Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Doesn't Anyone Like Me?

I've had friends before; the problem is, I have trouble maintaining relationships with my friends. For the most part, I don't want to have to put out the effort it takes to keep friends. I don't want to have to keep calling everyone and finding out what everyone is doing and if they have time for me. I remember friendship used to be more natural than that. I didn't have to beg people for their time. I didn't have to hunt everybody down to know how their doing, or to tell them how I'm doing. It makes me feel sad to even try having friendships like that.
But most importantly, I have a hard time making new friendships because I feel alienated by everyone. I never feel like I fit in or I assume that everyone I meet is going to dislike me for the minute we're introduced. I don't know how to stop feeling this way, but I know it's inhibited me from getting to know a lot of people, and prevented nearly everyone from getting to know me.
brokenxtooxoften brokenxtooxoften 21-25, F 110 Responses May 23, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

I know exactly what you mean, I’m 18, I feel like I’ve missed the social boat, because as I’ve gone through the different stages of education I’ve made friends but none of them have ever really stuck. They last while I’m there; sometimes a little longer, but only from my effort so I stop trying, and contacting them to see if they will make an effort....but that is just it, they never do, they move on to new people and new places and don’t want to know me. I was reasonably fine with this coz I was doing the same; I was going to new places and meeting new people. But as I’m not going to school anymore, I am doing a Uni degree, but it is from home, it is going to be alot more difficult to find new people. but most of all I don’t want to drift from friend to friend, I know this seems to be the way it goes with most people you meet, but I just really want a lasting friendship, all I’ve ever wanted was a real friend that makes an effort.
I did get close to one person, who I thought was a genuine friend. Before I met him I was a bit depressed, partly due to my lack of social success, and me blaming myself for it. I essentially cut myself off from making new friendships, by isolation myself from others, which for a while I didn’t mind at all, because I am already quite introverted so I was fine with my own company in breaks and lunch, many hours reading and playing plants vs zombies. But when I met him I didn't feel satisfied with this anymore, I don’t know why but…..anyway I felt overly lonely, I felt like those that had let me down in the past, old friends not bothering, that not everyone was like those old friends that some people where genuinely nice. unfortunately as I got to know him he turned out to be more of a disappointment than any other friend had in the past, which got me low, real low….but as much as he and I are no longer friends I could never hate him for he opened my eyes that I do want friends, I do want to try, that not all friendships work out but there are plenty more fish in the sea, better ones sometimes!
The only way I deal with my loneliness is by working on what I want, that’s why I’m doing the degree, and to know that although some friendships may drift away that it isn't necessarily down to you, most of the time it is due to people taking different paths, and sometimes this can be a good thing, as much as it doesn't feel like it at the time. All I can say to anyone reading this looking for advise is that it is OK, things are not great today, and may not be perfect tomorrow, but things WILL get better, it hard to believe I KNOW , but if you really want to meet new people and make friends you will. These things take time but that gives you time to work on your interests, whether that maybe reading that book you want to read, joining a club, taking a class, or working on achieving whatever makes you happy, or even find what makes you happy! Good luck to anyone reading this, you will get through it, and will be stronger for it! 

Lately i've been very lonely. After I graduated high school it hit me hard that I didn't have any lasting friendships. That's all I've ever wanted in my life, I prayed for a friend who would want to text and talk to me all day but I guess that'll never come. I do so much for my friends and for me to sit in my home and feel like I don't have anyone outside of my family to be with, to talk with, cry to is extremely depressing. I'm much stronger than most people my age but I think I'm slowly slipping into a depression. hopefully I'm just overreacting but it surely doesn't feel like I am. I try to thank god for the life I'm given but I can't because i feel alone and broken.

I have friends but since year 7 I was never invited to the cinema although I was invited to parties I never went BTW this was just 2 friends. Now I feel like my best friend doesn't like me as I keep on feeling I'm isolated and not much of a talker, im not sure if he doesn't want to speak/ have a convo or not. Personally I blame my mum as I never once had a bday party where I invited my friends round or had it somewhere. No one has come to my house and frankly im embarassed and really would not know what to do or say when they are round

I still maybe young at the age of 15 but for the past 4 years ive had the worst experience with friends. At first it started off with me and two of my best friends. We have been friends for a while until the those days came when all of sodden every one is making new friends learning new things about the teenage life and that is when my friends just dumped and started to hang out with other people. It makes me so jealous of those people who attract every one and every one wants to hang out with them and be with them, I'm also jealous of those people who have best friends that are like brothers to them and have a strong relationship where they can share anything and be themselves around them. I do have some good friends or should i say people who don't care to waist time talking to me but its only inside my school doors when i am home it sucks to sit alone all day and think of what could of happened if i had REAL friends and what we would do and all that fun stuff. i am happy i found this post because i know that every one who is reading it suffers from the same problem and you have no one to go to and lay on their shoulder. I wish we were all friends since we all have a lot in common but maybe it is just me fantasizing again. I am happy i can know that there are people out there with the same problem and that we can all share about it.

