny thing is she has absolutely no idea. We're both decent, easy to get along with people who don't fight often, like the latest music, slightly on the cool side, but still the moment I try to make friends its soo difficult. <br />
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People really don't care for me, ultimately. And that really sucks.

I feel like I have no friends. I want to accept that I have no friends but then would I be lying. I would rather live knowing the truth so I can act on it rather than be caught in a social cycle.

Hmm... I have always felt blessed that I have two very solid, best friends. We run a boarding house together, and that means that there are always people hanging around the house that I can talk to and socialize with, and the people I work with take up a lot of slack in the 'friends' department as well... that last one has always been important for me as a way to deal with social loneliness. On the other hand, my job is all about social contacts and being "onstage" all day, so when I get home I'm ready for a little alone time.<br />
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For several years I had a close friend who was just part of my life, but I think we both eventually got what we needed from each other and slowly grew apart. It seems to me that friends are a cyclical thing: they come and they go, and only a very, very few actually stay forever. I'm blessed in having a best friend that I've been close to for 20 years this christmas.

@rjrusselsnow<br />
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Hi if only being nice, seeming happy, smiling and offering to help is enough. I have been a member of a gym for 8 years I do all the things that you suggest and everyone is pleasant and polite and yet I am still left on the edge of the group, and it's always been that way no matter where even at parties in my own home. And even though you know it exists it came a shock recently to find out that it's noticed by others. Someone from the gym recently asked me to have a chat with them, it's then that they said they had been watching and noticed that whilst I always seem pleasant and polite and I'm offering to help, they have noticed that I am excluded and that in general no-one accepts my help their words were "who turns down on offer of help? I don't know it's free, and yet not many people take you up on your offer", "I don't understand, the package is right, you are goodlooking, articulate, inteligent, pleasant and helpful, yet you aren't accepted"<br />
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Yet it's true, I can be alone even in a room full of people, like someone else mentioned I too spent a lot of time alone walking forests and fields as a youngster, I have tried all my life to take part, to socialise even go clubbing, I have been a highly paid consultant, yet never seem to be the right candidate to employ for half the price they keep me sometimes for years as a consultant.<br />
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I might be the oldest here at 37 but all my years of trying to figure it out I still can't relate to people. I don't know what to suggest to you all other then I suspect that like I, many of you have compassionate souls and would do anything to help someone in trouble, so know that you are a worthwhile person even if no one else seems to appreciate you

I feel just the way you do. Im in high school and while i do have a few people to talk to Im not really close to anyone. When i sit with people they often talk about stuff i find pretty boring so I actually prefer to be on my own sometimes. But when you spend your lunches alone as well as your weekend it can get pretty depressing. I mean everyone else has something to do during the holidays and weekends. Sometimes all the effort needed for friendships puts you off. This year there was a new girl and I decided to be nice to her and i asked her to sit with me. She did and then i started spending a lot of time with her and sometimes sacrificed things like studying and exercising to spend time with her. She made friends with girls who were way more popular than me and after a while we stopped hanging out together. While we are still friends shes a lot closer to the other girls and even though she only came here this year she has more friends than me. After that i became pretty discouraged that after all that i still did not get a close friend.

I feel just the way you do. Im in high school and while i do have a few people to talk to Im not really close to anyone. When i sit with people they often talk about stuff i find pretty boring so I actually prefer to be on my own sometimes. But when you spend your lunches alone as well as your weekend it can get pretty depressing. I mean everyone else has something to do during the holidays and weekends. Sometimes all the effort needed for friendships puts you off. This year there was a new girl and I decided to be nice to her and i asked her to sit with me. She did and then i started spending a lot of time with her and sometimes sacrificed things like studying and exercising to spend time with her. She made friends with girls who were way more popular than me and after a while we stopped hanging out together. While we are still friends shes a lot closer to the other girls and even though she only came here this year she has more friends than me. After that i became pretty discouraged that after all that i still did not get a close friend.

It's not right is it. I know it hurts, I experience that all the time. However, she is the one in the wrong, not you. If she was as nice as you she would hang out with you more, or ask you to join the group. I read somewhere once 'keep holding out your hand and one day somebody will take it'. I will continue doing that. x

im a heart broken mother whos seven year old cant make any friends at his new school. we have moved out of state and he cries every day that everyone doesnt like him. his sister is four yrs older than him andwants to hang out with her and her friends but to them he is too young!! Even his teacher said she feels bad for him st the parent teacher conference. I have tried to get him to have a play date wth some of his classmates and he has been to class birthday partys but wants nothing do to with the kids his age!! What do i do? I feel that everything that i try from what i learned in parenting classes and child phychology im doing everything that is recommended!! I try to tell him that give it some time and your friends will come . He's in the first grade. it breaks my heart to see him so upset. What do i do now??