I don't have any friends but I know once people get to know me they will like me. You have to think that way to. I don't know you but I know I would be your friend if I met you because I will be anyone's friend. I'm just nice to everyone. I will be your friend here or if you are on facebook I can tell you my name and you can be my first real friend on facebook. I have lots of "friends" on there but they are just acquaintances and not real friends. There is something really great about you because Jesus doesn't make mistakes.

I feel almost the same... I've moved schools and ever since everyone went away for college I'm having a difficult time making new friends...Old ones don't bother to reconnect. Acquaintances don't bother to maintain a friendship. It's like everyone has a bestfriend and I'm the only one trying to butt in to everyones friendships.

People might actually like if you started liking yourself.

I feel so. All my friends are acting really weird all the time, and I just don't feel like that all the time. I have 4 friends who I hang out with at school. 3 of them are girls. It really hurts if they all get together on a fun sleepover and they "forget" to ask me to. Do I have the wrong friends or am I just to picky?

Wrong friends

That is mean to not invite you. Girls are meaner than boys. You have the wrong friends.

I can relate to you a lot. Being the outsider or left out really sucks.

I feel the same way. I've had friends before but I can never keep friends. I've had like 3 who have betrayed me and it seems like I attract really bad people. I'm always trying to be considerate and be nice and listen to people's problems and such but when the time comes when I need someone I get left behind. I don't know what I do wrong. I do have a strange sense of humor and I guess some people don't like that but I also don't want to completely become a new person just to have friends. It just doesn't seem like it'd be worth it. A real friend is someone who accepts you all the way not the fake you. If you need to chat ever I'm always here and I'd love to make a friend

You sound exactly like me. I also have a crazy sense of humor and I haven't had any real friends in like 6 months. I'm alone all the time haha but i'd rather have no friends than have my old ****** friends that were really bad to me. I tell myself that but it still sucks.

I cannot speak for others, but I do believe I don't have friends because I am too nice. I really do think that the average person cannot help but take advantage of and mistreat someone who shows that nothing you do to them will make them not like you. If you mistreat someone, they should NOT like you, but if you "forgive & forget" with no sign of contrition from the person who hurt you, you'll get abused every time. Sorry, but humans (including this one!) seem to be hard wired to hurt those who won't respond when one hurts them. Be tough, and if a friend hurts or abuses you, tell them so, and then keep them at arms length. If they are true friends, they'll say sorry and try to reconnect, and if they are not, they won't, and you would do best to forget them.

That might be what happens to me. Nobody would be jared's friend and I will be friends with anyone so I was friends with him and he said I was his best friend and then he had parties and didn't invite me and said I was lame. He is always in trouble in school so I think he did me a favor but I still say hi to him and talk to him a little at school.

hi there... i guess ur feeling negative about friendship. Maybe you had bad experience before your precious or very special friend, so you thought about it turns upside down. I myself had bad experience with a dearest friend of mine in a foreign country. Yes it hurts me a lot when she turns her back on me especially when i badly needed her coz she was my only friend. I realized then that you will test the quality of friendship during stormy days, and then those who stayed are the true ones and those that left are the weak ones. I respect you so much for being you.. your very independent and it's good that you never depend on to anybody. But somehow, you still need someone, someone you can talk to especially when you feel down and happy.

I wish that you will find the real friends your looking for. The ones you will feel comfort, no hesitations of showing who you really are, and those who will genuinely care about each other not just because they need something from each other.

Godspeed dear.

I am very happy to have found this post. It is years old but people are still commenting on it to this day... so I thought I'd tell me story as well. I wish we could all be friends here, because we're all experiencing the same pain and we could all help each other out a lot.

I had quite a few friends throughout high school. In my first four years I had three best friends and a few other close friends, which changed around as the years progressed, but I kept two of my best friends into my final year. One of those two best friends ended up leaving school and went off with a new group of people and got into drugs and clubbing, which is not my style at all, so we faded apart. In my final year I also 'befriended' a large group of 10-15 people, girls and guys, and we had fun together. We hung out after school and all that and generally had a good time, but I always felt like they weren't 'real' friends. I felt like they only talked to me because they were good friends with my best friend. I was with her all the time, we hung out after school every day, and everyone saw us almost as one being rather than two. They confused our names, we were inseparable... but even so, I didn't feel that close to her. I couldn't really talk to her about anything serious, our relationship was just about having fun. I really needed somebody I could talk to about serious issues.

So after high school finished, all the friends I thought I had forgot about me. I got invited to a few parties with them but I hate parties and drinking so I didn't go, I would rather hang out during the day for a movie or lunch but they weren't interested, so we lost contact. I started to fade apart from my best friend, and she eventually decided I wasn't her best friend anymore. I saw her post that on her Tumblr... and it hurt me, because even though we only see each other every month or so, I still consider her my best friend. We still talk every day on Facebook but she has so many other friends now that she doesn't have much time for me.

I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago, and we get along very well. He's the only friend I have left really. He lives with me and we're together every day... but he has a lot of friends and doesn't really understand my problems. His friends love him and want to hang out with him several times a week, and he wants me to get along with them, but I can't be around people who drink and take drugs. I freak out in those situations and usually end up crying. I'm very sensitive to those things and always have been, and I think that's why nobody wants to hang around with me... they think I'm boring because I don't want to 'party'...

I'm at Uni now, on my break, and I'm freaking out about going back because I'm becoming more and more paranoid about making friends. I thought things were going to change when I started this year and I'd make good friends, but it seemed like everyone else made friends without me. I made the effort to introduce myself to people and talk to them, I'd ask them to get lunch or something after class but they'd always say they were busy... I don't feel like I can connect with people anymore. I'm lost. Sometimes I like being alone and not having to worry about keeping friendships, because it's difficult, but other times I just need a shoulder to cry on besides my boyfriend because he doesn't understand me sometimes.

My mum tells me that I need to put myself out there more but I do... I always go up and talk to people and try and put my shyness behind me, I be myself, I chat with them and ask them to hang out... to no avail. Now I only have my online friends to talk to, without them and my boyfriend I'd have no one.

I feel the same way. :(

This sounds exactly like me. I'd rather sit at home and watch anime or play around on the internet than go out and do stuff with people I have nothing in common with. The very few friends I do have left(If I can even call them that at this point) we might see each other two or three times a year at most.

I think the problem at least in my situation and from reading the responses here is that we don't feel like pretending about stuff that doesn't interest us or want to make an effort or have any motivation to keep anyone around.

I just read myself in your post. I find it difficult as I grow older to really share with people things that I like (e.g. anime).hope that this forum will help me.....

Hey dont think you are alone, even I have the same problem. Most people don't like nice ones these days and so we suffer. Since like minded people here unite I hope you will have new friends here who understands your problem. Even my friends need me only to pass time and nothing else. be happy that you are a nice person in the middle of all evils. Speak out to me I will hear about you. if you wish you can add me in your circle.

I feel somewhat the same way. I guess it is an age thing??? I personally dont find many people interesting and I dont have anything in common with my old friends anymore. I hope this phase passes for all of us...I feel better knowing I'm not alone.

It appears to me that many people feel the same way as you do. I feel the same as well from time to time. People are selfish by nature. I have found that they only wish to talk about themselves and their lives. They don't really care about what you've been up to or how you have been. Unfortunately, this leads to you having to cater to them. On the other side of the coin, there are those that are not selfish, who wish to be a good friend and listen. Those people are the ones responding on this page. Except for the one who said, "you reap what you sow". You are not a bad person. There is nothing wrong with you or them. It's just people are all in the same boat. Finding someone you can trust is difficult whether it be a significant other or a friend. I have noticed there are those who seem to always have a zillion "friends". Guess what: they are not any happier than someone with two by close friends. I have two people in my life, outside of family, that are truly my friends. The rest I just socialize with from time to time. No, I don't hang out with very many people. The thing is when you get out of school and start the "adult life" your number of true friends dwindle and your time spent with them does as well simply because life is taking place. People have jobs, families, etc they are busy with. My best friend is a wonderful person, but she does have a business to run and a child to raise so our time together does not consist of hanging out every day or even every month. We just don't have time for that. I have obligations as well that keep me busy. The fabric of your friendships is changing. There won't be hanging out time as much due to life or at least the way you hang out is changing. Therefore, you need to cherish the time you do have with your true friends and find other ways to get that social time in. Start a conversation with someone while standing in line, go to a bookstore or coffe house and start up a conversation. Who knows you might make another friend or brighten the day of someone who feels just like you do. Heck, i had an awesome conversation with a family at Petco for about thirty minutes, and we were all smiling by the time we went our separate ways (even the parents were smiling, and they were reluctant to join in but their young children started the conversation... hmmmm). Yes relationships take effort, but just remember life is going on, responsibilities are a priority, and people are just caught up in trying to take care of what they need to do. It's not anything against you. My friends get back to me when they can and sometimes it takes awhile but every time I talk to them, I welcome them into my world. Those that are manipulative and wish to use me don't get to spend time in my world, and there's a lot more of those than there are good decent friends. Don't spend your time with negative thoughts. I know it's difficult but you cannot measure yourself with others. Find a club to join, go to church if that's within you, join a gym. The effort is not calling people, it's finding people. School made it easy. Now you just have to get creative with how you meet people. Put yourself out there. Yeah, you're going to get let down, but that time you find that really true person makes it worth meeting the ones you didn't click with.