If we are lucky we will find a few good friends in our entire lifetime. <br />
Try to keep that in mind when you think about being without any. <br />
Sometimes it may take an entire lifetime to find and develop just one. <br />
Be happy if you have just one good friend because they are rare and therefore to be highly cherished. <br />
At times in my life I have been without a single good friend even though I had a large number of "friends". <br />
Sometimes it is not easy to trust others enough to become good friends, sometimes it is not easy to like yourself enough to be able to have good friends.<br />
Take your time, be patient. <br />
Most all good things take time and effort. <br />
Sometimes we may know someone for a long time before they become a good friend (or it just takes us a long time to realize it).<br />
All things change in time including the friends we have.<br />
I would rather have one good friend than any number of just friends!

its because they are not rreal friends if they were then it would be much easier to keep a relastionship. if you or they are not willing to put the effort into the friendship then their should not be a friendship.

I don't have any friends outside of my wife either. I have "work friends" but no one that I would invite over for dinner. I choose to be that way, similar to you. It is too much work.

I was feeling the same way, and I actually googled 'why doesn't anyone like me' and this came up. Wow, that sounds even more sad when I put it into words. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I love people, but I can't put forth the effort. According to my therapist, it's called Adult Attachment Disorder. Look into it a little.... knowing about it has at least helped me to start to identify my problems. I wish you the best of luck, and I promise you you're not as worthless as you think you are.

I think I have felt like this for as long as I remember (from a toddler to now). I remember feeling left out at primary school, all through middle school and upper school. I think I was quite popular in a way (I was a bit of a dare devil and joker) however, maybe because I entertained people?! As an adult it hasn't got any easier. I think because I struggled when I was young the lack of social skills learned so to stay is all Ive known, so have stayed with me. I am a very caring person, good listener, reliable, quite well turned out, however this makes no difference. There is the ' IT ' crowd at the local pub who I have tried getting in with for a while. If Im with my husband and 2 young kids I have the confidence to chat and have a laugh with them, and at times it seems like they enjoy my company a little. If my husbands not there, they don't seem to be as interested. None of them make any effort with me really, and I find it extremely difficult because I have sovcial anxiety. I do try my hardest to push myself to go out and chat as much as possible - however the anxiety and having 2 young children make a social life extremely difficult. Im just very tired of the pain this loniness causes. I feel Ive got so much to offer. When I read onn facebook about all the things all the people I know are doing I get so jealous and wonder why they never ask me. Ive even suggested things, hinted etc, but nothing changes

I was feeling the same way, and I actually googled 'why doesn't anyone like me' and this came up. Wow, that sounds even more sad when I put it into words. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I love people, but I can't put forth the effort. According to my therapist, it's called Adult Attachment Disorder. Look into it a little.... knowing about it has at least helped me to start to identify my problems. I wish you the best of luck, and I promise you you're not as worthless as you think you are.

I don't completely agree with Chovhani. Friendship is an investment of yourself. Not everyone has the time to invest in trying to make a friendship work. It depends who you are trying to be friends with. Different people, different personalities. My best friend is also my husband, and we are so much a like that we can finish each others sentences. Still I take the effort every day to ask how his day went and to listen to him and to spend time with him. He does the same for me. Some days I may feel terrible and want to hide from the world and not talk to anyone, but I still make the effort to let him know I care and that he is important to me. Maybe that is the problem with friendships. No one feels like they have to go to that length for a "friend" . If everyone did, then people would be happier with their friendships. I guess that is why I am a recluse, I just don't have the time to put that kind of effort into being a friend to someone other than my Husband, and I would never consider giving less to someone I called a friend.

wow, I thought I was the only one like this, but, it's difficult, when you think you have made a friend, but find out later it was for the wrong reasons. or the friend you thought you had, and when they have reached a certain status in life; they forget you exist. or the person you ask to help, and you never hear from them again. it's sad, but I am in the same boat, at this time I guess I can say, my only friend is my laptop. or I take this back my 8year old son. : ) .. You all added a smile to my face. I am hear all the time, if anyone needs a friend...

I feel this way too please let me know something, if you found some way to fix it or just if you feel like talking.

its nice to know you feel like i do. It would be nice to have someone call me instead, i think it would help reassure me that i was worth their time

In my life and experience, which is actually pretty vast... I have found that almost everyone is superficial and shallow, even those who claim to be above that. Those who claim to be "drama free" are far worse. It's sad to see people miss out on real relationships these days because they simply can't act like real friends. It really seems like the bonds holding people together just aren't as strong as they used to be. One in a hundred people, if that, is reliable. One out of a hundred of those are good people. One out of a hundred of those are above the pressures of social life and can actually maintain a friendship.<br />
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It's hard. I know. I gave 99% to everyone and over the years, I've just withdrawn to about a 5%. The only reason I haven't become one of the very people I laothe is because I just withdraw. I don't lie or act shallow... I just remove myself from the world. It's sad that's the only way to keep integrity.

yeah i feel you i can make friends even though i think im weird and socially awkward. its keeping them thats hard basically because of what you wrote its a pain to 'find out" whats going on the good thing i have going for me is im gofy and fun loving so even if i think people dont like me most relly do and if they dont they are probably ********

My advice for you is, whatever you do, STAY YOURSELF!!! Don't try to impress other people just to 'fit in', but be yourself. Always!

its a pain that the harder i try to be a friend and establish friendships, the more this will come back at me as a slap in the face leaving me more frustrated and isolated than before