I feel the same as you. I feel I have been a really good friend to quite a lot of people over the years, but they have not returned that to me. I am 26 now, and feel the lonelyest I ever have. Some one said on here that you reap what you sow... I disagree- I dont understand why no one makes an effort with me. Some one also said that school is different to life after school... again I disagree with this- A friend is a friend no matter what age, its just easyer to have more friends in school or university 'cus theres so many people close in one place. No matter how often or to different people I try to contact (by phone or facebook) I always get ignored, very rarely do people have a conversation with me- even people I was real good friends with. I feel like I must be a horrible person... but dont know what I've done wrong. People tell me I'm a nice person and deserve good things but they dont involve me in their life anymore, or even say happy christmas to me... I dont understand why I have been treated like this. Everyone seems to forget me and leave me alone. I hope it makes you feel better knowing someone feels the same. The only advice I can give is that I dont think its your fault you feel like this, I think its just because people are selfish and not very careing by their nature. I haven't found a good friend in 26years, the closest thing I've found is my boyfriend but he doesnt treat me right either. Infact he is all I have now, my friends at Uni tryed to make me leave him, but thank God I didn't 'cus those friends don't know or care about me since Uni, but at least he makes some effort still. Just trust yourself, dont do what others tell you, find comfort in your own company as much as possible, one day you will find someone- they may go some day but at least you will have what you have with them while it lasts. Good luck.

okay,i could flavor this so it doesnt sound so crass,but u might not get the point. so here goes..when you were younger and in school, it was easier to have friends,BECAUSE AT THAT AGE EVERYONE IS "SHALLOW" IT TAKES TIME TO DEVELOPE YOURSELF,SO YOU REALIZE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR INTRESTS WITH !!
As you grow older you will connect with people and if your LUCKY they will actually care about you, so to close this i will give you a peice of advise that i learned from a very wise man .. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOE. SO SOE WISELY OUR YOUR ''garden wont grow' GOOD LUCK N GOD BLESS

Exactly. I totally agree and can fully relate to you. I'm kinda lazy calling everyone too and having those "smalltalks" about how things are doing. That's why all my friendships die. Friendships really felt more natural before.

I can relate. But I'v found there's a lot of decite & manipulation. I find it hard to trust or believe anyone.

I'm the same way. I feel so stuck. Maybe we could try to be friends? I can't really give advice to you, considering that I'm stuck.

I do I love everybody:D

I have felt the same way! I assume that I can 'control' someones actions in the way I believe is "better" than what they can do. But it just drives them away and leaves me more isolated.
But dont worry you seem like a loyal person who keeps others' best interest in mind plus you are genuine in your writing and talking from the heart. To your topic of "Doesn't Anyone Like Me?" I already do! And I just got to hear what you posted on the internet. You have more to offer than you think.

im feelin the same way

I'm exactly the same. I feel like people won't like me the second we meet.

I can totally relate.

First of all, wow, look at how old this post is. i'm pissed I'm just finding EP now in 2012 O.o

I suffer from low self esteem and low confidence, and i think it's from being abused and mistreated so many times.esp. by family who i let into my life and trusted. Bit they have been horrible people, and I still suffer and struggle every day to feel good about myself. I am intelligent and gifted and a very giving person. I have grown to the place that I decided if a person doesn't like me or treats me disrepectfully, adios! even if it's family.....I am worth much more than to be treated poorly. I have overcome many obstacles and I deserve respect. When my mom passed away, that's when it started with much of my family. Mom and I were extremely close, and m y sister and brother in law totally rejected me and wrote me a nasty letter telling me I needed psychiatric help and twisting the truth. Actually, they were and are not interested in knowing the truth at all = whatever made them look good was what is mportant to them. Then my ex sued me accusing me of stealing money from him! He knows i am an honest person and would never do such a thing. yet he chose to assail my integrity for money. i need better friends. now i am going to go and keep telling myself good things about me to build myself up. don't know if it will help but it's the only thing i can do to fight this ongoing battle.

I feel the same way. Completely